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JustAskJulie

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About JustAskJulie

  • Rank
    Founder
  • Birthday 12/11/1975

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  • Relationship Status
    Female
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    In my House
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    keeping this site running
  • Swinging Experience
    Off & On since 1998
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    May 17

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  • SLS Name
    swingersboard
  • SwingerZoneCentral Username
    jarpar
  • Kasidie Username
    swingersboard
  • Favorite Club(s)
    Menages, North AL Elite

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  1. Attending a swingers hotel takeover can be a fun way to meet a lot of like-minded sexy people and enjoy a great weekend! Groups hold events all across the country. All events are different, but here is some advice to ensure that you get the most out of any hotel takeover. 1. Know What You Are Getting Into! Before paying to attend the event, make sure it is a FULL hotel takeover. Some events claim to be a hotel takeover but are actually only taking over one floor of the hotel. Or, they may have the whole hotel, but only for some of the nights. In either of these cases, you are dealing with situations that will open the hotel up to non-swingers. Non-swingers unsuspectingly stumbling into some swinger fun can lead to some less than desirable situations. 2. Reach Out Ahead of Time Once you have established that the event is a full takeover and you have decided to attend, try to find out who else might be going. Some events have online groups or websites where you can talk with other couples. In many cases, you can find a list of attendees on sites like Swinglifestyle.com. Check out the list and contact other couples who are attending to say hello and see if you can establish a line of communication BEFORE you get to the party. Reaching out online ahead of time will make it easier to connect with people in person at the event. 3. Theme Parties If the parties have themes attached to them, try to plan ahead to dress in theme. It just makes things more fun, and it's one more way to start conversations. 4. Get There Early If at all possible, arrive the night before the hotel takeover begins. Arriving early will allow you time to get comfortable with your room and work any kinks out that you may encounter as well as give you a chance to meet people before things really get going. If there is a hot tub, go hang out by it. If other swinger couples came early too, you will probably find them around the hot tub. 5. Don't Miss the 1st Day If you can't be there early, then at least be there when the party starts! With fewer people there on the first day, it is much easier to meet people around the pool and have a great time. It's also much easier to find an empty chair around the pool. Speaking of pool parties... 6. Pool Parties If there are pool parties, be at them! Some of the most fun is at the pool parties and often some great giveaways. Also, get up early to get a seat. Those pool chairs fill up quickly, so if you aren't up early, you may find yourself standing around to watch the action. 7. Don't Waste Time Be on time to the parties. Again, if you aren't on time, you may find yourself standing all night. Plus, if you are early or on time, you can easily meet and mingle with others as they arrive rather than coming in after things have already gotten started and finding yourself just wishing you had a place to sit or even stand! 8. Be Aware of the Rules! The event sponsor signed a contract with the hotel binding them to certain conditions. The most common is no sex in public places, and it may include no nudity in certain areas. Be aware of the rules, and don't break them! Invariably someone always pushes the boundaries, and the hosts hate to be the bad guys. But if the wrong people see the wrong thing (think hotel manager seeing you give a blowjob at the pool), they can shut the whole event down, not just for this time but for future events too. So don't kill everyone's fun. Just because it's an adult event doesn't mean you don't have to act like a responsible adult! 9. The Best for Last - The Party Rooms! Party rooms are where all the action takes place! Be courteous. If you aren't playing, don't stand around gawking or having a conversation a few feet from someone who is playing. Keep your distance or find somewhere else to hold your conversation. And if you do want to play, then get in there! Always ask first. No always means no, no questions asked. Just because you're a swinger and you are there, and they are swingers and they are there, doesn't automatically mean they want to have sex with you! Most events have several party rooms to suit your needs and moods and help you find compatible people, so enjoy them! Any other tips you want to share? Post them below!
  2. I'd say it depends on whether we are talking about a single girl taking on a bunch of guys, or a couple arranging it as part of a fantasy. It could be argued in many ways.
