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yourbitterpill

Registered
  • Content Count

    44
  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

yourbitterpill last won the day on March 28 2008

yourbitterpill had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

34 Excellent

About yourbitterpill

  • Rank
    Contributor
  • Birthday 04/24/1979

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Chicago, IL
  • Interests
    camping/hiking, gaming, reading, knitting, etc.
  • Occupation
    wage slaves
  • Swinging Experience
    4+ years

Swinger Info

  • SLS Name
    yourbitterpill2004
  1. Like I've stated, I believe she didn't. Can we all move on from this subject? It's becoming quite disrespectful... Yes, we already DID terminate this, as I stated in my last post. And we both agree mistakes were made and we are learning from them.
  2. I have to strongly disagree with you here. Our marriage is the primary relationship and takes precedence over all others. As such, there are agreed upon rules that both of us have willingly acknowledged to follow. One of those rules is that either one of us can slow down or put a slight hold on either's secondary relationships, so long as we have a good reason. Another rule is no intimate contact on the first date (unless agreed upon beforehand) and to keep in contact with one another if plan's change. These rules were agreed upon by both Mrs. Pill and the prospective partner the week before the meetup. I won't go into details about why Mrs. Pill's last relationship ended so abruptly but I will say that her last BF lied through omission and disrespected her. Because of that, I was apprehensive about this new partner (our prior relationship with them as a couple ended because of communication issues). Recently, it came to light that this new partner was NOT telling his wife everything that had occured and, from his last email, it seemed to be a turn-on for him. Because of that, both Mrs. Pill and myself have decided to end their relationship before anyone gets hurt. For an open marriage to work, both partners need to abide by mutual rules, communicate on a regular basis, respect each others feelings, and only go as quickly as the slowest person. To follow your reasoning, Julie, it would seem that you think that either partner should be able to go off and do whatever and whomever they'd like, regardless of their primary partner's feelings on that issue. If that is the case, then what's the point of being married or having a primary relationship?
  3. I know the consensus seems to be that Mrs. Pill did have sex with the husband but I am positive she didn't. First, because I do trust her (even though I had some primal emotional doubt Sunday and Monday, we have talked through it). Second, because what would be the purpose of her lying to me about it? Third, because we did make love after arguing early Sunday morning and I'd like to think I can tell ..... In any case, I appreciate the comments here. Thanks for the support.
  4. Because we all (both couples are friends) and both myself and Mrs. Pill made it clear to the husband that this would be purely social. Yes, we did. Both she and I agreed this would be purely social... Yes, because we talk with the wife as well... Thank you. This was exactly my problem with the situation and, like most times, it was difficult for me to verbalize it. I will make sure Mrs. Pill knows that.
  5. One slight correction - she did say that they had kissed and lightly fooled around a bit on Saturday, but that there was no sex.
  6. My apologies for the length of this question.... A bit of background. My wife and I have been swinging for several years now and within the past year or two we've "opened up" our marriage. She's had a lover before (which didn't end well somewhat recently)... Anyway, recently we got back in touch with a couple we had swung with a few years back. They currently live out of state but they had stopped back here on vacation last month and we had all gone to dinner together. Afterwards, the husband had contacted Mrs. Pill about a possible long-distance relationship and meeting up when he comes back to town (the husband visits here several times a year). Initially, Mrs. Pill asked if that was ok if they discussed the possibility of it and I agreed, so long as they took it slow (she had just recently had a bad experience and "breakup" with her last lover). A few days after this, the husband announced he'd be coming back to town in a week and if they could meet. After the bad experience, I was very hesitant for her to jump right into something else and we had a few heated arguments on the subject. Eventually, Mrs. Pill agreed that it wasn't a good time but asked if they could go out to dinner, just socially and I agreed. So they went to dinner around 7pm, she called me @ 10 asking if it was ok that they get a drink at a nearby bar, which was fine. Midnight rolled around and I called and asked when she was coming home and she said one more drink. I agreed but was tired and went to sleep, thinking Mrs. Pill would be back within the hour. Mrs. Pill woke me at 4am. She said they had lost track of time and, after the bar had closed, they returned to his hotel room. She assured me that nothing happened. I was very upset because she didn't call and tell me beforehand where she was going, how long she'd be gone, or that they were going to his private room. I felt very disrespected and told her it was unsafe and put a lot of questions in my mind. What if I had woken up at 2, with no phone call, and didn't know where she was? Eventually, she agreed and we made up. Fast forward to today. She has the day off work and asked me if they could "meet for lunch". I said no and she's really upset. I just feel like she's sort of "on probation" and that I'm not really certain I can trust her right now.... So am I over-reacting? Expecting too much? Being too harsh?
