Creating an intimate atmosphere that doesn't threaten relationships

[Thrax]

Good point.

Sorry, in trying to be brief (for once), and "clever" (as usual), I didn't proofread my copy. (The Yuengling could have had a little to do with it too.)

The word I used -- "Convince" -- is the wrong word. If I even had the balls to challenge a single or couple with regard to their rules, that would actually be a sign of the Apocalypse.

I'm actuallly a "rules" person. I respect rules. Rules are civilization. I might internally question someone's choices, but I can't imagine me challenging them or demanding that they change. To me, that would be absurd. At the most, I might ask them why they have that position, but as an introvert, that is unlikely to happen.

Can I re-think this and get back to you? Tomorrow, after the Yuengling wears off?

Thrax

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Thrax

The word I used -- "Convince" -- is the wrong word. If I even had the balls to challenge a single or couple with regard to their rules, that would actually be a sign of the Apocalypse.

I knew you didn't mean it, Thrax.

I figured you think like I think when I see a great looking gay guy that I'd love to "convince" to sleep with me...but that's never going to happen.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you're trying to do the same...in reverse...like make a straight8 guy sleep with you.

LM

[LikeMinds321]

P.S. And I'm drinking a Corona...

so that's my excuse for that last post.


LM

P.S.S. Glory! That would be like saying you're gay. I didn't mean that. Maybe it would be like you trying to convince a lesbian to sleep with you?...lesbians never sleep with straight guys, do they?

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

lesbians never sleep with straight guys, do they?

Sometimes

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

P.S. And I'm drinking a Corona...
so that's my excuse for that last post.
LM
P.S.S. Glory! That would be like saying you're gay. I didn't mean that. Maybe it would be like you trying to convince a lesbian to sleep with you?...lesbians never sleep with straight guys, do they?

Jeez Louise, LM, I thought you were better with words.

Alcohol (or maybe it's just the lime in your case) seems to actually affect our judgment and choice of words! Who woulda thought!

I'm just going to ignore most everything else you typed in your lime-induced stupor, except the "lesbians never sleep with straight guys" thang. I'll let CuriousAgain answer that. If he wants to.

As for the lime thing, get some help (he said kindly ),
Thrax

[Thrax]

Dammit, CuriousAgain, my post was supposed to appear BEFORE yours. That was my agreement with Julie, anyway... :rollseyes

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Sometimes

I had this happen once... She seemed straight at the time - now almost two decades later she has a life partner, an association with a GLBT group and is STILL a heck of a softball player...

I am afraid all I was able to do was convince her that lesbianism was better

Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Thrax

If I even had the balls to challenge a single or couple with regard to their rules, that would actually be a sign of the Apocalypse.

I was surprised when I read it, so I am NOT surprised that it was a poor choice of words... So - you're off the hook

But it is still a good BAD example.

Now, if a drunken LikeMinds is out there trying to convert gay men - well, that is the best thing to happen to gaydom since Judy Garland

Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

Softball players, it's the legs, I tell you, it's the legs. Well, the bubble butt thing too. "sigh".

I haven't converted any but I've reminded a couple of why they still like an occasional "hard fucking" as one of them put it. Maybe they weren't really lesbians, just bi with their primary love being of the same sex.

[just1gurl]

ya'll just aren't helping at all.



you're still refering to mysterious rules that I don't know.

Now, reading some of the posts made me laugh my butt off today, great exercise! as I realized what you were saying in one respect - Ha! ha ha. There is the word even!!!!

respect - most everything you said about this was like - OK I want the people I meet to be decent, understanding, caring, thoughtful, kind, even tempered - respectful people ! so this is nothing to do with swinging - it is the same as meeting people everyday. We don't want to meet @$$H*!#$. No cheats, no liars, no thiefs, no etc, etc. I get this. That sounds quite reasonable.

It's these mysterious rules everyone refers to. . .


could someone share some of theres so I can understand this more?

I just hate stepping in the poo.

I want to know before I go if its a white tie affair or skinnydipping we're doing.

oh yes, and are there elegant sophisticated events? I mean where people actually do wear clothes and get to know each other. The human dance!!! as it were ..... not functions where people are coming- no pun intended - just to have orgys and such...

no judgement. I just know if you get their imaginations going, the rest of them follows......... yummmmmmy

(it's almost a full moon ya'll )

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Now, if a drunken LikeMinds is out there trying to convert gay men - well, that is the best thing to happen to gaydom since Judy Garland

Spoomonkey

Well, she at least has me to bi.

