Nor Cal Newbies

HisnHersnYours · 07-21-2008, 07:10 PM

These boards always take a bit of getting use to. i posted this in the wrong forum and it got moved or deleted and i cant for the life of me remember what i wrote, so lets try this again, lol. I tend to be long winded, so bare with me...

My husband and I have been married for 15 years (2 kids) and we have weathered every hurdle you can imagine. We arent exactly at that stage where we would consider ourselves swingers yet, but we are "sharers".

As a young couple there was a lot of jealousy, which if you asked me then if we would ever be at this point i probably would have laughed. It started about 10 years ago, this nagging desire to be with another female. I was bi-curious my whole life but the closer my husband and i became the more i began to wonder what it would be like to have a 3some.

One day i brought up the subject kind of on the sly and we talked about it off and on over the course of the last 5 years. But it wasnt until i actually came clean that it wasnt just about having a threesome for me, that in fact, i was bisexual and wanted to be with another woman that things started happening.

I joined a forum called shybi.com and met a girl who was sparking my interest. My husband was phenomenal, he offered me the opportunity to explore my bi side with her on my own and we did have a very memorable experience. I knew that moment we were together, i would never be the same. It was very addicting, lol.

but i also learned something about myself through all of that, even though i highly enjoyed the experience, something felt OFF about it. I didnt feel right about my husband not being a part of it, even with his permission. For me the whole idea of sharing is for the enjoyment of having that experience with the man i love. so though i love being with a woman, without him, it feels empty. we decided then we would play together or not at all.

something amazing has happened in our relationship since all this began. we are closer than ever before, more connected. There is no jealousy only total trust and its kind of interesting being able to tell eachother when we're attracted to someone else. being out at a club and hitting on women together is an incredible turn on and a lot of fun.

I think my husband was more surprised than anyone how truely OKAY i am with flirting with other girls together and with the idea of watching him with someone else. as ive said, its been several years since we started discussing the subject, we wanted to talk the idea to death (go through all the scenerios, all the rules) to make sure this life is something we really wanted. and it really has brought us closer and made our marriage stronger. i find myself staring at him like i did when we were first dating, he still makes me weak in the knees when he touches me. Its like my sex drive in on overdrive when i look at him. Its funny, there are a lot of women i know who are attracted to my husband, even friends of mine, i laugh and tell him "well if she was into me to, she could have you" and i watch him sometimes and think to myself there is girl out there who is going to be able to share him with me, what a lucky girl indeed. lol.

at one point, i knew we were ready and didnt want to spend our life just TALKING about it. over the past couple years ive come out, so to speak, to my closest friends and i was surprised to find that about 90% of my friends were also bi and even found out that some friends of ours we double date with sometimes are actually swingers. Its so awesome to have someone im close to to be able to talk about these things with. we were so tired of the experience we had with other swingers sites and places like AFF, nobody talks to you there and it seems everyone would be okay with just emailing forever, but we are serious about taking things to the next level. well, this friend of mine told me about SLS. Since joining this place we have already met some extremely nice ppl, gone on a date with a female and are planning on taking a weekend to go out to this swingers party we've been invited to.

We are continuing to take things slow, its important for us to get to know someone first before taking things to the next level, becoming friends and finding out if there really is chemistry there. For us its a gradual thing, one step at a time. We are meeting a few ladies and planning on starting out with a 3some, although we are pretty open minded and have discussed swinging also.

Its a bit intimidating thinking about the both of us showing up at a swingers party not knowing anyone. it feels like HS again going to a party to meet a blind date, lol. but after meeting a woman who hosts one of these parties i learned they really do mean what they say, "no pressure", and youre not expected to play. it takes the load off and gives us the freedom to step out of our comfort zone and see if this is something we'd like to try. for me, im pretty sure its something i would enjoy, for hubby, he wants to take things very slow and start with a threesome and see from there.

The awesome thing about all this, is i am married to an amazing, passionate, gorgeous man whos been very open-minded with my desires. Its like we continue to fall more in love every day. I feel very blessed and happy to be here. I would love for him to join the boards but he doesnt use the computer very often, maybe later he will give it a try, for now i will have to represent the both of us. So i guess i'll end by saying i look forward to getting to know you and look forward to reading everyones posts.

**rpu3** · 07-22-2008, 04:45 AM

Wow, that was quite the introduction!

Welcome and thank you for taking the time to tell us about yourself and your husband.

Glad you found the Board and I hope to hear more from you on the various forums!

des1re06 · 07-22-2008, 07:37 AM

You've come to a great place to discuss your feelings and ask questions.

