Women, why do you swing?

[sportz 15]

I liked EBF's idea of asking why women began swinging. Ladies, why did you start? Was it your idea or a partner's? Are you glad you did?

[sportz 15]

As for me, my hubby was really sursprised when I brought up the subject and told him about this website and my thoughts. He was really excited and it has added some great fantasies to our sex lives. We've been with only one couple so far, but have contacted others through the swinglifestyles website and plan to continue the quest. We both had multiple partners before getting together. Neither of us is jealous. One of his former girlfriends was very jealous, which caused problems in their relationship. It was hard for him to believe that I was not a jealous person. I'm just happy for him to enjoy himself and be pleasured, however it happens. His love for me and frequent statements about how attractive and desirable I am give me the freedom to allow him to express his admiration of other women, because he lets me know that I am his first choice (hint to other guys! ) As others have said, my two cents.

Ms. Sporties

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I've been mulling this one over...not certain of the answer. Why? Hmmm...I guess I would have to say the reasons I started are much different than the reasons I continue my interest in the lifestyle.

The first experience many, many years ago happened spontaneously with really good friends. And yes, she and I are still friends, tho' many miles separate us and we haven't seen each other in about 10 years. They divorced later, for reasons totally unrelated, and due to those reasons, I have not an iota of respect for him nor any interest in ever seeing him or talking with him again.

The idea lurked in my subconscious for years, and when I did think of it, I thought I was just about as weird as they come. Very negative feelings about myself - not the experience. Yet, my interest in bisexuality had been aroused and laid dormant all those years. Finally, on a whim and more out of curiosity, I started exploring the net...discovered lots of "normal" people were into swinging (and remember, at that point, I didn't even know there was a name for this), and that made me venture further.

After kissing a bunch of frogs, I met a couple that I really clicked with both in the bedroom and out and we became good friends for quite some time. Enjoyed the experience immensely. In the interim, I've been single for a ton of years and have no desire to remarry or even become involved in a relationship. I thoroughly enjoy being single, my independence, and after all these years, would have a difficult time having to incorporate anyone else into my daily existence. Even with my very best friends, such as wrnakedru, there are times when I need and want her to back off. She's very much the same, and that is part of the reason we get along so famously. Sorta like we really understand each other.

Now...after saying all that...it works for me. I can, with the right people, form a close and personal relationship, based on both friendship with shared values, interests, likes and dislikes, as well as the sexual aspects. At the same time, because I'm only a "part-timer" in the relationship, I am left alone to do my own thing, so to speak. I guess you could say that lots of needs are met at the same time in this type of relationship.

I'm far more into the relationship type of thing than the occasional encounters...just my preference. I've had a couple of the more casual things...just enough to know that those types of encounters do nothing for me and leave me cold. Those types work for some but I suspect it is easier for married/involved couples since they have someone to go home with and reaffirm themselves. That is one of the differences in singles and couples. I think.

Am I glad I did? Absolutely! I've had nothing but great experiences, as limited as they are, and I've met some tremendously wonderful friends in the lifestyle. Mainly from this board. And I really enjoy those friendships...some of the most valuable I have.

 

My thoughts......and probably more than you wanted to know...

 

- EBF

 

Edit: why is it that you never see spelling errors until AFTER you hit the submit button?

[yawanna 17]

YEARS ago it was a b/f that suggested it. Our then circle of friends referred to ours as an 'open relationship'. As this 'open relationship' deteriorated, I came to realize that we hadn't established any foundation for or between ourselves, the things like trust, and respect, and communication, to be able to participate. Now mind you, I had no real understanding or knowledge of 'swinging' yet.

 

I got tired of bringing others into our troubled relationship via sexual meetings, and since he didn't want to stop doing that, I left him.

 

As a now single woman, I continued to explore 'swinging' and maintained a few of the friendships that developed with previous play friends, that grew to more and more and more friends, who were swingers. They took me to swinger clubs and dinner parties, and even a nudist resort. It was very much like an introductory program with tour guides

 

I'm glad I did it. That first year was one of the better ones in my life. I felt free to be 'me' and this type of sexuality and lifestyle just made complete sense to me and for me.