  3. What Is a Gangbang? A gangbang is a sexual scenario where one person has sex with many (four or more) people of the opposite sex at the same time. Women are most often the center of a gangbang while enjoying the attention of multiple men. A gangbang can have as many participants as you desire. A gangbang can also occur where one man has sex with many women at the same time. This referred to as a reverse gangbang. How Do Gangbangs Work? Since there are only so many ways that a single woman can please other people, the number of participants at one time may be limited. If there are more men than available than the woman can accommodate at one time, she may want to invite a 'fluffer.' A fluffer's job is to keep any men who are not actively participating in the gangbang at that moment hard or to get them hard. For extremely large gangbangs, you may need multiple fluffers. How Do You Find Participants? Unless you already know a large number of people who are interested in joining your gangbang, you may find it challenging to arrange enough men. If you've had several MFM encounters, you may have built up a pool of men to draw from for this activity. Ask those guys first and see how many positively respond before you branch out into unknown territory. Keep in mind that even men who are comfortable with threesomes may find they aren't comfortable in a gangbang scenario. When drawing from a pool of unknown men, you will find that half (or less) of the men you invite actually show up. Unfortunately, many men who not experienced in gangbangs (or swinging of any kind) find the idea appealing, but when faced with reality, not so much. The best way to find participants is to search for a local gangbang group. You can often find these on internet groups or by talking to other swinger friends in your area who might know a group. If seeking men on your own, stick to single men on swinger lifestyle websites that have certifications showing that they are experienced swingers. While they may not have experience in gangbangs, at least they've had sex with other people in the room. What Should I Expect? In my opinion, there are two types of gangbangs. The first is a gangbang where the girl is the center of attention and getting attention from more than one guy at a time (and giving attention to more than one guy at a time). If you are the guy in this type of gangbang, understand up front that you will not be getting the undivided attention of a woman. Your job is to give her your full attention! While you won't get her full attention, you hopefully will get enough of her attention to ensure that you have a great evening. The second type of gangbang is a "train." This is what most people envision when they think of a gangbang. A train is basically a line of guys waiting, cock in hand, to have sex with a girl as she lies back and takes them on. In this situation the guy is more likely to get the female's full attention when it is his turn. When planning a gangbang, consider which type you'd prefer and be sure to make your participants aware of what you expect. Where Should We Have It? The best place to have a gangbang is anywhere that you are comfortable. However, I would not advise inviting a bunch of guys you don't know over to your house. A hotel is probably the best choice. Make sure you get a room that is big enough to accommodate the number of people you hope to have show up. You may want to get a suite with an adjoining sitting area, to have room to spread out. Don't forget the necessary supplies like lube and condoms. Make sure to have plenty of your preferred condom on hand, as well as your favorite lube. You're likely to get a little dry after a couple of hours. When planning your first gangbang, go into it with an open attitude and the understanding that it may not turn out as you hope or plan. Invite at least twice as many men as you'd like to have show up, and know that you'll have a good time with whoever shows up, even if it's just one guy.
  4. Hi Julie..need your help n suggestions. I'm divorced n now looking to explore my wild side n just want to see how slutty I can be.. please help

  5. Bumping this as we are heading there over Thanksgiving. Any suggestions are welcome.
  6. The Vibe takeovers in Nashville are well worth checking out. Great people and the hotel is decent. The staff does a great job of keeping out those who shouldn't be there and you are able to have a lot of fun (indoor pool, great party area, etc).