Ted

EDIT
Wait a minute that didn;t come out quite right. Dammit, my Glenlivet won't cooperate, but she's hot.

Ted

[HappyPeople]

Bascially, nothing threatens our relationship, the actions of others only threaten our continued friendship/swingship with them.

A few things that might cause us to avoid a couple or single:

Them saying anything negative about our partner.
Them getting jealous that we see others.
Them expecting us to provide complete emotional support for them.
Them trying to push our limits and not taking "no" gracefully.
Them attempting to cause chaos/drama.

Those things would mean that they were not having much respect for us and we'd go into avoid mode if a talk with them did not correct thier behavior. We expect people to have some social skills and use them the same way that our non-play friends do.

[good times]

Originally Posted by just1gurl

It's these mysterious rules everyone refers to. . .


could someone share some of theres so I can understand this more?

Sure, as the subject of rules is a very popular one around here the following link will take you to a thread discussing rules.

What rules have you had or heard of?

[Honey_Tampa]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

For instance one thing that really bothers me at the club is when a single guy (this works in reverse for single women too) comes up to me as soon as Spoo walks away. At that point you have already lost regardless of how much of a hunk you are or how well hung. You've just disrespected Spoo in my book and I will brush you off as fast as I can.

I was nodding my head at my screen reading your entire post, Mrs S. This point is worth repeating a thousand times over. Thank you for saying it.

Mr. Honey and I have been to a few clubs. We've noticed how incredibly respectful genuine swingers are. At least from our experience, we couldn't imagine a true swinger being subversive like that. And it's one of the reasons that helps me feel so relaxed and playful in a swing club. I could never be playful where there are lots of "Cootch Hounds", male or female. For us, you need to understand you're the third wheel ... NEVER the second one.

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by just1gurl

ya'll just aren't helping at all.



you're still refering to mysterious rules that I don't know.

Now, reading some of the posts made me laugh my butt off today, great exercise! as I realized what you were saying in one respect - Ha! ha ha. There is the word even!!!!
...
It's these mysterious rules everyone refers to. . .


could someone share some of theres so I can understand this more?
...
I

Actually I thought I was rather succinct and implicit. I even gave a case study example!

You still seem confused, so I will put on my business like demeanor and answer (apology up front ... I am very CEO boardroom).

I think what you are looking for is the rules for a single woman... and you are asking couples about "their" rules.

They are animals of the same species but not the same genus.

A. Rules are the set of agreed upon boundaries defined differently by each couple (and or single). They are in some cases rigid and in others malleable. They are a living document (like the U.S. Constitution or the law) and change with experience and need. But, like the constitution, change is not frivolous or immediate… it is negotiated and debated and voted upon before it is adopted.

B. Rules are based on the inherent likes and dislikes of the individual couples. For example, preferences for, or against bi contact; full swing (which is everyone changes partners and dances); soft swing (which is foreplay and/or oral contact only) etc…etc…

C. I would suggest you sit down and write out what your personal rules are. You need to know the parameters of your behavior going in also… so you can decide if you are a good match for each other.

Why? Well, if all you are concerned about is a big phallus and you never bother to tell them anal is not ok with you… you could find out it is the “thing” for him and be very, very hurt the next day in more than one way. Or if you are bi, but do not want to be with this particular couple ( she may not be your type)...

How are they to know, if you never COMMUNICATED YOUR PREFERANCE?


Questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you want to be with only the woman?
2. Do you want contact with only the man?
3. Are you bi or bi-picky?
4. Do you do anal?
5. Do you have a size preference? (phallus or height)
6. Are you interested in single men?
7. Where are you willing to meet people?
9. Do you “Play” on the first date?
10. Are you interested in just play or do you want to form a pair bond with one specific couple? (ie. be exclusive with them…like a third person in the marriage)
11. Do you ask for proof someone has no STD’s ? ( yes, there are people out there playing with Herpes).
12. Do your require a picture of both of them "together" before you will correspond or play?

Other than that …look at my first post… basically BE HONEST do not lie about your weight, or contact one member of the couple behind the back of the other, COURT THEM AS A COUPLE… never try to break them up and take one for yourself… and flirt like hell.

Know one thing... you are flirting like hell for the priveldge of one night or however many encounters with this couple ( and they with you)... not for the purpose of obtaining a mate... SEE IT CLEARLY.

DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF ASSUMING IT IS ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT..IT IS ABOUT... PLAY...NOT LOVE.

Is that what you wanted to know?

~Cat …on a hot tin roof.