Is this a typical motive for swinging?

[Mr. Truelove]

History: Someone I know once confided in me that she was not as physically attracted to her husband as she was when they first got married. She still loves the guy, but the sex life is either non-existant, or not frequent. As in...his birthday and Christmas. He gained quite a bit of weight and let himself go while she even after having kids really put effort into getting back into shape.

She then told me that swinging sounded like a good deal to her. As long as they were both getting some, she could be happy with that arrangement.

Is this common? Has anyone met couples like this and were the couples successful in doing so?

To me the arrangement seemed bizarre, from a relationship standpoint. It didn't seem to be healthy to me.

Comments? Thoughts?

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

Someone I know once confided in me ...

I guess this is a theoretical question for the sake of your curiosity, and you're not looking for advice on this matter.

I'd say it's a possible, but way uncommon setting.

If I were in front of some of these guys asking for advice about this, I'd advice against the whole idea, because it seems to me to be a recipe for disaster.

Of course, the husband may give it a shit about all the subject, and be happy just being left alone, with his wife fooling around with other people, but this would be an odd "open marriage" that has nothing to do with swinging. And the fact is, it doesn't seem the guy is interested in other women either, but the wife requires her sexual needs to be fulfilled in a way her husband is not up to do, thus looking for this somewhere else. Again, this wouldn't be swinging, not even close to swinging.

I like the tought of swinging as a music amplifier, it enhance the music inmersion sensation, you get those things you like to hear louder, you notice some softened arrangements in a way you wouldn't able to hear if not amplified enough... but you'll also hear the scracthes in the record and the background noises in a very anyoing way. It amplifyes everithing, the good and the bad things.

Should a marriage have issues, should they have hurting attitudes towards each other, these things will be amplified as well and become huge problems and really painfull wounds.

Hence the advice, ensure to solve your marriage issues prior to engaging in swinging, and avoid swinging otherwise.

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

I guess this is a theoretical question for the sake of your curiosity, and you're not looking for advice on this matter.

Yes theoretical.

And partially because as I was browsing some of the personal sites like Swing Lifestyle I noticed that a high number of the ads features overweight men with really attractive women. Which made me think of this person's comment, and I have to wonder if that is what they are after.

[sereneiders]

Mmmmm, yep, it's an interesting coincidence. I see your point.

[Sweet_Candy]

I was going to mention that in our area she would be hard press to find men in good shape. Candy's gripe is that she has a man in shape and it would be taking one for the team if she didn't get to have one in similar shape. In our area if there' not a pic of the guy the first thing we go do is look at weight and if that's ok we go look at sexual orientation, a lot of the times if there's no pic of the guy they are looking for GOG play.

[Spoomonkey]

No - this is not typical. I am sure it is not all together unusual, and we did meet a couple who had entered swinging not because of physical incompatabilities but due to marital issues that made them both want to fuck around. So - it does happen that people get into the lifestyle because having sex with each other just doesn't float the old boat the way it used to.

We have played with couples where the guy finished quickly, leaving Mrs Spoomonkey to sit and watch (or join in a little) me and the other wife. I am in shape and can have sex for quite a long time without getting winded.

There is a real problem in the lifestyle with people that are so out of shape that fucking makes them tired - but what their motivations were for getting into the lifestyle we can only guess. We've often thought it their motivation was to ruin a perfectly good play night for us

Spoomonkey

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

There is a real problem in the lifestyle with people that are so out of shape that fucking makes them tired - but what their motivations were for getting into the lifestyle we can only guess. We've often thought it their motivation was to ruin a perfectly good play night for us

Spoomonkey

After reading that I'll be sure I hit the gym more often. What do you suggest, 30 lbs poop toss? Placing bananas on the front of the treadmill?

Oh, and all good points, thanks.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

Yes theoretical.

And partially because as I was browsing some of the personal sites like Swing Lifestyle I noticed that a high number of the ads features overweight men with really attractive women. Which made me think of this person's comment, and I have to wonder if that is what they are after.

We men get away with being uglier, but looking at Swing Lifestyle there seems to be an equal number of overweight women, at least in our area.

Odds are anyone who's motivation is as such as you described is going to be in for a long ride before they find anyone willing to play. "I'll trade you my fat, boring husband for your hot one" most likely won't have a lot of takers. Likewise any men doing the same type of thing will find the same issue.

