New to the board and possibly the lifestyle

[Chitowndk4u]

Hello swingers!

I am a married man and my wife and I are becoming more interested in the lifestyle.

Things will go slow at first for a while. I hope to gain more knowledge from the members of this board. I have have been interested in the lifestyle since I was a young teen. Seeing those scenes in the old 70's porn movies got me interested in the mental and physical aspect.

By mental aspect I mean the courage it takes and the mindset for a man to enjoy sharing his wife and vice versa. I have met a swinger couple that I have talked to off and on ove the last couple of years. I found the husband to be one of the coolest people I have ever met. He taught me how to let go of my personal jealousy (not that I had a real problem with it, but it still is a mental hurdle to get over living in the world and how it programs you to be) and just enjoy the moment.

I have been more into it than my wife has been (well she wasn't at all), but she had a an experience recntly that changed her mind and now it seems that getting this life style and really enjoying it might be a real possibility.

Well, thanks for reading and I hope to gain a lot of wisdom from you guys.

[WeUse]

First - thanks for joining. As a "new member" I'm impressed with the say you seem to just "hop in". I'm looking forward to more of your contributions.

Second - What was that "recent experience" that your wife had? More to the point, any way to let my wife have that same experience?

Welcome aboard!

~J

[Chitowndk4u]

I joined it a while back but never posted or even came back tot he site. I always had it as something I would go back to when the time was right and I knew this resource would be here.

Well, the experience that my wife had was she recently went on a trip to the Bahamas. In short, she wound up in a threesome with a couple. So now her mind is a little different. towards sharing and such.

Trust me, since my join date I hadn't been back here and am just getting back today. Go easy on me.

We talked about it and I am ok with what happened, just wish that I was there to protect her if things didn't go well. Other than that, it's ok with me. I really want to get my feet wet in the lifestyle so I figured I'd start here and see what we can learn.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Chitowndk4u

Things will go slow at first for a while. I hope to gain more knowledge from the members of this board. I have have been interested in the lifestyle since I was a young teen. Seeing those scenes in the old 70's porn movies got me interested in the mental and physical aspect.

By mental aspect I mean the courage it takes and the mindset for a man to enjoy sharing his wife and vice versa. I have met a swinger couple that I have talked to off and on ove the last couple of years. I found the husband to be one of the coolest people I have ever met. He taught me how to let go of my personal jealousy (not that I had a real problem with it, but it still is a mental hurdle to get over living in the world and how it programs you to be) and just enjoy the moment.

I have been more into it than my wife has been (well she wasn't at all), but she had a an experience recntly that changed her mind and now it seems that getting this life style and really enjoying it might be a real possibility.

Well, thanks for reading and I hope to gain a lot of wisdom from you guys.

I am so glad you decided to come back and share some feelings. This site (as you already knew) is a wonderful resource for situations, questions, comments, or whatever you want to talk about.

Thanks for sharing the story regarding your wife. Swinging, as you've probably read here on the board is meant to be fun. Keep it simple and enjoy the moment. My husband and I have been swinging for a little over 2 years now and we seriously just love it. There are so many things I love to watch when he's with another woman. <<Thats an evil grin!

Again, it's wonderful to have you back!!

[Chitowndk4u]

Thanks for your words and maybe you can help me out with getting into this lifestyle. I want to ask you how you started?

How old were you?

How did it come up?

Thanks for your input.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Chitowndk4u

Thanks for your words and maybe you can help me out with getting into this lifestyle. I want to ask you how you started?

How old were you?

How did it come up?

Thanks for your input.

You're welcome!!

To start out with, My husband was 49 and I was 43 when things were brought up. He was the one that brought it up, and even though, for months, he'd talk about another man in our bed, doing a DP or whatever, it was exciting to think about. So one Sunday, we're having a little afternoon delight and right in the middle of it, he says, "Honey, I joined a swinger site" He kept going without missing a beat and I just stopped. I mean I froze. He should have just come right out and told me he wanted to fuck other women because that it really what I heard although it wasn't what he said. In all actuality, that is what he meant, but he thought he'd start out with just saying he'd joined a site and wanted me check it out.

My husband is gone Monday through Friday in the summertimes. So when he left the next morning, I started doing research. Actually, at first, it hurt my feelings that he wanted to fuck someone else. I wasn't mentally fit enough to even want to try to understand why the hell he thought I wasn't enough for him (which was a moot point in our swinging experience).

That whole situation above is what led me to here. I took it upon myself to do my own research and above all, I corresponded with another married male on here to get his feelings of why he wanted to fuck other women and what he wanted to see from his wife. THAT is what helped me understand the most. You see, my husband, wonderful man that he is, is not the greatest of communicators. He couldn't tell quite tell me or get it into words that I could understand the whys of what he was thinking or what he was feeling.

