What Were Your First Rules?

[Paradise19]

I'm trying to learn as much as I can about swinging before I make any kind of decision. I'd rather be informed. I've heard several people mention that when they and their partners first had a swing experience, they went into it with some rules, whether unspoken or written down. I was wondering what some of your "starting out" rules were. I would like to discuss swinging with my partner, but I think rules is a good thing to start with. What kind of rules did you begin with? Whether your first experience was yesterday or 20 years ago, whether it was full swap or looking only, what kind of rules helped you get through it comfortably? What happened if a rule was broken?

Starting Out Sensibly
Paradise19

[BiloxiCouple]

1. Either partner has the right to say "NO". Full veto power.

2. No teeth, no play.

3. We have a code word, if used all play stops for us and we leave the immediate area and discuss it.

4. Bi-play isn't really for her. So don't push it.

5. Don't play with people we work with. Helps to avoid future problems.

6. If you are having personal problems, we will back away until you stabalize.

7. Have fun.

8. Rules can sometimes be changed or bent with proper discussion. We used to have a same room play rule and have manipulated that rule over time.

9. Have fun. This is really important.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Paradise19

I would like to discuss swinging with my partner, but I think rules is a good thing to start with.

Rules will be different for everyone based on comfort levels and desires. I'd see if your partner wants to swing first, and you can both work out rules together second.

[good times]

All I can say about our original rules was that we had to many. Each couple is different and will have to formulate a set of rules that work for them. My only suggestion is that it is easy to make so many or so stringent rules that it makes it no fun. I think the rule that most saved us from all of our rules we had when we started was that "all rules are negotiable and none of them are set in stone". This allowed us to change the rules as we went along. We were surprised that a lot of our original rules that seemed so reasonable when we made them were just unworkable in practice. Now we have very few rules but it works for us.

Our current rules are;

We don't play alone, if one of us plays we both play.

Either of us can veto potential play partners.

Have fun, if either of us isn't enjoying the experiance for any reason we call it a night.

And thats about it we have some other individual rules but they involve types of things we are not into like bi play or anal play, those types of things we just aren't into so I don't really consider them part of our rules.

[txduo2000]

Our only rule in the beginning that is different now was "no kissing". When we first started, I felt that kissing was too intimate, but soon discovered that it's hard to have sex without kissing, so we nixed that one.

We try to keep ours pretty simple.

We both play together, same room only.

No "taking one for the team"

No anal with the other person

Talk about everything.

[JustAskJulie]

Rules are something that need to be developed between you and your partner. As far as how to set them, think about what things you wouldn't be comfortable with, those are the things you should set rules against, she should do the same.

Unfortunately, when my ex and I first started swinging, we didn't set rules, we never thought to. We ended up setting them as we went along and discovered things that we didn't care for or weren't comfortable with.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Unfortunately, when my ex and I first started swinging, we didn't set rules, we never thought to. We ended up setting them as we went along and discovered things that we didn't care for or weren't comfortable with.

This is how we've done it since jumping in a few years ago. It's worked fine for us. The few problems we've had, wouldn't have been avoided with rules. Even with rules.....you'll run across issues that you hadn't even thought about ahead of time That's usually when new rules are made as you discuss it afterwards.

Brett

[sexypairca]

Like others have mentioned, ours have also changed over time. I honestly don't remember what most of them were since they where either agreeably tossed aside or mutually bent. We've pretty much tried to keep things in perspective and respect one another.

[BradAndJanet]

It's a great topic, Paradise19! I've found a few other threads that you might be interested in too.

What are your rules?
What rules have you had or heard of?

-B

[MrXxotic]

Our rules in the begining were so numerous and rigid that it was hard for everyone to have fun. Now they are very simple

#1 No anal with Angel (just not her thing)
#2 Always same room except for girl/girl

[Paradise19]

Wow, even after reading some of your ever-changing rules, I have already learned a lot more. Good thing I read some of these; I wouldn't have even considered some of the finer points... I've approached my partner already about possibly learning together about swinging, and finding out what each of us might like/dislike, but I realize it has to be a slow and gentle process. He has never been accepting of the idea but lately has come around. I think this would be a good topic to bring up when speaking about hypothetical situations with him - we could make up a set of our own rules to see how the other one would regulate an experience. He doesn't want to look on this board yet, so maybe that's a start.

Taking it Slow for Him
Paradise19

[tatandsnoop]

Our first and foremost "unchangable" rule is:

1. We always play "TOGETHER"...never solo. (we're in this together as a couple) Dito

2. Always same room.

3. Always use a condom (a definite must)

4. No kissing on the mouth.

5. Final decission before even contacting a potention play partner(s) is agreed upon by both of us.

6. No transfer of fluids (even with a condom) by him to her or him to me (only from Tatt to me)

7. No anal (my backdoor is Tatts only)

and the most important rule of all:

8. Communication!!! He knows when I am uncomfortable with something with a incomspicuous pat.

Snoopy (F half)

this is a GREAT thread. and definitely helps with the conversation my husband and i are currently having about this lifestyle. we definitely want to do it (MFM) but have to set the ground rules first.

please...keep 'em coming!