Is it tougher to be bisexual?

[Spoomonkey]

Mrs Spoomonkey is a part of a group at our office that supports and raises awareness for the GLBT community. It is actually a really good group of people - mostly lesbians - who raise visibility and do quite a few community projects. It is the only group that she is involved in and does a lot with them - from the projects, event planning, working GLBT events, etc.

Mrs Spoo is a part of the group as an "advocate" - but not as someone identified as GLBT herself. But the truth is, she is bisexual. She is not "out" about it, but privately does identify herself that way.

I was ribbing her about "coming out" to the rest of the group. Just picking really because she mentioned a few of the women in the group she found attractive. After the joking was done, she did mention that there are some people in the group she might be open about her sexuality privately, she would not come out to everyone.

It makes sense really.

When you identify as straight or gay, the possibility of a single long term monogamous relationship is assumed. But if you identify as bisexual, I think people tend to equate that with promiscuity. If she is bisexual then "obviously" she is having sex with someone other than me. I think this is illogical - after all, she could say that she is attracted to the same sex, married to the opposite sex and simply has had girlfriends in the past.

But I don't think people would buy such an explanation - and they certainly wouldn't assume it.

So I started thinking - is it easier in the "business world" to identify as one of the "ends of the spectrum" rather than admit that you might be somewhere in the middle?

Identifying as gay certainly isn't a "plus" for your career, at least in our company, but bisexual would be career suicide, IMHO.

What do you think?

Spoomonkey

[JandY]

Who was it that said, forty or so years ago, "Woman is the nigger of the world"?

Twenty years or so ago, homosexuals replaced women.

Today, it's bi-sexuals.

Thanks be for terrorists and paedo's (they help take the heat off of the rest of us).

[sweet_tna]

Hmmm . . . These days, it seems a woman being bisexual is practically a trend (there was a recent episode of House in which a character was identified as bi. For a man, I think it would be tougher. They'd get the stigma often associated with gay men from those not comfortable with homosexuality.

That said, I'm not sure how the gay/lesbian community feels about it. They may see it either as "fence sitting", or identify with the same sex attraction . . . (shrugs)


=)

[GerdOEvert]

I am bisexual, and I would like to pass on two things. One bisexual in men is not the same as homosexual. I definitely prefer women, but do not dislike men. Sometimes it is sexy to take a cock, or to tive a cock. I would love to really do a man, and feel a load of cum spurt. I have been blown, and it really felt so good. I also loved doing my wife after she has been fucked and creme filled. The excerpt follows. Sexy excerpt.

I hve a tip. Slickman on Erotica wrote a series called Couples Cruise. It is long, but is it hot.

Eileen has been bi since college, but not "out". She is a hot tall thin redhead.

Gerd & Eileen

It is such a turn on, once you get use to the idea, of having your wife screw another guy and then walk around with his cum dripping down her legs. I suppose I am pretty much alone in that I keep a list of the men my wife fucks. I have mentioned this to several other husbands and found very few that had even thought about keeping a list. Don't know why but for some reason it really turned me on to add another name to the list. Even now it is very erotic to get out that list and think of all those cock that have enjoyed her pussy. What with age, the Aids scare and some (non-sexual) medical problems we have all but dropped out of the lifestyle now but I still have the memories and sharing them with others is still a turn on as is hearing from others who share the same feelings. Mary hasn’t added any new names to the list in quite some time and her total right now is 201 different men - not counting me. And, all of them were after we were married. Makes me feel so proud of her, that her cunt has tasted so many different cocks. By the way, she also took every one of them bareback - never could stand condoms, so I got a LOT of sloppy seconds and ceampies.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Hmmm . . . These days, it seems a woman being bisexual is practically a trend (there was a recent episode of House in which a character was identified as bi. For a man, I think it would be tougher. They'd get the stigma often associated with gay men from those not comfortable with homosexuality.

Thanks, TNA for a comment that I can understand

No offense to the other two, I am just thinking maybe the point of my question has been lost. I must not be communicating it very well.

I posted this in vanilla life because the context was living "out" as a bisexual and was not intended to be swinging related. It was "real life" philosophical vs. club life practical - if that makes sense.

Let me clarify a bit more, since I didn't do the best job the first time.

