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How do I tell my husband I want us to be with other people sexually?

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I have not said anything to my husband about me wanting him and I to be with a woman. Or a couple. I know the thought of a man touching me will kill him. But I want to see him with another woman. He has no idea I even think about this. But the way he makes me feel I want to watch another woman feel that feeling. I am sure he would not tell me no. I don't know how to approach him with this.

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First, welcome. You've come to the right place for advice and information. Second, just tell him. Sometimes it's easier to introduce the idea of a threesome during sex play and sometimes it's better to do so while you're sitting in the kitchen. Only you know what would work best for your relationship.

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I am sure he would not tell me no. I dont know how to approach him with this

 

This makes it even harder, doesn't it? I think I know what you're saying. You need to let him know that you're having fantasies about expanding your sexlives but maybe not exactly what you've thought. Ask him if he has fantasies too. And, if he just wants to know yours, well, tell him you will after her tells you one of his. Stay as tame as he is at first but I think just getting the sugject on fantasies will make it easier for you to bring him into your manner of thinking. And he might just surprise you!

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I think it's best to start with, "have you ever heard or swinging or the lifestyle?" Rather than saying, "I want to do this." that way it plants a seed, but is non-threatening to your relationship.

 

If you feel like you need to tell him you've been fantasizing about it you could say that you had a strange dream and relate a fantasy that way. See how he responds.

 

He may surprise you, I know that my interest in swinging really surprised my husband when he brought it up.

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Welcome to the forum! What about showing him this website? "Honey, I tripped over this forum and have found it most interesting." That might open the conversation in a non-threatening way and let you gauge his interest without coming right out with it. Do let us know how things work out...

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Welcome to the forums. Awesome people here to give awesome advice. How long have y'all been married? Have either of you ever had a threesome, or you play with another girl? Those are potential icebreakers on the subject of swinging.

 

Only you know your husband and his attitude about sex, right, wrong, and morals. I'm not implying that swinging is immoral, just that some people believe it to be. I guess a better way to put it is his openness to live and let live.

 

Nurse first discussed a threesome she had in a previous relationship many years ago. That planted the seed and she let it soak in for a few weeks, then she brought it up again and finally mentioned the lifestyle. Believe me, I was thinking woah, where is this going? But I was also very intrigued and tried not to show my excitement. It was the best thing to ever happen for us besides finding each other.

 

You know your hubby better than anyone. You probably already know how to broach the subject, but you're uncertain of his response. As everyone else said, you'll probably be surprised at how he responds - meaning pleasantly surprised.

 

I wish you luck and look forward to seeing you both posting here. Happy journey! ~Captain

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Welcome and thanks for posting.

 

A lot of great advice above. I think everyone touched on a particular point but I think they missed one key aspect and that is sometimes it's not just the uncertainty of his response that keeps us from bringing up a subject but the uncertainty of how he will feel about you for bringing this up. Will it lower his opinion of you. Will he be excited or disgusted. I will tell you that if you want to swing, you have to have trust and if you can't trust that he will listen to you with an open mind then I will tell you, as a couple, neither of you are ready yet.

 

Now, another point...I'm a guy and I'm not speaking for any other men here but I'm pretty stupid when it comes to subtle hints. I don't get them. You need to hit me over the head with your point if you want to be sure I got it. Don't beat around the bush with this. I'm not telling you to say "hey honey, I want us to fuck other couples, what do you think?" but talk about why you are interested in this. This is the most important point you will have to convey to your husband, do you even know why you are interested in this?

 

Make sure you want to swing for the right reasons. Do some soul searching. Is there a guy you are fantasizing over and you think this would be a good way to 'cheat' without the guilt or do you really, deep down, think this would be a positive thing for your relationship? You have to know that this isn't about you and your desires but this is about the two of you embarking on a journey together into a great new 'unknown' world where the rewards are awesome but the risks are just as consequentially bad. If only one of you has your heart into this or if you are doing it for the wrong reasons, it will rip your relationship apart.

 

I hope to hear more from you. Thanks for sharing and best of luck.

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Now, another point...I'm a guy and I'm not speaking for any other men here but I'm pretty stupid when it comes to subtle hints. I don't get them. You need to hit me over the head with your point if you want to be sure I got it.

 

Haha, I'm also a guy and I agree! Subtle hints are not effective.

 

I would definitely have to agree with the advice that has already been given. Present it to him as a coincidence like a dream or a site you ran into or a pop up on another site... Or say you heard someone call in about it on the radio!