We're alot alike in that I'm a bi woman, and we discussed for about 8 years before we took the leap.

It's wonderful to have a partner who's willing to let you explore. We're both lucky in that respect.

Thanks for the shybi website. Will have to check that out.

Good luck and have fun!

Mrs. D

bbarnsworth · 07-22-2008, 08:50 AM

Welcome HisnHersnYours! I really like your nickname! Cute

It's great that you have such a wonderful husband!

My wife and I bear some resemblance to you in that she wants to take things more slowly than I do. I've expressed to her that there's no problem with that. We do only what we both agree on.

For example, for a first time experience she says having another man would be what she wants, and then says it's not fair if it's not a couple because I don't get to have another woman when she gets to have another man. I tell her, "fair" doesn't play into this at all. It's what we're each comfortable with and agree on together. She also wants to soft-swap for a first experience, and I'd rather she have the full menu on the first experience.

So, it works both ways; our desires and fantasies don't exactly match up, but we're both on the same path. We just agree to agree, rather than agree to disagree

and set the rules for the first experience based on what we both want and are willing to accept on the first experience.

Sounds like the two of you are doing something similar!

2insandiego4u · 07-22-2008, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HisnHersnYours

We are continuing to take things slow, its important for us to get to know someone first before taking things to the next level, becoming friends and finding out if there really is chemistry there. For us its a gradual thing, one step at a time. We are meeting a few ladies and planning on starting out with a 3some, although we are pretty open minded and have discussed swinging also.

It sounds like SLS and meet-n-greets might work better for you than parties or clubs. You could always go to a club and just watch and be watched, of course. Many couples start out like that. Our first time was a threesome, by the way, and it was incredible!

Be sure to read the topics in this sub-forum:

Curious About Swinging? - The Swingers Board

Glad you found us!

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-22-2008, 04:53 PM

to the board!

House parties can be pretty scary... but then anything can be scary when you don't feel like you know anyone. If you really have no interest in other couples and ONLY want single females, house parties will probably not be the greatest idea for you. It seems like a lot of couples start out looking for a threesome and then decide to "settle" on a couple instead. You know what you want, so go for that. Don't settle... it only makes the other couple feel like second prize.

glad to see you joining in!

HisnHersnYours · 07-22-2008, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpu3

Wow, that was quite the introduction!

Welcome and thank you for taking the time to tell us about yourself and your husband.

Glad you found the Board and I hope to hear more from you on the various forums!

Thanks for the welcome

Quote:

Originally Posted by des1re06

We're alot alike in that I'm a bi woman, and we discussed for about 8 years before we took the leap.
It's wonderful to have a partner who's willing to let you explore. We're both lucky in that respect.
Thanks for the shybi website. Will have to check that out.
Good luck and have fun!
Mrs. D

yes, we are alike. shy's is great, wonderful ladies and for the most part non-judgemental. it is women only. one thing ive found to be true there though is they dont have a lot of resources for threesomes, swingers etc. they mostly cater to one on one, but there are a lot of married women in there. if you do join you can look me up, but i pretty much only use the blog there now... my signature is Retro.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Welcome HisnHersnYours! I really like your nickname! Cute
It's great that you have such a wonderful husband!
My wife and I bear some resemblance to you in that she wants to take things more slowly than I do. I've expressed to her that there's no problem with that. We do only what we both agree on.
For example, for a first time experience she says having another man would be what she wants, and then says it's not fair if it's not a couple because I don't get to have another woman when she gets to have another man. I tell her, "fair" doesn't play into this at all. It's what we're each comfortable with and agree on together. She also wants to soft-swap for a first experience, and I'd rather she have the full menu on the first experience.
So, it works both ways; our desires and fantasies don't exactly match up, but we're both on the same path. We just agree to agree, rather than agree to disagree

and set the rules for the first experience based on what we both want and are willing to accept on the first experience.
Sounds like the two of you are doing something similar!

