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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Taking a Break....

    I know alot of swingers take breaks from the lifestyle, especially in the beginning. My question is, to what extent are your breaks. Do you just agree not to play with anyone? Or do you not meet anyone? Or do you completely get away from all aspects of the lifestyle including viewing the websites and discussing things with your spouse? Just curious....

    Mr. luv2play

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    I think that would be entirely up to you and what you are comfortable with. We have a friend who took a break while she was pregnant. The didn't play at all but still socialized at the club occasionally.

    We also have friends that took a break and stopped everything while they were going through a traumatic experience. It is over and they are back into the lifestyle.

    Again, it is completely up to you and what your needs are as a couple.
    Mrs. Indy

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    I agree with Indy, a lot would depend on your reason for taking the break. Everyone who does so has their own reasons and whatever those reasons are would probably determine exactly what a break means to them.

    Prior to our final split, my ex and I did take a break from swinging as part of our efforts to work things out. What that meant for us was not meeting anyone new and not playing with the friends we had. We still saw our friends on a friendly basis (since most of our playmates were also people we had developed good friendships with), but there was no sex involved.

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We take breaks because our schedule doesn't let us play. That's a pretty simple reason for us. If it was for the schedule.... :rollseyes
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    There are breaks and there are BREAKS.

    We took a BREAK for a baby, full year + off.

    We are going to be taking a break, I think, for a month or two. Part of it is time, we have a lot of vanilla stuff to do between now and new years, and part is that we have been VERY active the last few weeks and don't want to burn out.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We have taken several breaks ... to address issues (unrelated to swinging) that might crop up, to deal with family things, to regroup and reconnect.

    When I take a break, I take a break from it ALL (friends in the lifestyle, emails, messaging, chatting, websites, clubs).

    Hubby still peruses the websites and might email if we receive one that needs a response.
    Life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

  7. Back To Top | #7
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
    SLS Handle

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We are very careful about taking breaks anymore...

    We took one and had more swinging sex than we had before taking one - so we decided to get back in... And things dried up like Summer in the Sahara...

    For us, so far, we have just taken times of not chasing - not going to the clubs, contacting people on-line, etc. Hasn't work very well for us

    Or has it...

    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    Our break does have to do with issues. We have never been very active in the lifestyle. We've only played with 3 couples in a year and a half. We haven't played at all in months. I figured that was a break but when my wife and I tried discussing things, she said "I thought we were on a break. We still talk about stuff and you are still looking at the sites". Thats why I asked. She said she doesn't mind that I view the sites but if I bring up an email that someone sent us or something, i get the brush-off. It's like, what's the point anymore to look? No pleasure seeing someone or receiving a good email and not being able to share. Thats part of the fun.

    Mr. luv2play

  9. Back To Top | #9
    Chimpin' Ain't Easy Spoomonkey's Avatar
    Married Monkeys - will you be our vine?
    SLS Handle

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    Quote Originally Posted by luv2play1021
    She said she doesn't mind that I view the sites but if I bring up an email that someone sent us or something, i get the brush-off.

    So - she is on a break and you are just in a bit of a slump?

    The easy thing is - no one needs to tell you two to take a step back

    Is she interested in playing? Why did she assume you guys were on a break? What does she mean when she says "break"? Is she talking a permenant vacation?

    Also - what was the cause of your slow down?

    "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    Our break has to do with health issues. I've had my share and J's been in a cast on and off for most of the summer. Hell, we can hardly get together ourselves, let alone swing. We hope to be back playing soon though.

    Getting older sucks.

    "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We have taken several breaks for different reasons. Sometimes it is a total break. We don't go to the club, we don't read websites, stuff like that. The longest break we have taken was for about 2 months.

    And then there are breaks like we are doing now. I have been in a bit of a slump, lifestyle wise and vanilla wise. So we have decided to take a break from playing. We still go to the club, but we go just to dance, play pool and hang out with friends. I am not sure how long this break will last.

    I wonder why she has called a break? Have you asked her if she has a problem with anything? She might be trying to work something out in her mind and just not ready to talk about it. Maybe she feels like you are pushing her just by the fact you are still looking at sites. I hope you figure it out.
    Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death! - Mame

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We are currently taking a break - but that is because we are just trying to live our lives - we barely have time for each other and I have some medical stuff that I am dealing with that is leaving me feeling very unsexy LOL. We still read the board here and check out profiles, even chat with some of the friends that we have made in swingerland. Sometimes you have to do what is good for you and your relationship. We have decided not to put a time limit on the break - but we also know its not a permanent vacation. We would be open to meeting a couple for dinner or drinks and be up front about taking a break - we have even put it in our profile on SLS and people have been real understanding. I truly thing that you and your wife need to talk and get the issues out on the table, and discuss your individual reasons for the break and to see if she is thinking of taking a permanent vacation. Remember communication is the #1 rule here. Hope things work out well for you.

    "Swinging is the women's amusement park, and men are just along for the thrill ride." ~ James

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We took a break once when my husband had some issues with the lifestyle we had to resolve. In our case I continued to see friends socially but we just didn't play with anyone. Then when we got things worked out and we were on the same page with what we wanted we returned to swinging with a fresh perspective and a healthy respect for each other's point of view.