  7. My guess is that your sister already knows what he knows... and that may have fueled her jealousy/worry/negative feelings. Personally, I'd leave it alone and not bring it up again. Act like it never happened. You were the one who put the stop to the conversation so there's no good reason to restart it. (always good to see you around these parts)
  8. Regardless of how much discussion has gone into the idea of swinging beforehand, one of the most common worries that a couple faces is the green-eyed monster. They worry “what if...?” What if I can’t handle seeing my husband kissing another woman? What if I get jealous at my wife paying attention to another man? What if everything else seems fine, but I lose it when I see her having sex with someone else? Won’t it be too late to go back at that point? Can we possibly undo that kind of damage? The key to dealing with jealousy is being secure in who you are and in your relationship. In trusting yourself and your partner and in knowing that at any time you can walk away from this lifestyle and all that it entails. No one is 100% secure in whom they are, so there is always a small risk of jealousy occurring. Jealousy is a perfectly normal emotion that can come in many forms. It is an emotional response to the fear of losing something or to someone else having something that we want. The key to dealing with jealousy is to understand what you are risking and just how much of a risk you are taking. Having a strong relationship based on communication and trust will go a long way to helping you deal with any jealous feelings that you may encounter. Jealousy is based in insecurity. It is the feeling that you could easily be replaced and it can take many forms; anger at seeing the one you love do things to someone else; anger that they are taking away from the specialness of your relationship; and worry that your partner might be enjoying something with someone else more than they enjoy it with you. Jealousy can also take the form of feeling left out, feeling that your partner is having more fun or enjoying swinging more than you. The key to dealing with any feelings of jealousy is communication. Make sure that your partner knows and feels that they are the most important person in your life and that no one will replace them. If you feel there is some special touch or action that should only be yours as a couple then make it only yours as a couple. Some couples find kissing to be too intimate to share with others, so they develop a “no kissing” rule. Other couples are ok with everything except having sex with other couples, so they stick with “soft swinging”. Many issues related to jealousy can be dealt with before they even appear by dealing with the worries before they become issues. Other times you may not even think about a jealousy issue until it has popped up in your face. Just remember, there is nothing you can’t work out together through communication. Of course, if you don’t communicate the problems will only grow worse. The best thing you can do is bring up the issue as soon as you feel it. If you feel yourself getting jealous about something stop and talk about it, even if it means you stop in the middle of what would have been your first swinging encounter. Your relationship is more important than any swinging encounter will ever be.
  9. It is important that when you go out to meet other swingers in person (whether at a club or on a date with just one other couple) that you bring your “A” game and that both of you are in top form. If you’ve been fighting or are having a really bad day then you may want to reschedule the meeting, unless you can find a way to put all of that behind you. If the vibes between you as a couple are bad, couples that you meet will pick up on that. When you do go out, do so without any expectations of what the night may bring. If you’ve seen pictures of the other couple you plan to meet, then you are justified in expecting them to look reasonably like their pictures. Overall, the fewer expectations that you have, of the couples you meet or of the night overall, the more likely you are to enjoy the evening. Also, keep in mind that you are to some degree responsible for the expectations of others. In other words, if you have given them some reason to expect certain things, then beware. Unless you know for a fact that you intend to have sex with them that night, do not give them any reason to expect it. If you don’t look reasonably like your own pictures then don’t be surprised when they walk out on you before dinner arrives. Keep the alcohol to a minimum. In all swinging encounters, whether first meeting or not, you should keep alcohol consumption to a minimum. There is nothing wrong with having one or two drinks as you might normally when you are out for an evening, but be careful not to over-indulge, as this is probably the number one cause of regrets when it comes to swinging. Even if you don’t end up playing you don’t want to come off as someone who doesn’t know their limits or who can’t handle their alcohol. Remember to exercise discretion when meeting other swingers in public places. Just because you are there to establish whether or not there is a mutual interest in having sex together, does not mean that the entire restaurant needs to know about your past escapades or experiences. While you may choose to be open about your lifestyle choice, most swingers are not. So keep the sex talk to a minimum (and a very low decibel) until you are in a private place. There are a million other things you can discuss when you first meet, so try to focus on those rather than strictly on sex. You will be nervous, but just remember so are they. Your first meeting with another couple is a lot like a blind date, except now there are three or four of you who have to hit it off. Take it in stride and remember to bring your sense of humor. I would suggest having your first meeting at a restaurant, coffee shop or bar; someplace public, but quiet enough that you can easily talk to and hear one another. You may want to opt for a bar or coffee shop to have a little more control over how much time you have to spend with them, in case you don’t enjoy their company.
