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  1. #1
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    Default Do we tell other swingers that this woman gets cold sores?

    We met a great couple and hit it off. We were planning to get together for playtime, and the female half mentioned that she hoped her cold sore went away before then, because it was ugly. WHOA! We told them we weren't comfortable playing with anyone who gets cold sores/fever blisters. Just not willing to take the risk. They both kept trying to convince us that it was okay to play as long as they didn't have active sores. I pointed them to all the info I had, so they would understand why we weren't comfortable with it.

    They posted on a local lifestyle message board under another name, asking whether they should tell people. The results? A resounding HELL YES, they should tell people! Now, they are back to posted under their usual user name, and are making dates.

    We have other friends who have met these two and really like them, and the possibility is there for play. Do we mention this? If we find out someone has been involved with them sexually, do we just put off playtime to see if it's been transmitted to them? Do we explain why, and risk being called gossips? Or do we just put it off, and potentially hurt feelings by saying "No" to people we've played with and enjoyed many times already. It would just be awkward, but is that better than the alternative?

    Any and all advice is appreciated

  2. #2
    Not a potential *** Chicup's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Something like 90% of America has been exposed to HSV1, aka Herpes simplex one, aka cold sores.

    I wouldn't stress about it, and if you do, you should just avoid swinging all together, the odds are not looking good for you

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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Interesting...I'm sure we've been exposed. Perhaps we are worrying too much. When they posted, though, others seemed to be as "worried" as we are. Thanks for your reply, though.

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    Way too opinionated The Fuse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    I think it might help if someone who knows more than I do would clarify the difference between a simple cold sore and a disease that causes occasional breakouts of cold sores.
    Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

  5. #5
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!! CXXC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    I have to say, all of the threads relating to STD's/STI's etc.... have me utterly amazed. There is such a cavalier attitude toward them among the majority of the Lifestyle Community! An attitude, which I feel is partially responsible for the spread of such illnesses. It is almost as if the current mood is that HPV, Herpes et al are an accepted (Nearly expected) part of being a member of the community!

    I have to be honest, I am rather shocked and to a point dissapointed.
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!

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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup View Post
    Something like 90% of America has been exposed to HSV1, aka Herpes simplex one, aka cold sores.

    I wouldn't stress about it, and if you do, you should just avoid swinging all together, the odds are not looking good for you
    Lovinhim has had "cold sores" since she was a child. Obviously I have been exposed but have never once had an outbreak. One of our kids gets them also, two don't. The point is, as Chicup mentioned, that just about everybody has been exposed (and is a carrier) but most don't show any symptoms.

    IMO, I don't think it is your place to spread the word. If somebody told us personal info about another couple my trust in would be gone. And yes I would consider you a "gossip"

    It's a touchy subject and I'm sure many would disagree with my take on it.
    Do some reading on the subject. It will be an eye opener.
    I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by CXXC View Post
    I have to say, all of the threads relating to STD's/STI's etc.... have me utterly amazed. There is such a cavalier attitude toward them among the majority of the Lifestyle Community! An attitude, which I feel is partially responsible for the spread of such illnesses. It is almost as if the current mood is that HPV, Herpes et al are an accepted (Nearly expected) part of being a member of the community!

    I have to be honest, I am rather shocked and to a point dissapointed.
    I don't think you could call "cold sores" an STD any more than you could the common cold.
    I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

  8. #8
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!! CXXC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by lovinher View Post
    I don't think you could call "cold sores" an STD any more than you could the common cold.
    A cold sore is still viral. It is not to be treated lightly.

    We went to a resort where a man was playing with various women. I noticed he sported one upon his upper lip. He thought nothing of performing orally with the ladies and some never thought to stop him. Then again, the ladies were in their mid to lat 20's and perhaps didnt think anything of it. He approached Mrs. CXXC with the intent to play around. She stopped him dead in his tracks as she whipered into his ear, "Not with that herpy on your mouth you dont!" She did not want to cause any issues and thought it was the best way to deal with the situation. However, you would have thought she insulted him. He stormed away.

    I have to wonder about the OP's question. Are we gossips for passing the information along or are we protecting each other? We have not run into this situation other than that one time so we dont know what we would do if we met someone in our immediate community.

    I guess the question (to me), Should we tell others with the hopes of breaking the chain as much as possible in order to protect the community or do we turn a blind eye to that responsibility?

    Where do we draw the line? Do they need to have AIDS? Do they Need to have open sores on their privates? Do they need to have warts? When is it ok to take the initiative AND/OR Responsibility?

