Does Swinging Exist?

[BiloxiCouple]

What about Arena Football Rules.

Maybe the rules aren't really rules. Maybe they are really spices that we like to use. Not everyone likes my hot sauce. And I am not a big curry fan.

[yawanna]

yes Julie..and... the latest post was about singles swinging as singles..not necessarily with couples. And in the case of one poster..he meets with only the woman..ever. Thus our confusion about rules.

[JustAskJulie]

For that I revert to my original post in your Swingles thread. In order for it to be swinging a COUPLE has to be involved. If the guy in this couple knows what's going on (or not) it sounds more like cuckolding than swinging as he is not involved in what is happening.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

IMHO

If a couple is involved (meaning two people that share an emotional relationship) and that couple invites a person(s) that is not a part of that relationship to enjoy sex with them -- then it is swinging.

Now, if the involvement of the couple in the actual sex act is that he tells her she can go to the local motel and get laid and then bring home a cream-pie and a story --- then that too is swinging. The couple is involved. If she simply goes to the motel to get laid and he knows nothing about it, then that is nothing more than an illicit extramarital affair.

Now, if the "extra player" isn't part of a couple but is simply used by the couple to fulfill the couples fantasy of a clandestine 1:1 encounter, is that single participant a "swinger" -- probably not. If his only purpose is to have 1:1 MF alone relations with her then his role is absolutely no different than his sex role when entertaining any woman -- he is "a guy having sex" and in this example "a guy having sex with married woman"

IMHO -- in order for a single to accurately consider himself "a swinger" he would have to be "a guy having sex (of some sort) with a couple"

It still remains that the basis of swinging is "the couple" -- without the couple there is no swinging. There may be sex, but it's not within the realm of swinging. So, while in this example of a 1:1 MF, the couple may in fact be swinging -- the single participant is not since the couple is not directly involved in the activities from his point of view.

Is it possible then for a woman to be each of a swinger, bi-fem, and slut-wife --- AND to be able to engage in activities of each of these descriptors seperately from the other? Absolutely!

So, what many (by all means not all) of the single guys I talk to are really interested in is not "swinging" but instead they want to engage in relations with a "slut housewife" -- in that they are interested in only a 1:1 private encounter with her.

It remains that many women who meet the "slut housewife" descriptor are also "swingers" but their partners for 1:1 MF encounters are not swingers.... maybe we need a word for those guys --

[TNT]

Because we can't agree on what swinging is, does it exist? How can something exist if it can't be defined?

Yes it exist.

If I tell you I'm having a soda (coke here in the south), you know that I'm having a carbonated beverage. You don't know what flavor it is, (i.e. Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Coke) so if you want to know you ask what kind?

If I tell you I'm a swinger, you automatically know that my attidudes toward sex are totally different than what society generally thinks they should be (one couple having sex with each other only). However, you don't know what flavor of swinging I participate in unless you ask.

Swinging is a different way of viewing sex, and yes, I believe that singles can be swingers if they have the same views.

Swinging is having sex outside what most of the world preceives as the norm (just two people having sex, either married or not married, straight couples or gay couples...ok, I know most don't view gay couples as being the norm, but views are definitely changing on that).

To swing you have to have more than two people.

Teresa

[BettyAnnMBSC]

I personally don't buy the debate that it is all a matter of views. Someone that likes football is not a football player until and if he actually plays the game. A person is not a participant in the lifestyle until such time as he actually participates.

Nor is simply "having sex outside the norm" a reliable indicator of who is and is not a swinger. That simply defines who isn't having sex within societal norms -- all german shepards are dogs but all dogs are not german shephards...

It's easy to talk about countering the feelings of jealousy or self-doubt that sometimes (inevitably) arise if you've never actually seen your husband go down on another woman. It's another matter altogether to discuss those feelings when you've "been there-done that"

One problem we have in swinging circles is not misunderstanding by participants but one of misinformation propogated by non-participants.