  10. As the webmaster of a couple of swinger related websites a question I get very often is, "How does a single male get into the lifestyle?" To be honest there is no "easy" answer to this question. The truth is, the answer lies almost 90% in luck. I can let you in on a few tips that might help you in your exploration of the swinging lifestyle though. Before you, the single guy, try to make a leap into the swinger's lifestyle there are a few things that you should be aware of and consider, many that most guys never think of. The first thing that you should realize is that swinging is basically a couples activity. There has always been a debate over whether single guys who do get into the lifestyle are actually swingers or if they are just LUCKY. Personally, I think it depends on their perspective. Swinging is about the fulfilling and sharing of fantasies. If you enter the lifestyle with the idea in your head that you are looking to help others fulfill their fantasies while fulfilling your own, then yes I believe you are a swinger. If, however, you are attempting to enter the lifestyle with only the thought that it's an easy way to get laid, not only are you not a swinger but you are sadly mistaken. As you are probably already aware it's not easy for a single guy to get into the lifestyle; however, you might not be aware of the simple reason as why. Go back to my earlier statement that swinging is mainly a couples activity and it is about fulfilling fantasies. Yes, there are many couples out there who have fantasies, which involve and extra male or 4 or 5 even. However, for every couple out there looking to include males in their playtime, there are at least 10 males looking to fill that one spot. So, as you can see You have some competition. So how do you beat out the competition? There are two things that will get you in the door the fastest; not every guy fits the description. What are they? The first is a big cock. Of course size is relative, but with big we are usually talking 8 inches or more long and/or 2" in diameter. The other is if you are black, basically a lot of women have a fantasy about doing a black man. For some it's the stereotype of the big black cock, for others it's the thought of doing something taboo. There are probably as many reasons as there are women. Whatever the reason if you are black or have a large cock your chances of getting into the lifestyle are much better than average. What if you don't fit in the above categories? All is not completely lost. If you are a decent looking guy with good hygiene and a good personality your chances are still pretty good. The key is really in your attitude though. If you are simply looking to get laid that will show and it will decrease your chances. If you are honestly looking to fulfill fantasies both of your own and others and show that you are there as much for them as for yourself you will do well. Where do you start? There are two things you can do, the first would be to post an ad, the second would be to search ads that are already out there from couples seeking males and answer those that you qualify for. When looking through ads that are already out there, read the ads carefully. Make sure you understand what the couple is looking for and make sure that you qualify. If they aren't seeking males, don't respond to the ad. If they are only seeking black males and you are white don't assume that you are special and just because you are nice they will want you. If you don't fit what they are looking for don't respond to the ad. When you do respond, don't just write an email or letter saying how much you'd like to do the wife. Tell them about yourself, provide a good description of who you are, what you look like and where you are coming from (in regards to the lifestyle). If possible, include a g-rated full-body or head shot photo. A g-rated photo that includes your face will get you a LOT further than just a pic of your dick. Unless the couple requested a pic of your dick, don't send it. Save the explicit pics for after you've talked with them and they have asked for it. Posting your own ad. Along with responding to ads that are already out there, you might want to post your own ad. I will tell you though that with the number of male seeking ads already out there you will probably have much better luck responding to ads than posting your own, but don't let that keep you from posting. Don't limit yourself to one site or magazine; post your ad in as many places as possible to ensure that it is seen by as many people as possible. Remember, not everyone surfs the same sites or reads the same magazines. When posting your ad, post as much information about yourself as possible. Give a good description of yourself as well as good description of the type of encounter you are looking for. Are you looking to get involved with a couple long-term? Or, just a one-night fantasy fulfillment? Also, provide a good idea of your location; I realize if you live in a small town you might not want to state the name of your town, but at least include the name of a larger town near you. If you are willing to travel, make that clear. If you can host activities at your home, state that. Be honest in your ad. If you are a married guy swinging without your wife be honest about that fact. However, I must point out that if you are a married guy swinging without your wife and you do not have her consent to do so then you are NOT swinging, you are cheating and most swingers will not look to kindly on that. Remember swinging is about honest and open relationships, not lying and cheating. Don't forget the picture. When posting your own ad I realize this might be a little iffy. Not everyone wants to post their face on the net or in a magazine. My suggestion here is to post a full-body shot with your face blocked if you are worried about discretion. Then once you get a response you can send them your face shot. So, don't give up hope. If you really want to join the swinger lifestyle you can. It might take some time, but as long as you keep a good attitude and keep pluggin away you'll get there eventually.