It seems we have a whole lot in common. the cool thing is you and your wife are making it work, doing what works for the both of you, thats awesome. and its great that she is so supportive of you desires. you have communication and honesty which is the only way it works. i always get so disappointed when i see a married person pursuing the lifestyle when the SO doesnt know. sounds like you both love each other a lot

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

It sounds like SLS and meet-n-greets might work better for you than parties or clubs. You could always go to a club and just watch and be watched, of course. Many couples start out like that. Our first time was a threesome, by the way, and it was incredible!
Be sure to read the topics in this sub-forum:
Curious About Swinging? - The Swingers Board
Glad you found us!

i will check it out! thank you

HisnHersnYours · 07-22-2008, 05:18 PM

that is good advice. the only thing im sure of though is we want to start with a threesome. we are both open to the idea of swinging, so it would be a shame not to check it out and see what we're missing. we do know what goes on at those parties, we arent the type to show up and stand in a corner or even lead ppl on. we know that a couple who feels out of place can often change the vibe and ruin it for others. that is the last thing we would want to do. but we ARE open, and it does sound like something we may want to try. thanks for the advice and for your help with the thread

sweet_tna · 08-03-2008, 10:03 PM

What a wonderful introduction. You and your hubby are so lucky to have each other. Thanks for sharing your story, and

=)

SecretAsianMan · 08-04-2008, 12:11 PM

Welcome & it sounds like y'all had a wonderful introduction to the lifestyle! (*congrats*)

Glad to have y'all here

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07-21-2008, 07:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
HisnHersnYours Active Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 16 Location: Nor Cal Status: Couple/Married/Bi-Female SLS Name:Hisnhersnyours	Nor Cal Newbies These boards always take a bit of getting use to. i posted this in the wrong forum and it got moved or deleted and i cant for the life of me remember what i wrote, so lets try this again, lol. I tend to be long winded, so bare with me... My husband and I have been married for 15 years (2 kids) and we have weathered every hurdle you can imagine. We arent exactly at that stage where we would consider ourselves swingers yet, but we are "sharers". As a young couple there was a lot of jealousy, which if you asked me then if we would ever be at this point i probably would have laughed. It started about 10 years ago, this nagging desire to be with another female. I was bi-curious my whole life but the closer my husband and i became the more i began to wonder what it would be like to have a 3some. One day i brought up the subject kind of on the sly and we talked about it off and on over the course of the last 5 years. But it wasnt until i actually came clean that it wasnt just about having a threesome for me, that in fact, i was bisexual and wanted to be with another woman that things started happening. I joined a forum called shybi.com and met a girl who was sparking my interest. My husband was phenomenal, he offered me the opportunity to explore my bi side with her on my own and we did have a very memorable experience. I knew that moment we were together, i would never be the same. It was very addicting, lol. but i also learned something about myself through all of that, even though i highly enjoyed the experience, something felt OFF about it. I didnt feel right about my husband not being a part of it, even with his permission. For me the whole idea of sharing is for the enjoyment of having that experience with the man i love. so though i love being with a woman, without him, it feels empty. we decided then we would play together or not at all. something amazing has happened in our relationship since all this began. we are closer than ever before, more connected. There is no jealousy only total trust and its kind of interesting being able to tell eachother when we're attracted to someone else. being out at a club and hitting on women together is an incredible turn on and a lot of fun. I think my husband was more surprised than anyone how truely OKAY i am with flirting with other girls together and with the idea of watching him with someone else. as ive said, its been several years since we started discussing the subject, we wanted to talk the idea to death (go through all the scenerios, all the rules) to make sure this life is something we really wanted. and it really has brought us closer and made our marriage stronger. i find myself staring at him like i did when we were first dating, he still makes me weak in the knees when he touches me. Its like my sex drive in on overdrive when i look at him. Its funny, there are a lot of women i know who are attracted to my husband, even friends of mine, i laugh and tell him "well if she was into me to, she could have you" and i watch him sometimes and think to myself there is girl out there who is going to be able to share him with me, what a lucky girl indeed. lol. at one point, i knew we were ready and didnt want to spend our life just TALKING about it. over the past couple years ive come out, so to speak, to my closest friends and i was surprised to find that about 90% of my friends were also bi and even found out that some friends of ours we double date with sometimes are actually swingers. Its so awesome to have someone im close to to be able to talk about these things with. we were so tired of the experience we had with other swingers sites and places like AFF, nobody talks to you there and it seems everyone would be okay with just emailing forever, but we are serious about taking things to the next level. well, this friend of mine told me about SLS. Since joining this place we have already met some extremely nice ppl, gone on a date with a female and are planning on taking a weekend to go out to this swingers party we've been invited to. We are continuing to take things slow, its important for us to get to know someone first before taking things to the next level, becoming friends and finding out if there really is chemistry there. For us its a gradual thing, one step at a time. We are meeting a few ladies and planning on starting out with a 3some, although we are pretty open minded and have discussed swinging also. Its a bit intimidating thinking about the both of us showing up at a swingers party not knowing anyone. it feels like HS again going to a party to meet a blind date, lol. but after meeting a woman who hosts one of these parties i learned they really do mean what they say, "no pressure", and youre not expected to play. it takes the load off and gives us the freedom to step out of our comfort zone and see if this is something we'd like to try. for me, im pretty sure its something i would enjoy, for hubby, he wants to take things very slow and start with a threesome and see from there. The awesome thing about all this, is i am married to an amazing, passionate, gorgeous man whos been very open-minded with my desires. Its like we continue to fall more in love every day. I feel very blessed and happy to be here. I would love for him to join the boards but he doesnt use the computer very often, maybe later he will give it a try, for now i will have to represent the both of us. So i guess i'll end by saying i look forward to getting to know you and look forward to reading everyones posts. Last edited by HisnHersnYours : 07-21-2008 at 07:19 PM.

