One final thought, I know I have edited the post like 10 times so I'll put this thought by itself.
You need to seriously consider that swinging may not be right for you two. You are both liking something about it but it will destroy your marriage if you can't figure how to make it work for you.
My final thought:
Debriefings ... that's where we sit and talk about the experience. What we liked, didn't like and this is not a time for judgement or ridicule. This is where you solidify the experience in a positive way. Color coating is fine to a degree but don't lie. You should expect that with swinging you are going to come across partners that do some things better than you and you need to accept it with a smile, learn from it, have fun getting better at it yourselves
If you continue to live under the premise that the sex isn't going to be better at times then you are both fooling yourselves. Some men are going to be bigger, thicker, longer, have more hair, have less hair, kiss better etc. Some women are going to be prettier, thinner, bigger boobs, better at oral, like to swallow, like anal (whatever floats your boat).
Swinging is an opportunity to keep what you love and cherish with excellent benefits from others.