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  1. Back To Top | #51
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
    Status
    He writes, she corrects spelling.
    SLS Handle
    DigginIt

    Default Re: Telling my wife and the other husband to stop...Was I wrong?

    One final thought, I know I have edited the post like 10 times so I'll put this thought by itself.

    You need to seriously consider that swinging may not be right for you two. You are both liking something about it but it will destroy your marriage if you can't figure how to make it work for you.

    My final thought:

    Debriefings ... that's where we sit and talk about the experience. What we liked, didn't like and this is not a time for judgement or ridicule. This is where you solidify the experience in a positive way. Color coating is fine to a degree but don't lie. You should expect that with swinging you are going to come across partners that do some things better than you and you need to accept it with a smile, learn from it, have fun getting better at it yourselves

    If you continue to live under the premise that the sex isn't going to be better at times then you are both fooling yourselves. Some men are going to be bigger, thicker, longer, have more hair, have less hair, kiss better etc. Some women are going to be prettier, thinner, bigger boobs, better at oral, like to swallow, like anal (whatever floats your boat).

    Swinging is an opportunity to keep what you love and cherish with excellent benefits from others.

  2. Back To Top | #52

    Default Re: Telling my wife and the other husband to stop...Was I wrong?

    DigginIt,

    Thanks for the advice. We have started to figure a lot of the things you said out during our break from the lifestyle. You are right, we have realized that we are not completely honest with each other out of fear of hurting each others feelings.
    We have never been so honest with each other since that experience. I (husband) never really got hurt before, she has numerous times. I now understand fully how she felt and I'm glad I've experienced it. The experience before the one we last wrote about I had a hard time getting hard too. It was not the same because she didn't let completely loose like the most recent one. I was on cialis that night and it did absolutely no good for me. I believe it's because I really don't know what she wants out of the lifestyle. I do know in time I will find out as she discovers what exactly it is that she wants.
    I believe we are both getting closer though.
    Thanks again for your help and we hope you don't mind if we ask you more questions in the future. As a matter of fact if you have anything to say about what we just wrote please feel free to say it. We welcome it!!!

    Thanks,
    anc

  3. Back To Top | #53
    Swingers Board Addict ClosetSwinger's Avatar
    Status
    Wife Half of Married Couple.

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    I am confused. Why is it that you don't want your wife pleasured by another man? That is part of swinging. Do you expect her to lay there and have someone licking her or even having sex with her and pretend or act bored? I don't get that part at all. If you don't want to see another man pleasuring her then DON'T SWING...simple as that.

    You have WAY too many rules....how on earth can either of you relax and enjoy things when you have rules to that extent. Half your rules are things that are NATURAL to do during sex so having to think in your head "oooo I can't do that...oops I can't do that either" would totally RUIN the whole thing for anyone. When you say "no seducing" what does that mean?

    It seems to me that your wife is able to handle seeing you with another woman EVEN THOUGH you ignored her the first THREE TIMES you played with a girl. You on the other hand were totally devastated that your wife dared to enjoy another man. 99% of people would have assumed it was okay as you were kissing and pulling her hair. I would have thought you were really into it.

    Honestly I am shocked after ALLL that went wrong with swinging that you continued. If you WANT TO KEEP SWINGING then you BOTH need to sit down and have a BRUTALLY honest chat about what you are doing. My suggestion is to throw your book of rules out the window. It's too much and too hard to follow all those in the heat of the moment.... I don't really see an issue here with your wife...she seems to handle it fine although she does seem to get angry when you break a rule but then again for a while the rules were rather one sided in your favor so I would probably get pissed if I was following all 800 rules on me and then you broke your ONE rule.

    So in my opinion YOU (the husband) are the problem in this. You have a jealousy issue and you are right THIS IS NORMAL. We too had jealousy issues AT THE START and we both were able to work through them and get past it, now jealousy is a thing of the past for us.

    I think that you need to work on your jealousy issues and if you can't get past them then you need to leave the lifestyle. It's not fair to your wife OR the couples you will play with if you keep trying to force it but continue feeling jealous and doing things to make yourself feel better in the moment. It will make the girl you are with uncomfortable as she will definitely pick up on it AND the guy will likely see it too. This makes for a really awkward experience for all involved.

  4. Back To Top | #54

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    Not much to add here that hasn't already been said, but one thing did stand out for me. Ya'll are approaching this like it's a contest, and you are KEEPING SCORE. He did this, she did that, he DIDN'T do this, she DIDN'T do that.

    This is not a lifestyle in which you are competing, you are complementing each other on a journey of pleasure and (if you're lucky) perhaps even picking up some life-long friends in the process. And, as so many others have said, if you do not genuinely enjoy your spouse getting pleasured by another person, perhaps this isn't the lifestyle for you.

    Regardless, stop keeping score.