    I think a break can be a great thing, especially when things are getting stale, or tense ..what have you. It gives you a chance to focus on each other for a while and put all your attention on the person who matters most.

    I think continuing to socialize with my friends made it easier for that transition back into the lifestyle becuase I was still in touch wtih everyone and knew what was going on.
    "Well! Evil to some is always good to others." - Jane Austen

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We've had a couple bad experiences in our limited swinging life. That has caused my wife to really lose any excitement she had. We've had alot of heated arguments about the lifestyle. During one we decided to just take a break. Back in September, I put a notice on our main swing site profile that we were taking a break. I continued to go on the site and just look and we still got a few emails about people wanting to meet us. I brought up these emails to my wife, especially if they looked good, but pretty much got an "I don't care" attitude. So i would just proceed to write them back and tell them we're on a break. During another heated discussion after I brought up a couple that wrote us, she said "I thought we were on a break, yet you still look at that stuff and talk about it". Now the reason I brought up things from the lifestyle is to kind of keep it close. I know my wife very well and I knew if I just let everything go completely, it would never be brought up by her again. I guess I was so afraid of that that I kept bringing it up. I never tried to get her to meet anyone or actively did any searches for anyone. I just liked talking about it. I've come to my senses now and decided to drop the whole thing. I am deleting our profiles off the sites so there is no temptation to talk about things. I love my wife very much and I know she is not very happy right now persuing the lifestyle and with the reactions I get from her, it isn't any fun for me either. I do believe this break will be permanent.

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    Now that November is here our "Swinging Season" is over until spring. It is time to hang out with vanilla friends and family, put on a few pounds, and enjoy the holidays. Over the past few years we have fallen into a pattern where we renew our ads and update our photos and start looking to meet people around mid-March. By Memorial Day we are fully into the lifestyle, going to nude resorts and/or swing clubs at least twice a month, and hooking up. The All Star Break is usually from just after Labor Day until my birthday weekend at the end of October. Our final blow out is a Halloween party or Fantasy Fest (canceled this year thanks to Wilma). Then it is time for another break to rest, relax, and reconnect. Swinging, like anything else worthwhile, takes effort and it is nice to take a break and not worry about stuff like shaving every 2-3 days or when my next period is going to happen.

    Our breaks are pretty clean in that we don't go to web sites (except this one), we don't go to clubs or resorts, and we make no overt efforts to hookup or meet someone.
    Multiple orgasms are proof that God is a woman.

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    Well, I have been at that 'delete/wip all' situation myself. Which is tough on anyone when your partner is finished with the whole thing, but you still want to play (as I read this situation here).

    I took the high road like most of you out there would do and just... well... uh........ pouted.... lol. Well I tried not to pout... but I am sure I did for a while. What kept running through my mind was how vanilla our activities were without swinging. I would look at a companionable night with my wife and think how much more fun the club would be while we were watching some mindless movie. Although, this attitude existed more in the beginning of the "I want out" moment and not so much as time wore on. I truly love my wife and there wasn't even a choice between swinging and her, but I did fall prey to daydreaming and wishful thinking for a while.

    Time wore on and eventually it re-worked itself into our fantasies and then my wife started really missing it herself. We discussed it all and re-entered. We have taken breaks for the most part because we need the breather and to reassure each other. They do almost naturally fall over fall and Christmas season, without meaning for them to... just what occurs.

    Luv2play, for my wife, I just believed she needed to know that 'WE' exist without swinging. Sometimes it looks to be too difficult and painful (guilt) for the payoff, but then something changes and you look at it as not so difficult. You get caught up in swinging in the beginning and fall into the trap of talking, thinking, and doing swinging all the time. After a while it can build up and make one or the other partner feel lost on a runaway train.

    If she is not interested in any compromise activities, my advice would be to do what I eventually did. Take down the profiles, cut off the modem, unplug the computer, close down your chat program, stop reading this board, clean up your thoughts, find a substitute hobby, and turn your attention on this wondrous creature that loves you. Fall in love and lust all over again WITHOUT swinging. Stop listening to that little 'two year old' who lost his new toy and concentrate on what makes you two soulmates. I have no doubts that the original temptation of swinging will resurface for you both. If it does or doesn't, you are doing what God has intended for you.... to love this lady.

    Good Luck, Soulmates
    Did I mention I could have sex for 8 hours? What I forget to mention is that it usually involves 4 hours of begging and then dinner and movie.

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    Such great advice and information on this site. Thanks. really sound exactly like us. My wife said it look like I wrote your Thanks for the insite. I already started doing the same things you did. I deleted all our profile info and stuff now. We sound like the same person. I am glad that thinks seem to be working out for you...


  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Taking a Break....

    We took a break last year while I was deployed. We did it for several reasons, one of which is we agreed in the beginning of our adventures that we would only play together. Even though I told her I was comfortable with her going to get togethers and playing with friends we already knew, she chose not to (she said that was because she didn't want to be having fun if something bad happened to me).
    We resumed participating in the Lifestyle a few months after I returned, but once again we are taking a break. This time, though, it is not a break from the Lifestyle, but rather a break from the websites and meeting new couples. We still meet with our existing friends, and even meet new ones at the clubs. The websites just became too time consumning, and we have been overwhelmed by contacts (I think it was the very lovely picture of her we had posted)

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