Why are so many young couples choosing swinging?

[Amanda69]

I have seen many young (18 - 25) year olds on this board who are choosing swinging. Now, I know where I was at their age (female here) I was highly sexed and out there finding many, many fun outlets. Never once did anyone mention swinging (except maybe playboy magazine and I thought the keyparties mentioned were just a story to amuze the reader)

Relationships when new are usually moving towards being more exclusive so in fact the opposite move of swinging. We want to be with our new partner more, maybe we get jealous of attention spent on others, we fuck like bunnies any chance we get and we talk about a future together.

So this question is for the younger couples on the board, or anyone else who can explain to me. Why are younger couples now choosing swinging so early in their life and in their relationships? Has the way people look at relationships in general changed?

[Dynamar]

I have several young friends (in their 20s) and I'm amazed when they talk about their experiences. Perhaps I was just too much of a "good girl"... heck, I was a virgin until I was 20, and even then lost it to the man who became my husband. But my young friends speak of threesomes, larger groups, anal, DP, even some guy-on-guy stuff... you name it, a lot of them have done it.

Guess they're either just a lot more open or a lot more adventuresome than I was at their ages, and getting involved "officially" in the lifestyle is just an extension of that.

[myspaceguru]

Ok we'll swap. You on my post me on yours. my post

Anyways our thinking. We are 21f and 23m. Our sex life is very hot. We've been dating for about three years and engaged for two. Once we are finished with college we are getting married, but financially right now it doesn't make sense. Insurance, cell phone bills, clothes and college bills that sort of thing.

Anyways we live together and are both, in our opinions very educated with our sexual knowledge. I've read several books and we've watched plenty of videos. Yes we do it like rabbits with and without toys. "wait a second rabbits don't use toys, it is a toy!" A pretty nice one from what she tells me, haven't tried it myself, might someday.

Well swinging sounds like a good idea to us. We get to meet other couples, have fun sex and learning is a big motivator for us. We are constantly trying to educate ourselves. There is also a whole community aspect behind swinging. She gets to go out, dress up, feel sexy about her body, feel comfortable wearing very little and not being judged for it where as I get to do the same. We can both check out other people without the other being disgusted thinking that we're going to cheat.

In Minnesota and a lot of other states there are clubs with parties every month, sometimes every week; Halloween, pre Halloween, Before the Halloween Pre-Halloween... It's a bunch of people that are comfortable with themselves sexually or are trying to be more comfortable with themselves and this is a huge turn on for us.

What about the hippies having orgies? Just as homosexuals are coming out of the closet and being more open with their sexuallity, I believe the same is happening with one or both of the individuals in a relationship. One of them is coming out of the closet and finally admiting to wanting to have sex with other people - hopefully before it turns into cheating. You also have to ask yourself, did you have the internet when you were younger? Not like you have it now. Think about it, bulletin boards as nice as vbulletin and phpbb (ps. this bulletin board uses Vbulletin) were not as common 5 years ago. It's a lot easier to find about events, book hotel rooms, get a costume and see what it's like.

For us, attending an event is much more comfortable then seeking out individuals. It's much easier for us to show up in a crowded place with like minded people than try to weed them out of our crowd of friends only to have them judge us in a negative way. I had the idea to swing but always thought it to be taboo, found this forum and introduced it to my fiance'. She said, 'hell no' at first, then after finding out about the exciting events, reading tasteful posts and frequenting this board she opened up to the idea a bit more.

Yes, we have set our boundaries and they might be a bit strict. We figure if they are too strict and nobody wants to swing with us, then we will just get hot and horny watching other people dancing in their hot sexy costumes! Then we will go off and do our own thing. Not to bring up the divorce rate, but it's pretty high. My guess is that relationships becomes stagnant and people don't feel that spark. We still have that spark, we just want to make the flame higher.

I think that's plenty for now. You can comment on this and we will comment back. Hope this helps.

Ps. Could the thousands, perhaps millions of people that are doing this be completely wrong? Learn from your elders, right.

