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Swinging with wifey

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I have always had fantasy's about a MFM, FMF with my wife. We have been together now for 30 years. We use to party naked alot when we were younger and she fooled around with some oral with a male friend of ours. That was so hot. It was a lot of fun.We love each other more than anything with a strong marriage. Sex life is awesome but predictable and routine. I want to add some spice to our life. I believe I have no jealous issues with her and that out trust is rock solid. I have shown her this site and she is aware of it. I have asked her several times that I would like to explore swinging. When I ask her she reply's with I'm not interested. Her reason is that she has seen to many shows ( Dr Phil, Oprah) that swinging had destoyed many marriages. Its funny she never watches those stupid show but the time she does that topic has to be on. Can any one explain what it did for your relationship and how these shows turn swinging into something bad. Thanks

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People shouldn't watch TV, it will rot their brains.... :D

 

Seriously though. If you have a strong relationship, the main thing that dabbling in the lifestyle will bring to your relationship is some of the spark from the past. Going to a club for her is the excitement of finding that sexy dress to wear for you. Maybe a negligee for her to change into later. Picking out the right shoes, etc..

 

For me it is dressing to impress so that she will be proud to have me on her arm. Knowing that we can share our love and passion in an unrepressed environment where we can hug, kiss, fondle, or make love and not have to hide anything. We can safely explore our fantasies by taking advantage of the facilities of the club.

 

It is the socializing with equally uninhibited couples, and watching them in their sex dance with each other and others. The sexual tension, and open release of that tension, in a way that does not have the repression of the vanilla world. The freedom of the relaxed atmosphere.

 

If, and I do mean if, you two come across a couple that the two of you find attractive, you can openly and honestly discuss your desires and can feel no shame in it. And if your desires don’t match up, you can feel no offense because the honesty of the situation prevails, and they might just say, “see that couple over there, they like that, would you like for me to introduce you?”

 

It isn’t swinging that breaks up relationships. They do that on their own at times. But holding back your desires and repressing your feelings will harm a relationship. The key is that the two of you need to talk, and talk honestly. You need to tell her why you are interested and what you are interested in. And she needs to be honest with you. “I’m not interested because of Oprah” is not an honest answer. What are her true concerns.

 

Even if that discussion does not lead the two of you to swinging, or even playing around with it, the discussion will be good for your relationship and your love for each other.

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Number one, Dr. Phil is a hypocrite who is full of shit; I have been told by someone in Dallas that everyone knows about his pretty little mistress. I wonder what Robin thinks about that, they should try a FMF and then maybe they'd have some fun. I have learned to find things out yourself vs. listening to a show that depends on ratings. I will not tell you what to do either way. Swinging for us is about fun. We go out, we have fun. For us in truth its more about partying and having fun vs. sex; however, we all have our own niche so to speak. You cannot talk your wife into swinging. You cannot be convinced to do such a thing as this. However, I can tell your wife that swinging will NOT destroy a marriage. A couple with issues that tries to use the lifestyle as a fix it patch destroys their marriage. Couples destroy their marriage, there is nothing that swinging can do that is more destructive than couples themselves can be. I have a friend that thinks calling her husband stupid in front of other people is funny and cute; on the road to divorce. My suggestion to the wife: see for yourself. Go to the club and see what you think. Then make a decision within your own mind. Who gives a shit what Dr. Phil thinks, what do YOU think? Thats what counts.

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Have her visit this site. Give her time. Pushing her is the worst thing you can do. If she is at all open to it, this site just may convince her that the good Dr and Oprah are sensationalist idiots. You won't find better info on swinging than here. Even if she still does not want to swing, just talking about it can do wonders for your sex life.

 

Good luck to you.

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Actually the last show I saw on Oprah about swining was pretty well done and fairly positive. The thing you have to keep in mind about those shows is that they are in a ratings game and healthy happy couples enjoying life are not going to make good ratings. What captures the ratings are disfunctional trailor trash fighting about their personal problems on national tv. Yes some of them may have used the term swinging loosely in connection with the show but they were not real swingers or at all representative of the greater swinging community. In other words those shows are not real, it is entertainment. It is like saying you do not approve of your school age son trying out for the wrestling team because you do not like what you see on professional "rasling." They are two different things.

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People shouldn't watch TV, it will rot their brains.... :D

 

Especially when it comes to Oprah or DR Phil,taking real life advice from these tv star's is a bad thing,life isnt like what people see on tv.

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First of all, Dr. Phil is on the right track about many things...just not sex. I admit this begrudgingly. Oprah's show was actually pretty fair, but the mainstream world is the majority and their disapproval really showed. THIS is what she's seeing. The media is not a reliable source of dependable information about swinging and its effects. Second-hand stories - ours included - are only somewhat better. As long as you take what you read with a grain of salt. The ones for whom swinging worked will give you glowing accounts of wonderful experiences. Like about 99% of what you'll read here. Then go to any other website and read about swinging experiences, and most of them will be horror stories filled with tears and pain. What these folks don't mention is that the pain involved was either self-inflicted or the result of poor relationship health (lack of trust, lack of honesty, lack of integrity, lack of respect, lack of clear communication, etc.).

 

One thing I've said numerous times that I stand by: Swinging doesn't ruin relationships; people do.

