Pulling out, before coming, your thoughts?

[myspaceguru]

Just curious. We are new to swinging and are going to attend our first swingers Halloween Party 2006. We are classy young couple 21 F and 23 M. We have a very good relationship, not married yet but are engaged and live together.

One of the rules we have set is to always use condoms with plenty of lubricant and never to come inside of her. This is our comfort zone.

What does everyone here think about swinging with a couple that expects you to pull out?


Ps. We have more rules, but pulling out doesn't seem to be covered in other threads.

[JTcamp05]

If you were using a condom correctly and you "came" your really "comming" into the condom and not "her".......

I'm sure a responsible couple can have sex with the use of a condom safely....without every detail worked out....

You might find your comfort level with your rules raise if your very selective and "swing" with couples you feel comfortable with.....

As for my thought....I would be insaulted if that request was made to me....as if I didn't know how to use a condom correctly.....

[deanncat]

sounds a little too controling

[lookingfornow]

Agreed. I guess we would shy away.

[GotBatteries?]

This is our prefered method of finishing.

Usually, I (female) will ask the male to come on my tuchas or sometimes, my face. Depending on the position. I happen to like it when a guy does that, its visually stimulating as well as...well, hot. So far, it hasnt been looked at as an odd request-at least no one is freaking out because I ask them to do it.....maybe they are and I just dont know? Hmmmmm.

The other reason I prefer this is because we have chosen not to use hormonal birthcontrol in our personal life. I feel, rightly or wrongly, that I am taking less risk of having an 'oppps!' with a swing partner by keeping their swimmers away from my pool.

So, at least to US, this wouldnt be a strange request.

[Sweet_Candy]

Would have to agree we would shy away too if condoms are involved. It's bad enough we have to use a condom then to be asked to pull out?

[Mr. Truelove]

It seems odd to me that you would require pulling out after already requiring a condom. There is that thing called pre-cum that is already well on it's way into the condom at that point. I do like pulling out, putting in, pulling out, putting in...

But if I liked you, I'd go along with it.

[sexyshelby]

I don't really see the point... But if we liked you and knew about this upfront, I guess it wouldn't be too big of an issue.

What makes you feel more comfortable with this rule?

By the way, Welcome

~SS

[myspaceguru]

We are new to swinging and practice this in our home. I don't wear a condom but I do pull out, even though she is on birth control. Perhaps in the future this won't be such a big deal to us. Being new to swinging we haven't learned how to judge people in these kinds of situations and at our age we couldn't afford to have anything happen, pregnancy or stds. We are not saying that people can't be trusted, or that they don't know how to use a condom properly. It's just that we are trying to open our minds up to the whole idea and before we do we've set boundaries. Not to insult anyone on their abilities to read a package and apply the directions properly, or even their experience. It's just to make her more comfortable and if she's not comfortable I'm twice as uncomfortable and we are an easy going couple.

I personally don't find anything wrong with pulling out, even when we did use condoms I still did. This is something I've done in our relationship and other relations that I've had. Perhaps I'm desensitized and my dick hasn't much feeling, but wearing a condom really isn't that much different in my opinion. If you use plenty of lube and she has been teased to where she is extremely hot and wet, that's where the excitement is for me. Her touch, her kiss, her hot wet pussy, her red face and shacking legs when she gets off.

I know there is also the question of pre come. Really though, I might be missing something here, because when I've taken a condom off, before coming, it doesn't seem like there is much there. If the condom broke before coming then there's a chance something could happen, but it's probably much smaller than if there was a huge load in her. The only thing I could recall as pre coming was when I was with my first girlfriend and 2 seconds into it I came, didn't want to tell her so I kept going, then came again. Does that qualify as precome or is it just seconds.

Personally I've found pulling out to be as and in some cases more stimulating than coming inside. We as a couple have figured out ways to make this fun for the both of us. If she just left me hanging and I had to get off myself, then there would be no pulling out. Sometimes though I prefer that I do it myself and we always mix things up. She has become very aware of my needs right before the fact and it actually has become very stimulating. There are a lot of tricks a women can do on a man before he gets off like massaging the outside of the anus, or biting his nipples.

This whole pulling out thing isn't as bad as it sounds. Some people may not prefer it, but not everyone has to swing with us and we respect their needs as long as they respect ours. Perhaps in the future our rules will not be so tight, but for now we are sticking to them.

Another rule we have, this is not for swinging, just in the bedroom. Is that we are always completely honest with each other and she always, always gets off before I do.
I set this rule because when I come, I don't even feel like getting out of bed. This way she's happy and I'm happy.

Thanks for the posts,

Looking forward to your responses. If the grammar is off, send me the changes I'll fix it.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by myspaceguru

One of the rules we have set is to always use condoms with plenty of lubricant and never to come inside of her. This is our comfort zone.
What does everyone here think about swinging with a couple that expects you to pull out?

Now, are they talking about not cumming in YOUR partner, or your play partner? You may want to clarify this, because I'm thinking that may be what they are meaning. First of all, I will give you a little advice. Making love to your partner, no condom no problem. But if you are having sex with these people and you have never met them before I would advise that it not be an issue, because you should be wearing a condom anyways. I would clarify the issue with them about partner vs. play partner, and buy a box of condoms.

[myspaceguru]

Nobody's coming in anybody in this situation, not even with a condom. We will always use condoms with play partners. I won't come in my female play partner and I expect the play partner guy not to come in my partner. Even if you're wearing a condom you still pull it out.

Does that help clarify things?

[Mr. Truelove]

If you think pulling out will decrease your chances of transmitting an STD, it may be true, but on a scale that it likely wouldn't matter.

Also, certain STDs are transmitted outside of the protection of a condom anyway.

This is covered pretty well in the STD forum if you poke around.

[Dooode]

I'm lost on the whole rule of pulling out even if a condom is being worn. The condom offers some protection against STDs, and its track record in preventing pregnancies is pretty good, but it won't prevent ALL STDs and it won't prevent ALL pregancies (precum DOES carry a degree of sperm after all, and should the condom ever break, who's to know ..?).

I'm not against comfort levels, nor am I against preferences. But this activity will NEVER be 100% safe and that's a fact. Swinging by its very nature has a degree of risk, whether it's intentional or unintentional.

You can MINIMIZE the risk. But 100% safe? No way, Jose.

Originally Posted by myspaceguru

We are not saying that people can't be trusted, or that they don't know how to use a condom properly.

Absolutely, say that. Anything can slip past you if you don't keep an eye open.

Seriously. Let's get real here: We're talking recreational sex, not devoting your heart and trust to your life mate.

As good a time as it can be, NEVER let your guard down.

[myspaceguru]

We are trying to minimize our risks, that's all. It's within our comfort level. I'm sure when people meet us this shouldn't be a problem and if it is and we never hook up, that's fine with us. We all have guards and we don't want to let ours down. "You know, keep an eye open" (Rolling Stones Dooode.)

You all have given us great feedback. Thank you so much. We just wanted to see how people would react. We plan on attending a Halloween party and thought we would put ourselves out there with our thoughts. This way when we go, we have all your thoughts and opinions to consider.

[Sweet_Candy]

Just curious about the pulling out issue. If you know the other male has a vas and the surgical scars to prove it does he have to pull out too?