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Where did you get your sex education?

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Where did you get your sex education? Was it from one or two of the more astute kids on the playground? Did you watch Sue Johanson or Doctor Ruth on TV? From your Mom on day before the wedding? From your Dad on the day before the wedding? From high-school sex education class? In the back seat of a Nash Rambler at the drive-in movie? European-style where you Father takes you to his favorite whore house for your eighteenth birthday?

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I took the initiative and looked up info that I didn't feel comfortable learning from experience and that tv (general shows and commercials)) didn't teach me.

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From an early age I wanted to know all about it. I talked with kids on the playground...graduated a few years later to learning by experience...then reading everything I could get my hands on while honing my skills :)

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Dad bought a book and put it on the top shelf of the VERY BIG bookcase in the den: "Everything you always wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask" (he knew we would get to it and read it). I thought I was learning alot, I was wrong. The book was poorly written by people who had very confined views about sexual orientations and proclivities. Basicly said if you didn't follow the "normal" path, there was something wrong with you.

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I remember finding my parents porn stash around four and I was fascinated. I also had a radio headset in the third grade and I would listen to Dr. Ruth. I would stay up until 10 and listen to her. I would sneak my dad's playboys all the time in high school and read the columns. I wanted to become the next Dr. Ruth so I took every sex class in undergrad. Funny thing is that when I got to grad school, I realized you couldn't make the $$$ being a sex therapist so I opted to a more marketable career. I just couldn't take listening to people complain about their sex lives 8 hours a day.

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Older kids to start with.

Then Dad's sweet 1960's/70's playboy stash.

Then health class at school.

Then, self-directed study and field application.

Still learning.

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On the playground of the Catholic school I went to. Then, after 8th grade, I got the real 411 in jr. high and high school. Plus, my dad was pretty open to let us know the scoop. And like Two4you, I'm still learning. :) I love it!

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Other than a sex ed class in 5th or 6th grade, not much learned at home. Being terribly shy didn't help either. When I was stationed in Japan, a year out of high school, I read every book I could get my hands on, plus some "on the job training" :cool: Like life in general, everyday is a learning experience...

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Where did I get my sex education?

 

I did the usual show and tell with other kids while at school.

 

When I turned 15 I was sent to live and work with my Uncle (Mother's brother) who lived 600 mile from home, he was a bachelor who owned a café he also employed a few female staff, we worked six day and nights a week only having Wednesday’s as our day off. We were working late one night doing the cleaning up after we had closed, and the conversation got around to sex and he asked me if I had ever been with a woman or girl to which I replied “no”, he than asked if I would like to go with a woman, naturally I replied “yes”.

 

Later that night I was in bed and he came in and carried on the conversation, I started to get hard and he seen it and started playing with me, we ended up having sex together, it was by mutual consent, I was not forced into anything I did not want to do.

 

The next Wednesday we went into town as we usually did on our day off only instead of going for lunch and a show as we usually did he took me to a house where I was introduced to a couple of women, one in her 20’s and the other in her 40’s (I am only guessing their age), after the introductions I was told that the young one would look after me and the Uncle and the older woman went to another room, the younger woman came up to me and reached out and touched my crotch and said “let’s see what we have here” and we were soon having sex, as we were going at it doggie on the lounge for the third time I think I looked up to see the uncle and the older woman watching us going at it and the older woman said she wanted to try some of my young cock, so we swapped partners, I must admit that I thought the older woman was the better sex partner by far (not that I was complaining)! “Maybe that’s why I ended up marrying an older woman”? Most Wednesdays after that we went to the same place for the same thing, and their were no combinations I could think off that we did not try, the Uncle was also a ladies man as far as women he employed in the café as well as with the customers and if he had the chance he often pointed me in the right direction with the women and girls.