  5. Back To Top | #55

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    Quote Originally Posted by ClosetSwinger View Post
    I am confused. Why is it that you don't want your wife pleasured by another man? That is part of swinging. Do you expect her to lay there and have someone licking her or even having sex with her and pretend or act bored? I don't get that part at all. If you don't want to see another man pleasuring her then DON'T SWING...simple as that.

    You have WAY too many rules....how on earth can either of you relax and enjoy things when you have rules to that extent. Half your rules are things that are NATURAL to do during sex so having to think in your head "oooo I can't do that...oops I can't do that either" would totally RUIN the whole thing for anyone. When you say "no seducing" what does that mean?

    It seems to me that your wife is able to handle seeing you with another woman EVEN THOUGH you ignored her the first THREE TIMES you played with a girl. You on the other hand were totally devastated that your wife dared to enjoy another man. 99% of people would have assumed it was okay as you were kissing and pulling her hair. I would have thought you were really into it.

    Honestly I am shocked after ALLL that went wrong with swinging that you continued. If you WANT TO KEEP SWINGING then you BOTH need to sit down and have a BRUTALLY honest chat about what you are doing. My suggestion is to throw your book of rules out the window. It's too much and too hard to follow all those in the heat of the moment.... I don't really see an issue here with your wife...she seems to handle it fine although she does seem to get angry when you break a rule but then again for a while the rules were rather one sided in your favor so I would probably get pissed if I was following all 800 rules on me and then you broke your ONE rule.

    So in my opinion YOU (the husband) are the problem in this. You have a jealousy issue and you are right THIS IS NORMAL. We too had jealousy issues AT THE START and we both were able to work through them and get past it, now jealousy is a thing of the past for us.

    I think that you need to work on your jealousy issues and if you can't get past them then you need to leave the lifestyle. It's not fair to your wife OR the couples you will play with if you keep trying to force it but continue feeling jealous and doing things to make yourself feel better in the moment. It will make the girl you are with uncomfortable as she will definitely pick up on it AND the guy will likely see it too. This makes for a really awkward experience for all involved.
    ClosetSwinger,
    All points you gave are dead on. We appreciate your brutal honesty. We have come to realize all this and have been in the recovery phase ever since we wrote the initial post. Since then we have been more and more honest with each other and it has only helped us! We have been on a break since then and don't know how long it will last. We have a lot of complaints about each other that we both have had pent up for a very long time. Jealousy is, without a doubt, a major issue on my part! She is very jealous too although she's been working on hers ever since I lifted the rules. I'm about a year behind her on this.
    We have a lot to work on and we both have taken into consideration that swinging may not be for us. We do however both think it is as we both are who we are...crazy sex freaks. Lots of work to do....

    Thanks again to you and everyone that has responded to our initial post. All points have been read and discussed between us and it's helping!!! More advice is welcomed!

    anc

  6. Back To Top | #56
    Swingers Board Addict ClosetSwinger's Avatar
    Status
    Wife Half of Married Couple.

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    I had one more question, I didn't understand this particular rule:

    "We agreed on no rules except that if one guy cums the appropriate wife had to finish the other man off."

    So say one man cum's, say the other two are hot and heavy and the woman has NOT cum yet. In THIS situation the other woman would have to stop what she is doing immediately..get off of him....and let the MAN'S WIFE finish him? Her husband has already cum so the other woman is left frustrated....that really sucks for her!?

    I don't quite get why this is a rule though, it does not make sense to me. I've looked at it from several angles and I can't see it as a jealousy thing either...? CAn you explain it?

  7. Back To Top | #57
    Swingers Board Addict DigginIt's Avatar
    Status
    He writes, she corrects spelling.
    SLS Handle
    DigginIt

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    Quote Originally Posted by ClosetSwinger View Post
    I had one more question, I didn't understand this particular rule:

    "We agreed on no rules except that if one guy cums the appropriate wife had to finish the other man off."
    I think, if I understood this rule correctly it's basically a "tit for tat" type of rule and only directed towards the guys. If anc's wife was screwing the other guy and she took it to the point of the guy getting off with her then anc's wife should expect that her husband isn't going to stop until he gets off from the other wife.

  8. Back To Top | #58

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    Quote Originally Posted by DigginIt View Post
    I think, if I understood this rule correctly it's basically a "tit for tat" type of rule and only directed towards the guys. If anc's wife was screwing the other guy and she took it to the point of the guy getting off with her then anc's wife should expect that her husband isn't going to stop until he gets off from the other wife.
    Yeah, but I still see it as a ridiculously convoluted rule. If there's problems about with whom someone cums, after swinging as many times as this couple has, there's other deeper problems I think.

  9. Back To Top | #59
    Swingers Board Addict ClosetSwinger's Avatar
    Status
    Wife Half of Married Couple.

    Default Re: Real issue...we want patient and honest help please.

    I took it as the opposite of that. Either way I might be stupid but I still don't quite get it lol! oh well!

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