soft swing for one while full swing for the other?

fj0065 · 08-25-2005, 12:45 AM

My husband and I have been swinging for 3yrs now. Mostly we have attempted to keep it FMF threesomes with another bisexual female. But as everyone is so quick to point out it is very hard to find a single bisexual female. So when we find one we prefer to make it a long term situation.
Recently we have decided to expand our horizons and attempt to find a couple with sexual ideals similar to ours. Great you say so whats the problem?
The problem is this, while I am pretty much only interested in a bisexual female and soft swinging would take care of that, I also enjoy the aspect of swinging that allows my husband to enjoy other women sexually. That is not to say that I feel that her partner should be ignored,(foreplay is fine) but I only want to have actual intercourse with my husband. I feel like if we start soft swinging it would compromise one of the main reasons (and sources of pleasure) that caused us to start swinging in the first place. My husband being able to have intercourse with another woman. Please give me some advice thanks in advance!

signed
Curious Angel

LikeMinds321 · 08-25-2005, 08:15 PM

Hi Curious Angel,

Welcome to the Swingers Board.

If a guy's wife is having intercourse with your husband, he might feel left out by not having intercourse with you.

I personally believe there is a lot of room for pleasure and fun with a man without ever having intercourse with him. Maybe the men don't feel that way about being with a woman, I'd like to hear some views.

Certainly you are narrowing your possibilities, but it is your decision to decide to keep play to the parameters you're comfortable with.

I read in another post of yours that you do use online ad sites, so I would think that if you made is clear what you are seeking in your profile, the couples will know from the start what they must be prepared for.

LM

Chicup · 08-25-2005, 08:36 PM

Is it just me or is there a rash of these posts lately?

My first question is WHY do you not want to have sex with another man?

How is that different from him having sex with another woman?

New2theSwingSet · 08-29-2005, 11:50 AM

I guess this is similar to what my wife and i experience. We've had fmf and mfm threesomes and she enjoyed the fmf much more. It turns her on alot more to watch and participate with another woman with me. She is not at all opposed to sex with other men, but it's just not as big of a fantasy for her, and i'm quite content with not changing it as long as we're both happy with just sharing other women. We discussed at length why she doesnt prefer to be with other men as much, and the conclusions that i reached was that she simply just felt best experiencing sex with me, that it was difficult for her sometimes to share herself with other men, and that she's more turned on by watching then necessarily by having sex.

on the other hand, if my wife wanted to play with another couple and i was the one being "left out" i would be fine with it and not have any negative feelings of being excluded.

LikeMinds321 · 08-29-2005, 12:36 PM

New2theSwingSe ~

Really like your post.

I think you bring up some good points that all swingers should take into consideration.

As as couple, swinging preferences can vary among us.

LM

Sweet_Candy · 08-29-2005, 03:05 PM

We must be lucky! We are straight and in this together. Our only rule is everyone plays the same. Nobody should feel left out. Would have to concur with the observation made that this has been touched on a lot lately. One partner wants no boundaries but wants to impose restrictions upon the other partner or playmates. Once again we must be blessed.

JandCMI · 08-29-2005, 11:22 PM

From the perspective of a full swap couple -

If we were in a swinging situation and either one of us was "left out" of full-swap intercourse, we would feel shorted.

My only advice to you is to make sure you make your wishes and intentions (intercourse for your husband but you don't want to fuck anyone else) known up front to couples you may meet and don't let them find out in the bedroom. You will chase some people away, for sure, but at least those who stick around will be into that arrangement.

fj0065 · 08-30-2005, 02:38 AM

First I would like to thank you all of your replies, and I totally agree with the fact that if you are going to play you should play fair. All cards must be on the table. I dont believe in any ugly surprises once you get into an intimate setting and the other person(s) are there with false expectations. I am honest with anyone we play with. (but as I also may have mentioned we have yet to encounter this problem as we have only been with females or couples that are into soft swap) so in saying that I am not opposed to other types of erotic play with another man, I just can't bring myself to have sex with him. That is not to say that this might not change in future but for right now

I have my own personal issue's that make me less willing to sleep with another man. I have read a lot of the threads and the one thing that keeps popping up is "What is done cannot be undone" So if you regret it or get into a situation that your partner thought he/she could handle and can't, you have to take him/her home and deal with the fall out afterwards. (I say this because my husband is for it 100% and has been for years trying to get me to sleep with another man). We talk about it some but he leaves it alone when I say no and that is respecting your partners wishes right? I do understand that I have to do a lot more soul searching before I could commit to something like that. Thanks again.