 

After a year and a bit working with him I had to return back home to my parents, things dried up considerably sex wise and I started playing around with guys for fast casual relief and then just before my 18th birthday I met my wife to be who is three months older than me, she was a sweet ever so innocent Church going (at least three times a week with family) Catholic girl “who was a virgin”, she knew absolutely nothing about sex at all, she thought that every time a woman had sex she had a baby and that her Mother must have been a very sexy woman as she had seven children “she was also a very strict Catholic woman” lol. I had to buy sex education books and educate the wife, I must have done a pretty good job of it as I took her cherry when she turned 19.

 

We married at 20-21, her Father would not let her get married until she was 21 (I had to get my parents permission to get married), we had our family at 28 and 30 and she had her tubes tied after our last child as she did not want any more children which was fine by me (all our sex since then has been bare back sex no matter who it was with). We were early 30’s when I met an old schoolmate and his wife, it turned out they were members off a Nudist club, and they invited us along, I was surprised when the wife said yes to going and even more surprised when she agreed to join the nudist club. We were not members very long when we found out their was an underground swinging movement in the club, I started putting some work in on the wife about us joining in with the other swingers and it finally came off, we were 35 and married 15 years when she went with her first ever other guy, and man did she ever take to the lifestyle like a duck to water, swinging, swapping, her being a hot wife with other guys and M F M threesomes, there is not much we have not tried over the years I can tell you.

Well that’s how I (and the wife) got our sex education, I could almost go on and tell you how our sex life finished, but we are now early 70’s, married close to 50 years and are still enjoying a good sex life are very much in love, and a bit of playing on the side is still on the cards if the right opportunity comes along.

 

PS you might think I am boasting about this, and you would be right lol, I am proud of our life together.

 

PPS there are people in this forum who have spoken to and seen my wife on web cam and I think they will agree that my wife is still a sexy woman at late 60’s early 70’s! ;)

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And like Two4you, I'm still learning. :)

 

Good for you, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

 

My answer is more or less consistent - kids at school, zero from parents, Health Class in Jr. High and High School to some degree, and perhaps something a little different, from novels.

 

Even then I was an avid reader and some pretty good stuff can be found in books, even from the school library! Since you've got to walk before you can fly, I had to empirically evaluate which of the scenarios I would read about turned me on the most and were something I might want to try in more than just my mind some day. Good experimental design must include replication, so I ran a lot of trials in those days :D

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Dad bought a book and put it on the top shelf of the VERY BIG bookcase in the den: "Everything you always wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask" (he knew we would get to it and read it). I thought I was learning alot, . . .

 

Mom and Dad had a "Marriage Guide" on a book shelf but not a high book shelf. Maybe some day I will think to ask if that was intentional. But it was, like the one you describe and if I am remembering correctly, full of suspicious information. Publishing date was sometime in the 1940s. The interesting bits were in an appendix, which conveyed the message that good sex was not one of the primary factors of a successful marriage. And I do not recall the word "sex" actually appearing on the page. "Intimacy" was the title of the appendix. One portion that I recall contained a suggestion that if a man and a woman lay quietly and motionless side-by-side facing each other after "coitus", the man could remain inside of the woman while they both fell asleep. I was never able to get into a position with a woman that would facilitate an experiment to test the truth of the suggestion. Either the information was bullshit or the author and/or his female companion were built differently.

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As kids (7-8 yrs old) we had the run of each others houses in our neighborhood. While a bunch of us were playing hide-n-seek, I quietly snuck into our neighbors bedroom. They didn't know I was there and I didn't know they were there until I heard some funny noises. So I'm hiding behind a Lazy boy frozen with fear of being discovered. I didn't budge for what seemed like an hour. At first I thought somebody was crying. After getting a better angle I thought my neighbor was killing his wife and I thought I next. Then I saw they were naked and didn't know what to think, except that it was gross. I saw her on top, him on top, doggy, 69 and oral by both of them. They caught me trying to sneak out but actually thought I was trying sneak in. They had no clue I had been watching them the whole time. I remember being freaked out that I would have to do that someday.:eek:

 

Then there was the time we found an Amish buggy parked in the woods with a box full of porn mags. They were out hunting and I always wondered what he/they were thought when they came back and the box was gone. Those magazines lasted for a few years in our fort in the woods. We would all say how gross it was to each other. But we kept those magazines as sacred-daily. As we got a little older the mags disappeared one by one.;)

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Mom and Dad had a "Marriage Guide" on a book shelf but not a high book shelf. Maybe some day I will think to ask if that was intentional.