From our experience it seems that like tends to attract like in swinging. Occasionally you will find very attractive couples who play with much less attractive ones, but they are not the norm.

So this may be a MOTIVE for some to look into swinging, I doubt its a motive for many successful happy swingers.

[WesternSwing]

Although I'm sure this can be a situation that would lead someone to want to swing, it is by far not the common reason people swing.

I would say the most typical reason is exploring fantasies that you've had together with your spouse. For the majority of swingers, swinging is additional sex not replacement sex. In the case you mention above Mr. Truelove, swinging is being used as replacement sex and usually results in relationship issues down the road.

Mr. WS

[Amanda69]

There are as many motivations for swinging as there are for getting up in the morning but whether or not it will work for them as a couple? Only they as a couple will be able to determine.

Maybe when they start swinging and she sees other women finding her man attractive her own attraction to him might ignite again.

There are many reasons why men are attractive and looks is really way down that list.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

...as I was browsing some of the personal sites like Swing Lifestyle I noticed that a high number of the ads features overweight men with really attractive women.

We were at a club a few weeks ago, and noticed just the opposite. That is, among the numerous single men, only a few "really attractive" ones were getting any action, and that was only with overweight women.

(We've never seen any "really attractive" single women there, but I suspect that if any ever showed up, they'd get their asses kicked before they left the parking lot))

Hmmmm...I wonder why that is?

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

We have played with couples where the guy finished quickly, leaving Mrs Spoomonkey to sit and watch (or join in a little) me and the other wife. I am in shape and can have sex for quite a long time without getting winded.
Spoomonkey

We've had this exact same problem. The first (and most glaring) time it happened, our very first full swap, the man wasn't overweight - though not necessarily in shape and fit, either. He just was done pretty quickly and when he was done, he was DONE. Just tuned out of the sex going on, turned on the TV in the hotel room, sat in a chair and watched TV. I had to join in with my hubby and the other lady, which was great with me and them.....but Mr. Man was NOT a turn-on for me, to say the least! First and last time with them.

My husband is longlasting and always seems to have plenty to go around. I haven't met his match in the lifestyle, yet. The quest goes on. Where is it that you two live?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

We've had this exact same problem. The first (and most glaring) time it happened, our very first full swap, the man wasn't overweight - though not necessarily in shape and fit, either. He just was done pretty quickly and when he was done, he was DONE.

Sorry to laugh - but that sounds so familiar :rollseyes

For Mrs Spoo - the worst was a guy who literally had to stop dancing to keep from going off on the dance floor. I wish I were stretching the truth here, but no such luck.

We made it to the room - got naked and maybe a minute into the blow job he "gave up the ghost".

Not a terrible thing except that not only do I have trouble with the "two minute offense" she was also my first non-smoker in the lifestyle (I enjoy smokers, BTW but after having a year's worth - at the time - a non-smoker was a rare treat... In fact, my favorite ever playmate smokes and is delicious ) and she tasted great - so the oral on our half of the bed went on for about an hour...

That isn't even counting the penetration sex - which went on for a good bit as well...

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Just tuned out of the sex going on, turned on the TV in the hotel room, sat in a chair and watched TV.

Maybe they should put TVs in the rooms at swing clubs

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I had to join in with my hubby and the other lady, which was great with me and them.....My husband is longlasting and always seems to have plenty to go around.

We had a similar experience with a couple and at the one hour point of Mrs Spoo and the other hubby talking - and me and the other wife going at it fairly vigorously (she asked me what I ate ) I grabbed Mrs Spoo and flipped her around and gave her a quick shudder...

Guys like me and Mr Tybee have to take up the slack now and then... Poor us

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Where is it that you two live?

Ohio - but I am a Georgia boy... Well - a Florida boy, really, but I went to high school in Valdosta... Maybe you two could make my next high school reunion worth going to facelick

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Ohio - but I am a Georgia boy... Well - a Florida boy, really, but I went to high school in Valdosta... Maybe you two could make my next high scholl reunion worth going to facelick

Spoomonkey

Come on down to see your old friends and make a couple of new ones! facelick

[NakedInSeattle]

There are many and varied reasons why and when we swing but I feel that the motive stated is certainly not typical but probably does exist. Most couples we know are very much in love and lust with each other and enjoy the play and interplay of swinging as an adjunct to their own sex lives not a substitute.