I was up-front and told my husband of my correspondence with my friend on here. I asked him questions about things my friend brought up and it made it easier to answer. I asked with no preconceived notions of what he might say, but if this was going to work, it had to be totally open and honest in all questions and all communication! This was no area for being judgmental or conditional. The more I asked questions, the more open our communication became. Kind of a beautiful thing. I found out a lot of things that I didn't know before.

If you want to know more, just let me know.

[rpu3]

Or perhaps we should say welcome back. If you have questions, please ask... we have a lot of people willing to give their .02 on any number of subjects.

[Chitowndk4u]

Thanks I appreciate you sharing.

[JustAskJulie]

to the board! Glad that you and your wife are starting to get on the same page. It sounds like you have a lot of talking to do together now.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome back to the Swingers Board Mr & Mrs Chitowndk4u

Thanks for sharing this with us. I think you could be allot of help to some of the new people dealing with issues here. By all means, join in with the topics.

Do you and Mrs.Chitowndk4u have intentions of seeking couples for full swap ? Like the couple couple in the vacation experience ?

Do you hope to find a third single, for you both to pursue ?

Either way, what is your hopes of the next experience ?

[Chitowndk4u]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Welcome back to the Swingers Board Mr & Mrs Chitowndk4u

Thanks for the welcome!

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Thanks for sharing this with us. I think you could be a lot of help to some of the new people dealing with issues here. By all means, join in with the topics.

It's so many I wouldn't know where to begin, but thanks.

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Do you and Mrs.Chitowndk4u have intentions of seeking couples for full swap? Like the couple in the vacation experience?

I would love to do a full swap, so far we have done same room sex with no touching or swapping, but that was years ago when we were dating.

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Do you hope to find a third single, for you both to pursue?

I would like that. But, we'll see how it goes. We are black BTW and finding swingers in our community can be a fruitless endeavor considering the overall conservative nature of our community. So we are exploring our options.

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Either way, what is your hopes of the next experience?

Well since she had an experience with a couple, I am hoping that we can do something like that soon with another woman (wife is Bi-Sexual BTW), then see what happens from there.

Hopefully we can get to a club and see what it's like.

[Chitowndk4u]

Our experience so far has been same room sex, and a threesome, her doing a threesome recently. So, that's where we are and now we want explore more. I think I'm going to have her watch Swingtown and see how she likes it.

We are sexually open. But we are interested in this type of life. I always have been, now she is more open to it. We've had conversations and it was always no with her. So I just dropped it, because I love her and if she didn't want it, I wasn't going to force it.

But with her recent vacation and the events of said trip. It has sparked the conversation again. The Mrs. was haing a hard time accepting her choice. I told her it was ok and so did her friends and even her step-mom said it was ok as long as we were ok.

Do you guys have any advice on how to proceed?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by Chitowndk4u

But with her recent vacation and the events of said trip. It has sparked the conversation again. The Mrs. was haing a hard time accepting her choice. I told her it was ok and so did her friends and even her step-mom said it was ok as long as we were ok.

Having a step mom with sound advice is well...... unexpected .

Just kidding, its all good

Ya know I could never express enough how we see things from a different perspective since swinging. I probably wear it out sometimes.. but finding out about each other is amazing because we do learn so much about ourselves as we go.

I think staying with your wifes feelings about the positive things she surly learned about herself, is something to keep in tune with. Sometimes its just best instead of asking questions, it's comforting to let our partners know they can share how they feel about themselves. With a little time, things expand and grow. Especially if we can learn to be understanding and trusting.

[Chitowndk4u]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Having a step mom with sound advice is well...... unexpected .

Just kidding, its all good

Ya know I could never express enough how we see things from a different perspective since swinging. I probably wear it out sometimes.. but finding out about each other is amazing because we do learn so much about ourselves as we go.

I think staying with your wifes feelings about the positive things she surly learned about herself, is something to keep in tune with. Sometimes its just best instead of asking questions, it's comforting to let our partners know they can share how they feel about themselves. With a little time, things expand and grow. Especially if we can learn to be understanding and trusting.

Yes, I totally understand.

I have been re-assuring her every step of the way. Now she is willing to talk about things and be more open.

We have a motto that we have had for a while, but had lost sight of it and that motto is: Whatever we do, we do together.

I can't wait to really explore this life and see how my mind and our lives change due to it.

[sweet_tna]

Hi, and thanks for the introduction. I'm glad to hear that you and your wife are aware of how important it is to keep this a team sport.

=)