 

There is a process called "Mother's Rule". If you have a book you don't want your children to read, put it at eye level, dead center of the bookcase. If you have a book you WANT your children to read, put it on the top shelf near one end, they WILL find it and read it.

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I am a M. First job as teenager was babysitting and the woman had lots of "Modern Romances" and "True Story" mags around, and I enjoyed reading all those sexy stories, and was especially interested in the ones where the woman just "needed" sex outside her marriage....and couldn't seem to help herself.

 

This woman had a younger sister, who often spent weekends at her house and we started dating....I was then 16 and she was 13. Well, after a few months we were into heavy petting and getting closer to "doing it", and we shared stories from her sister's magazines because we both read them (not together).

 

About a year later, I was graduating from HS and now was A-17 and she was A-14. We were totally "in love" as teenagers can be. Neither of us knew any more about sex than what we had read in those magazines and what we had done to each other. One night, in my car, we were going farther and farther, and finally were both naked. She was kneeling over me, and started to slide down, and we took it slowly, but went "all the way."

 

That was the most awesome feeling for both of us. We just sat there and enjoyed the feeling for a long time, and then I lost control and could feel I was about to cum, and told her, and she just pushed into me more until I came.

 

We didn't think about pregnancy or anything else, just that feeling. The next morning we saw each other, and had nothing but "love" in our eyes. It was total respect, and total fulfillment. That night, we were back in the car, and this time we talked about chance of pregnancy. She had read that only on the 14th day of her "cycle" could she become pregnant, and this was the 11th day she said.

 

So we debated, and finally flipped a coin. The coin said "no" so she said "two out of three" and at "three out of five" lust finally won out and we did it again, several times. We didn't know anything about technique or details, we just knew it felt really good and we didn't want to stop. She would tell me everything that felt good, and I would do the same.

 

So you could say we learned "on the job". It was fun for both of us and we always respected each other.

 

P.S. She finished HS and we were married shortly after. We continued to be each other's "one and only" for quite awhile, until one night when I was out with some friends, and had sex with a woman about twice my age. That turned out to be "fun", and eventually I told my wife about when she asked if I had ever "done" anyone else, and said she wouldn't be mad, so I told her. She wasn't angry at all, but she wanted to try it also she said.

 

We did some "soft* swaps" with 3 other couples we hung around with, several times. (* I say "soft" but she went into another room with my best friend where anything 'could' have happened. She always said it didn't, but I knew she would never be able to stop so I always thought she did. But I was never angry, in fact, the opposite...I thought it was really hot and as soon as everyone left, took her right to bed and we had a magnificent experience.

 

I guess you could say that was our first "swing"...even though she was the only one that might have gone all the way...but I never really knew for sure. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I hope she did, because I always thought so. I had a couple of 'one night stands' that she eventually knew about....and she was never angry...but always said she wanted to "do it" also. One night, we were at a hotel for a New Year's Eve party, and we checked in early afternoon. She and I had sex several times that afternoon. My closest friend...the guy I thought she had done at our first "soft" swap, had a sick wife, and she stayed in the room. My wife said she "could take us both on" and got that awesome sex look. But we were on the way to dinner and when we finished dinner, she asked for the room key. She took him up to our room for over an hour. And I wasn't angry at all....just envious that I wasn't there.

Again, neither of them would ever admit it....but I always thought that they had sex multiple times. And it was OK. Because after midnight, we finally got to our room, and she was still "horny" as heck, and she nearly raped me. We had sex several times during the night and it was just as awesome as the first night we ever did it--and it was 15 years later!

 

Long story, but that's how we got our education.