  11. The WallFlower Part 1 - Approach Anxiety and Why We Have It When it comes down to it almost all of us feel uncomfortable in social situations. A party with strangers is one of the most common fears. When it comes to swinging we know that a party with strangers is almost a necessity, so we go, yet when we get there we have no idea what to do. So, we sit at the table and hope that someone else, someone with more experience or just someone braver, will approach us. When it comes to understanding how to move past these issues first it's helpful to understand WHY we have these issues in the first place. Problem #1 Don't Talk to Strangers - From an early age we were taught that talking to strangers can be dangerous. You talk to people you know and only when someone else introduces you to the "stranger" can you talk to them. We teach this to our children for a reason, but the problem is that it sticks into adulthood. Even though we know that we are not likely to get hurt by talking to a stranger, we still shy away from it because no matter what we do Mom's voice is still in the back of our head. Solution: Change our mindset and realize that these people are not strangers. If they are at the same party, they aren't strangers. They all have at least one thing in common with us and probably many more. Problem #2 We Have to be Polite - Another thing we were taught at a young age is that you are to be polite and that you wait for someone to introduce you. Of course Miss Manners probably never had any issues getting others to introduce her around, and we all have to start somewhere. If you know no one at the party there's likely no one who can introduce you around. We often assume it's the hosts job to do this, but they are typically rather busy just keeping up with all the details of their party. Solution: Stop waiting. It's not impolite to introduce yourself and others will appreciate that you made the effort. Problem #3 Good Things Come to Those Who Wait - You don't want to be the pushy people so you wait patiently for the right time to approach. It's most often the shy people who are worried about coming across as too pushy and usually the fact that they are worried about it means that it will never happen. It's never being pushy to introduce yourself. Solution: Stop worrying so much. Be yourself and go say hello. Also remember that while good things may come to those who wait, they won't come without a little effort. Problem #4 Better the Devil We Know - Our fear of rejection is probably the one thing that prevents us from taking action more than anything else. It's so much easier to sit idly by and talk about how much we enjoy the "people watching" and know that as long as we take no action we will not be rejected. We may never get a "yes" but we'll never get a "No" either. It's just safer this way. Solution: Realize that approaching someone you maintain control of the situation. Not only are you approaching them to determine if you accept or reject them, but since you approached them you can easily walk away at any time. Problem #5 They Might Take it Wrong - But, what if we just want to say hello and they assume we want to have sex with them? This is exactly the opposite of the fear of rejection, it's the fear of assumption. This fear leads us right back to The Devil We Know. Solution: Control your approach. We will discuss this more in another article, but for now know that while you can't control their reactions or thoughts, you can control your own. All of these problems simply build on each other, one making another worse until we are frozen with our fears, unable to move. As a result, we sit at the table all night wishing someone would approach us so we could have a good time. We blame others for our bad time because they didn't approach us when, in fact, it's our own fault because we let our fears rule us. Don't Be a Wallflower Part 2 - Re-frame the Situation It's funny that we often worry about the objections of others, yet it is our own objections (excuses) that really get in our way. We talked about the 5 Causes for Approach Anxiety, now it is time to discuss how we can move past those. In order to move past our own objections, we have to figure out how to reframe the situation and look at it differently. It's all about perspective. Change the Context - Just because you speak to someone at a party does not mean you are interested. Instead of approaching someone with the idea that you are wanting to see if they are interested in you, approach them with the knowledge that you are doing so to find out if you are interested in them. Keep in mind that no matter how attractive someone may be from across the room, once you speak to them you may discover that you are not interested at all. Changing the context in this way gives you control of the situation. Change the Focus - There are always going to be couples who are more uncomfortable than you are. Perhaps you've been to this party twice but it's their first time. Find the couples hiding in the corner and introduce yourselves. Think of it as doing something nice for someone else. After all, it's exactly what they are waiting for because they are too scared to leave the table and talk to others for all the reasons we've already discussed. Retain Control - Always retain the knowledge that you can walk away at any time. Even if you are the one who approached a couple and they find you to be a perfect match, you are still in control and can decide to walk away at any time. This is actually one of the best things about doing the approaching, you are still standing and it's easier to walk away. Start Small - Make it a goal to introduce yourselves to just 1 or 2 new couples at a party. The first one is always the hardest, so just pick someone and do it. Don't spend a lot of time or worry on who to approach. Once you meet one, the next one will become easier and easier. Eventually it becomes habitual and you will find that you are rarely sitting down because you are too busy interacting. Fake it till you Make It! - Changing your actions can change how you feel. Even though you are scared to death, forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, making yourself smile and say hello will make you