Middle-aged swingers: what are your best tips?

[Tybee Swing]

I was just reading the threads and polls related to how old we swingers are. All of them show steady decline in activity from 40's on, and some show a stark drop-off after 40's:
20-29: 13.477%
30-39: 42.323%
40-49: 35.447%
50-70: 8.753%

This means that after the 40's, there are far fewer peers in the swinging pool. As if it's not hard enough already to find people who are a match. We'll be turning 47 & 48 this summer, which means we're getting near that sharp decline.

I'd love to hear from swingers age 50 and up. If you're still swinging, what keeps you in the game? Do you find plenty of playmates your own age? Do you play with people younger than yourself? I'd like to hear specific reasons why you think you're still swinging as your peers are leaving in droves.

If you're 50 and up and have left swinging, what were your specific reasons?

Maybe you're not 50 and up, but you know swingers who are. If you do, what do you think keeps them going? What kind of playmates are they attracting?

[JP51]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I was just reading the threads and polls related to how old we swingers are. All of them show steady decline in activity from 40's on, and some show a stark drop-off after 40's:
20-29: 13.477%
30-39: 42.323%
40-49: 35.447%
50-70: 8.753%

This means that after the 40's, there are far fewer peers in the swinging pool. As if it's not hard enough already to find people who are a match. We'll be turning 47 & 48 this summer, which means we're getting near that sharp decline.

I'd love to hear from swingers age 50 and up. If you're still swinging, what keeps you in the game? Do you find plenty of playmates your own age? Do you play with people younger than yourself? I'd like to hear specific reasons why you think you're still swinging as your peers are leaving in droves.

If you're 50 and up and have left swinging, what were your specific reasons?

Maybe you're not 50 and up, but you know swingers who are. If you do, what do you think keeps them going? What kind of playmates are they attracting?

I give this a shot. Since we are in the over 50 group. Yes we have playmates our age, been with them for years, that may answer your issue about why we seem to fall off the radar. Already have a group that keeps us busy. Do we play with younger folks yes, when the time and place is right. What keeps us in the game? The pure fun and close friends...oh and the sex is good too. We are not dead at 50....

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by JP51

Yes we have playmates our age, been with them for years, that may answer your issue about why we seem to fall off the radar. Already have a group that keeps us busy.

So in your experience, you and your peers aren't so much in clubs and websites looking for new partners, you're mainly playing with the peers you've known for years?

You would have been in the 8-9% that voted yes, they still swing. Even though you're with your own group of friends, you're still in the game. Why do you think the others have left entirely?

Originally Posted by JP51

What keeps us in the game? The pure fun and close friends...oh and the sex is good too. We are not dead at 50....

We're pushing up on 50 ourselves, so of course we know you're not dead at 50. We're just beginning to live.

What I meant by asking what keeps you in the game is - what sets you apart from all of those who've quit? I'm looking to find out what are the differences between those who keep going and those who quit. I think that learning what these differences are can be really useful to us, and probably a lot of others who are heading into this age bracket and wondering what is ahead for them.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I'd love to hear from swingers age 50 and up. If you're still swinging, what keeps you in the game?

We're still swinging, but how often we swing has declined since we began our search just over 3 years ago. I am well into my 50's and Mr LM has just stepped beyond (but don't tell anybody ).

What keeps us "in the game" are the swingers we've met and played with over these past 3 years who we still play with, or even if we don't play with all of them anymore we enjoy each other's company. We have been fortunate to have developed a few very good swinger buddies that are still interested in playing with us, and we with them.

Also, what has helped us to keep active in the swinging scene is knowing couples who have small private parties and they keep us on their invite list. We then meet other swingers who we're more likely to connect with - some we swing with. We have found that once we surrounded ourselves with people we get along with who have a similar perspective on swinging we meet more people that we enjoy being around and therefore have increased our chances of swinging. We also like to attend the local off-premise clubs. At our age, meeting people in person gives us a better chance of playing than using ad sites alone.

