Swinging vs Monogamy, are they not equal choices?

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by AnonDude
I suppose my question is this: why is swinging something a married couple has to discuss and drop if either of them has a problem with it?

AnonDude,
You really didn't ask for a response - just "musing." But I noticed in another thread, you mentioned your wife was positive for genital HSV-1. The thought crossed my mind that maybe some of her reticence might stem from that. I know it would for me. Tell? Subject myself to rejection? Don't tell? Risk exposing others and feeling guilty?

Just musing...EBF

[AnonDude]

You are correct about it being a factor. We have somewhat "resolved" the issue because it is my responsibility to ascertain reception/rejection beforehand. Essentially abstracting for her, through myself, the ramifications of a negative reaction.

...but since we are "just musing" - I would say you are correct - it is a concern.

[LadyCleo]

Originally posted by EternallySingle
Trust, not love or respect, is the key to swinging, in my opinion. Trust that you won't be betrayed by your partner. Trust that you won't be exposed to people who would use knowledge of what you do against you. Trust that, at the end of the night, your partner is who you will be with, and not because you have no other choice but because you want to. And if a single person is involved, trust that that person will not try to replace one of the people.

I totally agree with you with one addition: Trust that you will be strong enough to pull yourself back up should your partner become untrustworthy.

LC

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by AnonDude

I suppose my question is this: why is swinging something a married couple has to discuss and drop if either of them has a problem with it?

In this same couple one of them obviously has a problem with monogamy - why then isn't monogamy dropped as well? Why isn't monogamy subject to the same rules of unanimous acceptance as swinging?

I just ran across this OLD thread and thought it was a very interesting question that perhaps we could continue to discuss.

The easy answer here has been posted - that it basically comes down to what was agreed upon at the start of the marriage. If a couple gets married with the idea that swinging will be a part of their lives and then one of them changes the rules, why should that be any different than a situation where a couple gets married with the agreement that monogomy will be the way then one of them decides later that they want to swing?

[cracker60479]

I think ones conception of what "sex" is holds the answer. To one, sex is an antonym for "making love". To another "sex" is something grown-ups do as play adlibitum for fun. "Making love" is a deep emotional caring for one another which culminates in the same sexual act but with rules, written by the heart and sole that makes it love.
When I grew up every guy wanted to marry a virgin, it was a macho, posessive idea, we couldnt stand the thought of her having given something of herself away, as if she would be incomplete. We had to get everything. It was jealousy.
During my first marriage, my sister-inlaw wanted to get pregnant but her husband's sperm count was low. I developed this fantasy that they would ask me to impregnate her. Wife and I would go to their house and her sister and I would go in the bedroom and have sex for hours while my wife & brother-inlaw would just set and watch tv. I assumed both would be ok with that since it was sex for a cause, just sex, not love making and there was no need for jealousy. Adding some reality to the fantasy it came to mind if I was fucking his wife while they heard the bed squeeking, it was logical that they would end up in the other bedroom fucking too. Since I didnt want that to happen out of jealous possession, I tried to alter the fantasy senerio for their activity. But I realizes if she wouldnt be jealous of me fucking her sister because it was just sex, then I had no right to be jealous of her doing exactly the same thing I was doing at the same time. It was a moment in my life I was able to seperate love from sex.
Later I had a dream, wife was in the shower and the insurance man, Bob, came to the door and I invited him in for a beer. I heard the shower shut off and as I came out of the kitchen with two beers in hand, my wife came walking down the hall into the living room totally naked, not seeing Bob, she walked up to me and reached for the second beer saying thanks. I smiled and said it's not for you it's for Bob, who had stepped up beside her. She was so surprised she just said hello forgetting she was naked for about 3 seconds, then tried in vain to cover herself with her hands while we laughed at her failed attempt. Then she said, I guess there is no use covering up now, you have already seen everything I have and jumped up on the bar stool naked. I had a surge of pride in her sexy move as she had always been very inhibited and I was thrilled she would do such a bold thing. Then the doorbell rang and it was her parents. I pushed them both away saying go hide, I will get rid of them. I let them in when I heard the bedroom door close. Turning, I saw Bob was gone and knew he was in the bedroom with my naked wife. I told the inlaws she wasnt home, then I heard the bed squeek and then a second time. I huredly moved to the front door to let my inlaws out and began to hear squeek,squeek,squeek and knew he was fucking my wife. I was so upset, surprising even myself, because I wasnt mad or jealous, she had been a virgin when we got married and I really, really had wanted to see her facial expression when he penetrated her and she felt another mans dick sliding into her pussy. It was then that I first became turned on about watching my wife enjoying another man.
I know this is a long thread, but it is how I seperated sex from love and realized that sex with others could be exciting and without jealousy. Perhaps the clue to alleviating a partners apprehension is to successfuly seperate making love from sex. As married couples we actually "make love" less seldom than we have sex, even though we love the sex and our wives.