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My mom never really had the "this is what sex is" conversation with me. She did tell me that she preferred I wait but that if I got to a point where "Ii couldn't live without it" that I needed to tell her so I could get on birth control. I think we had this conversation when I was around 12. I lost my virginity at 14 but didn't need birth control till I was 18 because the heartbreak from that first time kept me abstinant for that 4 years.

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I just downloaded a wikihow app called "How to French Kiss" on the Kindle Fire (android).

 

We had pretty good sex ed at our public schools in New York state. My parents did not talk to me about it at all. I went to college in the medical field and learned a lot about sex in my classes. It was a Catholic school but we had openly gay and lesbian professors and we really learned about sex, stds, contraception, and alternative practices in detail.

 

I feel like I'm still learning! Besides spending time here on the swingersboard, now I listen to podcasts while I exercise or clean and I've learned a ton. I love Savage Love, Freedom of Fetish, Life on the Swingset and the old Sex is Fun. Swingercast, The Masocast and Sex Nerd Sandra are fun too.

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Some conversation w/ parents when young. To be honest , they would several times let me know I could ask anything , but I was kinda embarassed after a point.

 

Reading while growing up , both "educational" and classic Playboys , and later various Golden Age porn , with as much emphasis on the ones with "stories" as the pictorial.

 

Usual Sex Ed in Jr & Sr HS , but my own studies were already ahead of them.

 

In college a senior level class in Human Sexuality ended up being equivalent of first year of Medical School in learning annatomy , with a Term Paper of Sociology type.

 

With our kids , we talk to them about sex until they beg us to stop. Both major sitdowns , and mixed in with regular day to day. We made our preferences (for their activities) known , but also lot of Creative Hypocracy. Ie if you think it is likely someone will do ( unwise/ dangerous/ stupid thing anyway , it is your responsability to teach them the least dangerous/ stupid way to do so . )

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Me and some neighborhood friends built a fort in the back yard. My much older brother helped furnish it with a huge paper bag full of penthouse. We were 9 or 10. Forum was my sex ed. I have been told that I fuck like I'm in porn. Just my training lol.

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Books, then on the job training!

 

Hubby learned from about age 6,from his much older brother's porn collection and in his late teens was seduced and "fully educated" by one of his friend's moms. Maybe this is why he prefers older women!

 

(Continue reading for my long explanation)

 

First I read in a "tween" series of books (Trixie Belden Mysteries) a scene where Trixie finally kissed her crush, Jim. There was also some ambiguous groping described. About that time, I was about 11, my mom gave me "the talk" rather conservative & uninformative (or maybe I just blocked details out due to embarrassment ) at about 12 or 13 I was a voracious reader & on top of all the other books I read I started picking up and reading romance novels I found laying around, at yard sales etc. I would read the more explicit scenes over & over. I then progressed to kissing "boyfriends" and then making out at ballgames and any chance I could get. At 14 I lost my virginity to a guy with an 11 inch cock (no joke) and discovered I LOVED having sex. So we fucked like rabbits. I was very naive and trusting and he was supposed to be using a condom every time but I was so desperate to get him inside me that I didn't check. Well he wasn't and I became pregnant. We eventually broke up, I had my daughter at 15 years of age and after that all the boys thought that just because I had a baby that I would put out that turned me off sex for the most part for years. Never did have any truly good sex (except for the times baby daddy and I had a fling)until I met my husband. We have read books, watched movies and explored each other for 18 years now and just this year have begun swinging. Sex education is never over, we are always learning! So that was how I learned about sex.

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Male half here, ice skating. Lived in a working class neighborhood. In the winter, we would all go down to the river, passing through maybe 1/4 mile of swamp so no one’s house was really close. The old boys would cut down a tree or two for fires all winter long, we would throw potatoes into the fire for meals. Gathered around the fire, you would hear the older boys talk, what they did, with who, what they would like to do, etc. Gave a graphic pictorial of all the options available to a young man.

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I would say mostly books. I was always a voracious reader, and there isn't anything you can't learn about from books. Even school and public libraries have some stuff that is very interesting reading for a horny young teenager :) After that came first steady girlfriend. She was a couple years younger than me, and we never did the full deal, but we did just about everything else, anytime we could. It was new to her too, but she was a natural at it and we learned together.

