Is "no oral sex" a deal breaker?

[Snake 'n Bunny]

Hmmmm, I should have done a little more reading before I made the statement that there was a whole spectrum to choose from in the lifestyle. I just read a series of posts which stated not wanting oral sex would be a deal breaker. While my SO and I truly enjoy oral sex with each other, we aren't sure that's something we'd care to share with others. Also, someone went so far as to make the statement that oral was safer than intercourse. Not so, not so, not so. I may know nothing about the swinging life style, but I am STD phobic and have done a LOT of reading on the subject. It's probably safer with a female doing the man than it is with the man doing the woman.

So my question is this....is the "no oral" being a deal breaker the general consensus? Are you expected to know how you feel about this right off the bat?

Thanks again everyone for your patience.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Snake 'n Bunny

So my question is this....is the "no oral" being a deal breaker the general consensus?

As long as you are up front with people about it I don't think their are very many things that are automatic deal breakers. That said, if someone told us that their would be no oral we would probably decline to play with them.

Originally Posted by Snake 'n Bunny

Are you expected to know how you feel about this right off the bat?

Ask anybody who has been in the lifestyle very long and you will probably find that most will say that what they are comfortable with and their rules are an ever evolving thing. So no, I wouldn't expect that anyone would know everything they are comfortable with right off the bat.

[playmatesinpgh]

No oral??? Now that would be a "deal breaker"... Just like a "no kissing" rule...

[tribbles]

Don't sweat it. Just tell people. Some will say "Thanks but we can't do without" and others will say "ok, no problem".

We have something about us that is a pretty big deal breaker - we refuse to shave and don't even trim! We are hariy beasts and like hair. It's who we are. And having a great relationship, that has lasted us over 25 yrs, we aren't changing just to please other people.

Yeah, on this board many, many people said it would be a deal breaker and they wouldn't play with us. In Real Life, we have found plenty of playmates -some who even hunt us down cuz they too, like hair.

Just go have fun. Remember, you are a couple and can always have fun at a party with each other and people watching!



S

[CuriousInOregon]

I would not say it would be a deal breaker for everyone but for most yes, I know that for me Its not My preference to perform Oral on anyone except my husband unless I am EXTREMELY comfortable with that person but as far as ME goes I like my pussy ate with the best of them though Im not opposed to having sex with one and having my husband gnaw on me instead of the said playmate I guess its a "to each their own" kindof lifestyle and Im A-OK

[Amanda69]

No it wouldn't be a deal breaker but be up front about it early on in the process...

[Snake 'n Bunny]

Tribbles - Now see, that is something we've never even considered. People don't want to play unless you're shaved? Hmmm, talk about picky. LOL I try to keep closely trimmed and waxed but have never completely gone hairless. And I know people who HATE the hairless look. They love that thick jungle. Personally, it doesn't really matter to me. I've thought about shaving completely as a surprise for Chas but I'm with you, I wouldn't do it to please others. And yes, we can be perfectly happy just being little exhibitionists and voyeurs and screwing each OTHERS brains out!!!

As for oral, I would have just ASSUMED people WOULDN'T want to do it unless stated otherwise, since I consider that to be an *extremely* intimate act. I can certainly think of a lot of OTHER things to do to play and still have a good time without oral. One of the first things I did when I joined this forum was to go look under the "Swinger Advice" section above. There's a whole section on STD's and a message board there. I hope ya'all have read that carefully.

We love oral sex as much as anyone, (and God is he good at it) but we are not willing to lose our heads and let our sexual urges put us in a position where we have to explain to our kids why "Mom and Dad" are sick. Sorry if some find that offensive or weird. Well, not really, but I'm trying to be nice. LOL As someone said, it's personal preference and we aim to proceed with caution.

[tribbles]

From what I can tell, most people think of Oral sex as light play and the term is soft swing. It's what most people are willing to do when they don't want to go to full intercourse with play partners. Full swap is willing to have intercourse with others but few do anal with anyone but their partners. Check out the Dictionary here, it will help.

And if you missed it, some couples have no kissing rules....they can lick and suck and fuck but not kiss anyone but their own partner.

Just make up your own rules around your comfort zone and expect it to change as you grow and explore. We found our rules changing so fast we screwed up at times....so I suggest you not only talk it out but if necessary, write them down for both to see the changes as they happen. And be accepting of a few mistakes by you or your partner cuz misunderstanding occur-I mark ours down to changing rules toooooo fast and not always both being on the same page at the same time.

[couple_hot_sd]

Being new, we can see where "No oral" might be desirable as an upfront understanding for initial contacts but would probably relax a lot pretty soon if things work out and all members of both couples agree.

