Our declining number of rules.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Hello Y'all,
Laurie and I have been active in the lifestyle for 10 months now. We are having a great time. I have noticed something that makes me raise an eyebrow.
When we started we had a list of rules. One by one we have decided to discard those rules. When we started we agreed that we would never do something with a playmate that we hadn't done together first. Now days I figure if a playmate is experianced in something we aren't familiar with go for it and we'll learn.
When we started we were same room only and played as a couple only. Now I'm perfectly comfortable if a guy we know takes Laurie upstairs at a party. I may go to watch or join if I'm not busy but neither of us feels the NEED for me to be there.
Even our condom rule has a little wiggle room these days. There are 2 couples we know well. We know they are always very careful so we don't worry about it with them.
The only rule we've added is "We don't play on the first meeting" and even that has a quiet little "except when we do" tacked on to the end.
Is this a common experiance? I'm curious to hear of others have made the same progression.
Thanks,
Jeff and Laurie

[Chicup]

Odds are if you keep the same rules throughout your swinging you are doing something wrong or one of you really at heart doesn't want to be doing it in the first place.

We as a couple have no rules in swinging, but we know each other well enough we don't need them. We threw our rules mostly out the window after the first time.

[SouthBond]

Your are just becoming more comfortable. For a couple to succeed in swinging, you have to love each other, you have to trust each other and you have to totally enjoying seeing your spouse having a great time. Saying all that, you still have to use your best judgment in all situations.

[lovinher]

Is this a common experience? I'm curious to hear of others have made the same progression.

We haven't taken the plunge (full swap) yet but our "rules' have already changed quite a bit in the year or so that we have been taken it seriously. So I'm sure it is very common.
One rule I don't see ever changing is playing together. It is the "together" part that we are in this for. IMHO, playing separate is just fucking other people. Put the torches out! If that is OK for some couples then good for them! I'm not trying to change anybodies mind on the subject.

But then again....never say never.

Never mind.

[good times]

Yep, pretty much the norm. We had a bunch of rules before we started, about 90% of them got discarded after our first time playing with a couple. Now days, we have no real rules, now most of what we do have would better be termed as preferences.

[2BeDeviled]

Mr BeDeviled here ... after seven months of talking, thinking, reading about the whole damn board, etc, we had our first swing experience on Friday. The "soft swap" rule lasted about 30 seconds with this wonderful, caring couple. The only other rule (same room only) collapsed about 10 minutes later when Mrs BeDeviled rolled over in a happy moment and nearly pushed me out of the bed (just like in real life :-)). My playmate and I took the cue and headed for the safer environs of another room. Mrs B kept saying that despite our complete inexperience, that most of these rules would turn out to be for the birds! Right she was thanks to the fact that after 27 years together, we have far more trust in each other than we even knew! Our first playfriends were kind, considerate and just a joy to be nekkid with! Not many rules left :-)

[curiousswingers]

We had a few rules when we started as well, but after(well during)our first experience most of them went right out the window, and Id have to say we don't really have and "rules" now just what we are all comfortable with. Like someone else here stated I believe we have more trust in each other than even we knew Love this lifestyle!

[BiloxiCouple]

Ours is down to no means no.

[LOL_OMG]

We had an extensive list when we first started...then we met another couple who we liked and had been swinging for longer. They said "rules? what do you need rules for?" We started talking about that statement, and for us it was pretty much a DUH. We know what each other is like and pretty much what each other is feeling. If things are uncomfortable both of us are forward enough to say so.

As far as our current rules:

1) Nobody as young as my kids, or as old as my Mom.

2) Have to have teeth.

Mrs

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

As far as our current rules:

1) Nobody as young as my kids, or as old as my Mom.

2) Have to have teeth.

Mrs

I agree with number one but no teeth could be a good thing.

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

We had an extensive list when we first started...then we met another couple who we liked and had been swinging for longer. They said "rules? what do you need rules for?" We started talking about that statement, and for us it was pretty much a DUH. We know what each other is like and pretty much what each other is feeling. If things are uncomfortable both of us are forward enough to say so.

As far as our current rules:

1) Nobody as young as my kids, or as old as my Mom.

2) Have to have teeth.

Mrs

But you didn't say how many!!! Haha.

I'll use the smiley with only four teeth....

Mr. Truelove

[WesternSwing]

I agree with Chicup, if you keep the same rules forever than someone's heart really isn't in it, or jealousy is a problem they aren't addressing or discussing.

We started with a laundry list of rules (in fact I think one of my first posts were about our rules) and we've pretty much threw those out the window one by one over the years as we've become more comfortable with the Lifestyle and with each other. We're down to four biggies and that's about it:

No taking one for the team.
If we want to play alone we ask if it is okay with each other.
All play is disclosed beforehand, not after the fact.
Always use condoms

We've eliminated all those having to do with what sex acts are off limits or those about single men or women, playing solo, flirting, cross-contact, or contact with playmates without the other being present.

I think that as we've become more experienced we've also become even more trusting of the other person and even more sure that we are "it" for each other and that in the end it's just "us".

Mr. WS

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

Thanks for all the great replies. It sounds like we are just settling in to the lifestyle.

[Semod]

Yup, our rules have changed too. But, it seems for every rule that's dropped, she adds another.

Our rules include:

Safe sex
No one that lives in our small town or neighboring towns
No taking one for the team

HER RULES
No one young enough to be our child (we have kids in their 30's)
No playing without the other unless it's part of a threesome


HIS RULES
She's free to break her rules
I'll abide by her rules

[BCinIN]

Odds are if you keep the same rules throughout your swinging you are doing something wrong or one of you really at heart doesn't want to be doing it in the first place.

Normally I agree with you Chicup, but we believe some things are better kept between us--having fun with other couples is nice, but there are some things no one else should be able to have, and they aren't all sexual either--some are social.

That said, our rules are pretty limited, but solid--we both like them the way they are.