The definition of Swinging

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

The most advanced form of swinging would be were each partner is totally free to do as they please.. play with whom they want whenever they want with the other being totally supportive and encouraging. I don't see much of that here.. Respect is letting go of your own fears and insecurities. It takes a strong and confident individual I think to tread such waters..

The most advanced form of relationship is respecting the feelings of the person you love. If Mrs Spoomonkey did not want to swing, we would not. I would walk away and live the hottest monogamous life of any man or monkey alive...

I love my wife - which makes this adventure that much more enjoyable! We play together - and by that I mean we are always on the same page, keeping each other's boundaries and comfort levels in mind. I put her well above my desire to swing, because she is infinitely more important!

The most advanced form of swinging - for a relationship healthy couple would be to play in such a way that both are comfortable with - to wade not so deep in the water that one starts to drown. It is to swing with the understanding that life is a series of seasons and swinging is something that will one day give way to the rest of our life together.

It takes a strong, mature couple - confident in their partner because they have every reason to be so - to know how deeply into the water they should tread...

You may have seen a lot of "how not to do it" - but you have been a great example of "what not to do" yourself. You are not man enough to walk away from swinging for a woman that you say that you love - and by doing that you have further complicated what could be an incredible relationship with a very sexual woman.

When swinging becomes more important than the person you love - you have a problem; one that you can deal with or one that you must live with...

And when your looks fail and age becomes unkind - and you go from meeting 50 couples a year to being lucky to hear from that one who's only request is that you man the oxygen tank for the missus - you may just look back on "what could have been" and see that it was right here that you completely fucked up...

Spoomonkey

[fun4Ds]

this one had me thinkin also spoo took me a while to put it into something hopefully neo can see.

[CandPinSA]

Originally Posted by LOL_OMG

As far as I know, everyone is invited for pizza and beerz! I dunno who's in charge of spankins, but the current order is Biblonde - Moonlightkiss - ME - Thrax - Intuition897. Any disputes, please raise them now

Mrs

Mrs. P tells me I give pretty good spankins when we get nekkid.

Mr. C

[neoparadigm]

I have a hard time believing that if your wife suddenly pulled the plug on your swinging that you wouldn't put up some resistance, or be likely to start cheating, or sneaking off to the occasional orgie or gangbang when out of town for old time sake.. All this high minded virtuous stuff I think would fly out the door if wifey finds religion and starts going to bible study 8 nights a week, burns your porn collections and throws out your favorite Zeppelin albums. I think all the guys here stay together because their woman keeps the swinging happening enough for them to appreciate the "E ticket" ride, and count their lucky stars. Most would probably stay in the marriage for the kids sake or just habit, but I can't believe for one second that you wouldn't be bringing it up all the time.. in bed or whatever, and try to coax her into hitting another party or couples event. Has anyone here actually packed the swinging creed into their wedding vows?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

I have a hard time believing that if your wife suddenly pulled the plug on your swinging that you wouldn't put up some resistance

So...

Regardless of whether you struggle with it or not, some guys do put value on their lovers. Yep - even here in swing-land - some of us love our wives enough - respect our wives enough - to have a little integrity.

You may not believe that, but big freaking deal...

Spoomonkey

BTW - My wife has found religion. It IS possible to have a balanced life.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

I have a hard time believing that if your wife suddenly pulled the plug on your swinging that you wouldn't put up some resistance

Yes, I'd want to find out why the change of heart since it would be out of character and most likely due to some other factor not directly related to swinging.

, or be likely to start cheating,

Nope, I didn't cheat on her the 8 years we were together and not swinging, I wouldn't start now.

or sneaking off to the occasional orgie or gangbang when out of town for old time sake..

This is still cheating and you are REALLY missing our motivations for swinging. For most of us its not just about getting our rocks off.

All this high minded virtuous stuff I think would fly out the door if wifey finds religion and starts going to bible study 8 nights a week, burns your porn collections and throws out your favorite Zeppelin albums.

I dont have any favorite Zeppelin albums, but beyond that if her personality drasticly changed we may have issues, but if they got bad enough they would be divorce issues, not cheating issues.

I think all the guys here stay together because their woman keeps the swinging happening enough for them to appreciate the "E ticket" ride, and count their lucky stars.

And here I thought we were sad sacks with bored soccer mom's for wives We are on an E ticket ride, but so are our wives. You don't seem to grasp this is a together activity with a partner. I enjoy seeing her enjoy herself more then I enjoy swinging myself.

Most would probably stay in the marriage for the kids sake or just habit, but I can't believe for one second that you wouldn't be bringing it up all the time.. in bed or whatever, and try to coax her into hitting another party or couples event.

We have packed it up for many months at a time and didn't have any issues about it.

Has anyone here actually packed the swinging creed into their wedding vows?