feel better about doing so. Your smile will spread to others, and eventually you will find that it's standard practice. These five techniques seem simply but they each take some work and take some time to wrap your brain around. While it may be something you have to force initially, it will eventually become the norm and you will find yourself simply 'flipping a switch' when you walk into a party. Don't Be a Wallflower Part 3 - Pre-Party Planning There's a few things you can do before you even head to a party to make the whole night go smoother and leave you feeling a lot less anxious when you walk in the door. Build Confidence - Building confidence is a team activity. You should be constantly building each other up. No matter how much you might want to have sex with others, your partner should always be your #1 and you need to make sure they know it. If there is doubt that your partner wants to be with you, it kills your confidence. A lack of confidence is obvious to everyone. Remind each other daily of your positive attributes, of why others would want to be with you, and of what you have to offer. Check the List - Most parties have a list online of who is attending, whether it's on SLS, Kasidie or the clubs website. If there is a list online of who is attending, check it out in the days or week leading up to the event. Read the profiles and look for the couples that you might want to meet. Discuss them together and decide which ones you think you would at least like to meet. Pre-Party Intros - Once you determine which couples (or singles) you'd like to meet from the list, send them a message to just hello. This opens the door for them to approach you at the party, or at least to give you an easier opening when you approach them. A simple intro message is best, something like "We saw that you are also signed up for XYZ Party. We read through your profile and we really hope to meet you there. If you see us please do say hello." Dress for Success - Swinging isn't that different from dating and when you were dating you never would have shown up in sweat pants or tennis shoes, or forgotten to clean the motor oil out from under your nails. Dress appropriately for the event. Choose clothing that is both comfortable & sexy. If you feel sexy and attractive it shows. Avoid clothes that are too small - sure we like tight clothes to show off our goods, but if things don't fit right and you spend the whole night adjusting, it will affect your confidence. Guys skip the t-shirts & tennis shoes. Unless it's a nice plain t-shirt that shows off your body, it's best to leave it at home. Same goes for the ball caps. And, we know you want to be comfortable, but women do judge a man by his shoes. Don't forget the little things. Trim you nails (guys & girls). Guys don't forget the nose hairs and ear hairs. Now that you are dressed and ready, it's time for the party. Don't be a Wallflower Part 4 - At the Party There are three things that you can do when you walk into a party that can make the difference on how your whole night goes. Arrive Early - Not only do you get your choice of seats, but it's so much easier to talk to people when the music is low and the crowd is thin. This makes it not only easier to make that first approach, but it makes that first approach go more smoothly. It's also a whole lot easier to start off in an almost empty room and allow it to fill around you, than to walk into a room that is already full. By doing this you are no longer walking into a room full of strangers, they are coming to you. Your Seat Choice Matters - Stay out of the corner! Don't get stuck on a wall where you can get out. Try to sit in high traffic areas where you can see people as they walk by. Your best options are often near a door where people have to walk by you to enter or leave the room, near the drink set-up table or near the dance floor where you will not only have most people walking by you at some point you also get the added benefit of constant entertainment throughout the night. However, don't let the entertainment distract you to the point that you don't leave the table. Approach ANYONE - This is especially important in the early days of getting yourself used to talking to people. Any practice you can get talking to new people will help your confidence and make it easier to talk to others. You do, however, have to be careful not to over-extend your stay and eventually, you will want to adjust your approach so that you only approach those you MIGHT actually be interested in. In time you may find that you walk into a party and choose a seat only to lose it later because you never returned to it. But, at least initially, it's nice to know that you have a place to escape to, if needed. As you move around and talk to more and more people you will create attraction for yourself and induce others to want to approach you. People are attracted to those that seem attractive to others. This is called "Social Proof". Just be careful that you don't become that couples that others are afraid to approach for fear that they are "too popular" or in a "clique". As you get to know more people it can sometimes become very easy to simply hang out with the people you already know and are comfortable with (returning back to the beginning with "The Devil You Know"). No matter how comfortable you get with people, keep trying to meet new people at every party and always try to approach those who look the most uncomfortable. Don't Be a Wallflower Part 5 - The Approach One of the scary things about approaching others is the idea that you might get "stuck" talking to someone after realizing you aren't interested. This is one of the great things about approaching others, rather than being approached; you are less likely to get cornered and can more easily walk away. Although the ability to walk away and knowing how to do it or feeling comfortable doing it are different things. One approach that works really well for overcoming a lot of the fears that we have about approaching others is the Time Constraint Approach. This is an approach that we discovered while watching The PickUp Artist on VH1 several years ago and have since modified to suit our needs. The Introduction - Approach with a with