I have no way of knowing which people post to this board that have never once engaged in any activity that could be called swinging. I have some suspicions though. I also don't know which members of the list have experienced "a threesome once in college" 10 years ago and now consider themselves "swingers". I suspect that a large number of the singles that post here are not "swingers" and my suspicion is based on their failure to comprehend same base realities.

Some of the posts that I've read over the past year on this board are clearly the advice of non-participants and therein lies a large problem with defining "who we are"

That though is just my opinion and not directed toward anyone in particular.......

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by TNT
Yes it exist. SNIP
If I tell you I'm a swinger, you automatically know that my attidudes toward sex are totally different than what society generally thinks they should be (one couple having sex with each other only). However, you don't know what flavor of swinging I participate in unless you ask.

Swinging is a different way of viewing sex, and yes, I believe that singles can be swingers if they have the same views.

Swinging is having sex outside what most of the world preceives as the norm (just two people having sex, either married or not married, straight couples or gay couples...ok, I know most don't view gay couples as being the norm, but views are definitely changing on that).

To swing you have to have more than two people.

Teresa

Very well said.
I think that most non-swingers would think of wife-swapping if a person who is part of a couple told them they were a swinger. Single males would be judged as somewhere on a line between cad and stud. Single females would go from slut to ??? Does anyone know one word that would be synonymous with stud for women? ie, praising rather than derogatory. I'll probably kick myself at the answer but I sure can't think of one. EBF help.

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by TNT
Yes it exist.

If I tell you I'm having a soda (coke here in the south), you know that I'm having a carbonated beverage. You don't know what flavor it is, (i.e. Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, Coke) so if you want to know you ask what kind?

If I tell you I'm a swinger, you automatically know that my attidudes toward sex are totally different than what society generally thinks they should be (one couple having sex with each other only). However, you don't know what flavor of swinging I participate in unless you ask.

Swinging is a different way of viewing sex, and yes, I believe that singles can be swingers if they have the same views.

Swinging is having sex outside what most of the world preceives as the norm (just two people having sex, either married or not married, straight couples or gay couples...ok, I know most don't view gay couples as being the norm, but views are definitely changing on that).

To swing you have to have more than two people.

Teresa

[yawanna]

Thank you BettyAnnMBSC - your articulate responses and thoughts are very much appreciated and definitely food for fodder

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by imsnowman
Very well said.
I think that most non-swingers would think of wife-swapping if a person who is part of a couple told them they were a swinger. Single males would be judged as somewhere on a line between cad and stud. Single females would go from slut to ??? Does anyone know one word that would be synonymous with stud for women? ie, praising rather than derogatory. I'll probably kick myself at the answer but I sure can't think of one. EBF help.

With assistance from wrnakedru...what about courtesan?

Can be defined as...
A courtesan is a person paid and/or supported for the giving of social companionship and intimate liaisons to one or more partners. The word is generally reserved for those who enjoyed the most social status for such services. Although the term has been applied to people from several cultures and historical periods, it is most applicable for those to whom it was first given: the women of Renaissance Europe who held a socially recognized, if not quite socially accepted, position as well-compensated companions.

The role of courtesans should be neither overly romanticized nor offhandedly scorned. On the positive side, they had freedoms that were extremely rare for other women at the time. They were not only financially comfortable (when business was good) but financially independent, with control of their own resources rather than dependency on male relatives. They were very well-educated compared even to upper-class women, and often held simultaneous careers as performers and artists.

Of course, some definitions call it a prostitute...but I prefer the above.

Does that help? - EBF

[imsnowman]

It has a nice ring to it.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

Does anyone know one word that would be synonymous with stud for women?

I personally like slut and intend to take that word back from those that would make it a bad word. Not in its original meaning related to slattern and certainly not in the sence related to strumpet or harlot. Strumpet is a cute word though but it sounds too much like food -- maybe a desert...

fornicatress is an interesting word but its a bit of a mouthful as is fellator (hehehe). I'm not sure that I like trollop but it could have a place. Tart is an interesting word too, but it too sounds like a desert (oh yeah! it is.).

Were I more of a group player, I might use party girl or even party slut -- I know one that is a very sweet child.