No more than I put a fishing creed into our wedding vow. Conditional vows based on a hobby are a good sign that you are not really commited to each other. "I love you and all that but only if you are a swinger" isn't really a wedding vow.

[biblonde]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

I have a hard time believing that if your wife suddenly pulled the plug on your swinging that you wouldn't put up some resistance, or be likely to start cheating, or sneaking off to the occasional orgie or gangbang when out of town for old time sake.. All this high minded virtuous stuff I think would fly out the door if wifey finds religion and starts going to bible study 8 nights a week, burns your porn collections and throws out your favorite Zeppelin albums. I think all the guys here stay together because their woman keeps the swinging happening enough for them to appreciate the "E ticket" ride, and count their lucky stars. Most would probably stay in the marriage for the kids sake or just habit, but I can't believe for one second that you wouldn't be bringing it up all the time.. in bed or whatever, and try to coax her into hitting another party or couples event. Has anyone here actually packed the swinging creed into their wedding vows?

If I read this right you are saying our men stay with us because we do swing?? Well, we have been together 24 years and swinging is such a small part of our life! He never cheated on me before swinging and if I decide to quit he would walk away saying "oh what a ride that was" and that would be it. I have decided to take breaks in the past and it was never brought up again till I decided to bring it up. Never once did he badger me about it. Just because you arent the devoted type doesnt mean all men are like you. Some men have the utmost respect for their spouces and would do anything to make sure they were happy. I can guarentee that he would just "stay in the marriage" just for our boys he would stay because he loves me and doesnt need other women to make him feel like a man or make him feel happy....I do a great job taking care of that department!!! Guess what some people do this because it is a fun sport and would give it up in a heartbeat if either decide they are done with it. No questions asked. Just as if he said he wanted out I would drop it in a second to make him happy and no I wouldnt regret it ever. When you have true love they are the most important and their happyness is the most improtant thing. So what I am saying is that not all men are pigs! some are true men.....

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

I have a hard time believing that if your wife suddenly pulled the plug on your swinging that you wouldn't put up some resistance, or be likely to start cheating, or sneaking off to the occasional orgie or gangbang when out of town for old time sake..

Real-life example here from a young rock star swinger with a porn star wife in a tourist town, which I'm sure that you will ignore because it's not what you want to hear: Over the last seven years of deviousness my wife has suddenly pulled the plug a few times. I have too. When that happens, we stop. Not rocket science. Those check-and-balance moments were necessary in building the trust that we now have, which now allows us to go through life as a happily married couple with all of the party highlights that you're looking for.

If your goal is to have a stable long-term swinging relationship then you have to each be willing to slow down or stop for the benefit of the other. Any other strategy will result in two people getting out of sync and the swinging phase in that relationship will end, probably by the relationship itself ending. It's like yo-yo dieting versus comprehensive diet and exercise change. One will make you skinny for a few months, the other will make you skinny forever.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by TNT

All of your definitions are true to someone here. The trick is to find the ones who are compatible with your definition. There is no one true way, but many think that everyone that is different from them is patently wrong. This board is composed mostly of newbies so their point of view is usually pretty tame. The wilder ones have usually been around for a while and are pretty well adjusted. The tamer ones are in to the depth they are comfortable with. This doesn't mean they aren't swingers.

Ted

Yesiree Sir Ted, this is my take on swinging too.

Lots of swingers out there, great variety, Mr LM and I have found our niche and play with others who fit into it.

LM

[TNT]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

I have a hard time believing that if your wife suddenly pulled the plug on your swinging that you wouldn't put up some resistance, or be likely to start cheating, or sneaking off to the occasional orgie or gangbang when out of town for old time sake.. All this high minded virtuous stuff I think would fly out the door if wifey finds religion and starts going to bible study 8 nights a week, burns your porn collections and throws out your favorite Zeppelin albums.

If all that happened there would definitely be more things wrong with the marriage than swinging issues.

Neo,

Have you ever been married?


The thing that I think you are not understanding from those who have posted here is that your type of swinging is not their type of swinging. Neither is wrong. Swinging is what you make of it and the way you are going about it does not sit well with others...it does not make them wrong and you right or vice versa. What matters is if you are happy and your girlfriend is happy (which honestly I'm not sure she is, but that is not my problem but your's and her's).

One thing that you don't seem to be able to comprehand is that there are those of us who, even though swinging is a very big part of our lives, do put it second, third, fourth, fifth, etc. to our primary relationship and other things in our lives.

My husband travels...a lot...there are times when we go weeks without seeing each other. We both know that if either of us met someone during these times of seperation that we wanted to fuck, we could...no reprecussions from the other. In all the years we have been married and all the years we have been swinging, this has never happened. Why? Quiet simple really....we are usually so depressed when we are separated that others don't find either one of us enjoyable to be around, we miss each other desperately and usually spend our time apart crying to each other on the phone because we are not in each other's presence and sex with others is NOT that important to us.

