How much info do you want before giving phone number

[Elusive BiFem]

I agree with you Laura, in terms of meeting people in person, although I have found that sometimes after talking to people on the phone, I know immediately I don't want to meet them for any reason, anywhere. I can't necessarily say where those feelings come from, but when I know, I know.

I don't go to clubs so my choices in terms of actually meeting people are the typical restaurant type situations. And then, there I sit...trying to make nice when all along I'm thinking I just want outta here! Being single may have something to do with it.

But back to ES's concerns...these people are in Germany, apparently, so the idea of meeting is moot. And they, traveling the distance to the US, are probably working on limited time and are wanting to set something up before they come. Personally, I can't imagine going to a foreign country and trying to find my way around to meet someone. But that's me. I don't do too well in my own town!

ES is looking for the same "respect" and "courtesy" that he is constantly told single men need to afford to couples and apparently it isn't being returned...and maybe making him feel as if he has been "labeled" before he even got out of the gate. Too, maybe they are just both sitting there looking at each other askew and with all these preconceived ideas.

What has always worked for me best (knock on wood!) is simply my gut feelings about things. I've made allowances here and there, and sometimes not. All based upon my gut. Not real scientific, is it. None of us know all the facts of the e-mails and communications, but given all circumstances, there is a possibility I would cut them some slack since they are in Germany, traveling here, etc. Hard to say without knowing all details.

Whatever happens...I hope it works out for ES. Seems as if he's making a sincere effort to level the playing field, and I would suspect he definitely is treating them with courtesy. Sorta his nature...

- EBF

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by OhioCouple


Okay, my response is based on the original post written by ES. So he really knows nothing about them (other than they claim to be from Germany) and that they want his phone number after three emails in which they have told him nothing? That is a red flag to me. Only ES can tell us the content of the exchanges of emails, but I got the impression that it was one sided on his end. The picture deal...I can understand that, as I am not one that requires a picture since it tells me nothing about the person in the picture other than physical attributes. However, why did this couple skirt the issue rather than be honest and say we aren't comfortable with giving our pictures out, much in the same way that ES did about giving out his phone number? That is another red flag to me.

Now there could be another twist to this. ES, when you wrote that note to them in German, you did by chance use a Language Tools program did you? JC of Uneed_Love can attest to my embarassment of having used one in an email to him. It translated something entirely different than what I meant and was quite embarassing. Needless to say, I go straight to the source now, never a Language Tools program any more.

I've reread the emails several times and for the life of me, I only learned three things. In the first email they've been married 12 years, and they really enjoyed her being with black men. But all that was taken word for word from their profile. In the second email, they said they are from a town in Germany 30 miles from the town I was stationed at for a year, and that they had two kids at home so only played when they traveled to the states. But that was in their profile too. Thats also when they asked for my phone number. Three, they got into swinging after their second honeymoon in the U.S., but that was in their profile too.

I was tempted, but after chatting with her on Yahoo!, I was turned off mainly because everything she said focused on me being black. Not anything I mentioned in either my profiles or my email. It would be like constantly telling an attractive woman I want to sleep with her because she has big tits. It may be the truth, but its only flattering the first dozen times you hear it. Up until the chat(I should have mentioned that, sorry) I was thinking about buying a prepaid cellphone and giving them that number simply to practice my German again. But after 10 minutes of her writing about black men this and black men that, I got bored with her, but started looking for a reason to continue talking to them. It may have been a second language thing, but she didn't seem to understand why I wasn't flattered by her remarks. Funny thing is, another German couple wrote to me through Yahoo about the same thing (being with a black man), but when I made my feelings known, I recieved a picture from them, and THEIR phone number. They also told me about their jobs, the foods they won't eat, and when they would be travelling to the states. The other couple skirted around all those issues, even about the food.

Sorry, but I guess it was something more than wanting information. I guess I wanted to know they were looking for me as who I am, not just what I am. When I think back on it, I have given my phone number to people after two or three emails. But they all lived within 150 miles and didn't dwell on the color thing. It might have been something lost in the translation, but it seemed too important to them, in my opinion.

On a side note, why is it that the only people interested in writing me live so far away that they have to schedule a vacation to see me? Don't know how to take that.

[elelator_cpl]

We usually try to exchange email a few times, and if possible chat online to get a feel for if someone is genuine. But in general, once we decide we'd like to get to know them better, we don't have an issue with providing them our phone.

...after all, lots of people we already wish didn't have our phone call us every evening around dinner time trying to sell something

But seriously, we try to get to a point with the folks where we've introduced eachother via online methods, such that when it comes to the point where we are arranging a meeting, we don't feel uncomfortable.

I guess it all depends on each encounter... and your comfort level.

al&denise

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
What has always worked for me best (knock on wood!) is simply my gut feelings about things. I've made allowances here and there, and sometimes not. All based upon my gut. Not real scientific, is it. None of us know all the facts of the e-mails and communications, but given all circumstances, there is a possibility I would cut them some slack since they are in Germany, traveling here, etc. Hard to say without knowing all details.

Whatever happens...I hope it works out for ES. Seems as if he's making a sincere effort to level the playing field, and I would suspect he definitely is treating them with courtesy. Sorta his nature...

- EBF

Decided to share their enlightened responses with you all. Kinda reminds me of some of the emails a couple told me they recieved from some single guys before they shunned all single men. LOL

email #1
Hello there,...maybe we contacted you before...not sure...
we are a couple from Germany, once a quarter in the Staates for business which we combine with fun.
Since we enjoy the lufthansa and united frequent traveller milage...staate in us is not a problem to go...smile..so your place would not be a problem for us at all.

email #2
Hi there,
wow....I would love to meet a man like you....
WE are living in Nuremburg..so not too far a way from the place you stayed....
Here in Germany we never date a person for that reason..smile....because of the kids and to keep it seperate...special spicy for the time we are in the states.
Here my husband is the MAN in the marriage..but when in the States....I love to be a slut for a black man like you...while he has to watch...
Sorry...but you know...we Germans are direct.
Kisses

email #3
Hi ...well as´I told you.......
I cant avoid to say that I love to be a slut for a black man while my hujsband has towattch...uips that was diredt....We are looking for a dominant guyu to meet......ups
Since we are sedrius about to meet and as we dont mind to call from Germany, what would be the contact number for you?
kisses

emails 4 and 5 were simply asking for my phone number again.

[JustAskJulie]

I am probably overly cautious regarding giving out my phone number. Partially because I don't want to be stalked and partially because I really hate talking on the phone. Typically, I haven't given out my phone number until we start talking about meeting if they ask for it then. And even that has been pretty rare.