 

I started out VERY vanilla and was opposed to swinging at the start. Luckily Mr. intuition is a patient and understanding man and allowed me to figure things out at my own pace. I started to realize that the insane jealousy I was feeling, as well as the feelings of abandonment and rejection (Mr. intuition "giving me away" to strangers) were not real but figments of my insecure imagination. Mr. intuition intended no such thing. he wasn't asking something of me; he was giving me something. Namely, the freedom to be exactly who I was, unconditionally.

 

For us, it gave us the opportunity to face our personal demons and improve our intimacy and relationship. Will it do the same for the two of you? I can't answer that. That's something you will need to explore between the two of you. It's the search for answers together that brings you closer. Your chances of success will greatly improve if you are a couple who makes a point of pro-actively dealing with problems before they arise or grow bigger, rather than either waiting for them to fall into your lap or avoiding them altogether.

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One thing I've said numerous times that I stand by: Swinging doesn't ruin relationships; people do.

 

well said intuition, and from my experience I'll stand by that also 100%.

 

:rolleyes: I wonder if Dr.Phil has ever checked out the swingersboard for insight about the subject. or Oprah for that matter.

 

:rolleyes: maybe they have. and are in fact some of the unregistered posters :lol:

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Our experience has been that swinging has enhanced our communications at all levels, with regard to all topics. We have also learned that sexual interest in someone other than our partner is not a threat in any way. We believe that swinging defuses sexuality as a cause of problems.

 

Too often members of a relationship find cause to stray, due to unmet needs or simply due to a healthy sexuality. Swinging ends all of that, since sexual expression becomes so open and honest and varied.

 

I think she would be very surprised to learn the actual effects of swinging.

 

As an aside, Dr. Phil is a revenue generating machine and that issue drives his motives and behaviors; he is no one I would turn to for guidance in my life. The same is true for Oprah and any other talk show.

 

Personal growth is a good thing. Reading books on various topics, with an open mind, is a far better source.

 

She has fears. Hold her hand as she stands next to them and discovers that they are baseless.

 

Good luck. You have much enjoyable growth that the two of you will share.

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I have shown her this site and she is aware of it. I have asked her several times that I would like to explore swinging. When I ask her she reply's with I'm not interested. Her reason is that she has seen to many shows ( Dr Phil, Oprah) that swinging had destroyed many marriages. Its funny she never watches those stupid show but the time she does that topic has to be on.

 

It's good that your wife can see the Swingersboard and view shows like Dr.Phil...while being open minded about the swinging lifestyle. there are many ways to see things from different angles. no one is wright about everything.(Swinging is a Very,Very big choice to some.)maybe its not for everyone. but those that do pursue the lifestyle should consider many possibilities first, and then make their choice.

 

 

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Can any one explain what it did for your relationship and how these shows turn swinging into something bad. Thanks

 

it seems these shows only turn people away from the lifestyle that have never been in the lifestyle. as swingers, we see the things that we can testify to, that doesn't apply to us. we have been there. the shows that are against swinging cant or probably wont, change our lifestyle or our feelings about it..

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I agree. I think though that seeing is believing. I know alot of vanilla people think that swingers are raging nymphomaniacs (well, the nympho part may fit well lol) who have no control over their carnal lusts and are just out to boink with whatever is breathing. Jay was very nervous when we started out. I really think that a club atmosphere would really calm her nerves; it allows her to relax in the atmosphere and start to see that we are really educated couples who are usually parents and girl scout moms and soccer dads...real people who happen to enjoy this on the weekends usually. Thats when she will start to relax and see that its about fun at her own pace and comfort levels.

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prettylady said:
Quick slammin on my boy Phil.

He knows everything about everyone, just ask him :rolleyes:

 

:lol:

 

fun4Ds said:

i wonder if Dr.Phil has ever checked out the swingersboard for insight about the subject. or Oprah for that matter.

 

No, because he's afraid he might catch something. :rolleyes:

 

fun4Ds said:
maybe they have. and are in fact some of the unregistered posters.

 

:lol: Probably. Oprah would be unregistered because she'd likely be concerned about being swamped by email or having her IP address hacked, but Philsie...well...I think he's just a closet freak. He strikes me as the type who wears his studded black leather thong with a pink tutu.

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but Philsie...well...I think he's just a closet freak. He strikes me as the type who wears his studded black leather thong with a pink tutu.

 

rotflmao....what a visual....:lol:

 

Maria :kissface:

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I had the same fantasy for years and it became more intense within the last year.

 

We have had two full blown MFM threesomes and we would be having more but the other guy is in a relationship so my wife will not consider having sex with him for the time being. I am very, very particular with whom I would enjoy sharing my wife.

 

Our relationship hasn't changed but we have become more open sexually. We have more fun with it now. She has recently admitted that she wants to have sex with a black man while I watch. She has always had a thing for black guys but now I know it is a possibility. I told her I want to take pictures but she won't let me. Maybe some day we will do it for a night of fun.

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My honey never thought I'd "go for it", but when the idea of swinging was presented to us, I was very interested. My main hesitation had to do with body issues/self conciousness. But I sucked it up and we gave it a go. Since then, those issues are not issues any more and I've discovered A LOT about what I'm capable of. I never thought I could feel so free sexually. And my honey loves seeing that side of me develop. We also talk a lot more openly than we ever did.

 

It's also helped us to appreciate each other more. There are things we can give each other sexually (and in other ways, too) that we can't get from any of our partners.

 

Keep talking and try to get her on this website and/or other sites to gain more info about the lifestyle. That's all you can do. You know what they say about leading a horse to water . . .

 

=)

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