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  1. Back To Top | #26

    Default Re: Wondering where to go from here!

    Quote Originally Posted by sexcupid View Post
    Or they may feel like "well that was fun, but breaking things down to section 8 paragraph 3 line 6 states...just sucks all the fun out of what has been happening"

    Good luck sounds like the communication with your wife is going well!
    That's exactly what I was thinking!

    This much I know, our friends are the aggressors. (And you can group me in with them) My wife is the slowest moving member of the four of us, not that there's any problem going at her pace.

    How do I balance our rules without making them think OMG, is it even worth it. Who wants to be considering 18 rules when you’re suppose to be enjoying yourself?

    Though not set in stone yet as my wife and I have more talking to do this is where I think things will end up. We don't want to swing every time we get together. If everyone is in the mood fine but it's not to be expected by either couple. The women will be free to do what they want together. It's not fair but women rule in this world. If they're both good with it, go for it. The other man is to follow my wife's lead. He's not to be the aggressor. If she goes from blowing him to fucking him it's fine with me. I don't want him to just mount her from behind if she's doing something with me or his wife. It's ok for him to do whatever as long as my wife is calling the shots. Right now, my wife isn't comfortable with me fucking the other women. Our rules may change. We may throw rules out or add rules in once things progress. That’s it... easy and too the point. Then obviously we'd expect to listen to any rules they have.

    This is about my wife and I. I don't feel I should have to break everything down for them (other couple) and I really don't need to hear about how or why the other couple got to where they are. Lets just have fun!

    If it can work (in a drama free way) we'll play. If not, we're still friends.

  2. Back To Top | #27

    Default Re: Wondering where to go from here!

    Well I would encourage you to search here for threads on rules. There are tons of them. Most people start out with tons of them and most end up tossing them out the window after the first few playtimes. However, you've already had those first few times...so I'm curious (or perhaps nosy lol) if anything that happened...particularly in the second event, since there was more interaction between the men and women and not just the ladies putting on a show...that has now been ruled out?

    One more thought on rules...the more of them there are, the more likely they are to be forgotten in the heat of the moment...or if its something that has been in your repertoire (like idk...kissing someone's neck or shoulder while they ride you) and that is now crossed off your list...well there is a greater chance that you will "mess up".

    And yes it is about you and your wife...but it is also about the other couple as well. So while it doesn't have to be a long and involved conversation...it is wise to see what they are interested in happening. I know there are some threads here also about couples where the guy wanted to play...but didn't to start off and all play was focused on the wife...and like 3 or 4 years later he's still sitting on the sidelines because she was still having difficulty wrapping her mind around him having sex with someone else while she had already had sex with a small battalion of someone else's in that time.

    Your wife is the slowest moving one at this time and I am not saying make her do something she doesn't want to do. But it would be wise while you are having these discussions to dig into the reasons she isn't comfortable with you having sex with someone else while she is being given the freedom to do so. Things don't always have to be "fair" or even so to speak...but I think it would be beneficial to find out if her reasons trend along the fear of the unknown and she will be okay with time...or if its more on the end of hell no and why.
    Maria

  3. Back To Top | #28
    Swingers Board Addict Coupleerotic22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wondering where to go from here!

    First, let me say I am guilty of not reading this thread from the beginning, but you last comment about the talk I wanted to address.

    It does not need to be a negotiation. It can just be part of the conversation.

    After some small talk, chit chat, whatever, but when the conversation turns to play or BEFORE things start heating up, just bring up your ground rules.

    For example:

    You: Hey guys, before we get to far down the road, I just wanted to know if what the ground rules are, the boundaries so to speak.

    Them: Well, we are good with just about anything. No animials, though (laughing by all)

    You: Well, WE are new to this and want to ease into it so everyone is comfortable. So we have a couple of things we want to get out there. If that is okay.

    Them: Sure, fire away.

    You: No intercourse, oral is fine, but lets stay away from penetration for now. Maybe another time, maybe not, we just have to feel our way through this.



    It can be as easy and laid back as that, just know what you want to say and work it into the conversation. No need to make a big show of it.

    We have almost always worked out any big issues BEFORE we even have met, but we still go over the ground rules before we play. For example, I might say to the guy "You have enough condoms? I would hate for things to bog down, because we don't play without them, if you needs some more let me know, I have plenty."

    Last note: as you make your rules think about WHY you want those rules. We made a book full before we started playing. It did not take long to get rid of most all of them because we realized we did not need them. SO think about why you want the rules. Try to keep them to a minimum, but enough so you feel comfortable. It is sex, if you have too may rules to remember, you end up thinking about rules and not having fun.

  4. Back To Top | #29

    Default Re: Wondering where to go from here!

    Quote Originally Posted by Coupleerotic22 View Post
    First, let me say I am guilty of not reading this thread from the beginning, but you last comment about the talk I wanted to address.

    It does not need to be a negotiation. It can just be part of the conversation.

    After some small talk, chit chat, whatever, but when the conversation turns to play or BEFORE things start heating up, just bring up your ground rules.

    For example:

    You: Hey guys, before we get to far down the road, I just wanted to know if what the ground rules are, the boundaries so to speak.

    Them: Well, we are good with just about anything. No animials, though (laughing by all)

    You: Well, WE are new to this and want to ease into it so everyone is comfortable. So we have a couple of things we want to get out there. If that is okay.

    Them: Sure, fire away.

    You: No intercourse, oral is fine, but lets stay away from penetration for now. Maybe another time, maybe not, we just have to feel our way through this.



    It can be as easy and laid back as that, just know what you want to say and work it into the conversation. No need to make a big show of it.

    We have almost always worked out any big issues BEFORE we even have met, but we still go over the ground rules before we play. For example, I might say to the guy "You have enough condoms? I would hate for things to bog down, because we don't play without them, if you needs some more let me know, I have plenty."

    Last note: as you make your rules think about WHY you want those rules. We made a book full before we started playing. It did not take long to get rid of most all of them because we realized we did not need them. SO think about why you want the rules. Try to keep them to a minimum, but enough so you feel comfortable. It is sex, if you have too may rules to remember, you end up thinking about rules and not having fun.
    +1

    Just to caveat off of what Coupleerotic wrote: keep the conversation light. After all, the four of you are being intimate with each other on a sexual level, so talking about what happened, what might happen next, and your “rules” shouldn’t be a problem. In our situation it took all of about five minutes to have the conversation with the other couple- and we agreed that we should have had it a lot sooner than we did.

    One possible reason for your wife’s apprehensions is that she might be rationalizing the situation AFTER the experience. Mrs. Will did that- in the heat of the moment she’d be willing to take on a football team and be completely uninhibited while doing so, but after the sex was done she’d rationalize between her “normal” behavior and her “wild side.” This gave her pause when we’d discuss the situation in a non-sexual environment. Like you, I was ready for everything, but I just sat back to let her figure out… almost to the point that I stopped talking about it during sex (she was actually the one who would bring it up nine times out of ten). Then one day, out of the blue (and nearly 10 years after our first threesome), she told me that she wanted to swing- and we had a great conversation about our limits and got involved in the LS together. Again, patience and conversation at HER speed will pay dividends, but don’t be surprised if it takes a long time to get there. Women are a tricky animal when it comes to processing feelings, desires, and emotions.

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