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  1. #1
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    Default Playing Alone. Swinging or Cheating in Disguise?

    What is your personal opinion on people who are married or in a seriously commited relationship who choose to play solo? Is this activity a legitimate form of swinging or just a polite way to describe mutually sanctioned cheating? And please be brutally honest when you answer.

    The Devil
    Last edited by DevilzAdvokit; 09-04-2003 at 03:25 PM.

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    Swingers Board Addict fun_pairTX's Avatar
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    Default Its all in what you are into I suppose

    We came into swinging together, we swing together only and when the time is right, we will quit the lifestyle together. In the meantime we are having a blast.

    We would never call playing solo swinging under our auspices, but the lifestyle is about choices and the people who make them.
    fun_pairTX

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    Swingers Board Addict EternallySingle's Avatar
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    Default Do they tell each other what they did?

    Like everything else, its a matter of intent. In my opinion playing together means enjoying what each other is doing and sharing the experience, even if you are not doing it in the same place at the same time or with the same people.

    I knew a couple who would go to bars and pick up people, then tell each other of their adventures. Once, I was with the wife and she asked if I minded if she called her husband so he could hear what we were doing. A couple of weeks later I was helping her set up her computer when he called and told her about a woman who was hitting on him and if he could "go play". When he got home that night he told us what happened, then asked why I didn't take advantage of his wife while he was out. They were weird, but, in their opinion, they weren't cheating on each other.
    "Style is not lusting after somone because they are cool. Style is loving yourself till everyone else does too."

    Prince

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Playing Alone. Swinging or Cheating in Disguise?

    Originally posted by DevilzAdvokit
    What is your personal opinion on people who are married or in a seriously commited relationship who choose to play solo? Is this activity a legitimate form of swinging or just a polite way to describe mutually sanctioned cheating? And please be brutally honest when you answer.

    The Devil
    You need to further define...do you mean one spouse swings while the other stays home and knits? Or they both swing but go their separate ways? Both could be considered playing solo along with several other scenarios.

    My SO other and I play together and play apart. He was a swinger before I met him as I was before he met me. His sister, who is a good friend and within my swinging circle introduced us. He won't attend any function/get together of my *circle* in which his sister and her husband is going to be present, but I do. I've been in this circle for 20+ years and I'm not giving them up. I, also, swing with him within his circle. So we do the solo thing sometimes.

    My number one rule, especially since in the legal sense of the word I'm single, is no messing around with a married man without his wife present. And I don't mess around with a married woman unless her husband is present. While you can think of the obvious reasons for not playing with a married man without his wife, I never thought that was quite fair so I included married females also.

    I'm by no means a patsy, when a married man comes in without his wife...he doesn't need to give me any excuse, I won't play with him period. He can talk til he's blue in the face and even give me a note from home, he's still not seeing any action with me. I think when married people swing without their spouse, it opens the door to many things that could possibly happen that could not/would not be nice and I don't want to find myself in the middle of, especially since I am technically single.

    Quin
    ()()
    One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict windsor4fun2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Re: Playing Alone. Swinging or Cheating in Disguise?

    Originally posted by Quin
    I think when married people swing without their spouse, it opens the door to many things that could possibly happen that could not/would not be nice and I don't want to find myself in the middle of, especially since I am technically single.

    ()()
    Quin, I am a little confused by this statement. While you are "technically single", you do state you have a SO.
    Could swinging with someone without their SO present, not open almost as many negative possibilities as with a married person?

    Don't mean this as a flame , I just don't see how one is OK and the other isn't.

    Jesse

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Re: Re: Playing Alone. Swinging or Cheating in Disguise?

    Originally posted by windsor4fun2
    Quin, I am a little confused by this statement. While you are "technically single", you do state you have a SO.
    Could swinging with someone without their SO present, not open almost as many negative possibilities as with a married person?

    Don't mean this as a flame , I just don't see how one is OK and the other isn't.

    Jesse
    Yes, it could. But in my case, I have been in this swing circle for over 20 years...that's a lot of time, a lot of good friends, etc etc and I'm not giving it up. Jim's sister and brother-in-law are also in my circle. Jim isn't too hip on seeing his sister naked, much less seeing her having sex so he doesn't go with me to their functions unless he knows his sister and brother-in-law are NOT going. This is not some group I've just come to know...two couples I actually went to college with so these are people I have known much longer than I have known Jim. He understands that I'm not giving them up and has no problems with me going by myself to their functions/parties/weekend getaways/barbeques etc. Other than that, we don't swing separately.

    I suppose I should say legally and IRS-wise, I'm single. Jim is my boyfriend, my associate, etc etc. He has his home, I have my home...tho most of his clothes are now here and he stays here probably 20-25 days out of the month. He's been talking about letting his son and daughter-in-law move into his house and charging them rent since it's paid off and just moving totally in....but I'm not well for that...not yet at least.

