Five Choices in a Marriage... What do you think?

[LetsParty]

Hi y'all,

Whenever we talk about the Lifestyle with other couples (read: vanillas or newbies), we often start the discussion under the premise that sexual monogamy from the time someone gets married, until they die (read: 50 odd years!) is far from natural.

Hey, for some people, emotional monogamy can work. I think a pairbond works well when it comes to raising kids, chores, getting old, etc.

But, for all intents and purposes, to tell a man, "you are never to touch, kiss, lick, fondle or have sex with another woman FOREVER" is, well, let's just say a little bit unnatural, or in other words, a form of state-imposed control of the masses in the name of God.

Of course, I digress.

Now, we basically tell our friends that they have FIVE choices from which to choose with respect to how they will live the rest of their lives in marital bliss.

We like the five options, because it's easy to illustrate on one hand with each finger.

It goes like this:
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1 - You can be monogamous and just 'grin and bear it' for the next 50 years. If you have desires, there's always porn and a box of Kleenex.

2 - You can be monogamous, but cheat, and do it with your secretary, client, trainer, or someone else.

3 - If you really can't take it, and desire is kicking in too much, you can simply end it and get divorced.

4 - You can try out the lifestyle and have lots of recreational sex with others

5 - You can take it a step further, and have an open marriage. Build a house; raise kids; love and respect each other, but go have sex with others.
=========

These are the five main choices from which most men and women will have to choose. (Of course, there are choices 6, 7, 8, and 9... like going to live on a commune, become polys, etc. etc... but we are just making things simple for your average newlywed from the office...)

We have chosen #4, and we dabble here and there with the odd exception, being #5, too.

Isn't it just so interesting how MOST of the married population chooses #2. So sad. Just so sad. (I think #1 is also pretty sad!) And of course, I have my suspicions that #1 and #2 often lead to #3!

I dunno... but #4 just seems to appealing to us.

When I phrase it this way to vanilla couples, they kinda start to open up a bit.

What do you guys think?

Is there a flaw to this exposé, or does it make some sense, interms of simplifyng and laying out the basic choices married people have?

We always liked it.

You?

[Dryon]

with those choices we went with #5

[louie_st]

Agreed for the most part but what happens when half of the marriage is in 1 and the other half leans towards 4 or 5? lets say that the women is very content in the marraige and can go the 50 years. Then the husband just wants more maybe had the 2 and is looking 4 or 5. 1+2=3, 4-1=3, 5-2=3, this justifies that in a marraige such as this 3 is the answer for the whole thing. Also lets point out that maybe the husband was a freak and boinked everything that moved before the marraige. The wife was a virgin or maybe one other lover and now is lookin for more experience. The 5 choices are good but leave out alot for mixed marraiges in the choice fields.

[janda1]

We each tried #3, three times. So now with #4 things seem to be working out pretty well, even though we're newbies, feeling our way along (pun intended). So far we've been at the MFM level and enjoying it. Good question though.
J&A

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by LetsParty

What do you guys think?

Personally, I think there is such a thing as a strong, healthy, hot monogamous marriage. I think it is very possible that a couple can survive without having to choose any of the options that you've proposed.

Spoomonkey

I would have to say that #4 would be my choice. I have been through #3 and think that the best way for any couple would be #4 or #5. MrVan and I have said many times that we feel that every couple should try out the lifestyle to see if they could do it and if so, to see what it has to offer a couple. There are people out there that would not be able to handle the lifestyle, but if they would look at what it has to offer a relationship in the ways of being able to have sex with others while being happily married. This lifestyle can bring a couple closer than anyone thought possible.

MrsVan

[MrClassic]

In my opinion its socially more acceptable to do #3 than #4 or #5, Right? More than 50% of the marriages end up in divorce but only a very small percent end up in swinging or an open marriage.

[WildMiCouple]

We've been together for 24 yrs with a very passionate sex life from the start. It's only been the last three that we've ventured into the lifestyle as kind of a natural progression. Our desires were not necessarily for others, but to explore our sexuality in a new direction. Had we not, I'm sure we'd have been just as content. So I think you could add a #1a: You can be monogamous and grin and enjoy it for the next 50 years ....as long as you find the right partner

Brett

[gatorvol64]

We are probably very different than a lot of you on this issue. We think that there are couples who are happy in their traditional marriage. We were for a little over twenty years and could be again. So, none of those work for us.

Vol

[Cloud of Love]

My wife and I have been monogamous with each other for 16 years. We are very happy, have great sex, and if we do get into swinging someday it wouldn't be because of boredom but because it would be something we want to explore together. And if we don't get into swinging, that's OK too because we love each other and have great sex "even" after all these years. Our bodies know each other very well and work very well together.