a smile and say "HI, we just wanted to stop by for a minute an introduce ourselves, we are......". Saying "for a minute" gives you a time constraint. It makes them feel better that you aren't immediately planting yourself right away, but it also gives you an easy out because you were clearly never planning to stay for a long time anyway. Don't Sit Down - You may not end up sitting with them at all, but definitely do not sit down right away. Stay standing as you make your way through the next step. If they invite you to sit down re-iterate, "oh we can't stay... we were on our way to..." (say hello to someone, get a drink , go to the bathroom, dance...) "but we saw you and decided we had to say hello." Find Common Ground - If they are receptive to your introduction, try to find common ground. At this point you are just feeling them out to see if there is any sort of connection. You can do this in many ways. Compliment them. Ask if they are new to the party/ event? Ask what they think about the party/event? Remember you aren't looking to go deep here, you just want to know if there's any sort of connection or interest on your side. Can they hold up their end of a conversation? Are they giving you two word answers to everything? Do they look bored? Is their accent so thick it drives you crazy? Ask for a dance - if things are going well at this point and they seem receptive, ask for a dance. If you aren't into dancing, let them know you enjoyed meeting them and don't want to keep them from others. If they are into you at this point they will say something "oh no, you aren't keeping us....." and probably will invite you to sit and join them. If you are interested in doing so, do so for a short time. Ask about their interests regarding swinging and establish if they are a match. Give Them Space - If at any point in this setup things don't seem to be progressing, simply say "it was nice to meet you" and move on to another couple. Even if things are going really well, eventually, you will want to give them a little space to talk about you (and to talk about them). Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder, well it works here, too. By leaving them for bit they can discuss you and think fondly about you, so that when you re-appear, whether they were expecting it or not, they are all the happier to see you. When you walk away determine if you are interested in playing with them. If you are interested make sure to return to them within 15 minutes and find out if the interest is mutual. At this point you should have already discussed the basic limits you each have and know if you are a match in terms of your swinging preferences, so the idea of playing is already out on the table. Now, all someone has to do is put out the invitation. If you are interested in playing with them, don't be shy they know it's on the table so just ask them. If the interest is not mutual or if upon walking away you determine you aren't really interested, do not return and occupy their evening. Leave their door (and yours) open for others.
  12. Do’s and Don’ts of On-line Profiles Do: Buy a subscription at the Web site where you have your on-line profile. Swinging is not a poor-man’s sport. When people see “Free Member”, they wonder who is going to be left to pick up the tab at the restaurant or pay for the hotel room. Do: Include at least one picture. The only people who lack the knowledge for uploading a digital picture or the funds to buying a digital camera live on a small island in Patagonia where there are no swingers. Do: Show yourselves together in at lease one picture. This makes a firm statement, “We are both available and are both engaged in the lifestyle.” Privacy is an understandable concern. If you do not want the public to be able to view your picture, put it into a category where subscribers can see it only when you give permission. Do: Tell people your marital status. Most married couples accept two people who live in a committed relationship but many will be unhappy if you surprising them with the fact after you have taken them down the road a bit. Don’t say you’re a “committed couple” That sounds like you live in an insane asylum and the orderlies let you out on Friday nights to go swinging. You are a couple who are in a committed relationship, not a committed couple. Do: Let people know whether you are experienced in The Lifestyle or just beginning. None of us are so far from our beginnings that we do not recall what it was like at the start. You can expect a helping hand. Do: Let people know your sexual orientation. Do: Be specific about your desires. If you want partner exchange, say so. If you want soft swing, say so. If size really does matter, say so. Don’t use vague statements like “Looking for exciting times” or “Looking for people having similar interest” or “Seeking like minds” or “Want to spice things up.” People might be left to wonder whether you are a souse chef or a swinger. Don’t use cliché: “We want to improve our already incredible sex lives”; “Cum on over.” Don’t be so explicit that your profile sounds like an adolescent fantasy: “I want to hang you upside down on a ceiling fan, suck on your tits while your mouth is full of pop rocks, etc.” Don’t brag, “I have a nine-inch wang that stays stiff for hours until I cum in quarts.” Don’t display religion or politics. Do: Keep the number or negatives and “we wont’s” to a minimum. If possible, display none. Whether or not you include “No single men”, you will receive inquiries from men. My advice is, therefore, don’t clutter you profile with this admonition. It is not necessary to tell people that children and animals are off your list of interests. My wife and I have be in the lifestyle for years and nobody has ever come even close to hinting. If you are burdened with the belief that persons of certain ethnic background, economic status or regional mannerism are below your dignity, keep it to yourself. Should a person of lower station happen to make the blunder of expressing interest, just decline politely. Lastly, don’t cut-and-past from other peoples’ profiles. Make your profile a reflection of your own personalities and your relationship with each other. People are reading and watching.
