Would a female/female non-committed "couple" be accepted?

[bidykie]

Hello,

I'm a queer bi woman in San Francisco who in the past week has experienced an interesting shift in the intimacy dynamics with my best friend of 14 years. While I am mostly into women, and she is mostly into men, we have throughout the years had occassional sexual encounters with each other. A few years ago we had a foursome with two guys and had a great time. We both love sex and the experience helped us realize that we also enjoy group sex. Lately we have started talking more openly and honestly about maybe expanding our sexual boundaries together by becoming swinging buddies.

So here is my question. I've been reading up on the lifestyle and it seems as if most of the couples fit the traditional definition of committed. They are lovers/partners in every sense of the word. Technically, my friend and I are not a "couple" because of our differing sexual orientations, but we share similar views on nonmonogamy, etc. and are committed to sharing this new experience together. We also deeply love each other as best friends do -- love that comes out when we enjoy our platonic and sexual adventures.

In the swinging world, do you think our circumstances would be accepted? At a club or whatever, should we present ourselves as a couple? Is the definition of "couple" flexible among swingers? I suspect it is, I just don't know how common our situation is, because she is not my girlfriend. Nonetheless as a duo we would still like to hook up with other couples, particularly M/F so there's something for both of us!

Any perspectives you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

I am glad this forum exists, and I'm looking forward to learning more about the scene.

Thanks!

[hilltop]

Welcome bidykie!

Glad you found us!

I've found that the swinging community is pretty accepting of most anything as long as you're up front and honest about it.

You'll find just about every combination of what constitutes a "couple" if you look long enough.

Both of you being women and bi will have an attraction for a lot of folks
but everyone has the problem of finding couples that will be looking for what you're offering and being compatible.

You just have to put yourself out there, do what's comfortable and see what goes!

Hey, stick around and let us know how it progresses!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by bidykie

Hello,

I'm a queer bi woman in San Francisco who in the past week has experienced an interesting shift in the intimacy dynamics with my best friend of 14 years. While I am mostly into women, and she is mostly into men, we have throughout the years had occassional sexual encounters with each other. A few years ago we had a foursome with two guys and had a great time. We both love sex and the experience helped us realize that we also enjoy group sex. Lately we have started talking more openly and honestly about maybe expanding our sexual boundaries together by becoming swinging buddies.

So here is my question. I've been reading up on the lifestyle and it seems as if most of the couples fit the traditional definition of committed. They are lovers/partners in every sense of the word. Technically, my friend and I are not a "couple" because of our differing sexual orientations, but we share similar views on nonmonogamy, etc. and are committed to sharing this new experience together. We also deeply love each other as best friends do -- love that comes out when we enjoy our platonic and sexual adventures.

In the swinging world, do you think our circumstances would be accepted? At a club or whatever, should we present ourselves as a couple? Is the definition of "couple" flexible among swingers? I suspect it is, I just don't know how common our situation is, because she is not my girlfriend. Nonetheless as a duo we would still like to hook up with other couples, particularly M/F so there's something for both of us!

Any perspectives you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

I am glad this forum exists, and I'm looking forward to learning more about the scene.

Thanks!

Well its late and I may be reading this wrong, but you are not a couple by what I would think of as a couple, but friends who sometimes fuck. Shes mostly into men, you are mostly into women, is she married? If so that could complicate things a lot, so I'll assume shes not.

If you were two men, you would have almost no hope of being accepted by all but a small portion of the swinging community, thats just the way it goes.

As two women, you may very well be accepted, especially by those couples with a strongly bi female. Many men would be very happy to have '3' women with them, and with the high number of bisexual females in swinging odds are you would find couples where the lack of another male would not pose a problem (not to mention newbie husbands afraid to see their wife with another male would be very happy with the situation).

Just be honnest and upfront in your likes and desires and I'm sure you will have little problem finding couples interested in being with you. You will of course find those with no interest as well, but even us traditional types run into that

[In2curiosity]

Are you two going to play together? If not then I would think you are both single women going to an event together. I would think either choice would be fine. In fact you both would probably be highly desirable in a sexual sense.


Mrs. Me

[S&E]

I agree that in this community that you as a couple, arriving together, looking to play with another couple, would be the hit of any get together You would most likely have a great time with a M/Bi-F swinging couple. Likewise the M/Bi-F would be in heaven too under most circumstances.

Welcome & Enjoy

S & E

[WesternSwing]

Welcome bidykie. Although you may not fit under the heading of a couple in the traditional sense, knowing what you just said would not scare us away. You can tell when there is genuine caring between two people regardless of how they present themselves a "couple". We've seen people hook-up as a couple to go to parties but even from across the room you can see that other then a pass in the front door, they have no interest in each other.

From what you say, I'd go for it.

Mr. WS

[sexyshelby]

Dito
I'd have no problem with a "couple" in your situation. As long as you are upfront about it, honest and sincere. And I bet if you put an ad up, you'd get quite a few responses.
Let us know how it goes.

~SS

[wantfornothing]

Heres our take on it thus far... we are a lesbian couple (she is bi and I am bi cur toward men) We have found so far.. everyone treats us as a traditional couple if we like it or not. We went to a social recently and appeared to be the only 'couple' there that seperated and mingled with others....
We havent had any luck with play friends as of yet, from what I understand it isnt that we are lesbians (umm hmmm) but they just dont know what we want or how to approach us.... so we are working on making sure they know...... just our two cents....
ps in SFO you should have NO trouble finding what you are looking for... and in OCT.. the Ball?? Heaven!!!)
GL
Us

[WesternSwing]

Wantfornothing, Mrs. WS and I agreed it would be a fun experience to get to know you two, regardless of what happened. Too bad we live so far apart.

Mr. WS

[wantfornothing]

Alas, (but we travel often!

[bidykie]

Hey, I want to thank everybody for your feedback on my question. You are a most welcoming bunch and have given me something to think about. The plan is for us to play together, at least at first until we both feel more comfortable going out on our own.

In truth she has a LD boyfriend, so she and I have both agreed we won't proceed until she has had an honest talk with him and he's cool with it. I'm for the ethical slut thing, after all!

Have a good upcoming valentine luv day.

-bidykie