    I am torn with the issue. Would I be doing the responsible thing or would I be a gossip? This is such a difficult situation.
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!

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    Way too opinionated The Fuse's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    There was once that a lifestyle acquaintance told me that someone we both knew, and was active, has Herpes and continued to play. Thank goodness it wasn't anyone we would have found attractive, but we don't know who else he's played with, etc. We, as one data point, appreciated being told. All we can do is continue our practice of getting tested regularly to make sure we are still clean.

    I don't know what I'd do, except try to clarify with those folks what caused the cold sore.
    Through every dead and living thing, Time runs, like a fuse. -- Jackson Browne

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by lovinher View Post
    I don't think you could call "cold sores" an STD any more than you could the common cold.
    Cold Sores are Oral Herpes, plain and simple and can be transmitted and converted into Genital Herpes. The only real difference between HSV 1 & 2 is the location where the sores appear.

    To the person who asked about an occasional singular cold sores and outbreaks of cold sores, it's just the severity of the infection.

    If you get cold sores, you have herpes.

    Cold Sores

    From: Herpes HSV-1 & HSV-2
    Under a microscope, HSV- 1 and 2 are virtually identical, sharing approximately 50% of their DNA.
    The primary difference between the two viral types is in where they typically establish latency in the body- their "site of preference." HSV-1 usually establishes latency in the trigeminal ganglion, a collection of nerve cells near the ear. From there, it tends to recur on the lower lip or face. HSV-2 usually sets up residence in the sacral ganglion at the base of the spine. From there, it recurs in the genital area .

    Even this difference is not absolute either type can reside in either or both parts of the body and infect oral and/or genital areas. Unfortunately, many people aren't aware of this, which contributes both to the spread of type 1 and to the misperception that the two types are fundamentally different.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Quote Originally Posted by Chicup View Post
    Something like 90% of America has been exposed to HSV1, aka Herpes simplex one, aka cold sores.

    I wouldn't stress about it, and if you do, you should just avoid swinging all together, the odds are not looking good for you
    Have to agree with Chicup here. You can go around avoiding only those who you KNOW have one form or the other but that doesn't protect you from the hundreds of others who either don't know they have it or are hiding it from you.

    Just reading this thread should make it just how clear it is that so many people don't realize that cold sores are herpes and CAN be passed as genital herpes
    Last edited by JustAskJulie; 01-11-2010 at 04:28 PM.

  11. #11
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!! CXXC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Thank you SO MUCH for pointing that out Julie!
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!

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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    If one in five people have HSV-2, it stands to reasons that once you have had sex with more than say 15 people, you have been exposed.

  13. #13
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!! CXXC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by NWAtlSwing View Post
    If one in five people have HSV-2, it stands to reasons that once you have had sex with more than say 15 people, you have been exposed.
    This statistic has been enabled through ignorance or malice. This alone should enrage the community. I have no doubt in my mind that someone, somewhere knew fully well they were infected and did not care for the health or well being of another, keeping the facts of their infection to themselves. The ignorant infected others and the ball went rolling on collecting as it went!

    Sorry for the diatribe folks. Its a pet peeve of mine!
    Veni, Vidi, Veni!!!

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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by CXXC View Post
    This statistic has been enabled through ignorance or malice. This alone should enrage the community. I have no doubt in my mind that someone, somewhere knew fully well they were infected and did not care for the health or well being of another, keeping the facts of their infection to themselves. The ignorant infected others and the ball went rolling on collecting as it went!

    Sorry for the diatribe folks. Its a pet peeve of mine!
    My point was, that if you are going to get hung up on HSV-2, don't play. Condoms help, but are not foolproof, and I have *never* seen someone using a dental dam for Oral sex.

    Not quite sure what I said that called for this level of "diatribe". I did not even make the argument you imply I am making. In fact, other than using a statistic, you have no idea what I think. Saying "Sorry" at the end of a post does not make rudeness OK any more than the phrase "just joking" does.

    I come out from Lurking for this?

  15. #15
    Laura's Male VegasLee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do we tell?

    Before everyone gets ready to jump off a cliff here over cold sores on the face they really should take the time to read the Cold Sore Link that Julie posted.

    Some good information there.

    It is not just about people not telling the world or just about sex.

    Cold sores are very common. It is estimated that 80% percent of the American population have been exposed to the Herpes simplex virus (which is the virus that causes cold sores).

    As most people contract cold sores before the age of seven, it is common for a person not to remember their first or 'primary' cold sore outbreak.
    Now I am not aware of to many Seven year olds having sex and not telling their friends about getting the sores.
    You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

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