    Does that answer your question? Besides, if someone has a SO, they could very well lie and say they're *single* with no ties as there's usually no indicator to the contrary like a wedding ring or a tan line on the wedding ring finger. But if I know someone is married and their spouse is not present, no playo hereo.

    Quin
    ()()
    One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

  7. #7
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    Default my opinion (brutal as requested)

    In my opinion, swinging is about exploration and sharing.

    If you are in an intimate relationship (whether there is a marriage license involved or not) and you are having intimate encounters without the knowledge and consent of your partner, I think you are an @$$#*!%.

  8. #8
    Here to Stay 2SHARE's Avatar
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    Default Re: Playing Alone. Swinging or Cheating in Disguise?

    Originally posted by DevilzAdvokit
    ....Is this activity a legitimate form of swinging ...
    The Devil
    legit in whose rule book?

    IMHO To each his own ...... it has no impact for us. When we swing, its all about us anyway and really we don't give a damn about what other people feel is ok in their relationship as long as they don't push it off on us.

    Deb
    "No one can make you feel inferior......without your permission."
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

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    Just a hick Okie Alura's Avatar
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    Default

    The only time we strayed from our policy, "Couples who play together, stay together" was when we agreed to try to seduce our respective "high school sweethearts" because we hadn't had sex with them then. We had a code name for each "project" and always kept each other up to date on our progress. Our "sweethearts" knew that we were aware of what was going on. My "sweetheart" understood and jumped at the opportunity; Mrs. Alura's, unfortunately, didn't. He thought it was really weird. I still owe her because of this one but she's never sought to collect. If the right opportunity ever presents itself, (I know what those opportunities are.), I'm sure she'll collect.

    Oh, yeah! There was also a time when we had a threesome with the male of the couple we were playing with at the time. His wife was out of the country on business and called us from London to suggest it. She said he was really horney. It turned out she was right.

    To do anything sexual without your partner's knowledge is cheating in our book.

    Mr. Alura

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict OhioCouple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Playing Alone. Swinging or Cheating in Disguise?

    Originally posted by DevilzAdvokit
    What is your personal opinion on people who are married or in a seriously commited relationship who choose to play solo? Is this activity a legitimate form of swinging or just a polite way to describe mutually sanctioned cheating? And please be brutally honest when you answer.
    My personal opinion. If it is an agreed upon situation, I see nothing wrong with it. If you are having sex solo without your spouse's or SO's knowledge, it is cheating. There is no gray area for me here.
    Remember that human beings are complicated creatures. We like our bedtime routines but dislike routine in our bed times. - Sallie Foley, M.S.W.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict sexypairca's Avatar
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    Default

    I totally agree with Mrs. O on this one. If all parties are aware and in agreement then go for it. If not it is cheating plain and simple. Don't even get me started about cheaters .

    Annette
    I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

  12. #12
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    My wife and I play with others seperately more often then we do together. We have 2 very good reasons for this.
    Her primary lifestyle choice is BDSM and mine is Swinging.
    Our second reason is currently 7 months old and we are having a hard time finding a sitter that we can trust.

    We find it very exciting to have sex after an encounter while telling the other exactly what we did.

  13. #13
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    Default

    I know that some do, and good for them. I don't see that it could be classified as "cheating" as long as both are in agreement. Cheating, by definition, is the attempt to defraud, deceive, trick, etc., and in the scenario you presented, those words would not apply.

    As for my opinion of those that choose to go that route, fine by me.

    Now would I want to play with them as a single? Nope. Seems that it could open up too many cans of worms that I would not want to be a part of. I can see trouble on the horizon when mixing a single into this type of relationship, much less another couple. - EBF

    PS: With my response, I'm assuming that I have the ability to know beyond doubt that this is a mutually sanctioned activity with the couple in question. As for someone "telling" me that his/her spouse is agreeable to him/her playing alone...no way, and I would likely consider him/her a cheater until proven otherwise. Just too much of that out there.

  14. #14
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    I agree with what many of you have already said. I feel each cpl has their own interpretation of swinging and it is up to each cpl as to how they go about it. If you choose to go solo married or not and all and i mean all have aggreed and consented it's ok in our book but if one or more partners are not in on the decision and or don't know IT IS cheating. I beleive that all parties should talk it out and decide for themselves.

  15. #15
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    For me swinging is about couples. When you get with a single male or female its not swinging. Nothing wrong with it tho, just its not swinging. The term "swinging" is the newer term for "swapping"..well if you have nothing to swap that you are not swapping. This is not a statement of judgement or anything as I find nothing sexual that two, adult, consenting people do as wrong.

    As for playing alone or seperate is cheating? Nope. Cheating is having sex with another person when you partner is not aware and has not given permission.
    Mark in Austin

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