Curious Angel

PS thanks for the welcome likeminds.
PPS Chiccup your funny ie There have been a "rash" of these postings lately.

Vespertine · 08-30-2005, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JandCMI

From the perspective of a full swap couple -

If we were in a swinging situation and either one of us was "left out" of full-swap intercourse, we would feel shorted.

My only advice to you is to make sure you make your wishes and intentions (intercourse for your husband but you don't want to fuck anyone else) known up front to couples you may meet and don't let them find out in the bedroom. You will chase some people away, for sure, but at least those who stick around will be into that arrangement.

Dito

I couldn't agree more!

RMRx2 · 08-30-2005, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JandCMI

From the perspective of a full swap couple -

If we were in a swinging situation and either one of us was "left out" of full-swap intercourse, we would feel shorted.

My only advice to you is to make sure you make your wishes and intentions (intercourse for your husband but you don't want to fuck anyone else) known up front to couples you may meet and don't let them find out in the bedroom. You will chase some people away, for sure, but at least those who stick around will be into that arrangement.

Dito

OMG YA'LL MUST BE THE CPL(S) WE KEEP MEETING!

We have met MANY cpls that the female was listed as BI, and that was great because mrs rmrx2 is very interested in girl girl BUT when we get together and with NO previous warning , it becomes evident that we as a couple are there to provide wifey as thier playmate. While I get left out, the one who is even more frustrated by the situation is mrs rmrx2. Think of it, she does not get the same benefit of seeing me with someone who is genuinely interested in her man. And that is part of the package. So for those who play that way, without discussing it up front, you are a disappointment to BOTH your new friends. Perhaps there are those cpls who the men just want to see the girls go at it and watch, and those should be the only cpls you seek. It is not fair to understand how it is to enjoy seeing your man being with another woman and not think that the other lady you wish to play with would not want the same. rmrx2's

fj0065 · 08-31-2005, 08:25 PM

Hello all! This is an all points bulletin to all the soft swingers out there.

Why you prefer to only be soft swingers?

This is a portion of my wife's thread:
"The problem is this, while I am pretty much only interested in a bisexual female and soft swinging would take care of that, I also enjoy the aspect of swinging that allows my husband to enjoy other women sexually. That is not to say that I feel that her partner should be ignored,(foreplay is fine) but I only want to have actual intercourse with my husband. I feel like if we start soft swinging it would compromise one of the main reasons (and sources of pleasure) that caused us to start swinging in the first place. My husband being able to have intercourse with another woman."

Basically, i want some opinions from other soft swingers.

james

brew82 · 09-03-2005, 09:13 PM

We prefer soft swinging because we prefer to save the intercourse for us.

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08-25-2005, 12:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
fj0065 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 15 Location: philadelphia, pa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mustluvbbw	soft swing for one while full swing for the other? My husband and I have been swinging for 3yrs now. Mostly we have attempted to keep it FMF threesomes with another bisexual female. But as everyone is so quick to point out it is very hard to find a single bisexual female. So when we find one we prefer to make it a long term situation. Recently we have decided to expand our horizons and attempt to find a couple with sexual ideals similar to ours. Great you say so whats the problem? The problem is this, while I am pretty much only interested in a bisexual female and soft swinging would take care of that, I also enjoy the aspect of swinging that allows my husband to enjoy other women sexually. That is not to say that I feel that her partner should be ignored,(foreplay is fine) but I only want to have actual intercourse with my husband. I feel like if we start soft swinging it would compromise one of the main reasons (and sources of pleasure) that caused us to start swinging in the first place. My husband being able to have intercourse with another woman. Please give me some advice thanks in advance! signed Curious Angel

08-25-2005, 08:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
LikeMinds321 I'll think about it Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 10,099 Location: With Wild Things Status: Married Female	Re: soft swing or full swing? Hi Curious Angel, Welcome to the Swingers Board. If a guy's wife is having intercourse with your husband, he might feel left out by not having intercourse with you. I personally believe there is a lot of room for pleasure and fun with a man without ever having intercourse with him. Maybe the men don't feel that way about being with a woman, I'd like to hear some views. Certainly you are narrowing your possibilities, but it is your decision to decide to keep play to the parameters you're comfortable with. I read in another post of yours that you do use online ad sites, so I would think that if you made is clear what you are seeking in your profile, the couples will know from the start what they must be prepared for. LM

08-25-2005, 08:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
Chicup Not a potential *** Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 4,085 Location: Under the bed Status: Tired	Re: soft swing or full swing? Is it just me or is there a rash of these posts lately? My first question is WHY do you not want to have sex with another man? How is that different from him having sex with another woman?

