What is Your Personal Definition of Swinging

[JustAskJulie]

I have often said that there are as many definitions of swinging as their are swingers. Everyone has their own view of what is swinging and what is not.

For some single males can not be swingers and for others they can be. For some swinging must involve two couples. For others still it must involve full swap for intercourse and anything less is not swinging.

So tell us what your definition of swinging is. What qualifies and what doesn't. And why do you feel that way?

This isn't about getting into a debate over what is and isn't, it's just about getting an idea of various people's points of view.

[sueandmark]

Why does the definition of what is swinging cause so much consternation on this board? And why are people so insistent that their definition of swinging is right?

For us, it is about doing what makes us happy, regardless of the number and/or status of the people involved. Granted, we have guidelines we go by (no couples that are not seriously involved, no attached men without their S/O, etc.), but that is just us.

If a single guy wants to call himself a swinger, fine. If a man wants to swing without his S/O, with or without her knowledge/permission, then that is his prerogative. We may not agree with it, but it isn't our life.

Of course, that's just my opinion, and I can certainly be wrong.

-Mark

[JustAskJulie]

I think it's like anything that people have strong opinions about. They don't understand why someone else feels differently.

That's the main reason I started this thread (and I'm hoping a few more people will post to it), is to get people to express why they feel the way they do about it and perhaps help others to understand their reasoning as well (whether or not they agree with it).

As for our personal answer and the one that I apply here on the board (to some extent). I believe that anything that a couple does involving people outside their relationship is swinging. Whether they are involving a single or another couples or 10 other couples. Whether they are actually together while they are doing it or have agreed to allow each other to play in private. So long as both partners are aware of what is going on and agree to it.

[L&K]

i have the answser to this ,,,,,,, I was watching Berman & Berman , the question was
" what constitues cheating " answer was anything that the spouse was not aware of regarding another of the opposite sex , that includes a kiss or e-mail ect , you get the point .

Now lets apply that to swinging . " swinging is " anything to do with sexuality , e-mails , playing on the net right on up to full swing and orgies .

Because Mr A and Mrs B never meet and only play sex games on the net , cyber sex if you will . Does this mean there now swingers in there own way ? I dont think so .

\Guess i take the term swinging pretty lose but that is me .

M

[sportync]

To me swinging encompases any sexual activity envolving people other than your significient other, with their(so) knowledge and approval. If they don't know about it, or don't approve of the behavior, then it falls in the realm of cheating. I think that swinging is the opportunity to explore your fantasies and those of your s.o. in a loving, sharing way, thus allowing the one you love to experience sexual activities beyond the scope of your own relationship. Face it, there are many erotic and pleasurable activities that can be enjoyed by a number of people, that just can't happen with only two. Swinging allows us the chance to explore new things together that we would otherwise only dream about. And with love, trust, devotion and a lot of communication, there is little that can't be achieved, provided you find the right people to help you along on the adventure. It's like taking a vacation from the arbitrary rules placed on you by the community in which you live. Noone has the right to tell you how you should behave sexually except the person or people with whom you are dealing with at that particular point in time. Unless they are in your bed, it's really none of their business, so why should they be allowed to set the rules you must live by, while they themselves are probably balling the secretary or the gardner behind the back of the one they claim to love and cherish.
Sportync

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by M & S

Now lets apply that to swinging . " swinging is " anything to do with sexuality , e-mails , playing on the net right on up to full swing and orgies .

Because Mr A and Mrs B never meet and only play sex games on the net , cyber sex if you will . Does this mean there now swingers in there own way ? I dont think so .

M

I couldn't tell from your response whether you were saying that cybersex is swinging or isn't swinging.

[L&K]

Sorry Julie , its amazing what one letter can do , lets change NOW to NOT

Does this mean there not swingers ? i dont think so .

The point is this , some one that does full swap may say your not a swinger unless you do full swap , but to those who do the cyber sex stuff , they would fit the discreption of doing " somthing " out side of there normal relatoinship .

Some time ago , before we were envolved with the life style i seen a piece on TV , cam's on the pc , each couple was having sex and letting the other couple watch , to me this would be some form of swinging .

M

[agilitybabe]

Ahhh,the differance of swinging versus cheating is right my alley considering what happened last few months.
First,to me,swinging is the freedom to express yourself in anyway to the opposite sex AS LONG AS SPOUSE KNOWS AND APPROVES...
Cheating is doing everything behind his back without his knowledge.And what is worse is not even letting the other guy know you are married too.With Mike's recent cheating a few months ago he met someone who he wanted to become friends with because she was cute.No problem if he had confided in me and even let her know he was married.But he didn't.It's over and done with because she got too weird and possessive.But through talks he told me he thoght because we were swingers it was o.k. to fool around outside the marriage.I told him,to me,the big mistake is not telling me he met someone attractive and letting me meet her,and he didn't tell her he was married.Since the ordeal and the fact she found out he's married,she still says she wants to date him but he says NO.She's more of the type(non swinging),who would try to break the marriage and not share.So to me swinging is sharing yourself to the opposite sex in anyway with knowledge and approval of spouse and all parties involved.

Mike & Sue

[Quin]

So to me swinging is sharing yourself to the opposite sex in anyway with knowledge and approval of spouse and all parties involved.

