Swingdar?

[intuition897]

Ok, we've all heard of 'Gay-dar', that uncanny ability that those who prefer their own sex develop that allows them to find like-minded people... Do swingers have 'Swing-dar'? I think we do.

More and more, Mr. and I find ourselves noticing the oh-so-subtle body language, the 'togetherness' of a couple (the way they seem to be more like one unit than two separate people in a crowd), the way nervous conversation stops when a waitress approaches two couples at their table, the odd off-hand remarks that most vanilla people would think nothing of, the way a couple is exceptionally well-groomed, the way the female half of a couple is obviously comfortable voicing her opinions and EXPECTS respect... The list goes on and on.

Has anyone else noticed an increase in their sensitivity to body language and subtle social cues that most others would miss as a result of their experience in swinging? Can you think of specific examples? Personally I feel that it's a natural development due to the need for deeper communication and awareness of others' emotional states when involved in the lifestyle. Much the same as when a person loses one of their senses, the other 4 senses are heightened.

What does everyone think of this? I'm quite interested to know what others' experiences are.

[EternallySingle]

As a single man, I've noticed that when some couples approach me and make conversation, the husband tends to move back and the wife moves closer to me when we are talking. Usually its the other way around. Often, if its a crowded place like a night club or pool hall, she'll sit in between us instead of on the far side of him. At a cafe, she'll sit on the same side of the booth as I do instead of next to him. She'll hold hands with him across the table at key times (like when the waitress or someone they know approaches), but she will carry on the conversation more than he does, even if the husband and I start talking. Other times the wife will openly flirt with me while the husband laughs and makes comments like "Maybe we should take you home. You keep her entertained and I'll watch the game."

Funny, I never thought about it until now, but that happened to me a few weeks ago. At the time I thought "Are they..." then I put it out of my mind. Missed opportunity? oh, well. LOL

[northindycpl]

I have wondered things about people I meet in vanilla settings, too. To a degree though, what do you do with that information? I know that I would never go over to someone and ask, or make a move on them in a vanilla setting.

How would anyone approach a suspected swinger? I think it would be very, very ackward!

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

How would anyone approach a suspected swinger? I think it would be very, very ackward!

We do it!

I definitely think people that are receptive to swinging give off some kind of vibe. Swing-dar is a great term for it!

The way ES described how a couple behaved toward him, is kind of the way we act towards vanillas that we're interested in. Like I had mentioned in a previous thread, we haven't been slapped yet.

We're pretty subtle and toss out a lot of double-entendres. If they're game, they'll bite and push the envelope further.

Of course, we haven't tried this in a totally benign atmosphere, we've always been in clubs or bars.

[graygo98]

I know what you mean. At a Valentines dance Saturday night my SwingDar went off when that topless lady was dancing with my wife.

Oops... is this the smartass remark thread.... sorry.

[curiousagain]

Has anyone ever thought somebody just "acted like a swinger" or there was something that gave you that gut feeling and then you later found out you were correct. Do we swingers give out vibes??

The reason I ask that, is long before I became a swinger, I thought a couple was something but didn't know what. I didn't know they were called swingers, but, I had a feeling she was bi and that they both were attracted to the same women. Well, lo and behold I met these two recently at a get together of swingers. So, they are swingers.

I have met a couple of people in the vanilla world since I started swinging that I got that "vibe" from. Anybody else ever have this happen?

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

I have met a couple of people in the vanilla world since I started swinging that I got that "vibe" from. Anybody else ever have this happen?

Now that we are swingers, we get these vibes. But before we knew anything about swingers, we couldn't have picked up a vibe on a bet.

We can look back now to people who we are sure were swingers trying to pick us up, but we were oblivious to it at the time.

Now that we want people to pick us up "on the street" - figuratively speaking - we aren't having any luck running into them.

We spot couples 100 feet away and feel they're swingers, but we haven't stooped to chasing people down, yet.

LM

[Dynamar]

From "I met a Hot Chic, I thinks she swings" thread...

Originally Posted by JnCC

Gay people like to claim they have their so-called "Gaydar," I like to think that swingers have something similar...maybe we could call it "PLAYdar?"

Don't have a whole lot of experience, but I find myself picking up more on the double-entendres people make. I'm probably reading too much into it where most people are concerned... but have a couple of cases where the sexy one-liners have been combined with a look, a wink or lip licking... and then, geesh... you just gotta wonder...