 

I learned the term hotwife on the radio when a caller called to describe her relationship with her husband and I was intrigued and searched more on it and found out about swinging and all kinds of exciting stuff lol! Whichever way you choose to bring it up, good luck! And remember the biggest regrets in life are about what you didn't do rather than what you have done ;)

 

Mr. xXx

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I think it important that you ease him into the notion in a non threatenig way and ease him into your openess . I would suggest either suggesting you go to a strip club together and you notice how attractive the dancers are and open, in a fantasy scenrio what he could do to them or what you could do together Anothe option could be to read him an erotic story about a threesome. My wife and I did not know we wanted a threesome until we started fantasizing and talking about it. It was through fantasies, stories and titillating adventures in strip clubs that we discovered we wanted to make it a reality. He might come to the same conclusion.

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I am a man whose wife popped the question. In a strange coincidence, I had arrived home early. She was watching Oprah. Oprah was interviewing swingers. At the end of the interview, she looked at me and said simply, "would you ever want to do that?" I was a little surprised and I had no quick answer. Neither of us had any real notion what it was really about.

 

She was not sure how I would answer. But she was not afraid to ask. This is owing to the fact that if I had said "no", she would have dropped the idea, moved on to other stuff and lived perfectly happily.

 

Only you will be able to predict how your husband might react.

 

~Michael

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I need a little advice. I posted how do I tell my husband. he will be home for a week. And I am going to spring it on him. A couple is out of the question. I want a woman to join us. how or were do I find someone to join us? I know he will never go for a man doing anything to me. So a swingers club will give him the wrong idea. I don't want an escort, I want a woman who is going to want to join in. I just don't know if I want it to be so planned. Our sex life is perfect and I don't want to do anything that might change it. I just want to watch him with another woman. I want him to enjoy it also. I have never done this and just need a little help. Thank you. I am getting very excited about this and just hope that he jumps in and goes for it.

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Even for people who are experienced and active, arranging a play date on any given week of the year is difficult. I recommend that you learn to walk before you try to fly. I would think that popping the question and handling the other questions that might ensue would be your goal for now. It was almost a year between the time my wife and I started our discussion until we found people who were right for us.

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Even for people who are experienced and active, arranging a play date on any given week of the year is difficult. I recommend that you learn to walk before you try to fly. I would think that popping the question and handling the other questions that might ensue would be your goal for now. It was almost a year between the time my wife and I started our discussion until we found people who were right for us.

 

i am feeling this one. i havent even brought it into play at all. now another question??? what if i wanted to go and experience alone. with a couple. do women go alone to clubs?? there is a big event here where i live on new years.. actually i just found out tonight that my husband is in houston with a prostitute in a hotel room. he works away from home. i am tired of waiting and trying to make our sex life perfect. i want to have some fun myself and a couple would be perfect. i am thinking. i use toys 3 weeks out of the month. i want some people contact. and i admit i wouldnt mind having a nice 3 some. that was open and fun. thank u guys so much, this night is a shocker, which i found out its not the first time. things happen for a reason

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. . . now another question??? what if i wanted to go and experience alone. with a couple. do women go alone to clubs?? . . .
Woah! Fifteen-yard penalty for not revealing all of the essential parts of the story. If you husband is having a whore in a hotel room and this make you feel like going out and being wild, I have a very strong suspicion that this is not the first time you have learned that he is fooling around. Reacting to cheating by cheating is one of those double negatives that does not work.

 

Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Do not go to a swingers' club either by yourself or with your husband or with anybody. Do get your life into some kind of order before you even think about swingers' clubs or bringing up the subject of swing lifestyle with him.

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i am feeling this one. i havent even brought it into play at all. now another question??? what if i wanted to go and experience alone. with a couple. do women go alone to clubs?? there is a big event here where i live on new years.. actually i just found out tonight that my husband is in houston with a prostitute in a hotel room. he works away from home. i am tired of waiting and trying to make our sex life perfect. i want to have some fun myself and a couple would be perfect. i am thinking. i use toys 3 weeks out of the month. i want some people contact. and i admit i wouldnt mind having a nice 3 some. that was open and fun. thank u guys so much, this night is a shocker, which i found out its not the first time. things happen for a reason

 

I don't think you will have a good experience if you are doing this out of spite or to get even. I think you need to sit down with your husband, have a serious talk about where your marriage is going or not going. Get yourselves settled into a workable agreement or split up. Then go out and explore when you are emotionally stable and comfortable with your life, whether that is as a single or a married woman.

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I would not suggest surprising him with another woman. Talk to him first. Tell him about your fantasies, ask him about his. Swinging only works if communication and honesty are there 100%. The way you keep talking it sounds like it's not there yet with the two of you. As far as you going out alone, again this is something you need to talk to him about. Doing it without his knowledge and consent is simply cheating on him. Is that really what you want your relationship to be about? Just be honest, when he comes home spend some time alone together. Tell him how much you've missed him and then tell him some of the fantasies you had while he was away of the two of you reuniting and work the other fantasies into it, tell him you even thought about surprising him with a hot 3some with you and another woman. Get him talking about his fantasies. Be open and honesty.

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