What's your preferred love language?

[socolais]

The five love languages.

Not everyone feels loved or expresses love the same way. Gary Chapman has a book called the 5 love languages that describes his observation about people. We all like each of these expressions but quite often one is more dominant in how we feel love or express love. Most people naturally express to the people around them the love language that they themselves want to receive.

The 5 are:
1. Words of affirmation. These people feel loved when someone compliments them. When someone give them recognition for how they have been helpful. It says the person giving the affirmation feels empathy for the good they have done. The tone of the comment often helps the person understand that this person really appreciates the help offered to them.
2. Quality time together. Their attention is focused on them for a meal together. Its time to talk about their life. Its doing an activity together. Your together and giving enough attention to the other person so your aware of their feelings and body language. It often doesn’t matter what your doing together so much as time is taken to be together.
3. Receiving gifts. We probably all have had a friend that always wants to give little gifts to people. If a gift is brought to them they have the ability to make you glad you gave it to them. Wedding rings would mean a lot to this type of person. Flowers also.
4. Acts of service. This person will be there when you are moving. If the person is a handy man, just happen to mention that something broke and they will be there with their tools to fix it. When you help this person get something done they will feel you love them. If a criticism is given to this type of person when they were doing their act of service to express their love, it will hurt them quite a bit.
5. Physical touch. This person can’t just stand there and only talk, they naturally touch you as they talk to you. Massage really improves their outlook on life. Hugs and kisses are part of each meeting. To touch is to say I accept you, I care.

So, maybe think about it a bit and select your primary preferred love language. Is your spouse's love language different? Have you noticed a preferred language for playmates?

There's one other thread on this board about this subject and its a few years old. I wanted to convert it to a poll and start a fresh discussion. Do you touch????

[CXXC]

I actually found it difficult to pick one. I did, however, discover that time spent together enables me to understand the individual more. COnversation alone cannot tell you everything. Watching how a person interacts, reacts and moves speaks volumes to me. Some times, their body speaks more of what they think and feel than what they say.
I will have to stick with quality time.

[SW_PA_Couple]

For me it was a toss-up between Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. But I picked Words.

Such a coincidence you should ask this. It was touched upon by Oprah today. She says that if you don't get at least one kiss having a ten-second minimum duration each day, then the relationship is lacking. Don't know if I go for this entirely but there is some truth in it. The kiss would be Physical Touch.

~Michael

[Chicup]

My first choice, Binary, wasn't listed.

So I went with quality time together.

[gatorvol64]

For me, it's physical touch followed by quality time. Isn't it nice that the two can be so easily combined? All four of us probably have a different love language. Gator and Kitten do like acts of service...her number one I would say followed by words of affirmation. Gator likes gifts some....just something small to let him know he was in your thoughts. Tech likes...hmmm....I will need to think about that a bit more to see which I feel is his number one. He is soooo self reliant. His may be quality time together.

Vol

[lustylearning]

Words... give me words. I can tell when they are empty.

Hubby needs touch.

[curioussnk]

I have read this book and absolutely love it! It is a good read for anyone, no matter what type of relationship. I believe it can even relate to our friendships and family!

I discovered that my primary love language is "words of affirmation". And I tend to love others in that same language. My hubby is a "touch" lover and he loves me in the way. Therefore sometimes we both have to stand back and realize that we need to love each other in the "other" language.

[femnewb4u2]

This is a hard one. Was conversing with an extended family member about this just last week. Long ago I would have said time. Hands down. But maybe it is now just age speaking. My answer will depend upon the person. If I know that acts of service are how they express their love. Then that is how I feel loved by them. If I know that touch is what they use to express love then I feel loved when they touch me. And it goes on. But as I type I realize, when all is said and done...it is through time together that most of the others can be expressed. Need time for touch, time for service, time for words.

The greatest language for me, is in watching one step outside the lanquage they are most comfortable within and use one of the others to speak to me. Now, that is the lanquage of love.

The most complete romantic love I was ever a part of used all 5. No wonder I always felt the love.

[rpu3]

So, maybe think about it a bit and select your primary preferred love language. Is your spouse's love language different? Have you noticed a preferred language for playmates?

I think I could feasibly have a different love language for each person I love. I think with my spouse, what language I want to communicate may vary depending on mood, situation and his mood and situation. I could feasibly wanting to talk in all five in a reasonable period of time, depending on our state at that time. Right now, I'd prefer quality time, because of his current schedule.

I tend to speak through acts of service with my sister and nephew (who lives with us off and on). My closest co-worker, I prefer quality time. My FWB, I prefer quality time or words, depending on my mood. A few of my other friends and family, words of affirmation is my preference.

The most complete romantic love I was ever a part of used all 5.

Makes sense to me.

[gatorvol64]

After posting, I was thinking last night laying in bed, alone, that there are times I need all 5. I don't believe ever at once but, as you said, it really depends on what is going on in our lives.

I do know that I have to consciously think about showing others in the language they prefer. It's our natural inclination, I believe, to show others in the language we prefer. That being the case, and me liking touch, I notice that if I am feeling disconnected from my loves I have a tendency to not touch them as often. Or be as open to them touching me. I have an extended personal space at times like those.

Vol

[JustAskJulie]

We have been talking a lot about this lately. This book is on our "to read" list and we are currently reading another book that mentioned the love languages.

Initially I think I would have said "Words of Affirmation", but after really thinking about it, I know, for me, it's quality time. To have someone that I can really talk to and that will talk to me, is it. Following that would be words of affirmation.

For Pet, it's Physical Touch.

The most interesting thing in the book we are currently reading when it talks about it the Love Languages he goes into a bit on how to determine what your partners love language is. Ask them to think about a time they felt really loved by you and visualize it. Then ask them to describe it. After they describe it ask them questions about it to narrow down what about that moment really made them feel really loved. "Did you feel really loved because I was touching you or because I was talking to you?" "Was it how I was touching you?", etc.

Another comment he made was that people typically GIVE love in the same way they want to get it, rather than stopping to try to figure out how the other person wants to feel loved and trying to give them what they want. Once you figure out what your partners love language is you can better give them what they want/need to feel loved, making for a happier partner and thus a happier relationship.