  7. Mrs. YBP here. While we started out as just full-swappers, we're now involved in a mfm triad, or 'vee' - though like Avid, I don't really care for that term. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. He and Mr. YBP are friends.
  8. It's interesting to read the responses here and the circular reasoning some of you are using. "You're expecting too much", then "What do you want out of the lifestyle?". Well, we think JandCMI spelled it out fairly well in their profile what they "expect" from their partners. Like us, just because you're keen to the idea of forming some sort of regular swinging relationship with another couple or couples, doesn't automatically mean that you're poly. In our experience, we've found that we have much more fun being with others on a somewhat regular basis and getting to know what they like, what turns them on, etc. It has nothing to do with us wanting to "keep" another couple and we don't "expect" it either. It's a nice benefit. JandCMI aren't expecting that of their partners. Those of you who think they are need to re-read their profile - it says as much. So, what? JandCMI should just treat others and be treated themselves like dirt? We all have "other" lives and other commitments of our freetime and, if you're a well-mannered individual, you both give that to and expect that of others. Common social courtesy doesn't become obsolete with someone you're going to fuck. If you don't think that's true (whether in a swinging or non-swinging situation), then you might want to take a good look at your level of self-respect. It's almost certainly lacking. JandCMI - Don't worry about it. We've been in the exact same situation as you. Just try not to dwell on it. The vast majority of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with you - most people in general just do not know what they want or are too afraid of the "what if...?". WildMiCouple has a good point. There are A LOT of ppl our age (late 20s/early 30s) who just like the idea of flirting and a good mindfuck and hide behind the anonymity of the internet to get what they want. Don't give up your wants because some people think it's too much of an "expectation". Those "expectations" are what YOU want out of the lifestyle and isn't that what we're all here for?
  9. Other screen names don't turn us off but I'm sure our s/n has scared or turned off one or two...c'est le vie!
  10. Personality (attitude, tact, decorum, ability to hold a conversation) wins out with us every time. We don't care how "hot" you are or good in bed, if you're a lousy person outside of it.
  11. Both and neither, though we would say a bit more "hobby". It's a hobby to us because we enjoy it and it's something we do when we have free time. I think it's hard for a lot of people we meet to understand that we do have a "vanilla" social life outside of swinging. As such, we're very conscious and respectful of others' free time and discretion and we expect that in return (although we don't always receive it). It's a "lifestyle" because it definitely shapes our primary relationship (our marriage), inasmuch that we are generally open, honest, secure, and upfront about our wants and needs. On the other hand, probably because we view it more as a "hobby", swinging doesn't define us. I think that's why we cringe when people call it "the lifestyle", because this isnt the end-all-be-all for us.
  12. Well, while this lady certainly didn't have an obligation to do anything she didn't want to do physically (as has been said, No means No), she DID have an obligation to communicate her desire (or lack thereof) and to be honest with the other couples (not to mention her husband, who she also left in the lurch while she decided to pout on the porch). Also, if she wasn't attracted to the other males/females/cpls, then she shouldn't have participated in the swap. Again, she should have communicated this to her husband and politely excused herself (or they both should have, if a non-separate play cpl).
  13. Empowered- He's a slimeball masquerading as a "swinger". True "swingers" put their primary relationship first (whether that be an LTR, marriage, partnership, etc.), above all else. I'm sure, in his mind, his cheating was somehow rationalized (it always is with cheaters) because you agreed it would be okay to have an open relationship. True "swingers" establish boundaries and ALWAYS make honesty and open communication essential to their primary relationship. He failed to do any of that. As Dan Savage says.....DTMFA. You deserve better.
  14. That hadn't occured to me but I'm in total agreement - very bad form.
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