I mean, if it was ever to be two on two generally oral would be an important part wouldn't it?

Cory&Dawn

[Snake 'n Bunny]

Hi - Yes I've gathered a lot of people consider oral as *light* play. That's funny because we consider it EXTREMELY intimate and we aren't too sure if that's something we are willing to *give up* to anyone else. It's funny because I think of full intercourse as LESS intimate. LOL I've seen that "no kissing" rule and I can understand that too. I'm not sure it will be one of OUR rules but I can see where people are coming from.

I can see where the rules would be changing fast and in the heat of the moment a *new* rule might be forgotten. I'd just have to slap him up side the head with his dick and make sure he never did it again. We're really not sure where this is going to lead but the ride is fun.

[Snake 'n Bunny]

Originally Posted by couple_hot_sd

Being new, we can see where "No oral" might be desirable as an upfront understanding for initial contacts but would probably relax a lot pretty soon if things work out and all members of both couples agree.

I mean, if it was ever to be two on two generally oral would be an important part wouldn't it?

Hi Cory & Dawn - Well, that's something we haven't decided yet, for ourselves, that is. Oral is CERTAINLY a very important part of our OWN sex lives but we really don't know how much of ourselves we are willing to share. And in spite of what some may contend, STD's are a real concern. This is something we want to do to *enhance* what we already have, which is superb. We aren't willing to give ALL of us to other people nor are we looking to others for a *complete* sex life since we already have a great one together. To US, a man burying his head in my pussy is VERY intimate, more so than intercourse. But that's just how we feel. We love exhibitionism and voyeurism and some touching. Beyond that, we aren't sure YET how far we want to go. I can't imagine not being able to have a good time with others just because oral isn't involved. There's just SO many other things you can do and just the *sexually charged atmosphere* is a turn on. We are taking this VERY slow because we don't want to do anything to harm *us*. That's our priority. But, as others have said, the rules are constantly changing as you go along and we're just going to KEEP doing a LOT of talking.

If you already know you want to eventually do two on two and you don't consider oral that intimate an act, it's a different story for you. Just be sure you are well informed and good luck. This is a great place for information and lots of nice people.

[RDfnd]

The oral issue is truly a confusing one for us as well. We are both interested in furthering our experiences past soft play and into full play. Due to STD facts as we see them, it's our desire to use condoms for oral and vaginal penetration. It seems as though condoms for oral is a fairly unpopular position to take, however we feel that failure to do so might subject us to health risks we're not comfortable with. Stimulating, hot experiences with play partners using condoms and saving bareback for us seems reasonable. Of course the rules of play always need to be discussed and agreed upon by all.

[Snake 'n Bunny]

Originally Posted by RDfnd

Stimulating, hot experiences with play partners using condoms and saving bareback for us seems reasonable. Of course the rules of play always need to be discussed and agreed upon by all.

We haven't even gotten as far as soft play yet, so we really aren't sure just how far we would want to take it. We share your view of STD's and we are also not willing to put our health at risk. There is just so much MORE to our lives than sex and while we want the stimulation we don't want to lose our heads over the entire thing. I think your stance is very reasonable. If we were to ever move on beyond soft play condoms would most definitely be a necessary thing.

[Snake 'n Bunny]

LOL! I see Bunnys been at it again. Well I have a few free moments before I head up to her place and begin the 4th of July celebration and yes we WILL be setting off our own fireworks. God, shes SO good. Better than a dog like I deserve but what the hell, it's sometimes better to be lucky than good!
Now then, to oral. LOL! OK This is something special that Bunny and I have agreed to reserve for each other. She is SO responsive that it's unbelieveable. I don't want to share that with others and neither does she .That may change but remember that we are here to enhance our sexuality not destroy US. Perhaps later as we progress, but it's pretty much agreed that we are BOTH somewhat disease phobic and don't want even the remotest chance of giving each other something nasty that will kill our young butts. Remember that one midair will ruin your entire day!! LOL! So then eat on but BE careful. Set the rules, don't break them in the heat of passion.
We are planning on attending some clubs over the summer and we have found that the sexually charged atmosphere of a club is REALLY turning us on and she will be VERY naked with in a few hours.

[NandTfromCA]

Considering the question of preference, you should have a good idea from all the posts that doing only what you are comfortable with is the best course of action. There are all sorts of ways to swing and if you look hard enough, you will find partners that jive with your way.

Considering the question of STD’s, you are taking a risk the second you make contact with another person. The level of risk is what you have some control over and it is your choice on where to take that. We disagree with your assessment of risk between oral and penis-in-vagina (is there are more consise way to say that?) sex, but it’s a controversial topic where many take the position you do.