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My mom explained things to me first right before sex-ed in 5th grade, although, I had a vague notion of what it meant before that. I snuck in trashy romance novels, and would flip to each chapter (the chapter endings and/or beginnings were where the good scenes normally were), I'd skip reading the whole story, unless it was compelling (most weren't). Like Heing&Sheing, I would read the good parts over and over too.

 

Interestingly enough, my first experience with porn came around that time. I was with a kid I used to hang out with, who was a few years younger then me. He had two teenage brothers, and he took me up to their room and told me he just HAD to show me something. He turned on the porno and it was a closeup of the chick's ass while she rode the guy, and I was so confused. I had no idea what was going on. It took me a good minute before I realized people were having sex, and then I was horrified, but curious at the same time.

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I didn't see any porn until I was 19 years old. I've got a lot to catch up on, lol.

 

Oh, I didn't actively start looking at porn until I was at least in High School. I found a mag in the woods out behind my house (I'm pretty sure it had something to do with swinging and orgies now that I think about it) and remember getting eaten by mosquitoes as I looked at the entire thing in one sitting. After that, curiosity killed the cat, and I looked at it online way more then I should have.

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We all learned something in health class. When I got my first period my mom told me a little more. My real education came from my best friend who had sex with her older brothers friend. We were not 14 and I knew something about a penis goes in and be careful you can get pregnant. I had no idea about doing anything or what it would feel like. She said she kissed his penis and he kissed her down there. Lol. Ewwww. But then something we never said anything about. She said they had done the kissing part a bunch of times and then she offered to show me. So I have to say I learned from a girl before being with a guy for the real thing. I ended up with her brother which lookiNG back is weird.

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I learned some from health class, some from friends but didn't really know much until college. I sort of knew somethings but did experience much. I laugh now, writing this, the first penis I touched I thought I was hurting him. Of course I knew by then that guys came but was surprised when I made him and it got on me. I learned more each time until we did it. I did it with just a few guys. With my husband we watched porn together and I learned from that.

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I went to a Christian HS and got part of my education from there (the part I'm still working on to get over). Other than that, I was and explorer and willing to boldly go where others feared to tread. The all girls Catholic HS next door helped supply other willing explorers. While I was very careful and mostly refused to go 'all the way' because sex ALWAYS ended in pregnancy, I spent a lot of time determining where the line between sex and heavy petting ended. I also was a very early visitor to the internet (called forums before Al Gore invented the 'net) and then began getting instructional films on the subject from there (late 70's/early 80's). Finally, there was the back room at the local video store (after getting married in '83).

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Was 12 got felt up by a boy I thought was cute, found Dads porn stash had a good look through. Read stuff and watched a few of my brothers videos. I was already masterbating regular When at 16 met my first boyfriend and that really started my education, I know now he was a pleaser and helped me discover what things got me off. In turn it made me what to better please him. Then the last part came from my hubby before him I could never come from vaginal sex, I still don't know how he unlocked it but now I can pretty much come with every guy. Plus hubby made me love kissing, I wasn't a big fan before him but wow he changed that.

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Was just a small part of my early education but while ten years of age, two other fifth graders, Linda and Barbara, were, as I realized only later, competing for my attention. So Linda invites me into her family's fenced-in back yard saying she wanted to show me something and have my opinion on it. She wanted my opinion, lifting her skirt, on her new flower-print panties. "Very nice", I said innocently. Barbara somehow learns of this and finds me behind the school building and tells me she thinks her brother's private parts are not normal so she wants to see mine so that she can compare. This includes determining what is needed to cause this strange phenomenon of making the private part stick straight out. Linda somehow learns of this and invites me to the same secluded place behind the school saying that she wanted my opinion again. I was thinking underware or maybe even something better. But, no. She wants to know who's prettier; she or Barbara. So I started into elaborate reasons why she was much more desirable as well as enumerating Barbara's many shortcomings.

