Couples with strict rules - are they setting themselves up for failure?

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by Chicup

As long as the Yankee's fans still suck, I'd be interested

That took me a second, but hey, good one!

DISCLAIMER: Considering the current climate on Swingers Board, the above remark is not to be taken as a disrespectful remark regarding the New York Yankees, that baseball team's owner, that baseball team's staff or players, New Yorkers, New Jerseyians (Jerseyites, Jerseyoids?), or any fans of the New York Yankees regardless of their geographical location, race, nationality, religion, sex, sexual preference, or proclivity toward MFMs, MMFs, FFMs, FMFs, MFMFs, etc. Ah hell, I'm a Pittsburgher, the only word I know that gives Yankee fans a seizure is "Mazeroski."

[neoparadigm]

2 Jersey... you could use a dose of respect to all this board...
Be kind and polite and the world is your oyster..

best of luck..

Now back to the rules or lack of them..

[LOL_OMG]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

we currently have two exceptions to our full swap rule. 1) Any couple which visits us from more than 1,000 miles away

I can follow the rulez! In fact I dunno where in Jersey you live but from us to Newark is 460 miles. Soooo if we go to, say...Nashville, and then up to you it should be 1000 miles! woot, we win!

Mrs

[2jersey]

Okay, we are together again - with testosterone in balance.

Chicup, Thrax, LoL - you guys are hilarious (in the finest sense of the term). Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest and explore our natural libidos to the fullest extent. Thanks for making us laugh (and lust).

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by 2jersey

Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest and explore our natural libidos to the fullest extent.

Hey, for Yankees fans you two seem okay. So far. And I like how it seems that your avatar is winking at me.

Usually I don't travel too much farther into the midwest than Ohio, but I'd even be up for a meet somewhere west of that. Just call me adventurous.

BTW, a bunch of us in another thread are gathering in a corner for cheese sticks, pizza, dessert, and spankings. Let me know if you need the GPS coordinates.

Thrax

[LOL_OMG]

Originally Posted by Thrax

Usually I don't travel too much farther into the midwest than Ohio, but I'd even be up for a meet somewhere west of that. Just call me adventurous. Thrax

Can I call you geographically challenged? Cause erm, Jersey is East...not West
Mrs

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

Can I call you geographically challenged? Cause erm, Jersey is East...not West
Mrs

With deep respect, and I mean that most sin-cere-ly, please note that I was responding to a post 2jersey made suggesting, "Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest..."

Yes, you can call me geographically-challenged, but don't call me late for pizza and spankin's. facelick

Why can't we all just get along?

Thrax

[LOL_OMG]

Okay it's 2Jersey's fault with all this mixed up...

Perhaps we can all meet in the midwest

stuff....

We just might need a ruling on just exactly what that statement means....

[2jersey]

Laughing so hard that it hurts... You 'guys' are great...and the Yanks took two out of three at Fenway.

[LOL_OMG]

I must confess, I've never been to a baseball game

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by JTcamp05

After posting on another topic I was wondering how many other couples have run into situations where they have been confronted with unusual "rules". Ex.... no kissing, no oral, ect.. ect... Are these couples setting themselves up to fail? or are they too insecure to last as swingers?

I wouldn't say they are too insecure to be swingers, or that they are setting themselves up for failure, but I would say they are setting themselves up for a rough time of meeting people, and possibly even creating issues between themselves.

Rules such as "no kissing" are very hard to follow when you are physically attracted to someone. The first act you ever did with anyone you were interested in, going all the way back to elementary school, was kiss them. It seems like the most basic act of being interested in someone else.

Having such restrictive rules as "no kissing", "no oral", etc. also puts stress on the other couple who then feels like they are walking on egg shells around them, always wondering if you were going to cross some line that will cause tension between the husband and wife. I know I would. I understand such rules as "no anal", "no solo play", etc., but some rules just leave you wondering "why?" It's like they've reduced sex to a scripted act.

So I think they definitely are setting themselves up for some disappointment, especially regarding someone to play with.

Mr. WS

[blondie77]

When hubby and I first started swinging, we had a whole list of rules and regulations. We had so many "don'ts" that it was hard to enjoy the "do's". I don't think having a lot of rules automatically means you aren't cut out for swinging. I think a lot of people new to the lifestyle have lot's of rules and boundries. What my hubby and I realized is that we were setting ourselves up for failure having too many boundries. The boundries were bound to get crossed, and then what? We'd have a mess on our hands. We only have two rules now. 1. Have fun and make sure everyone is having fun. 2. Respect...towards everyone involved. We've found that this simplifies things a bit and as long as we are respecting each other, there isn't an issue.

[JTcamp05]

Well it sure sounds that its more the "newbees" that start off with the wildest rules. Guess its like anything the more you do it the more comfortable you become. I would agree with Ms WS that they are sure setting themselves up for disappointment.

We just always went into this with a leval of trust and understanding that never needed to be spelled out in a rule book. I just hate to see couples get sidelined with problems steming from rules they can't keep. The lifestyle for us has been liberating emotionaly and sexualy and alot of that comes from the fredom of living outside of the normal rules of relationships. That is of course what were all doing.

[rw53aust]

Rules. What rules? The only rules we have is what passes for such in our marrage, and that is .. consideration.

Works for us

[NCcuriouscpl]

Originally Posted by blondie77

When hubby and I first started swinging, we had a whole list of rules and regulations. We had so many "don'ts" that it was hard to enjoy the "do's". I don't think having a lot of rules automatically means you aren't cut out for swinging. I think a lot of people new to the lifestyle have lot's of rules and boundries. What my hubby and I realized is that we were setting ourselves up for failure having too many boundries. The boundries were bound to get crossed, and then what? We'd have a mess on our hands. We only have two rules now. 1. Have fun and make sure everyone is having fun. 2. Respect...towards everyone involved. We've found that this simplifies things a bit and as long as we are respecting each other, there isn't an issue.

Well said, Blondie! We did the same thing originally.....and now practice basically the same two rules. I believe it's all the 'learning' process and things tend to work out for themselves if you'll just let them!

Since going to the midwest doesn't appear to be good....and no one really wants to go northeast this time of year......Why don't yall come south this weekend for some good ole black eyed peas, collards and chittlins????? facelick (not to mention the fun to be had afterward!!)

Happy New Year everyone!
NCCuriouscpl