As others, new to forum (and lifestyle in our case)

[bbarnsworth]

Hello everyone!

My wife and I pretty much fit the profile of what I've read to be the typical swinger. We're middle aged, financially comfortable, in a strong committed relationship. Our lives are quite happy, and our relationship is very stable. We're very open and honest with each other, which is how we were able to get on the subject of swinging.

I've always been more amenable to swinging than my wife has been, in part because I've had a little bit of experience in it and she has not. We're both approaching this very openly and honestly. We had a long conversation on swinging yesterday. Lots of great communication, questions, ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc. We may never end up actually swinging to any level, but we're considerably further along the way towards that than we ever have been before. Now, we're curious; wanting more information, doing more reading, and I imagine we'll spend lots more time talking about it. All good things.

We know that some questions just won't be answerable until we actually have a first time experience. How will the experience be felt emotionally and what role will that have in our relationship? Physically? Spiritually? Some things like that you can't answer until you've done it. One question we haven't fully answered yet is of particular importance to my wife. Sex is of course enjoyable, but she doesn't want sex to be trivialized; it is an intimate experience, often more deeply so for women than men. I commented that if we are in a threesome, she and I are still making love, and very intimately. We're just doing so with someone else involved, pleasuring us and them as well.

Some questions we're working on answering. Some are just simple logistical stuff. Some are laying down our own rules, for ourselves. Still others are about our initial desires. We both know, for example, that for our first experience we'd like to have another man in the mix in a threesome, and one who is bi. Other questions I think we've either bridged or mostly bridged. For example, neither of us has a particular problem with jealousy. Our love is our bond, not how tightly we hang on to each other.

We aren't ready yet to 'cross the bridge' so to speak, but we're discussing it and having a good time doing so.

We've been looking at clubs for a first time experience and have found two within a couple of hours drive. It may be a long while until we get to one but perhaps we're on the way.

So that's the long version of 'hi!'

-BB

[rpu3]

Welcome and thank you for the detailed introduction!

Glad you found the Board! I think you'll find it useful as you explore swinging. If you have questions, ask! And be sure to check out the archive section with some useful information about the most common topics on Swingers Board about getting started.

[JustAskJulie]

to the board! You'll find many of your questions answered here, and as you read you will probably find many more questions you want answered. Please don't hesitate to post any questions that you have. They may seem trivial, but they usually aren't

[tittietwister]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

she doesn't want sex to be trivialized

Swinging is about recreational sex; hence, compared to what you have with each other it is trivialized! That's the point although we could probably think of a kinder word.

It sounds to me like you both may want to investigate the concept of polyamory. You also mentioned spiritual. You will often find references to the spiritual in poly groups.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by tittietwister

Swinging is about recreational sex; hence, compared to what you have with each other it is trivialized! That's the point although we could probably think of a kinder word.

It sounds to me like you both may want to investigate the concept of polyamory. You also mentioned spiritual. You will often find references to the spiritual in poly groups.

I was briefly involved in a poly triad about 10 years ago. It went quite well and I had a good experience from it. That said, I'm quite certain that's not what either my wife or I want, at least not at this point. We're interested in the idea of having a third person with us during love making, and having the ability to back up, wall off if we need to evaluate. We're in agreement that having an essentially anonymous person without emotional strings attached is the preferred first experience. Neither of us wants to emotionally involve ourselves in the third to any significant depth.

A large part of the reason for this is that I know for both of us, it's about fantasy fulfillment. We came to the subject of swinging because my wife expressed a fantasy of hers; having two men play with her at once. This is quite erotic to her, and to me as well.

I know, I know How do you have recreational sex without trivializing sex. It's kinda like drinking a glass of water without getting your mouth wet. I think there's a line to be held in that if my wife and I are making love, the third is a part of that in the sense of being like a live sex toy.

I think there's few people that wake up one morning after a long monogamous relationship and say "Oh hey, let's swing today, wanna?" and their partner goes "ok sounds great lets go!" I call this "0-60" Doesn't happen very often I imagine. Our questions and concerns are probably fairly run of the mill stuff. New to us, while to the experienced they are common.

[2insandiego4u]

Sounds like you two are on the right track, lots of positive discussion and open communication going on.

Glad you found us!

[sweet_tna]

Hi and

=)

[SecretAsianMan]

Hello & welcome to the group!