Being gay is "tolerated" but hardly easy in the business world. Our GLBT group is a good group, but there is still a stigma in being associated. I've known of people who refused to get involved because of that stigma. They voice support for the community, but are afraid that being involved could hurt their advancement. And the lack of management types involved in the group is telling; they are either in the closet or keeping their distance for the sake of their career.

Still - there are homosexuals who are out, involved and passionate about increasing understanding.

However, no one in the group identifies themselves as bisexual. The bisexuals who undoubtedly work for such a large company are simply unwilling to come out. So my question is - while it may still be very difficult to come out of the closet as a homosexual in the business world - how much harder do you think it would be to come out as bisexual, especially if you are married?

Bisexuality is the current "trend", but it still isn't an open thing - in my experience - in the real world. My thought is that living out as a bisexual would be more difficult on a career as it would be viewed as a more promiscuous lifestyle.

Does that make sense?

Spoomonkey

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Let me clarify a bit more, since I didn't do the best job the first time.

I think you were pretty clear the first time.

To answer the question: I don't know. I can see what you're saying, and it does make sense. I guess the variable of the particular work location would figure into this as well.

I'm out to run some errands and such for a few hours, so I'll come back with some real thoughts.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

However, no one in the group identifies themselves as bisexual. The bisexuals who undoubtedly work for such a large company are simply unwilling to come out. So my question is - while it may still be very difficult to come out of the closet as a homosexual in the business world - how much harder do you think it would be to come out as bisexual, especially if you are married?

Bisexuality is the current "trend", but it still isn't an open thing - in my experience - in the real world. My thought is that living out as a bisexual would be more difficult on a career as it would be viewed as a more promiscuous lifestyle.

Does that make sense?

Spoomonkey

Yes it does, and I think it comes down to the same reason homosexuals have had such a tough time of things. People simply do not want to accept that they don't understand. Over time, and through groups such as the ones in your office, there is increased awareness and understanding/tolerance of homosexuality. But that takes time.

I think what J&Y was getting at is that there was a time in our history when women were not respected as individuals, much less professionals (Suffrage, glass ceilings). That has, thankfully changed, but it was a long time coming.

As gays/lesbians become more mainstream, there may well be a bisexual movement as well. But the individuals coming out will likely face a lot of the same issues that any group seeking acceptance has. Added to that, bisexuals, by their very nature, cannot be so easily pigeon holed. Those that have come to tolerate gays/lesbians tend to convince themselves by thinking that they're "just different", and can even chalk that up to biological tendencies.

And yes, I think the road will be a bit tougher for the bisexuals who are married. For those who do not understand those tendencies (or wish to deny their own inclinations), it will be uncomfortable to accept that the marriage is not a sham.

=)

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I guess the variable of the particular work location would figure into this as well.

There are definitely different company cultures. The company we work for is very traditional and frankly a decade or so behind everyone else when it comes to inclusion.

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

And yes, I think the road will be a bit tougher for the bisexuals who are married. For those who do not understand those tendencies (or wish to deny their own inclinations), it will be uncomfortable to accept that the marriage is not a sham.

Good point. I think the real key is going to be accepting a more "open" sexuality for people - which may be a HUGE mountain to climb. It's one thing to accept less "tradtional" monogamous relationships - quite another to accept relationships that might seem less "faithful".

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

I think it may also have something to do with the fact that she is married. At least that's how I feel about it. I'm in her boat and that's how I see it. In private I have no problem telling others that I'm bi, but publicly standing up and declaring it - not so much. Less because of people knowing that I'm bisexual than the other conclusions they may draw from it - so how dod you handle that if you are married? Do you have a girlfriend on the side? Etc. Add to that that I've never met a female I wanted to have a relationship with, and it just makes it a little more complicated.

Then again I have vanilla friends that know I'm bi, but they don't know I swing... they understand that former, but wouldn't get the latter.

[The Fuse]

I think bisexuality just blows peoples' minds, and that is harder to deal with in the workplace than elsewhere. People are trying to concentrate on work and then suddenly this thing is inserted into their consciousness... too many things they don't understand and can't accept. Homosexuality is hard enough for most people but at least a one-on-one dynamic is implied, so there aren't as many "different" things to try to assimilate. Add religion, general closed-mindedness, and the fact that people are there to work, and you have recipe for non-acceptance.