Something else that I think is important to interject is that we don't look like most people our age. We take care to keep fit and look attractive and dress stylishly. Sadly, so many people our age (in our area) remind us of our parents, they can look rather dowdy. We have always been open to meeting people our age but we have never found people our age around here who we find attractive.

Do you find plenty of playmates your own age?

No. We never have in over 3 years of searching. In fact, we've never played with anyone our age. Once we did swing with a couple close to our age. Within minutes of meeting us they confessed that they were 5 years older than their listed ages. It was quite funny really. They didn't want to list themselves in that dreaded 50+ age group (their true decade). We understand this completely! They looked much younger anyway so they could easily pass for the ages they listed. It's very difficult finding people in our age group that we're attracted to. Plus, there are few people in our age bracket who are on ad sites or attend the clubs.

Do you play with people younger than yourself?

We have always played with people younger than ourselves. Our youngest playmates were about 25 years younger than us. Most couples we play with are between 38 and 48. We have always been most attracted to couples younger than ourselves.

I'd like to hear specific reasons why you think you're still swinging as your peers are leaving in droves.

I've pretty much covered why we're still swinging in my comments above.

As far as why others in their 50s are leaving, I think it's because their interest in sex isn't what it once was, or not wanting to compete with the younger couples, or not feeling they look as good as they once did. Could also be health problems have come up that are now interfering with swinging, sex drive and performance.

I will add that I believe those who are in their 50s and beyond and still swinging are probably couples who started early enough to develop some great swinging partners - even friendships - that keep them swinging and happy. They no longer need to search for new playmates. Their swinging isn't as recognized because they no longer use ad sites or attend clubs. They simply get in touch with old friends and set a play date. I guess I'm saying they've gone underground.

LM

[Tit4Tat2]

We are approahing 60 now have just been in the lifestyle for 1 1/2 years. Yeah, I know later bloomers. Although it may be harder to find playmates, we still have had success, and have made many new friends. We have met and played with couples from 35 up to 65. What keeps us going, well not sure but we keep ourselves in good shape and love to dance and and really enjoy sex. We are always up for a party and we enjoy having fun. He still has no problem getting it up, so looks like you still have several good years ahead of you. Since we started so late in life, we didn't have previous friends to fall back on. Hope this makes you feel better

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

We're pushing up on 50 ourselves, so of course we know you're not dead at 50. We're just beginning to live.

This is how we felt when we started, and how we feel now. Problem is, many younger couples think they'll be 'old' when they reach 50 and so they presume those of us who've reached 50 have nothing to offer them. I can't fault them for that, they won't know how wonderful 50+ is until they get there.

What I meant by asking what keeps you in the game is - what sets you apart from all of those who've quit? I'm looking to find out what are the differences between those who keep going and those who quit. I think that learning what these differences are can be really useful to us, and probably a lot of others who are heading into this age bracket and wondering what is ahead for them.

What sets us apart, as a couple who are 50+, from those who've quit is what keeps any couple at any age involved in swinging: attitude and outlook. If you're finding more negatives in swinging than positives, finding yourself getting angry and not learning from your mistakes (or admitting you've made any) then you won't make it as a swinger.

You have to know what you want and where and how to find it. If most swingers are younger than yourself you need to be able to relate to those age groups. We can. We share many similar interests with couples younger than ourselves and this is a great asset to us since the market is mostly younger people.

LM

[Tybee Swing]

Great answers so far, thanks everyone!

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

If most swingers are younger than yourself you need to be able to relate to those age groups. We can. We share many similar interests with couples younger than ourselves and this is a great asset to us since the market is mostly younger people.

LM

LM, what interests in particular do you you share with younger couples?

[The Fuse]

I am hoping the answers to that poll are skewed a bit, simply due to people over 50 using the Internet less than those in their 30's and 40's. That's not a backhanded slam, please don't take it that way! I bet there are a lot more 50+ folks out there swinging than are reflected in the data.

I'm 40 and Mr. Fuse is 39. We've been seeing a lot of a couple who are 48 and 50, and a former favorite of mine was 51, though his wife is in her early 40's. What sets them apart? They do a lot of things the Tybees and LikeMinds do: keep in shape and keep the joyful attitude that helps make them attractive.

