Declining to play with a couple who is poly or in an open marriage

frenzb4sex · 12-14-2003, 05:05 PM

Dusty and Fasder, I am sorry you had to go through this. While it's a great thing that you were able to get this information and to not get "lead on" too much, I am sure you are very dissapointed as well, since you stated that you were very compatible in several areas.

Lora and I had this happen to us about a year ago, where a couple had been in contact with us and everything seemed fine, until they said that they normally "meet" with a couple and then everyone goes their separate ways for the evening, and then we meet back at the end of the night/next morning. (as in, I would go with his wife, and he go with mine).

After all was said and done, we found out that it was pretty much the same thing you explained. While we actually prefer swinging in seperate rooms, something like this where they had mentioned this was just a little too much for us and the red flags started flying.

Keep your heads up, you did the exact right thing and your response was natural. You will find those that you will be compatible with you--just give it time, they may show up when you least expect it!!

And--by our handle, yes we DO believe in friendship and having benefits as well.....*WINK*

Tim

yawanna · 12-14-2003, 05:40 PM

From your first post here it was clear to us that you had reasonable doubts about this other couple and going further. Mr and I discussed your post and without any further information we surmised that you were right to call a halt to any more meetings......that couple don't play the way you two wish to. End of story. You were right. No need to second guess yourselves.

Often people have hidden agendas or different ideas about what constitutes 'swinging'. Doesn't make them right or wrong...just reinforces a need to get to know people, as you say, before considering getting intimate.

Elusive BiFem · 12-15-2003, 08:12 AM

Everything else aside, why would you even give the time of day to someone that attempted to follow you home after they had tried to find out where you lived and after you had avoided the answer. (Just as I would until I got to know someone rather well). Even if everything else had been picture-perfect with these people up to that point, that single thing would have first scared the crap out of me, then...made me more than mad.

As for your question...you establish your own rules and boundaries and people can either agree or not. Because they have different rules, you are not obligated to change yours unless you and your partner decide you really want to. Obviously, as we get to know people and become comfortable, some boundaries change and if nothing else, it is more acceptable to throw new ideas and suggestions out on the table for negotiation. But not at the time of initial contacts.

Just my thoughts....EBF

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12-14-2003, 05:05 PM	#16 (permalink)
frenzb4sex Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 239 Location: Central Illinois Status: Male of Couple SLS Name:frenzb4sex	Been there, done that Dusty and Fasder, I am sorry you had to go through this. While it's a great thing that you were able to get this information and to not get "lead on" too much, I am sure you are very dissapointed as well, since you stated that you were very compatible in several areas. Lora and I had this happen to us about a year ago, where a couple had been in contact with us and everything seemed fine, until they said that they normally "meet" with a couple and then everyone goes their separate ways for the evening, and then we meet back at the end of the night/next morning. (as in, I would go with his wife, and he go with mine). After all was said and done, we found out that it was pretty much the same thing you explained. While we actually prefer swinging in seperate rooms, something like this where they had mentioned this was just a little too much for us and the red flags started flying. Keep your heads up, you did the exact right thing and your response was natural. You will find those that you will be compatible with you--just give it time, they may show up when you least expect it!! And--by our handle, yes we DO believe in friendship and having benefits as well.....WINK Tim __________________ "I can resist everything except for temptation..."

12-14-2003, 05:40 PM	#17 (permalink)
yawanna Has Left the Building Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 1,176 Location: Canada Status: married female	you were bang on at the get go :) From your first post here it was clear to us that you had reasonable doubts about this other couple and going further. Mr and I discussed your post and without any further information we surmised that you were right to call a halt to any more meetings......that couple don't play the way you two wish to. End of story. You were right. No need to second guess yourselves. Often people have hidden agendas or different ideas about what constitutes 'swinging'. Doesn't make them right or wrong...just reinforces a need to get to know people, as you say, before considering getting intimate.

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12-15-2003, 08:12 AM	#18 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,400 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	Everything else aside, why would you even give the time of day to someone that attempted to follow you home after they had tried to find out where you lived and after you had avoided the answer. (Just as I would until I got to know someone rather well). Even if everything else had been picture-perfect with these people up to that point, that single thing would have first scared the crap out of me, then...made me more than mad. As for your question...you establish your own rules and boundaries and people can either agree or not. Because they have different rules, you are not obligated to change yours unless you and your partner decide you really want to. Obviously, as we get to know people and become comfortable, some boundaries change and if nothing else, it is more acceptable to throw new ideas and suggestions out on the table for negotiation. But not at the time of initial contacts. Just my thoughts....EBF