 

It was and is an ongoing learning curve as you are exposed to more and different sexualities and activities. But.. there is absolutely no difference to my original opinions about how people need to be and how to conduct themselves to participate fairly and rewardingly.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

I have never been a strictly monogomous type person. I can be to a limited extent but I don't always want to be.

 

As I posted in another thread there were a combination of factors that got me and my ex to discussing the idea of swinging... one of the major ones was a discussion of my past indiscretions (during the time we were dating and while I was dating others) and finding that hearing about my having sex with others was a major turn on to him.... and thus was the fantasy of seeing me with other men. Myself not being the monogomous sort was all for the idea of swinging. However, a major part of my enjoyment of swinging was the knowledge that he enjoyed seeing me with other men ... the ability to see his enjoyment increased my enjoyment.

[Amy and Mike 16]

This is Amy.....Very interesting thread here! I'd love to hear more women tell the stories of how they got involved with swinging. Julie, what is the link to the thread where you told your story more in depth? I'd love to read it and anyone else who's told their story on a previous thread.

 

We've been wondering about the type of people we're likely to meet if we start exploring swinging, and whether they're like us in different ways. As for me, and I think Mike too, I really am a monogamous person. I really like having one person who I'm very close to, who I feel is always there for me, and I know he's coming home to me every night. I don't really have the desire to date other men, so that's not where the idea came from with us.

 

I always thought Mike would have gotten jealous if I ever brought up the fantasy of sex with another anyone else. Then one time I told him about how someone had hit on me and it led to some very sexy conversation. So we started talking about fantasies when we were having sex.... and it's been very hot! It's funny becuase most of my fantasies are about him and another woman while he mostly likes talking aobut me with another man. I don't know why..... So it makes me wonder what others experiences were when first discussing swinging.

[MrYaWanna 15]

Ok, now we've heard from the men as to why they swing. Ladies, why do you swing?

[Tarnished Halo 16]

I find this very curious that there are no responses from the ladies point of view. I am not sure what that means as far as the ladies motovation. Doubt?, unsure of why you are swinging? Perhaps an unimportant question?

T.H.

[windsor4fun2 128]

I suspect the lack of response has a lot to do with it being Easter Sunday and having many family plans. I know we have been busy and not on line.

 

In our case it was my wife that initiated our exploration into swinging. She needed no convincing from me, just the opposite.

 

Jesse

[meowkittyhascla 17]

Looks like I am the first lady to respond. Why do I swing? For the fun, baby! I was the one who initiated the idea of swinging into our life. I had noticed when hubby hit the mid-40 range that he was checking out the honeys. I thought, mmmmmm why not give him some fun and I know I wouldn't mind exploring my own sexuality. I do enjoy watching him with other ladies and I found out that I like joining him in pleasing her. It's all about pleasure.

[tazzie_n_truck 17]

Well for me (Tazzie) I swing because it's fun, and it's my way of exploring my sexuality, but as far as getting the ball rolling, it would have to be equal from both of us about wanting to get started in it.

 

[yawanna 17]

I have been a very sexual woman, since my divorce umpteen years ago As I was single for a very long time, friends and co workers knew something of my being an active dater, and yes... I usually had sex on the first date. Why not? It's not like I had to save that for marriage lol. I also wasn't looking for anything long term so why not have some fun .

 

I was participating in 'swinging' long before I realized that's what I was doing. The first couple I ever met, socially at first, led me into the whole swinger world.

 

I had many wild years then, including other avenues of sexual exploration, including the gay underground and dabbling in BDSM and such. I got very used to a social circle of sexually open and explorative people. It's definitely a comfortable place to be for me. Many of our friends are swingers and while we have slowed down our participation to a few private get togethers and house parties, we have maintained our swinger friendships, too.

 

It's a lovely blend of open minded friends and sexual participation, as we choose. It can be a total and complete lifestyle or a hobby - an occasional dalliance. The choice is mine.

 

That's why

[aklovers 18]

Again, it was my idea!

 

I love having sex, and I wanted to experience a woman. However I love men, so a couple sounded great. He wanted to see me with another woman (BONUS).

We had thought about it for a long time, so it is like a dream come true. That and we love trying new things, so what better than to have new people show you new things?

 

Mrs AK

[yawanna 17]

TH... have the responses answered your questions (doubts...fears...) yet....?