So it's okay for someone to share themselves with a member of their own sex without their S/O knowing and it's not cheating? Ooooooookay.

Quin

[vevaycpl]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

So tell us what your definition of swinging is. What qualifies and what doesn't. And why do you feel that way?

This isn't about getting into a debate over what is and isn't, it's just about getting an idea of various people's points of view.

This is a good topic. We feel the term swinging is very similar to the term, swapping. We feel swinging is better described as sharing your spouse with another couple while you are a participant in the swinging activities. It may be same room or separate room. We feel it is a couples activity. We don't see singe males and single females as swingers. We see them as singles looking for a threesome with couples. We feel swinging is a much more intimate and personal activity between loving couples, than a singles hoping to interact with a couple. Some may like to add single males and females into their sexual activites, but we wouldn't call that activity "swinging". We feel true "swingers" are a very special group of loving couples. God bless the swingers.

[Quin]

We feel it is a couples activity. We don't see singe males and single females as swingers. We see them as singles looking for a threesome with couples. We feel swinging is a much more intimate and personal activity between loving couples, than a singles hoping to interact with a couple. Some may like to add single males and females into their sexual activites, but we wouldn't call that activity "swinging". We feel true "swingers" are a very special group of loving couples. God bless the swingers.

Wow, I'll have to let the 40 some couples within my swinging circle that I've been involved with for years (some going on 22 years) that I'm not a swinger, I'm just a single female looking for some sex with a couple....come to think of it when was the last time I was with a couple? hhhhmmmm it's been a long time. I like groups, the more the merrier....guess that still means I'm not a swinger. Oh welp, guess I'll have to inform them I won't be on the *to definitely invite* list anymore. How sad, I'll miss my swinging friends and our sexual activities. Maybe I'll add the old addage, 'We can still be friends.' <img border="0" alt="[sad]" title="" src="graemlins/sad.gif" /> Some of them I've known since college.

Quin

[agilitybabe]

quote=
"So it's okay for someone to share themselves with a member of their own sex without their S/O knowing and it's not cheating? Ooooooookay."

Whoever said that?.Number one-I'm not bi and have no interest so when I refer to any swapping/swinging and the honesty involved it is with the opposite sex because that is how I relate.And yes if someone else was sharing themselves with someone of the same sex without S/O knowing that is cheating.

Mike & Sue

[Quin]

Whoever said that?.Number one-I'm not bi and have no interest so when I refer to any swapping/swinging and the honesty involved it is with the opposite sex because that is how I relate.And yes if someone else was sharing themselves with someone of the same sex without S/O knowing that is cheating.

While I respect that you're not bi and have no interest in it...this board consists of many who are (and some of those who like to think they are).

You are the one who posted, swinging is the freedom to express yourself in anyway to the opposite sex AS LONG AS SPOUSE KNOWS AND APPROVES... So you're actually leading one to believe that bi-sexuality in no way exists within the swing world, period. While you may not be bi-sexual there are many that are and the more you enlarge your circle of swinging friends, the more likely you are to include a person with bi-sexual orientation. To narrow the swinging world down to strictly heterosexual activity is, well, very narrow minded. While in your world it may be strictly heterosexual, there is a large, ever growning populace of bi-sexual and homosexual individuals entering swinging every day.

I just find it interesting that instead of using a general generic term, you chose to specifically mention: swinging is the freedom to express yourself in anyway to the opposite sex AS LONG AS SPOUSE KNOWS AND APPROVES... &lt;shrug&gt; The things that make ya go hhhhhhmmmmmmm

Quin

[agilitybabe]

Quin-when you copy and paste to make a point do it right,,my quote says "First to ME" swinging is sharing with the opposite sex....That is my preferance and yes I know of many couples who the wife is bi.And they find out I'm not into that but they can have my hubby all they want.You're attitude is swinging must involve bisexuality and no,not necessarily.Like I said before-TO ME,it's sharing of opposite sex,,my preferance.Nice attitude Quin, to your posts-is this why you are single?

[sportync]

Agilitybabe....YOUR ATTITUDE IS SWINGING MUST INVOLVE BI-SEXUALITY. I don't know why you infered this from Quin's response....maybe I missed something, but I don't think this is what she was saying. I can understand that from your perspective(not bi) that you viewed sexual activity as that between opposite sexes....that is just your point of reference, and is understandable. Quin's point of reference tends to include both sexes, but I don't think she was saying that swinging had to include bi-sexuality to be called swinging. The bottom line is, if it's a man or a woman, if it isn't your spouse or SO, it's swinging or cheating depending on whether your spouse/SO is aware of the activity, or is in the dark about it. If my wife hooked up with another girl without my knowledge or approval, or hooked up with a guy, it would still be cheating. If she hooked up with another girl or guy, and I was right there cheering them on, then this would fulfill my definition of swinging...any sexual activity envolving someone other than your partner with their knowledge and approval.It's really all about fantasy filfullment and erotic exploration together as a couple, rather than the lying, cheating and deciet that tends to destroy so many good marriages over a quick thrill. Life is way too short to be filled with sexual frustration, but without complete trust, love and communication, all that's left is cheating. Sportync