07-22-2008, 04:45 AM	#2 (permalink)
rpu3 Doing it our way... Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,260 Location: Ohio Status: Married Female SLS Name:rpu3 Blog Entries: 2	Re: Nor Cal Newbies Wow, that was quite the introduction! Welcome and thank you for taking the time to tell us about yourself and your husband. Glad you found the Board and I hope to hear more from you on the various forums! __________________ I'll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available. A. Brilliant

07-22-2008, 07:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
des1re06 Great Times 1 Year Exp. Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 1,078 Location: East TN Status: Couple SLS Name:Des1re06	Re: Nor Cal Newbies You've come to a great place to discuss your feelings and ask questions. We're alot alike in that I'm a bi woman, and we discussed for about 8 years before we took the leap. It's wonderful to have a partner who's willing to let you explore. We're both lucky in that respect. Thanks for the shybi website. Will have to check that out. Good luck and have fun! Mrs. D

07-22-2008, 08:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
bbarnsworth Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 210 Location: South Central Indiana Status: Couple	Re: Nor Cal Newbies Welcome HisnHersnYours! I really like your nickname! Cute It's great that you have such a wonderful husband! My wife and I bear some resemblance to you in that she wants to take things more slowly than I do. I've expressed to her that there's no problem with that. We do only what we both agree on. For example, for a first time experience she says having another man would be what she wants, and then says it's not fair if it's not a couple because I don't get to have another woman when she gets to have another man. I tell her, "fair" doesn't play into this at all. It's what we're each comfortable with and agree on together. She also wants to soft-swap for a first experience, and I'd rather she have the full menu on the first experience. So, it works both ways; our desires and fantasies don't exactly match up, but we're both on the same path. We just agree to agree, rather than agree to disagree and set the rules for the first experience based on what we both want and are willing to accept on the first experience. Sounds like the two of you are doing something similar!

07-22-2008, 04:53 PM	#6 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,494 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	Re: Nor Cal Newbies to the board! House parties can be pretty scary... but then anything can be scary when you don't feel like you know anyone. If you really have no interest in other couples and ONLY want single females, house parties will probably not be the greatest idea for you. It seems like a lot of couples start out looking for a threesome and then decide to "settle" on a couple instead. You know what you want, so go for that. Don't settle... it only makes the other couple feel like second prize. glad to see you joining in! __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

07-22-2008, 05:18 PM	#8 (permalink)
HisnHersnYours Active Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 16 Location: Nor Cal Status: Couple/Married/Bi-Female SLS Name:Hisnhersnyours	Re: Nor Cal Newbies that is good advice. the only thing im sure of though is we want to start with a threesome. we are both open to the idea of swinging, so it would be a shame not to check it out and see what we're missing. we do know what goes on at those parties, we arent the type to show up and stand in a corner or even lead ppl on. we know that a couple who feels out of place can often change the vibe and ruin it for others. that is the last thing we would want to do. but we ARE open, and it does sound like something we may want to try. thanks for the advice and for your help with the thread

08-03-2008, 10:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,795 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet SLS Name:Sweet_tna	Re: Nor Cal Newbies What a wonderful introduction. You and your hubby are so lucky to have each other. Thanks for sharing your story, and =) __________________ PA Meet Up Nov. 7th & 8th . . . you know you want to . . .

08-04-2008, 12:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
SecretAsianMan Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 448 Location: Los Angeles Status: Single Male SLS Name:Secret_Asian_Man	Re: Nor Cal Newbies Welcome & it sounds like y'all had a wonderful introduction to the lifestyle! (congrats) Glad to have y'all here __________________ I used to be indecisive... now I'm not so sure.

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