We sometimes use Don Juan and Cassanova for stud guys, maybe we should use our own literary figures. Wonder who'd be a good example -- Hester Prynne wasn't really a slut nor was Madame Bovary.... Aldonza was a professional whore.

Since most of us aren't paid (at least not directly) for sex; we can't really use Ho, whore, hooker, streetwalker, working girl, lady of the evening, or call girl. I like the euphemism social aider for professionals -- but it doesn't apply to me since I don't really give lessons I am sometimes referred to though as Betty the Virgin-Slayer

So, as I consider all of the many words we have in modern usage that describe a woman that likes to have sex - and enjoys sex with many partners; I have to concede that the term most people think of first to describe such a woman is slut -- sometimes in a negative way and sometimes in a positive way -- but always with the same interpretation -- "she's a real slut" means "she has sex with alot of guys..."

now, she can be a party-slut in which case she favors being the only dish on the plate at the banquet - or she could be a lipstick-slut in which case she's 110% feminine and likes to tease. She could be a slut-wife, trailer-slut, or just "a-little-slutty" each having their own connotations. Slut is just such a great word!

sign me a slut in South Carolina - but not a slovenly slattern

[imsnowman]

Originally posted by BettyAnnMBSC
I personally like slut and intend to take that word back from those that would make it a bad word. Not in its original meaning related to slattern and certainly not in the sence related to strumpet or harlot. Strumpet is a cute word though but it sounds too much like food -- maybe a desert...
SNIP
Slut is just such a great word!

sign me a slut in South Carolina - but not a slovenly slattern

I totally agree that slut should be on both ends of the scale. Cad to stud and slut to Slut depending on the tone of voice. But in my note I was talking about your average get-the-news-from-CNN neighbor. If they use slut on one end of the scale they probably won't on the other.

The words suggested so far are great words but probably not common-usage type words. Does it say something about the English language and society that there doesn't seem to really be a word for a woman who enjoys sex, participates with more partners than the "average" lady and does so "ethically"?

[BettyAnnMBSC]

Does it say something about the English language and society that there doesn't seem to really be a word for a woman who enjoys sex, participates with more partners than the "average" lady and does so "ethically"?

I'm not sure that the problem is one of language but of social attitude. I say that because slut does describe the woman you write of. In simplest terms -- a slut is a sexually promiscous woman (ie: she has many partners, and she probably has many partners becasue she enjoys sex)

Where there is a social connundrum is in our prevailing attitude toward the open sexuality of women. "she's such a slut" is taken as an afront -- even when she IS a slut. We take that word to be a disgracing commentary on her moral character instead of a simple comment on her sexual proclivity.

So, let's put an end to that usage -- we can. All we have to do is start using it ourselves as a self-descriptor.

I'm a slut and I don't care who hears it!

[BettyAnnMBSC]

I have this printed in my notebook -- I wish I knew who to attribute it to. If anyone knows please let me know too.

I really wish I had written it -- it's the kind of prose that just makes you think....
======================

I used to not think this, but there comes a time in a man's life when he appreciates the value a good slut. A slut will suck your cock right. Sucking your cock wrong means timidly putting her lips around it, making a perfunctory effort for about one minute, and then coming back up for more kissing. Wrong! A slut doesn't mention condoms, and if you have one, she doesn't put it on backwards three times before getting it right. That's what's great about sluts. I mean, they know how to fuck. A slut will lie flat on her back if that's what you want. If you want her flipped over, she flips over. No questions asked. No forms to be filled.1 If your wish is to lie there and be ridden like a broomstick, a top-of-the-line slut can gyrate at twenty-two cycles per second. That's serious fucking. A slut doesn't worry when you put your finger over her asshole. She knows you'll move on soon enough like a bee at the picnic table. A slut loves poetry and knows the power of the spoken word. Original poetry like 'fuck me harder' and 'God I want you deep inside me'. A slut will match your level of dirty talk like a lizard matches brown. A slut doesn't want to sleep over. And she doesn't kiss and tell. What is there to tell? And who would she tell it to? While you ponder these and many other questions, a good slut is already busy fucking, someone else.

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