What is Your Personal Definition of Swinging

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Reading a penthouse or watching a porno flick is one thing. Any relationship which involves the mutual sexual stimulation of two people in my mind is a sexual act. It is that simple to me.

Touche' back at ya.

Lori

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by ATAK
That's ok, John, cause I went to a titty bar last night! LOL ...and got 4 lap dances...

ATAK

Oh Wait!!! I'm single! I can do that!!!

I could no sooner go to a topless bar and have a lapdance than I could pick up a hooker. Just the way I am. Those girls do NOTHING for me. They have no concern about you. Don't think I am judging you. A lot of my married friends want to go there all the time. I am totally single but I would NEVER frequent a topless bar...no way..why should I pay good money to have some gal that couldn't care less about my personal feelings rub on me? FOR MONEY It in my mind is disgusting to be honest.

Please accept that I am striclty talking about my own feelings here. NO judgement of you or my friends. This isn't real to me.

John.

[Uneed_Love]

Hello Friends,

May I risk my own definition ? In fact as I have already said my GirlFriend and I are contemplating but not already involved in lifestyle. The reason is easy to understand : First You have to meet the good person to follow the rules of the lifestyle... You can be both in love with Your respective partner this does not mean that lifestyle is both side agreed... in such case according to me a single is not a swinger.

I am free to say this because I am a single and she is separated now. As she is living in the suburb of Vancouver and I am living in the suburb of Paris we have cybersex when we are far from our love which is the main part of the time unfortunatly.

The rules my GF put to allow us to enter the swinging life is trust, talk to share about our respective experiences and feelings AND no kiss on the mouth... I am allowed to kiss another female's butt, lick a clit, suck a tit because it's just sex only but kisses are for our love only and I agree with this rule she put in our relationship.

Because the main part of our present time we are "single" I gave her the permission to follow her desires and have sex without me being by her side physically as long as she'll talk to me in full details BUT she never did it untill now because in such case she would feel the obligation to give me back the same permission

As she does not want to go alone then I follow the same rule for me and i do not cheat her. There are lots of ads here of married females looking for males to screw with (or without ?) the consent of hubbies so I could have take the risk to reply BUT I have not because even if the desire is very strong the respect of my word and my Love are stronger !

Now do I considere cybersex as really sex ? NO so cybersex is not really cheating and cybersex is not swing for me.

Swing (according to me) is having intercourse with someone else (not necessary opposite sex if you are bi) under the sight of others... This can be full swap, or just the "two of a pair" between others in an orgy. But I do not regard single involved in a 3some as real swing... It is seing from the side of the couple... it is not seing from the side of the single... in such case the single is just having sex but not a swap or a swing in my point of view.

Have Fun and enjoy Love and Life. Kisses 4 the ladies but on clit only

Jean-Claude

PS : My GF knows that I am posting here and she is reading (not always) the board to see what is written. I don't send her a copy because if she really wants to know then she has just to click and come here so i do not see the necessity for me to forward her my posts.

[ATAK]

But I do not regard single involved in a 3some as real swing

I feel like sex with more than just 2 people (single or not) constitutes swinging. Just my opinion...

[Flori_DAMAN]

The definition of swinging has been discussed at great length before on this board. Many couples strictly swing with other couples. Some prefer orgies. Some soft-swing (no intercourse). Some swing with singles. I am curious.

If a couple has sex with a single person, then what are they doing? If they are not swinging, then what in the world is it. It can't be cheating because it is consensual. It certainly isn't monogomous, there after all is another person being shared sexually. They must be doing SOMETHING! ;=}

This is directed to Jean Claude and any others that feel having sex with a single person isn't swinging.

John.

[Elusive BiFem]

OK...was thinking...what is your personal definition of a swinger and/or swinging? I'm not talking about the definition listed under the dictionary at the top of the page, but what you define as a swinger or swinging - for yourself. And I'm not talking about the single vs. couples issue, either. Do only club going people qualify in your opinion? What about those in long-term relationships with other couples/singles?

The other thing I want to know...has your idea of a swinger or swinging changed from the time you first thought of it (or learned of it) until now? How so?

And really...for all those that never or rarely post...I'd like to hear from ya'll to.

Just wondering...- EBF

[hfire269]

hmmm.. this is a tough one.

My personal defintiton is some one or couple (not matter how long they have been together) that is comfortable with sex. I dont think that they should have to go to a club just to qualify as a swinger. I think that anything from same room sex to full swap counts as swinging. Also they should be comfortable with their own partners and relationship. If you are jealous all the time then to me you are not a swinger. A swinger is also some one who participates in the lifestyle more than once or twice in thier life time and it should be something that they would do sober. I mean some one who has a three some at the sper of the moment after a party to me that doesnt count cause they wouldnt have done it if they where sober.

Just my 2 cents worth.
hfire269(female half)

[tamster6584]

Our definition of swinging or of a swinger....

Engaging, or one who engages in, intimate activities beyond society's standard definition of normal, acceptable relationships....how's that sound?


I agree with the previous poster **sorry, i didn't catch the name!** who stated that no drunkenness involved, and on a regular basis, should also apply.

Here are some things that i think contribute to my own definition of myself as a swinger.....

I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of being sexual. I enjoy having sex with people besides my spouse. I feel that sex is enjoyable with a man OR a woman, though my day in/day out preference is a man. I enjoy having friends who are swingers, because when I spend too much time with those people i know who are not swingers, I feel like I have to stifle part of myself, shutting it away in a dark corner as if I were ashamed of that side of me.