They also really like sex. This seems obvious, but we've met swingers who don't seem to like it too much.

[iapr]

First off I really question the true accuracy of your statistics as well as your interpretation of them. As always, I am going to make some pretty strong statements and one of them is I believe most "real" swingers range in age from upper 30s and on up. Now by real swingers I mean couples that are truly open to the idea of meeting and having actual erotic encounters with other couples.

Yes the clubs are full of 20 and 30-somethings but IMHO a lot of them are just "nipple lickers" (a term I picked up on this board ) and are not serious swingers. They may like to go to the clubs to dress sexy, dirty dance and of course flash their boobs and lick some nipples and many may even do some Fem/Fem activities before going home with their own partner and that is all fine and dandy I have nothing against that. However, from what I have seen a lot of true swingers are in their 40s and on up. Recently at a club I saw a table of several couples that had to have been in their 70s and they seemed no worse for wear.


I also do not believe that there is any true lack of potential partners in the age brackets you discuss either. While I am in my early 40s and Mrs iapr is about to turn 40 (sshhhhh, I promised not to tell) we have had opportunities to play with 21 year olds all the way to folks in their 50s. With the 21 year olds we were the ones that backed out of that one because we questioned their motivations and actual level of consent. In other words we did not think they were "for real." Now on the other hand everyone that we have encountered in their 50s have had their $#!^ together and age was not a factor once the conversations began.

I really think the bottom line is swinging can be tough no matter what age you are. Yes the young and firm and beautiful are always going to have some advantages in the sexual arena but there are so many other factors at play and many of the advantages of being young are offset by other factors. There is no level playing field here and we all have our own personal minefields to cross. It's not easy for anyone, you just take the cards you are delt and play hand as best you can, sometimes you win somtimes you don't. If you don't win today, go back tomorrow.

My advice is don't spend time and energy worrying about age and don't count yourself out of the game untill your coffin lid is nailed shut. I think LikeMinds offered some good insights and perspective. If one is fit and healthy, dresses sharp and is impeccably groomed, other people are going to find that person attractive and sexy. As a 40 year old bald guy I can tell you there are a number of young women that have the "older man" fantasy and mrs iapr turns heads of all age groups and is surely the subject of a lot of young studs "MILF" fantasies. My point there is there is something for everyone and everyone has something to offer.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by iapr

First off I really question the true accuracy of your statistics as well as your interpretation of them.

I should have shared the polls & info I was reading right before I posted my questions. Here they are:

Vegas Lee's poll with 1,175 responses so far: How Old are you?

OhioCouple's poll with 173 votes so far: What Age Group Are You?

Amanda69's poll with 77 votes before it closed: http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ad.php?t=28700

A specific post I copied the stats from in my OP here (based on results from a board member's research): How Old are you? (I used this one as an example just because it was so easy to copy and paste.)

In each poll, there's a definite curve with the swinging population dropping off pretty significantly after age 50 or so. This is what prompted me to seek thoughts, opinions, and insights from those who are still swinging in that age bracket. It can't hurt to know the facts, learn from the pros and formulate a game plan! Coaches and successful entrepreneurs know that the best way to win is to know what's ahead, figure how they might succeed against the odds, and to develop a strategy.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

They also really like sex. This seems obvious, but we've met swingers who don't seem to like it too much.

Fuse, this is fascinating - meeting swingers who don't seem to like sex much! It's so fascinating, it deserves it's own thread. Has this topic been done? I'd love to hear more about your experiences with this.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

LM, what interests in particular do you you share with younger couples?

What first comes to mind is younger couples are usually both interested in equally playing and in full swap. Couples 50-60 don't seem to be looking for this. (Keep in mind that I am only commenting on swingers in our area. It may be very different in other parts of the country.) The 50+ profiles in our area contain an abundance of statements saying the man "likes to observe" or "take pictures" or they state they are seeking "multiple men for the wife" or "bifems for the wife" or they say "he is great at oral" (which makes me think his focus is primarily oral because he has performance problems - I could be wrong but I've found I've developed a sixth sense about these things). Oral is fine but I want a man who is confident with his cock and can use it inside me.

