Have we been Swinging for the 'wrong' reason?

[Chicup]

I have to wonder, if in part, I’ve been swinging for a ‘wrong’ reason.

We started swinging around 2000, and our motivations were to try something new, and it was good. In the next few years Mrs Chicups weight started to creep up, nothing major, but big enough that she wasn’t happy with it and either was I. She was always good looking but was less so while ‘chunky’ she knew it and lost confidence, I knew it and lost some desire. Mind you we still had an active and healthy sex life, it was still ‘good’ but we knew it could be better.

Fast forward a few more years and a baby, and she finally decided to DO something about it (her past diets had been little more than a holding measure, no real loss).

Well come July she was looking better and we started swinging again post baby. Come January and shes looking damn good and pretty close to the generic ‘hot’.

This is where I’m wondering if my swinging was again in part for the wrong reasons. Now that shes the best looking girl in our circle of swingers I find my desire to swing a lot less then it was. It could be that its just a natural ‘lull’ in my desire to swing, and we still have a good time and enjoy ourselves, but I have this feeling that part of my desire in the last few years was to have women I was more attracted to physically with.

Whats odd is I’m not really sure

[EmeraldCoast]

I am 5'4", considered model material in looks and was always very petite and under 100 lbs. A few years ago I was diagnosed with Rheu. Arth. and with the meds I got up to 160 ( I do agree that 160 is not too big but anyone that gains an extra 60 or so lbs in a short period of time tends to worry). So I was bigger and couldn't move as well or get into many positions. Luckily I didn't develop much visual damage.

My hubby and I have totally different ideas of sexy.... he likes thin women and I like meat on my bones So I knew that even though he loves me... it was a turn on at the time to be with someone smaller and that could get into positions other then missonary. I didn't take it personally because frankly... since I like my women curvy I just went on my own and had fun

Even thought we still had sex...Our sex life together slowed down for both reasons... size and ability. After a couple of years I was put on a new treatment and now you can't even tell I have anything wrong with me. Plus I was able to lower my meds and therefor lose a lot of weight. With the combo of the two we now have sex quite often... sometime several times a day ( I even got on top the other day ). We haven't hooked up with anyone else in weeks even though we've had offers.

I don't think that you swing for the wrong reason... I think you swing for the right reason.... your there for the fun, the veriaty and if your attracted then that's great. Now, if you didn't have permission, would rather have someone else over your wife or didn't have sex unless you were swinging then that's a problem.

*KK*

[xxoticangel]

I have noticed that the frequency and quality of our sex life is directly tied to my self image. For years, except while pregnant, I maintained my weight as 100-110 lbs, at 5'1". I considered myself "cheerleader" curvy and liked what I saw. Over the last year I have managed to pack on 30-odd lbs due to lack of exercise and bad diet brought on by a full time job and a full class load in school. I have notice that my desire for sex, especially swinging, is very closely connected to my self image. Right now, at almost 140 lbs I do not feel as comfortable being nude in front of strangers. I don't actively seek partners because I really don't want them to see me naked.

[jedi6942]

My wife is a bit on the "full package" side. I abolutely love it! There are those of us who are attracted more to larger women. I have nothing against the slender frail types; but, my first preference will always be those beautiful ladies with a little extra.

I know where xxoticangel is speaking from and just thought I'd offer another perspective.

(Sorry! I did not mean to highjack the thread.)

[bear_and_babe]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I have to wonder, if in part, I’ve been swinging for a ‘wrong’ reason.

We started swinging around 2000, and our motivations were to try something new, and it was good. In the next few years Mrs Chicups weight started to creep up, nothing major, but big enough that she wasn’t happy with it and either was I. She was always good looking but was less so while ‘chunky’ she knew it and lost confidence, I knew it and lost some desire. Mind you we still had an active and healthy sex life, it was still ‘good’ but we knew it could be better.

Fast forward a few more years and a baby, and she finally decided to DO something about it (her past diets had been little more than a holding measure, no real loss).

Well come July she was looking better and we started swinging again post baby. Come January and shes looking damn good and pretty close to the generic ‘hot’.

This is where I’m wondering if my swinging was again in part for the wrong reasons. Now that shes the best looking girl in our circle of swingers I find my desire to swing a lot less then it was. It could be that its just a natural ‘lull’ in my desire to swing, and we still have a good time and enjoy ourselves, but I have this feeling that part of my desire in the last few years was to have women I was more attracted to physically with.

Whats odd is I’m not really sure

I have read and re-read your post. All I can say is that I am so happy that I will never read a post from my husband like this one. My husband married me for WHO I am and not my looks. Before Bear and I married, I explained to him that I will always be heavy due to a medical condition and if he had a problem with that, then he should move on. He has NEVER said anything about my weight. He sees me busting my butt doing my 3-5 mile a day walks, and not eating enough to keep a normal person alive. I have read some posts by you where you state that fitness and looks are very important to you. That is fine, that is what you like. But maybe your wife needs your support instead of you looking "to have women I was more attracted physically"

Sorry if this sounds harsh, maybe I am reading your post wrong. But it looks like that if your wife adds a few pounds, then you are not attracted to her, and you go looking for someone smaller and better looking. Pretty shallow sounding to me.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by bear_and_babe