Now to throw a monkey wrench into the question!

I also consider myself polyamorous, because I can and sometimes do form emotional attachments to playmates with whom I feel connected on a deeper level. ((ducking and dodging the incoming bombs!))

How does everyone feel about their emotional connection, or lack of, with their playmates?

LOL maybe i should post that in a new thread....

Tami (and Charlie!)

[BiloxiCouple]

Recreational sex.

[BigSmoke]

I think that Swinging, as a lifestyle choice, is the ability to separate love from sex. To be able to realize that love and sex are two unique things and one is not necessarily dependant on the other. I have sex with people I don't love, and I love people I don't have sex with. I also find the lifestyle is a way of removing taboos put on sex in general, to be able to express your sexuality without fear of condemnation or jealousy.

Far too often I hear of people being berated or chastised for their lifestyle choices. To me this is NOT what swinging is all about. I firmly believe that, provided everyone is a willing participant and a consenting adult, people's choices are most important. And when someone tries to impose their thoughts and views of what swinging should or shouldn't be, how it should be organized, segregated or filtered (for lack of better word), I get very upset.

I was once asked by someone how another could justify their choices for doing what they did within the lifestyle. After trying to get it through to them that it's their choice and should not need justifying, I chose another approach. I asked them how they would justify being in the lifestyle to a 'civilian' or non-swinger, their parents for example. The discussion ended there.

In the end it all comes down to, if you are all consenting adults, you aren't hurting anybody and if it feels good, do it!! And yes, lots of recreational sex!!!

BigSmoke

[bipagancouple]

I agree with Tamster, to me swinging covers most sexual behavior outside the bounds of "normal" monogamous society. I like the phrase Responsible Non-Monogamy, as it covers poly and swinging and whatever other undefined models you may use. I guess it's just getting past societal programming on monogamy and acting on an attraction to others, in whatever style works for you.

To address another part of the original question also, my attitudes toward swinging have very definitely changed over the years. We're brand new to swinging but have been poly for several years. I'm embarassed to admit that I once had the knee-jerk "eww, sleazy swingers" attitude that seems to be common in the poly crowd, at least the ones I knew. Now, I see poly and swinging as just different points on a line, with lots of crossover between the two. We know several poly folk who practice what I'd call swinging, and are running into lots of swingers who focus on friendships/relationships in a way I *used to* think was unique to poly.

Hubby defines it as, "Poly focuses on relationships with the possibility of sex; swinging focuses on sex with the possibility of relationships."

By the way...Hi everyone, it's my first post.

Seadna

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
OK...was thinking...what is your personal definition of a swinger and/or swinging? ......

The other thing I want to know...has your idea of a swinger or swinging changed from the time you first thought of it (or learned of it) until now? How so?

Some truly interesting questions and indeed very difficult to answer. I'm not really sure that I define myself as a "Swinger" per se, however I do see myself as being open to new ideas regarding sexuality. This is an avenue of my life that has always been there. I am open to learning about different lifestyles, their reasonings...etc. Some (well a lot) are not my cup of tea, however I don't judge someone for their alternative thinking. I liken it to the same things as I didn't want to play with dolls growing up, I wanted to play football. (There was a lot of critisizm for that.) Or that instead of staying in a dead marriage, I struck out on my own, rather than follow the Donna Reed sydrome. Again, same thing.

Swinging to me (by the definition that you are asking) is something that consentual parties do that brings them pleasure or happiness.

To answer your last questions, what I perceived a swinger to be and what I have learned are two entirely different things. I'll admit that I though people who had sex with others outside of their relationship was shocking. I figured they were trying to save a relationship to keep the other from *cheating*. I've now learned that swinging can be a great addition to your sexual lives...under the right circumstances. For us that means getting to know our other partners well and knowing that they are secure in their own relationship....before taking that first step. After a while, it becomes very easy to spot those that are swinging for the sake of the other half. I've never had to experience that, so I'll admit I do have a hard time understanding why they do so.

Okay, I probably missed the entire point of your questions...but I gave it my best shot!

[JustAskJulie]

Everyone has a different definition. For some it's just openly consensual non-committal sex between adults. For others singles can't be swingers, for some it must be group sex not partner swapping.

So what is YOUR definition of swinging?

------------------------------------------


For me (and what I apply on this board as well) swinging involves at least one couple openly sharing each other sexually with other people, whether it be a single or another couple or a group of people. Both partners must have full knowledge of what is going on and both partners must be in agreement, giving their permission for what is going on. Both partners do not have to be in the same room, or even at the same location. I do believe that some singles can be/are swingers but most that participate in swinging activites are not.

[NakedInSeattle]

Julie, if you want to make this a poll and your input one of the choices, we agree with you 100%!

[Spoomonkey]

I do not consider most singles to be swingers. That is not to say that we do not accept them, they simply aren't "swapping" anything.

The exception - and one we have seen in a few singles here - is a commitment to the lifestyle as it applies to couples. Some singles are looking for sex with anyone who is available - female, couple, whatever... These I would consider opportunists... Others - while having sex lives outside of their lifestyle involvement - are interested in the "couple" aspect of the lifestyle itself. They have a life, so they aren't simply looking for an "easy lay". Rather, they are into the lifestyle for the sake of what the lifestyle is about.

Swinging, in my mind, is at it's core about couples exploring sexuality together - a sexuality that involves others.

Spoomonkey