We are the center of each other's universe...everything we do, think, wish and hope for revolves around the other (this includes swinging). It's because of this that yes, either one of us could give up swinging but we COULD NOT give up the other...it is only because of the other that swinging means anything to us.

Teresa

[neoparadigm]

Thank you Theresa...
you two sound like a couple we could actually hang out with..
very, very insightful, and I appreciate the fact that you can acknowledge the difference between us and them and make a post that is still relevant in a truly objective way..

[fun4Ds]

well all i can do to finish what you cant understand is IM LIVING PROOF the plug has been pulled im totaly ok with that and ready to say we had 75% exellent swing memories and 25% bad swing experiances. my memories are memories of seeing my wife have alot of fun.the bad ones are of the times when some asshole couldnt respect me or my wife. and one hell of alot of communication skills we learned along the way.we may never swing again. maby some day you will cross our paths and say damb you were being honest.if we do ever swing again it would be on her comfort levels and that communication that we learned along the way.thats how it always worked since the beggining. i have good testrone levels and feel like Quite a Man in her life. now as far as the zepplin albums well she lets me have the swingers board so ill sacrafice half of them. we are on the up and up.i mean come on dont ya think in this day and age that she could get on here and say im full of shit.you realy dont know much about women becaus if you would have had sex with us and know us you would know she would.

[neoparadigm]

Originally Posted by TNT

My husband travels...a lot...there are times when we go weeks without seeing each other. We both know that if either of us met someone during these times of seperation that we wanted to fuck, we could...no reprecussions from the other.
Teresa

Now this is what I am talking about.. the kind of swinging that represents a truly enlightened couple, embracing the possibilities of what this lifestyle could offer..
the key to this is "no reprecussions" because this couple doesn't have to "agree"
they do allow their partner the possibility for perfect freedom, and it shows in their relationship.. I would love to move in this direction, much more impressive than "we only play together" or just what wifey or hubby wants...

Their posts here have always been respectful and non judgmental and you should all be honored to have them here.

All this talk about how we can't really relate to our "Vanilla" friends anymore.. or a night out with the normal people seems boring is the very reason to quite swinging immediately in my opinion. It reaks of discrimination and bigotry... and all the reason
why I would never be interested in a yard full of backyard BBQ soccer mom swingers.

I can't imagine that how you like your sex on occasion would completely change your set of friends as you enter into some new "lifestyle". It's really hard to believe that people who seem to think outside the box would be so excited to jump into a much smaller and limiting box.

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

All this talk about how we can't really relate to our "Vanilla" friends anymore.. or a night out with the normal people seems boring is the very reason to quite swinging immediately in my opinion. It reaks of discrimination and bigotry... and all the reason
why I would never be interested in a yard full of backyard BBQ soccer mom swingers.

I can't imagine that how you like your sex on occasion would completely change your set of friends as you enter into some new "lifestyle". It's really hard to believe that people who seem to think outside the box would be so excited to jump into a much smaller and limiting box.

Not at all. We maintain both vanilla and swinger friendships, the trick is just rembering who you are with so you don't accidently say something daming. It can be difficult when you have such an interesing side to your life, but as much as you would love to, you cannot share it wtih others.

Just like all aspects of swinging you cannot lump all swingers into one category. We don't cut anyone out of our lives, we just try to keep our swinger friends separate from our vanilla friends.

I have seen this happen in the non lifesyle world as well. I have had different jobs, and when I am at one particular job, I have a particluar set of friends I make there and tend to hang out with, but when I leave that job it seems often i just don't keep up with those friends any more, and make new friends at my new job. You tend to want to hang out with people who have similar interests and similar lives.

The thing about swinging for us is that it is just a part of our life, it is not our whole life. We have taken breaks from it before, we will again. Hubby even suggested giving it up at one point, and I supported him completely. He is more important to me that some extracurricular past time. The same goes for him, should I ever choose to give it up, he will support me 100%.

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by neoparadigm

Now this is what I am talking about.. the kind of swinging that represents a truly enlightened couple, embracing the possibilities of what this lifestyle could offer.. the key to this is "no reprecussions" because this couple doesn't have to "agree" they do allow their partner the possibility for perfect freedom, and it shows in their relationship.. I would love to move in this direction, much more impressive than "we only play together" or just what wifey or hubby wants...

You're trying to skip the hard work and just go right for the fruit. It won't work because the totally open relationships that you idealize are the end product of two people spending years building trust and evolving together. You just want to skip straight to the end. If you skip ahead to assuming that you have a totally accepting partner in crime without laying the ground work first then it will all fall apart on you when your assumptions about how she feels about the arrangement turn out to be false.