[ohash01]

I am of the young side (23 - this past weekend). J. is more in the "normal" range, I guess (28). We have been together 3 years, living together just over 1. We aren't married, and aren't sure we will be anytime soon, as I'm not sure I believe in marriage, nor do I want to "start a family".

We didn't ever sit down and go "woohoo! let's be swingers!". It all started out with one moderately drunken night with his best friend from his hometown. We went to the bar, all came home, got into his hottub and J. invited him to "help him out." (Apparently, one man can't handle me? ) By the time we got out of the hottub we were all completely sober going "wow...fun...let's continue this upstairs."

J. and I got home the next day and the sex between us was insane. We started tossing around the idea of bringing in a female to join us, since we'd already tried bringing in another male and had a great time. I soon discovered just how difficult it was to find a single female who would just want to "pop" in from time to time. So, we switched tactics, and started looking for couples with bi or bi-curious females. And it kind of just went from there.

We are curious people. We are adventurous people. And yes, the younger group now days is having group sex without considering themselves swingers. The number of times I was invited to join a group thing in college takes up atleast all my fingers and gets into my toes, but I NEVER did it. Why? I was a little scared, a lot nervous, and felt like I was being added as another set of breasts. 2 of my sorority sisters were notorious for hooking up with each other and their boyfriends and I got invited to that as well. (And now I regret a little that I was a chicken). Now, I am secure with J. We love each other and have a great sex life by ourselves, but why not make it better? I am a very touchy-person. If I can touch 3 other people, and have 3 other people touching me, I am in hog-heaven. And J, like many men out there, really enjoys having a couple sexy women rolling around together. It just made sense.

[JustAskJulie]

I'm not really in that age range anymore, but when I started swinging I was. I'll go back further though... when I was around 18-20 I had a boyfriend off and on and for the most part there was not a monogomous bone in my body. This caused a lot of problems with said boyfriend (rightly so). In my group of friends there was one young couple that was married and they were out about being in an "open relationship" or "swingers" (I really don't know which one they fell in or it may have been both) and I remember thinking, "I can deal with being non-monogomous now but when you are married that's supposed to stop. What they are doing is just wrong". Then a year or so later I got married and found out my husband a) regularly recieved a local swinger mag, and b) had had a 3some with a couple he was close friends with. THat got us talking and suddenly I realized "I don't have to be monogomous just because I'm married". We were married a year or so before we really did anything and we'd known each ohter for several years before that.

I think that the difference you are seeing isn't so much a different way of thinking (although everyone is different) but more just a more open attitude we are seeing towards sex, largely (IMO) due to the internet. I think that younger people have always probably been open to these ideas but it wasn't made ok for them till the more recent years and what they were doing was given a name.

[prettylady]

Another, albeit scary thought, is that kids are having sex much younger as well.
They are getting over inhabitions (sp?) muche earlier then some of us did. I was 15 when I started having sex, but the fire burned me and turned me off sex for a long time.
But those kids are, like Julie said, on the internet and having more open sex. So it would stand to reason that swingers are getting younger.
I am still going to stand by my comment in the other thread that addresses this. Trying to make a new relationship work is hard enough at 20 with out adding the swinging dynamic to it. 20 is to young.
But that is just how I see it based on who I was when I was 20
Your friend,
Prettylady

[sexyshelby]

We're in our 20s so I'll take a stab at this question.

Personally, I never believed in monogamy. Even when I was young, it just didnt make sense to me. It didn't seem right to only be with one person when there are soooo many other beautiful people.
For us, we started seeing each other while he was also seeing somone else. He finally told me about her and I was a little upset; he said that he was trying to decide which one he wanted to be with. At the time I was just hurt, but after thinking about for a while I realised one shouldn't have to choose. We then had an open relationship for...well I guess we still do.