I have read and re-read your post. All I can say is that I am so happy that I will never read a post from my husband like this one. My husband married me for WHO I am and not my looks. Before Bear and I married, I explained to him that I will always be heavy due to a medical condition and if he had a problem with that, then he should move on. He has NEVER said anything about my weight. He sees me busting my butt doing my 3-5 mile a day walks, and not eating enough to keep a normal person alive. I have read some posts by you where you state that fitness and looks are very important to you. That is fine, that is what you like. But maybe your wife needs your support instead of you looking "to have women I was more attracted physically"

Sorry if this sounds harsh, maybe I am reading your post wrong. But it looks like that if your wife adds a few pounds, then you are not attracted to her, and you go looking for someone smaller and better looking. Pretty shallow sounding to me.

flamethrow

Actually you sound pretty damn defensive more than you do harsh.

Since my wife doesn't have a medical condition which lets her violate the laws of physics in human metabolism and maintain weight despite lack of intake like yours, she doesn't have an excuse for getting fat anymore than I do.

We BOTH gained some weight in the last few years and we BOTH lost it recently. She gives me shit for my weight and I give her shit for hers, I've just noted that my desire to swing has gone down since she has really gotten in shape.

So while making this observation, you, who are obviously very defensive about your weight decide to come defend my wife who you don't know as if I was some shallow uncaring unloving asshole. Well listen honey you obviously don't know me, and quite frankly I think it must be that special time of the month to try to justify such an attack.

We started swinging before she gained weight (please re-re-read) and I had to wonder if lately my motivations had perhaps changed, and I'm not even sure if thats the cause or not, its not like I was thinking 'hey my wifes a fat ass lets get some hotties!'.

P.S. Weight lifting will help you a lot more than cardio.

[HappyPeople]

Maybe you are thinking too much into it... Sometimes, for no apparent reason at all, one or both of us isn't interested in swinging for a while and then it comes back.

[bear_and_babe]

Originally Posted by Chicup

So while making this observation, you, who are obviously very defensive about your weight decide to come defend my wife who you don't know as if I was some shallow uncaring unloving asshole. Well listen honey you obviously don't know me, and quite frankly I think it must be that special time of the month to try to justify such an attack.

First off, I did say that maybe I was reading your post wrong, I did not mean to flame you. And why is it if a woman has a strong opinion on a topic that a man disagrees with it has to be because it is that time of the month. No, it is not that time of the month.

It just sounded to me like you were not attracted to your wife just because she put on weight. Sorry, but I have heard too many men say that if their wife puts on weight, then they will go looking for something better. That to me that is shallow. I never said you were an uncaring, unloving asshole.

[twoferfun69]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

Maybe you are thinking too much into it... Sometimes, for no apparent reason at all, one or both of us isn't interested in swinging for a while and then it comes back.

I think this would be a more reasonable answer. Life in general can sometimes get in the way of plain old standard vanilla sex, so why should we think it would be any different because we swing?
I say just relax, Chicup, let your mood "swing" to where ever it may, and enjoy it all, whether it be with your hottie wife or some one elses.
Isn't that kinda what we are here for? To enjoy the company of our partner along with the added benefit of sharing? facelick

Peace-Mr. Twofer

[WesternSwing]

Chicup, I have to agree with bear_and_babe. From your two posts on this (and I do applaud your willingness to write such a controversial post) your personality type revealed itself.

Mr. WS

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by HappyPeople

Maybe you are thinking too much into it... Sometimes, for no apparent reason at all, one or both of us isn't interested in swinging for a while and then it comes back.

I think you are most likely correct. We've had a bit of burn out and one somewhat bad experiance recently which made me decide to slow down a bit. I'm more interested in seeing Mrs. Chicup have a good time even though I personally have less desire.

Maybe this is the point where we start doing MFM's with single guys.












... just kidding.

[swing52001]

I'm with you Mr. twofer. Relax and go with the flow. In the 30 odd years that we've been married, my wife has gone from 112 to 180 and up and down in btwn. Some of that was pregnancy related 3X. (Try getting preggers and keeping your weight down fellas!!!)Right now on the way down from 170. There's all kind of reasons for female weight fluctuations and all of them legitimate. Not many of those reasons can change the woman inside....



It doesn't matter what you're lookin' at..... it's what you see that counts!

[LOL_OMG]

I seriously think this is an issue of self esteem. When I'm at a good weight for myself and comfortable with my body I'm more confident and will "flaunt it". That in itself is a natural turn on, every one around you gravitates to you...just because of your own aire. She's feeling better about herself, which makes her more confident, which makes you attracted to her that much more.

I know the times I needed to lose a few pounds, I didn't strut it lol. I really didn't care if anyone even looked at me because I didn't like looking at myself. I would say that was a big turn off...

I currently have really nice boobs but I need a tummy tuck (the hubby says I just need sit ups, but he's a guy and doesn't know about what happens to stomach muscles after babies). ANYways, I feel totally comfortable topless in a club and I get much attention from it. But if I were naked from the waste down, well lets just say I wouldn't wanna fuck me so why would I think anyone else would.

Soooo, she's feeling good about herself...you're liking her self confidence. I say revel in it