  13. So, you want to swing. You’ve had all the discussions and you think now you’re ready. But wait, how do we get started actually finding people to have sex with us? You could always ask a close friend that you are comfortable with but this is not recommended by most. Some have had good luck with it and others have lost friends by even mentioning the fact that they are interested in exploring an alternative lifestyle. The two most popular ways are placing a personal ad on one of the many different adult ad sites on the internet and attending a swinger’s club or event. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. Geographic location also plays a part in which of these will work best for you. The club route: If you live in an area where there are clubs available this is a very good option to start meeting people with. Clubs come in many different forms...Off-premise, On-premise, Socials and Meet & Greets...you also have house parties in the mix but they are not something I would recommend for a newbie. Off-premise clubs are basically like any other night club you would attend, with the only difference being that everyone there is a swinger or is interested in becoming a swinger. They are great places for new people to check out the scene, interact with others and ask questions in a no pressure atmosphere. There is a sexually charged atmosphere, lots of dancing and talking and getting to know people. No sex occurs at an off-premise club, if you meet someone for playtime you have to leave the club and obtain a room or head out to someone’s house before play can occur. On-premise clubs are the same as off-premise with the exception that sex can and does happen on-premise. Usually in rooms that are provided specifically for playing, which range from private rooms to group rooms. Socials are basically like off-premise clubs, but are usually held at a hotel that has a large meeting room or ballroom, and are usually held only once a month. You will find dancing, socializing and lots of flirting going on. Sex does not occur at a Social but the advantage over an off-premise club is that you are only a walk away from a hotel room if you happen to meet someone for playtime. Meet and Greets are basically just a group of swingers who get together only for the purpose of meeting face to face for dinner and conversation. Hook-ups can and do occur but it’s not the main focus of a M&G. All of these have the advantage of getting to see the people you are meeting right away, there’s no waiting for pictures to be sent and no time between e-mails and/or phone calls trying to arrange a time that is convenient for all to meet. Play can and at times will occur the same night you meet someone, if everyone is in agreement. The disadvantages are that you can be overwhelmed at times with numerous people vying for your attention as well as having those you would rather not play with asking to play and then dealing with having to turn them down gracefully. The ad route: Ads are a way of meeting people when you don’t live in a place where there is a club close enough to visit and/or you’re just not a club type of person. By placing an ad you are able to spell out everything that you are interested in exploring. What type of people you enjoy spending time with, if you’re just looking for a one time hook-up or if you’re looking for long term play partners. When placing an ad you’re able to tell what type of experiences you have had, what type of experiences you want to have, what you like to do sexually and with whom you would like to do it with. You are also able to search ads and find people you are interested in and contacting them. One of the things that you will have to deal with when placing an ad is answering the responses you get. Some will be from people you might have no interest in. You will have to write back and let them know. Another possibility is that you might wind up playing tag with those that you are interested in trying to find the time to meet. Also, you will have to deal with those who are not really serious about swinging and those that will stand you up once a date has been made. No matter how you decide to meet people for sexual play, be it via the ad route or attending a club, you will only get out of it what you are willing to put into it. You must be able to put effort into your search. If you’re at a club get up and talk to people, don’t wait for them to come to you. If you have an ad out and you’re not getting the response you want, look it over and see what you can do to make it more appealing to others as well as looking for those you’re interested in and making the first move with contacting them. Always remember, there is no right or wrong way to go about it. Find the way you’re comfortable with and have fun in your adventure.
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