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I would like to hear more......

[OhioCplLooking 15]

I swing because in my first 2 marriages, the sex started out great, then after time became boring.. I realized (finally) that what i missed was that excitment of first time..variety, a little bit naughty. So with my present relationship, while our sex life is amazing, we decided (together) that we would explore other options to keep us fresh. And so far, its working.,.. we have great one-on-one making love together, and wild crazy 3 & 4-way sex as well. Who couldnt go for that?

[Miss_Piggy 98]

It all started when I told Kermit that I dig the ladies. I knew full well that I wanted to stay with him and I also wanted to do a bit of experimenting. Yes I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. If you have a cake, why not eat it? I suppose I stick with it becuse I have a lot of fun at it. And I keep on learning new things.

[Roxysbayou 19]

Originally posted by Miss_Piggy

I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

 

Dito

 

I like men and women, and my bi-sexuality just eventually led up to swinging.

[biblonde 22]

We got into this because of ME!! I wanted to explore a fantasy of being with women. I stay because we both have way to much fun and get to live out every fantasy we both have!! So why do i swing? FUN FUN FUN and lots of hot sex!!! With my hubby and with playmates.

[jcbicouple 24]

Two reasons:

1st is the reason we got into this to begin with and that is to explore bisexuality

2nd is the attention....love it! Both from others and from my husband. I love that I am making him want me and turning him on. It doesn't matter who we're playing with, I know he thinks I'm sexy and that is a wonderful feeling.

[Sadie6969 15]

As with most of the ladies response....I am the one that started it. My husband knew I was bi-sexual before we got married. But when we got married any chances of me being with another woman was over. He thought that if I was with another woman, it was cheating (at least that's what he told me!)

Then, not too long ago I met a couple through another friend. As a side note she told me they were swingers. I never thought anything of it after that. Then we were wondering a porn shop and I saw an instructional video on swinging. I pointed it out to hubby and he snickered. Nothing more was really mentioned. Then a few days later he pulled up an article on swinging, what it's all about, and who's it for and why. We thought that swinging was perfect for us. As Miss Piggy says, it allows me to have my cake and eat it too! I can have sexual experiences with other women....which have led into other men too, and still be with my husband, in a loving, committed relationship. It also REALLY helps our own sex life. After any party, we have the best sex for weeks afterwards.

 

Sadie

[new2swinging200 15]

why do we swing?

Well, I agree with the post above to have your cake and eat it to! We desided to start swinging when, we started getting bored with our sex lives! We were playing around one night while watching a video and desided to play out dp with a vibrator. We both loved it and had the best O that we had ever had. It made me so excited I was ready to go and meet someone at that point! The other reason is that I am very very bisexual and my husband wants to see that happen. We havent gotten to do that yet...but hopefully it wont be long.

We have since only had two gentleman that we tried the dp with and still havent had a dp like that night! We are patient though and willing to try!

so that is our reason.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

I have never been someone who could do monogamy well. I have no problem whatsoever seperating sex and love. I can have sex with someone and enjoy it without emotions getting in the way. Not everyone gets that. Before I actually got into swinging I often cheated on the guys I dated simply because of the way that I was. When I got married it was with the intent that I would only be with him for the rest of my life. As we talked about our pasts more and talked about our fantasies we soon realized that monagomy wasn't going to be an issue or a requirement for us. I'm not married anymore but the ideas of swinging still work for me just in a different way. I'm now dating someone who knows about my swinging interests and while I have chosen to take a break from swinging to focus on this relationship. I still flirt and sometimes tease, it's just the limits that are different.

[Mulder 15]

As I posted above, I think my wife would really enjoy swinging. She was very sexual before we met, and I'm something of a sexual/social stick in the mud. I have shown her this site and am going to suggest that she consider swinging with her college classmates. However, I probably will not participate or watch. That doesn't mean that I won't benefit if her overall satification (not just sexual) with our relationship, and her life improves.

[MrsBliss 18]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

I have no problem whatsoever seperating sex and love. I can have sex with someone and enjoy it without emotions getting in the way.

 

I feel the same way. I would never want to cheat on my husband because I know it would hurt him very very much. Swinging just gives us both the opportunity to enjoy others, to flirt and to have new experiences without feeling guilty.

