After loosing a spouse

[My Next 65]

After my wife passed away I was destroyed. After a few days of heavy grief, I lay on the bed and had the urge to masturbate. Every day I seemed to over ride my emotion of greif with the emotion of sex. Not her and I sex but fantasy sex. Masturbation was often. Still today, after more than a year I still overcome times of emotional grief by substituting very highly wild sexual fantasies. Is it the power of overcoming one natural emotion with another powerful natural emotion?
I am now attempting to contact couples for swinging sex, but there is sometimes a guilt that comes over me for feeling sexy at such a sad time. If I think about her and her past sexual adventures ( read my introduction profile) I feel turned on thinking of her many sexual experiences before we met, I feel turned on thinking about her and make up the unknown details as fantasies for masturbation and feel an increasing desire to think about the most intimate of sexual details about her having sex with other men as a way of increasing my own sexual desire to experience all the excitement of swinging as a way of wanting to go on with my life. I have no friends, I have no family, I have nothing to look foward to in my life except the possibility of enjouying real life sex in swinging as my almost sole interest in life.
Please, someone who may have gone through loosing a soulmate, give me some advise. Is this a situation others may have gone through? Can anyone understand my having such feelings? Guilt, grief, lonlyness and confusion have overtaken my every thought and I need someone to help me.

[slevin]

I think that it may be best for you to go and talk to a professional counselor, perhaps someone who has an open mind about swinging and alternative sexual lifestyles. It is never easy losing someone so close and I can only imagine how tough it is to lose a spouse. It sounds to me like you have been using sexual fantasies as a way to continue to feel a connection with her and with the good feelings that sexual release brings you're looking to sex with others (fulfilling those fantasies) as a way to lift your spirits. You need to work on allowing yourself to move on, while still remembering her and loving her. You need to find new friends to get out into the world and live life with.

Take some time today and look in your area for a good psychiatrist or counselor you can talk to right away. They can help.

[turnuptheheat]

First, I want to extend my condolences.
In the loss of a spouse, searching out alternative emotional outlets is a normal response.
Grief is a powerful emotion and the endorphins and release of sex serve to dull it's pain.
The psychological aspect of sex is sometimes associated with procreation, primally filling a void by acting on the need to continue your blood line, or find another mate.
I agree that grief counseling would be appropriate, but I also think you are emotionally not at all unique in the responses you feel.
Good luck in your journey.