 

Well, folks, there was a pre-arranged plan. Barbara was listening through an open window. But Linda had apparently departed from the pre-arranged script and had improvised her loaded question. Now I was in the middle of a feud between two females.

 

So what did I learn?

 

• Woman can be devious.

• Always smile sweetly and speak no ill of any woman.

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Early on probably 4th grade or so, we had a plumber live on the corner in our neighborhood and he had a bunch of pipe and supplies out back by his garage, some neighborhood kids would stash porn mags in the pipes, we'd find them and steal them of course. Had a friend that was two years older than me and we would sleep out in his tent, and ultimately taught me how to jack off. Then about 5th or 6th grade had a new girl move to the neighborhood that was one year younger but an early bloomer with nice little tits. A bunch of us would play spin the bottle in one of their backyards and her and I would sneak off to a corner and neck all night. Later with this same girl about 7th grade she would invite me over during the day in the summer when her parents were at work and she would take off her top and bra and let me play with and lick her tits. Again about a year later we slowly graduated to taking off my pants and she would jack me off. Which in those days would literally take forever especially with no lube. Never did anything else. She eventually moved away about her freshman year in high school and I saw her one more time about then, she was I think 14 and had by then developed pretty huge tits for girl that young.

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I honestly have no recollection of not knowing the basics about sex. My parents where pretty open about the whole "where babies come from" thing. My dad did give the "sex talk" in high school but it amount to some pointers and an admonishment to always use condoms. The practical stuff I've learned in the field as it were.

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Both MsD and I learned much from our parents. In my case, it even included the basics of sharing and swinging. But we both got info with a healthy balance of warning about things that may go wrong and emphasis on fun and respect for bed partners.

 

Our parents are/were awesome and brought up kids with a healthy confident look at sex, which helped immensely both during the time we were discovering each other and the present time where we are discovering sharing.

 

:bowing:

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I learned a lot from my older sister with whom I shared a room when we were kids. She was 16 and dating this guy whom she invited over after school (both our parents worked) and they would lock the door to our room doing the hanky panky. I was a couple of years younger in junior high. I would pound on the locked door while they were inside, yelling through the door that it's my room too. She said she's doing things that would gross me out but I didn't care. I wanted in the room. Well I got my wish. They were both naked, I pretended I didn't care, and they were doing it right on top of the cover. They were trying to gross me out, but I was stubborn. So I saw everything from blowjobs to intercourse, all the while pretending to do my homework. I didn't budge when they wiped cum on me, even though I was so grossed out and tried to pull my sister's hair out. My sis and I laughed about it but at the time I wanted to kill her.

 

The hands-on education came on a day when my brother called in the afternoon needing a ride from school to his part-time job because his car broke down. My sister's boyfriend was already at our house, and my sis left to give my brother a ride. I was stuck with gross boy. He was totally naked in our bedroom and asked me if I wanted to touch his penis. I did it after some prodding and it was the most amazing sensation to feel it got hard and big in my hand. He showed me how to jerk him off and how to give him a blowjob. That was the first time I tasted and swallowed cum. I felt it tasted disgusting. Look how far I have come.

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I got "the talk" from my mom at the age of 5 when she and her best friend walked into my bedroom and found myself and the friend's daughter naked under my covers playing a game of "hey, why do you have one of those and I don't?". Mom was always open to questions as I grew up and instilled no sense of sexual shame as some of my friends' parents did. Looking back I'm sure she was probably a swinger back in the day. I of course then taught my friends all I learned.

 

Mr. RnS

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I only ever watched pornos my cousin had porno magazines I think that's weird but then I'm only 23 lol everything for me is on internet

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I got my sex education from opposite ends of the spectrum, my older sister and my Catholic School education.  My sister taught me about guys wanting to put their dick in various female body openings, which made it seem ok from the beginning about engaging in oral and anal sex.  The Catholic Church's sex ed was biological and stressed the microscopic level of things, which gave me my fetish for having men's sperm living inside my vagina/uterus for several days after they have ejaculated in there.  Actually, I'm thinking about it now and it's hot.  ?