Many, many people would rather just reject the people they see as causing the problem, than take the trouble to at least take a deep breath and say to themselves, "This has nothing to do with work; it's none of my business."

So yes, I think it's more difficult to be bisexual. Your perspective is SO much different than everyone else's, an order of magnitude more complicated than having a strong preference one way or another. People resent being asked to deal with that, so there is more backlash, I'm sure. Of course I'm intuiting all this and it's just my opinion. I wish I were more bisexual, but I'm not.

[Speed & Trixie]

I have not told anyone in my "vanilla" life that I'm bi. My fear is that from the men, I'll get smirks or jokes every time I mention that a woman is attractive and they'll actually take me less seriously. From the women, I fear that every time I compliment them or hug them, they'd worry "was that just a hug, or is she hitting on me?"

And, like Julie mentioned, I don't want questions about how Speed and I handle my bisexuality. Then I'd have to completely blow their minds and tell them what swinging is -- and I need these people to focus on their jobs (it's dangerous work)!

Not gonna lie, I do get a kick out of catching the men exchange looks of "wait, did she say that?" and wondering if I'm really bi. It's fun to keep people guessing sometimes.

Trixie

[lardub]

The Mrs and I met while working in a home for developmentally delayed adults, and twenty years ago a small organization with six residential homes and a maximum staff of lets say 80. We had two open Bi men, five Bi-women and nine lesbians. Believe me staff parties had many a great conversation, not to mention the odd rumour of so and so had sex with so and so, and even the occasional drunken grope session between people who stated they could never do it, it was where I had my first real Bi experince since the days of teenage exploration. So in answer to your question coming out in any of the social work type work places would never hurt your employment.
In my experince those who work in group home settings are one of three. Total bible thumpers. Married hetro save the world types, or have a sexual preference that is not considered main stream. and its amazing that all three seem to be able to co-exist and work and party together..
At present where I work if I even stated the fact that we were swingers even being straight, even if every guy I work with would love to bed my wife I would be screwed, looked down upon as scum. now if I ever stated I was Bi I would be run out the door and most likely burned at the stake at the center of town.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

I think bisexuality just blows peoples' minds, and that is harder to deal with in the workplace than elsewhere.

I think you're right. In my experience, when someone is noted as bisexual, it is usually accompanied by a remark indicating that person "doesn't have their head screwed on right". They tend to see that person as an emotional mess and someone that can't get their shit together. Note, this is usually in reference to a single person, but not always.
A quick story to illustrate the point:

We know a young lady that is recently married (2 years) that was trying to confront and deal with her feelings of bisexuality. When her family got wind of it, their response was "She just needs to grow up and get over that crap". They felt she was just being silly, selfish, and immature. So, instead of being able to communicate with her husband and work through these feelings, they were put away, and "it never happened".

I think most people understand gay, even if they dislike it or don't approve. Wrapping their brains around bisexuality puts a pretzel in their head.

So, yeah, I'd say that generally speaking, yes, being bi in the workplace is tougher.

[fun4Ds]

Man, this thread hits home for us. When I first saw this, Mrsfun was watching CSI and I said "Hey, Spoomonkey wants to know if it's tougher to be bisexual "

Dude, you really have an Internet female fan over here in the fun house ... I'm usually shushed during CSI.....

We got to talking about this a little bit and first she said in her experience, it would be by far easier to confide in a gay man than a lesbian. She worked at a large engine facility that I can say had more rainbow stickers in the parking lot, than not !

She, at that time never exposed herself as bisexual. We never found it a fruitful idea to talk about anything in our private lives sexually, outside the norm at work. But she can say, there were "vibes"

At this time I actually worked at the same place as an outside contractor. So we both mingled with everyone. We found and agree even in this G/L community there were groups. Sad to say that, as outside the work place was different than on the job.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

In my experience, when someone is noted as bisexual, it is usually accompanied by a remark indicating that person "doesn't have their head screwed on right".

When I was a kid, my mom used to say that she understands gay, but bisexuals "just can't make up their minds."

Later in her life, she was much more open-minded, but being raised in the south and with the traditional values I am not sure that she ever got past that view.

I haven't thought about that in a while, but I wonder how many people who believe being gay is something you're born with fail to make that connection to bisexuality? I know that is a bit off topic, but your reply made me think of that.

Spoomonkey