 

I am more relaxed about a lot of things than he is. For example, I would let him have sex with another woman without me being present. He will not consider the opposite in any way. I am okay with that, I am not out to hurt his feelings and I do not need to have sex with someone else without him being present.

 

We just have different opinions on this subject and we will follow the limits of the most limited party here and maybe we will come across issues where I will have stricter limits.

[TNT 1,155]

Why do I swing? Hmmm...I guess I could say because it’s fun (which it definitely is) and like others have said you get to have your cake and eat it too. But, upon more thought it comes down to freedom.

 

Freedom may be a strange word to describe why I swing, but it’s the truth. I am free to explore any and all aspects of my sexuality without fear of rejection from the one person whose opinion of me, means more to me than anything else in the world. No matter how wild or kinky I want to get I know he is always there accepting me, encouraging me and holding my hand and exploring this new found freedom right along with me.

 

Having found a partner who accepts and encourages you to explore those hidden desires as well as wanting to be there when you do, to me is the greatest testimony of what true love is.

 

Teresa

[Weezie 16]

I orginally didn't want any part in this. I realized somewhere along the way that I got attention from men. This was a very powerful feeling and I felt very sexy....so, here we are!

[ALilOEverything 900]

I think this is a great question. I've seen quite a little of diversity about what makes the woman want to swing. Who initiated the idea? What made you start? Did you think you wouldn't enjoy it and then did?

 

I knew from a young age that I liked the idea of being playful with other people. The idea of only being with one person sexually for the rest of my life didn't appeal to me and I had felt that if all adults were consenting and it was healthy in a relationship then why not. I brought it up to my husband when we first met, just because I wanted/needed to know how open minded he was. He had a lot of the same sentiments I did. We had little episodes of play until we were ready enough to really seek it out a year and a half ago. I was the one to bring it up and he was on board with the idea right away. I enjoyed our first true experience very much and knew I wanted more.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I swing because I want to experience the pleasure of sex with others.

 

It feels great giving myself to someone and receiving from them in return. When you swing, there is surprise, adventure, creativity, everything I like.

 

It has been great for my self-confidence too.

 

LM

[intuition897 2,177]

Great thread! Glad it was bumped up.

 

I think the reasons all merge into one another in a kind of circle. I do it for him and he does it for me...primarily. Maybe that sounds unhealthy, but it really is not. We both LOVE how each is turned on by the other, and especially love that jolt of pleasure at seeing one another at the peak of their sexual selves with other people. He started it. I think Mr. has always been a swinger at heart. I know surprisingly little about his life "before us". I know generalities, and a few quips of detailed memories, but that's it (and I'm fine with that; he just tends to be a very private person, which I can respect). But I get the impression that while he may or may not have maintained the appearance of being 'vanilla', he most definitely did not see the sense of being monogamous simply for its own sake.

 

I on the other hand, grew up a good protestant (Anglican) girl whose mom sat down with her once at the age of 11 to thoroughly explain, once and for all, the ins and outs of sex. Any questions? No? Great! And beyond that, the only other comment she opined was to not do it. Not until you're married. And don't use tampons, either; they'll "ruin" you. So sex wasn't bad, it just wasn't something that we EVER discussed. It was a very (VERY) private thing. Later on in life, after I had had two kids and it was pretty much a sure thing that I've had sex, it seemed more ok to discuss it. During one 'hen party' (lots of tea, or maybe some kind of alcoholized beverage, and conversation amongst the (grown up) women folk of the family) the subject of sex came up. Mom mentioned that she "never understood what all the fuss was about", or what was so great about it. I had to bite my lip to keep from blurting out that maybe she wasn't doing it right. Frankly, after being raised as I was, I really didn't want to know all THAT much about my parents' sex life.

 

Once my life became my own, so did my sex life. These lingering strings of my upbringing pulled occasionally at my new life for quite some time. Certain things were just "wrong" to do. I couldn't tell you why they were wrong, just that they were. Mr. and I spent a lot of time and energy building our relationship up to what it is today. The strings to my past started snapping as we grew. Eventually there came a point where I made the conscious decision to cut them altogether and let us be whatever we are. It was a difficult subconscious decision to make, to let go of what was commonly accepted as truth and honestly seek truth on my own. Compare it to the joys of moving house. Most people find a new house they want to live in, sell their current house conditional on financing for the new one, line up the move dates and rent the moving van well in advance. This was kinda like selling the old house and moving all your stuff onto the curb, then picking up a newspaper to start looking for another place to live without knowing what was out there.