Maybe the people in question aren't actually swinging, but I'll bet some of them are certainly thinking about it!

[intuition897]

I've wondered about this phenomenon myself. Mr. and I walked into the lounge of a local hotel (where we usually arrange to meet new couples) for a drink one evening and noticed immediately how many eyes turned to see who it was coming through the door. You know how you can just get a sense that you're being watched? Or get a sense of the social climate or 'atmosphere' when you walk in a room? It felt like we'd just walked in to a swingers lounge. Most tables were full of couples, two by two, chatting about everything and at the same time, nothing at all. After discretely overhearing surrounding conversation, it was obvious that these couples were "feeling each other out" and getting acquainted for the first time; there wasn't any, "Hey Bob, do you remember that time back in high school..." It was conversation like "So do you guys have any kids?...What do you do for a living?...We enjoy travelling, how about you?..." Anybody recognize that? Funny thing, Mr. recognized one of his co-workers and her husband doing just that with another couple. The next day, he coincidentally had to call her at her desk for something work related and the first thing out of her mouth was an explanation of who the people were and why they were meeting them there (old friends of her husband's, her sister & brother-in-law, or something like that). He didn't even ask, she just blurted it out. Another instance of 'swingdar' occurred when picking up my daughter from her friend's house. Her friend's parents just fit the demographic perfectly (nice average couple living in the 'burbs, kids, dog, two cars in the driveway...fit & tanned, clean-cut and attractive...) and they gave off this certain je ne sais quoi that told me they were a very 'together' couple. Just in tune with each other. When I talked to one standing at the doorway, and the other came downstairs, it was obvious that although he hadn't heard the whole conversation, he'd kept an ear out for the gist of it so he chimed right in when asked a question. Very subtle things. Then the clincher was when picking up my daughter one night, they asked if I could be there to pick her up at a specific time because they were meeting a couple for dinner that night....?? A couple? Usually in my experience in the vanilla world, it's rare to describe people that way. Usually it's 'meeting some friends of ours for dinnner', or 'going out with family', etc. Just made the little light go off in my head.

So yeah, I think that swingers become very adept at reading subtle signals and body language; one becomes very practiced at it just with one's spouse, picking up on subtle red, green and yellow lights from a hesitation, a frown, a flirty smile, a shy laugh, etc. I have no doubt that just as we're able to read signals, we're sending off similar signals to other swingers that lets them know our 'Swingdar' is actively pinging. It's pretty cool actually.

[couplefromma]

Mrs. couple has a cousin who is also in the lifestyle. They sent us pictures one year from a vacation they took with another couple and I said to the Mrs. they are in the lifestyle and she said I was crazy.

Sure enough it came up in a phone conversation they had and I was correct. She said how did you know. I said it was just a feeling I had based on these very vanilla pictures.

She now asks me about other people we know...lol

[JnCC]

It happens all the time. "Back in the day" my ex- and I attended a vanilla party hosted by her secretary's in-laws. They were that demographic everybody keeps talking about...late 40's, married forever, and a little sexxier and in-shape than married folks their age had any right to be. Several times we caught them making that lingering eye-contact that usually means more than "have another crepe?" We were one of the last couples to leave, and they invited us to stay and join them in the hot tub afterwards. Unfortunately, we had other obligations.

About a year later, we attended another party at their house. In his office, I noticed a picture of them with another couple, taken on some sort of outdoor backpacking adventure. They were posed rather oddly...not with their respective spouses. I mean, you could just tell...

I asked the son who the couple was, and he said, "Oh, that's so-and-so. They're mom and dad's best friends...they do everything together, even go on vacations."

I still think there was a reason that particular picture was left in a place for all to see...

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We spot couples 100 feet away and feel they're swingers, but we haven't stooped to chasing people down, yet.

I think approachable people definitely generate a certain vibe.

I've met some fantastic people that I've chased down the street. Usually I have to be within 50 feet to feel their swingdar though.

[curiousagain]

I'm OK with playdar. I started to use it but didn't want to look like a copycat.

[Dynamar]

Maybe whenever the term is invoked, we should just say playdar (tm JnCC) to give credit where credit is due.

[curiousagain]

So, then we would type Swingdar (tm curiousagain)?
Wouldn't that get tiring and waste time?