In many ways it's more a matter of numbers. There are so few people our age to choose from and when we go through all the profiles looking for compatibilty we quickly are left with 0 results. We then look to those in their 40s and the number of profiles quadruples - so does our chance of finding a compatible couple because we have more to choose from. If we consider those in their 30s we have 8 times more people to consider than if we limited our search to people our age.

With younger couples I find we often share an interest in going to gay clubs to dance. We love electronic/techno music and that's where we find it. These clubs attrack a younger group. We're always the oldest people there. We enjoy hangin' with the art crowd, prefer laid-back bars with an eclectic mix of people of all ages where we can be comfortable in our jeans (our primary attire). Mr LM runs and works out regularly and many of the younger couples do the same.

Our shared "interests" really have more to do with a shared outlook on life and the energy we all put into living.

LM

[Tybee Swing]

Thanks for your detailed response, LM. It's full of very helpful information!

"With younger couples I find we often share an interest in going to gay clubs to dance. We love electronic/techno music and that's where we find it."

This makes me smile, because we love to dance and we also have a hard time meeting people our age that really like to. We have a gay club in our city that is said to have the best DJ's and the best dance floors in town. We still haven't found anybody that wants to go there with us! Mr. Tybee is straight as an arrow, but he'd be totally up to going in there just for the eclectic crowd, the music, dancing, etc. Hey, if you're ever in our town, let's go!

[iapr]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I should have shared the polls & info I was reading right before I posted my questions. Here they are:

Vegas Lee's poll with 1,175 responses so far: How Old are you?

OhioCouple's poll with 173 votes so far: What Age Group Are You?

Amanda69's poll with 77 votes before it closed: http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ad.php?t=28700

A specific post I copied the stats from in my OP here (based on results from a board member's research): How Old are you? (I used this one as an example just because it was so easy to copy and paste.)

In each poll, there's a definite curve with the swinging population dropping off pretty significantly after age 50 or so. This is what prompted me to seek thoughts, opinions, and insights from those who are still swinging in that age bracket. It can't hurt to know the facts, learn from the pros and formulate a game plan! Coaches and successful entrepreneurs know that the best way to win is to know what's ahead, figure how they might succeed against the odds, and to develop a strategy.

I still question the true accuracy of the stats and how it pertains to the real world. Those numbers only reflect a sampling out of who answered those polls on this board (as well as the other board you referenced) I still believe what I said above that there are many happy and active swingers out there over the age of 50. There could be a lot of reasons that that age group is not accurately represented in those polls. One possible reason is that instead of spending time on the computer answering polls they are too busy SWINGING!!!!!

I am not trying to argue with you, in fact I agree with you 100% in that it is always a good idea to be armed with information on what could be coming up. I am just not buying off on the idea that there is as slim pickings after the age of 50 as what those numbers may suggest.

I am not over 50 and I am far from a pro but I think as far as game plans I think LikeMinds had some good insights and pointers. My game plan is keep the mind sharp and the body as fit and healthy as possible. Mrs iapr has a good eye for fashion so I wear what she picks out for me and tells me to wear. And the most important thing is keep a good attitude and open mind and get out and be as social as possible and view every day as a day to brush up on your flirting skills. I figure if I can actually pull all that off things should fall into place more often than not.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by iapr

I am not over 50 and I am far from a pro but I think as far as game plans I think LikeMinds had some good insights and pointers. My game plan is keep the mind sharp and the body as fit and healthy as possible. Mrs iapr has a good eye for fashion so I wear what she picks out for me and tells me to wear. And the most important thing is keep a good attitude and open mind and get out and be as social as possible and view every day as a day to brush up on your flirting skills. I figure if I can actually pull all that off things should fall into place more often than not.

I agree! Sounds like a great game plan, for sure. By the way, I tend to pick out Mr. Tybee's clothes for clubbing, too. Or at least, he comes to me for advice when he's dressing. We women know what the ladies like to look at!