 

We swing because we can. Because there is no reason not to. Perhaps some day we'll become bored with it and there won't be any excitement left in it for us. We won't ride this pony until it's dead; it's always better to leave a party at its peak than hang around until it wilts and fades in the wee hours of the morning. We'll retire from swinging before it retires us, I'm sure. But until then, it's all about breathing deep all that the Good Lord gave us in this life, and that includes sex. Doing anything less feels like a waste to us.

[EvilMJ 65]

Well, i swing because it's fun. I love to flirt, I love having sex...i love men..heck I love women too . My husband has fun, our social life has expoded and as LM said, it improves my self estime.

 

I just like to have a good time!

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Jamie here, I will keep this short & sweet, always been interested in sex and continue to enjoy sex not just with my husband but with others. Yeah maybe I am into voyerism because really enjoy watching my husband having sex too! Like others have said it is FUN too!

[KenRachel 15]

Let's see:

Enjoy being with both men and women

Enjoy a variety of male types

REALLY enjoy 2 guys at once

Would enjoy watching Ken with another woman (or he and another man would be very sexy!).

 

 

Rachel

[NakedInSeattle 158]

I had this horrible fear when we got married that I would have only one man to fuck for the rest of my life. When the subject came up (can't remember which one of us broght it up), I was relieved and thrilled about it. We took to it like a duck to water. Sorry for all the years when I didn't swing. You know, the dating scene and wondering and the anxiety. The variety of sex is great and we enjoy seeing each other with someone. This one couple that we swing with likes different rooms and afterwards we both feel cheated, like we missed something good.

[My77038 15]

I think we both thought about it. But it started with me goign out with some girl friends to a swingers club and my interests were sparked. I then later told him about it and he was turned on. That was about 4 years ago. One night not to long ago we went out for drinks and on the way home we rode by this club we had never seen tucked away behind some other clubs and decided to go and see what it was about(encounters). We found out that it was a swingers club. When we got home we decided that we wanted to go and see if we like it. We are both very flirty. When we go out with friends they always ask us why I let him dance with other women. I just say because it's fun and we are just all dncing right? Really it's because it turns me on. I really love to see him enjoy himself and get attention from other women. My fantasy is to see him with another woman or women. I would also like to experience a woman with him. I love to watch in the state of pleasure. I love to watch him getting his flirt on. He is so confident and cute when he's flirting. It makes me wet to think about it. Is that weird? I would like him to flirt and find a sexy attractive female or couple with bi female and them bring them to me. muaahhhhhhhhaa! I really don't have a big desire to be with another man. But im open and i never say never.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 117]

Spoo brought it up after we had been at a get together with some friends. We had so much fun and even though they are not lifestylers they are very sexual and flirty. So we talked about how we'd love to have more friends like that where we could be ourselves ...... sexual and flirty

 

I was nervous when he first brought it up because I didn't know much about it and was afraid I wouldn't like seeing him with another woman. Well after our first experience all fears went out the window. I love watching him and I love being with another man .... or two.... or three

 

We have great friends that we have fun with and can be ourselves with in all ways.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Vespertine 31]

I have never been a strictly monogomous type person. I can be to a limited extent but I don't always want to be.

Dito

 

A single female approached us, and that's how we started swinging. We like being sexually liberated.

[mfmyeahbaby 19]

m///////

[DBL D 120]

...We like being sexually liberated.

 

Damn you're good!

 

Male D

[Guest letsplay33]

I had always been interest in females and only had one experience before I had gotten married. I was not sure how he would take it when I told him years later that I was intereted in it again. Who was I kidding I knew he would love it so we had a few fmf get togethers. After some time he came to me and asked me if I would like to try couples or mfm. I was very interested but did not know how he was going to react. It has been great. It is a great way to keep our relationship going. It is a way to be with other people and everybody knows who they are going home with.