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As a woman it is always surprising to hear how men get to learn about sex.  I feel too many women have a much harsher teacher, an unwanted one.  I know I did.  I learned very early in my life where my value would be found with men.  It's the reason I became an exotic dancer in the first place.  Working in a gentleman's club completed my training in how to be a true goddess in between the sheets.  I absorbed so much working the stage and the more importantly the couch.  It was on the couch I learned the art of the seduction, sex is about an exchange of emotional connections and I can create one hell of an emotional connection with the man I let play in my vagina.  

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    • By RRTpilot6969
      My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
       
      I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
       
      I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
       
      She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
       
      My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
       
      But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
       
      It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
       
      Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse.
       
      With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
       
      I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.
    • By bellissima
      We met with a couple at a club that we had been chatting with and we clicked and decided to play. When it came down to the protection part, I guess we hadn't chatted about it before then, but we found out that they normally don't use it. Of course they agreed to with us. No protection is a deal breaker for us. What I'm now wondering is if you wouldn't play with someone who doesn't use protection all the time?
    • By km34
      Last Thursday I went to a local club. I'd been there before with my husband, but this time I went with, well, I honestly don't know what to call him. Friend-ish person is usually how I refer to him.
       
      So, Friend-ish and I go to the club. It's a great night to be there, enough people to make it fun without it being crazy crowded. Very nice. We're hanging out in the hot tub (one of the main reasons we decided to go) and a bunch of people assume we're "together" until I start talking about hubby or he starts talking about his live-in partner or my boyfriend comes up in conversation. Then we get the look. The confused, "I'm not entirely sure what's going on here" look. So we explain we're poly, that we are somewhere in between being friends and being in a relationship, touch briefly on how our relationships work, and say life is great. One of two things seemed to happen. Either people were very much okay with this concept and it made perfect sense OR they were completely confused/not feeling it and felt the need to wander away. Almost immediately.
       
      Where I live, poly is VERY common. Open relationships in general are practically considered "normal" (at least in my age bracket, 20s-30s). Because of this, I wasn't expecting much discomfort/confusion when poly came up. HOWEVER, I still felt uncomfortable just bringing it up out of nowhere! Part of me felt like it wasn't pertinent (I mean, really - I wasn't even there to play so why do people need to know?) but another part of me thinks that this is part of who I am and I should LEARN to be comfortable talking about it, regardless of my intent when conversing with people.
       
      I guess I just wanted to ramble on about this for a while, and ask a very simple question.
       
      Is it pertinent? When you're talking to someone at a swing club (or party or whatever), would you want/need to know if they are with their ONLY partner or just one of a few? If yes, why is that information important? Do other poly folks make it clear when they are meeting potential playmates?
    • By DuncanDoughnut
      I thought this would be an interesting poll. I didn't see where it was asked before and I was just curious. So, the question is, how many different couples/singles have you had sex with?
    • By OhioCouple
      Virginity....I know for me I sort of have to scratch my head and try to remember what virginity was....
       
      Where did you lose your virginity? (no need to mention age here)
       
      I lost mine in the back seat of a '66 Rambler Classic to my boyfriend at the time, soon to become the father of my children.
       
      We parked that baby (and she was a beauty) on a back dusty road right above a dirt covered mound, beneath the stars, no trees, no brush, no grass. It was really cold outstide so we left the motor running in order to have heat. We were one with the earth in the middle of nowhere.....so we thought...
       
      Right in the middle of when things were getting really heated, and I mean REALLY heated, there was a rap on the car window (shoulda been a sign right then and there). The county Sheriff was tapping with his flashlight on our rear window. He had been called out to investigate the noise on top of the complaintants home. We were atop the first underground home built in our area!
       
      Back then they didn't arrest you for these kind of things, they just insured you left the area. And leave we did! We found another spot a county over in a state park and there I lost it.
       
      Geesh what fond memories I have of that night....of the Rambler that is...
       
      So where did you lose yours?
       
      Lori
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