08-29-2005, 11:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
New2theSwingSet Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 10 Location: Ontario Status: Married Male Swing Lifestyle Name:New2TheSwingSet	Re: soft swing or full swing? I guess this is similar to what my wife and i experience. We've had fmf and mfm threesomes and she enjoyed the fmf much more. It turns her on alot more to watch and participate with another woman with me. She is not at all opposed to sex with other men, but it's just not as big of a fantasy for her, and i'm quite content with not changing it as long as we're both happy with just sharing other women. We discussed at length why she doesnt prefer to be with other men as much, and the conclusions that i reached was that she simply just felt best experiencing sex with me, that it was difficult for her sometimes to share herself with other men, and that she's more turned on by watching then necessarily by having sex. on the other hand, if my wife wanted to play with another couple and i was the one being "left out" i would be fine with it and not have any negative feelings of being excluded.

08-29-2005, 12:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
LikeMinds321 I'll think about it Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 10,099 Location: With Wild Things Status: Married Female	Re: soft swing or full swing? New2theSwingSe ~ Really like your post. I think you bring up some good points that all swingers should take into consideration. As as couple, swinging preferences can vary among us. LM

08-29-2005, 03:05 PM	#6 (permalink)
Sweet_Candy Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 535 Location: Houston area Status: Couple	Re: soft swing or full swing? We must be lucky! We are straight and in this together. Our only rule is everyone plays the same. Nobody should feel left out. Would have to concur with the observation made that this has been touched on a lot lately. One partner wants no boundaries but wants to impose restrictions upon the other partner or playmates. Once again we must be blessed.
	__________________ Sweet_Candy

08-29-2005, 11:22 PM	#7 (permalink)
JandCMI Here to Stay Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 96 Location: Detroit, Michigan Status: Male half of couple Swing Lifestyle Name:jandcmi28	Re: soft swing or full swing? From the perspective of a full swap couple - If we were in a swinging situation and either one of us was "left out" of full-swap intercourse, we would feel shorted. My only advice to you is to make sure you make your wishes and intentions (intercourse for your husband but you don't want to fuck anyone else) known up front to couples you may meet and don't let them find out in the bedroom. You will chase some people away, for sure, but at least those who stick around will be into that arrangement.

08-30-2005, 02:38 AM	#8 (permalink)
fj0065 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 15 Location: philadelphia, pa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mustluvbbw	Re: soft swing or full swing? First I would like to thank you all of your replies, and I totally agree with the fact that if you are going to play you should play fair. All cards must be on the table. I dont believe in any ugly surprises once you get into an intimate setting and the other person(s) are there with false expectations. I am honest with anyone we play with. (but as I also may have mentioned we have yet to encounter this problem as we have only been with females or couples that are into soft swap) so in saying that I am not opposed to other types of erotic play with another man, I just can't bring myself to have sex with him. That is not to say that this might not change in future but for right now I have my own personal issue's that make me less willing to sleep with another man. I have read a lot of the threads and the one thing that keeps popping up is "What is done cannot be undone" So if you regret it or get into a situation that your partner thought he/she could handle and can't, you have to take him/her home and deal with the fall out afterwards. (I say this because my husband is for it 100% and has been for years trying to get me to sleep with another man). We talk about it some but he leaves it alone when I say no and that is respecting your partners wishes right? I do understand that I have to do a lot more soul searching before I could commit to something like that. Thanks again. Curious Angel PS thanks for the welcome likeminds. PPS Chiccup your funny ie There have been a "rash" of these postings lately.
	Last edited by fj0065; 08-30-2005 at 02:46 AM.

08-31-2005, 08:25 PM	#11 (permalink)
fj0065 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 15 Location: philadelphia, pa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mustluvbbw	The husband speaks... lol! Hello all! This is an all points bulletin to all the soft swingers out there. Why you prefer to only be soft swingers? This is a portion of my wife's thread: "The problem is this, while I am pretty much only interested in a bisexual female and soft swinging would take care of that, I also enjoy the aspect of swinging that allows my husband to enjoy other women sexually. That is not to say that I feel that her partner should be ignored,(foreplay is fine) but I only want to have actual intercourse with my husband. I feel like if we start soft swinging it would compromise one of the main reasons (and sources of pleasure) that caused us to start swinging in the first place. My husband being able to have intercourse with another woman." Basically, i want some opinions from other soft swingers. james
	Last edited by Vespertine; 09-01-2005 at 09:09 AM. Reason: For clarity

09-03-2005, 09:13 PM	#12 (permalink)
brew82 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 36 Location: WI Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:brew82	Re: soft swing or full swing? We prefer soft swinging because we prefer to save the intercourse for us.

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