I think others in my age group are also starting to veer away from traditional views on sex and marriage. For starters, it's more commonplace on TV and in the movies. My theory is that we have seen too many broken homes caused by cheating and sexual unhappiness. Perhaps, young people have seen what affairs have done to their parents, or their friends' parents, relatives, etc. From this we learned to see the difference between sex and love. I know that there are a million holes in that theory but I need to go to bed now - more later.

Who knows??? Those are some of my thoughts. Personally, I stand by "it just makes sense". But that's not too helpful to the thread.

~SS

[ohash01]

I suppose I didn't really consider a couple things in my previous post (it was 5:30am...forgive me)...I've never really been good at monogamy. I suppose that adds to it as well. I only want to love one person, but oh the sexual possibilities that are out there!

My family was also broken up due to cheating. And I think that's a pretty valid statement as well. Granted, I don't know what else was going on between my parental units, but my dad was a cheater. I don't want to cheat on someone I love. I would like them to be out and about and sexually explorative WITH me. Hence, swinging.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

I have seen many young (18 - 25) year olds on this board who are choosing swinging. Now, I know where I was at their age (female here) I was highly sexed and out there finding many, many fun outlets. Never once did anyone mention swinging (except maybe playboy magazine and I thought the keyparties mentioned were just a story to amuze the reader)

Relationships when new are usually moving towards being more exclusive so in fact the opposite move of swinging. We want to be with our new partner more, maybe we get jealous of attention spent on others, we fuck like bunnies any chance we get and we talk about a future together.

So this question is for the younger couples on the board, or anyone else who can explain to me. Why are younger couples now choosing swinging so early in their life and in their relationships? Has the way people look at relationships in general changed?

The same types of question has been asked here and here. It's pretty much the same thought process that older couples go though, I think. Name all the reasons that an older couple, who've been in a relationship for years get into swinging, and it'll probably mirror younger couples who get into the lifestyle. For us, I wanted to explore my bi-sexual side, and Drew was happy to indulge me.

Also, since the divorce rates when up during the childhoods of many young couples, I agree that perhaps our view of marriage has changed a bit. In my grandmother's generation, men cheated, and women dealt with it. Marriage and family was expected. In my mother's generation, men cheated, women entered the workforce in great numbers and could support themselves, so they divorced. Marriage and family was still pretty much expected, but women had choices for jobs that could support a family. Now, men cheat, women cheat, both sexes are in the workforce and there's not a lot of social pressure to get married or to have children. So, I think the reasons why people get married are changing, so marriage is changing. I still don't think that the number of young swingers is rising, though. I just think the number that you know about is rising....

Pepper

[ez2pleez12]

Originally Posted by prettylady

Another, albeit scary thought, is that kids are having sex much younger as well.
They are getting over inhabitions (sp?) muche earlier then some of us did. I was 15 when I started having sex, but the fire burned me and turned me off sex for a long time.
But those kids are, like Julie said, on the internet and having more open sex. So it would stand to reason that swingers are getting younger.
I am still going to stand by my comment in the other thread that addresses this. Trying to make a new relationship work is hard enough at 20 with out adding the swinging dynamic to it. 20 is to young.
But that is just how I see it based on who I was when I was 20
Your friend,
Prettylady

well i am 20 years old. not in my late 20's or mid 20's... im 20. and i started having sex when i was 15. i have had enough parteners to know what i want and to know what i can handle. i know it sounds cliche, but aaliyah said it best... "age aint nothin but a number" frank is 31 however, and perhaps thats why i feel more ready for something like swinging but honestly, i think on my own, i decided that this type of lifestyle was for me... long before i even met him. i really cant explain it to people who really think that 20 is just too young, because i dont think it has to do with age at all. you have to look at the PEOPLE. i guarantee you that there is an 18 yr old swinger out there who handles his/herself much more maturely and can handle swinging alot better than alot of older people. maybe when im older, ill look back and say "well, i can see why they may have thought i was too young..." but to me, right now, i think its all about the individual. and thats whats important... not the age of someone, but the someone hope this helps people understand where i am coming from a little bit more.