[telly2]

Personally we play in #4, but i could live forever in #1. this is a lifestyle i can live with or without, it will not become a #3 without. That being said, i do enjoy the change once in a while, just a little spice is always nice. We have indured many road blocks in our 12 yrs and not sharing would not kill us.

[LetsParty]

Cool stuff! Thanks for the feedback. I’m glad a lot of you liked the ‘criteria’, and no one really shot it down.

I wasn’t even expecting to put where they are, so that’s really cool!

To all of you who said that option number one is not a valid option, because that hot, steamy, exciting, new-sex, can't-beat-it, chandelier sex continues not just for three months or three years, but for 50 years...

...hey... more power to you guys!

I was waiting for those kinds of answers.

Must be something about the water where I live. I have discussed the Lifestyle and some of my adventures with about seventy-five guy friends over the years, and all 75 (not 74!) pretty much turn green and drool with envy at these stories. (Yeah, life is good! )

Many say to my partner and me, "Can you speak to wife about this lifestyle of yours??!"

I also know (too) many guys having many affairs; goin' to strip-clubs; downloading porn; calling phone sex lines, frequenting escorts, webcaming (and god knows what else), just to catch a glimpse (must less cop a feel or taste) of some new _______. (Fill in the blank with your word of choice.)

One on one, when I talk to my colleagues (at the firm; friends; softball team), I dunno... A lot of them seem to be "stuck" in number one, but I haven't met one guy to date that would be happiEST without the thrill and novelty of exploring; touching; kissing; caressing; licking; tasting; staring; eating or 'doing' another woman.

But hey, it seems like on this board, there is a unique crowd of men that are just absolutely, positively thrilled, and turned on... and want to be with no one else other than to be with their wife.

That's awesome!

Ironic, that it's a swinger's board, though... (We’ll have to analyze that in another thread.)

The guys in my computer, automotive and law forums certainly don't feel that way. They go gaga when someone posts a picture of a naked woman.

So, let's alter it:
==========
1 - You can be monogamous and just 'grin and bear it' for the next 50 years. If you have desires, there's always porn and a box of Kleenex.

2 - You can be monogamous, but cheat, and do it with your secretary, client, trainer, or someone else.

3 - If you really can't take it, and desire is kicking in too much, you can simply end it and get divorced.

4 - You can try out the lifestyle and have lots of recreational sex with others

5 - You can take it a step further, and have an open marriage. Build a house; raise kids; love and respect each other, but go have sex with others.

6 - You can be monogamous and touch, taste, kiss, fondle, look at, and have sex with only ONE person for the next 50 years, which is perfectly fine, because you have no desire, curiosity, craving, or yearing, in reality or fantasy, to experiment with anyone else, of either gender anyhow.
=========

Any other options?

[turnuptheheat]

Originally Posted by LetsParty

6 - You can be monogamous and touch, taste, kiss, fondle, look at, and have sex with only ONE person for the next 50 years, which is perfectly fine, because you have no desire, curiosity, craving, or yearing, in reality or fantasy, to experiment with anyone else, of either gender anyhow.
=========

Any other options?

Yeah, how about, "You can be monogamous and touch, taste, kiss, fondle, look at, and have sex with only ONE person for the next 50 years, while sharing fantasy, exploration, deep meaningful experiences, while growing closer every day. You don't need to have sex with others, but maybe you will experience that too someday as part of your shared journey."

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by WildMiCouple

We've been together for 24 yrs with a very passionate sex life from the start. It's only been the last three that we've ventured into the lifestyle as kind of a natural progression. Our desires were not necessarily for others, but to explore our sexuality in a new direction. Had we not, I'm sure we'd have been just as content. So I think you could add a #1a: You can be monogamous and grin and enjoy it for the next 50 years ....as long as you find the right partner

Brett

You have described Mr. LFM and I perfectly... right down to the numbers. We started swinging in our 21st year and even though we were very content with our sex life before, it wouldn't have mattered if we explored or not, we'd be a #1. We sure aren't sorry that the lifestyle called us, it's only made things better!

[Cloud of Love]

Originally Posted by turnuptheheat

Yeah, how about, "You can be monogamous and touch, taste, kiss, fondle, look at, and have sex with only ONE person for the next 50 years, while sharing fantasy, exploration, deep meaningful experiences, while growing closer every day. You don't need to have sex with others, but maybe you will experience that too someday as part of your shared journey."

This describes PERFECTLY the relationship that my wife and I have. If we swing in the future, great. We'll do it together. If we don't, that's great too. Certainly what we have now is far from boring.