How would you have handled this? (long post)

[red96]

Saturday night the Mrs. and I went out to our favorite bar to dance and party a little. There are certain songs Mrs. Red likes to dance to and she had requested them to be played by the D.J. He is very accommodating but you never really know when your song is going to be played, it depends on how many requests he has. We ran into someone we knew and I was in the middle of a conversation when one of her songs started. She headed out on the dance floor as I continued my conversation and watched her dance. She was joined by a couple on the floor, they were all dancing together No Biggie. The female half of the couple then left the dance floor and the male half continued to dance with Mrs. Red, still no biggie. She usually stays close to where I am when she is alone on the dance floor but I noticed she was backing away from her dance partner and was across the dance floor from me. The guy she was dancing with was very close and putting his hands on her waist and she was trying to get away from him. As soon as I realized what was happening I excused myself and went directly to her. I put myself between them and took her by the waist and pulled her to me and we started dancing. I never even acknowledged his presence, he immediately stopped dancing and just stood there with a dumb look on his face for a couple of seconds and then walked off the dance floor.
Here's my question, How would other guys have handled a similar situation?
I think by completely ignoring him I avoided a potentially volatile situation. He was a complete stranger and his actions we totally uninvited, some of my friends think I should have decked him or at least had words with him. But I feel it was more belittling to him to be ignored.
Sorry for the long story.

Mr. Red

[JustAskJulie]

I think you did the right thing.

[BiloxiCouple]

You handled it well. Bravo!!!

If you hit him it would have been assault and causes an ugly scene. You did more with less. Which is something you don't see too often.

You didn't mention how she felt about dancing with him.

You only said he was dancing with her and putting his hands on her waist and moving away from him. Part of dancing as far as I am concerned. Again, unless there is more to the story.

You know your wife probably better than anyone else and noticed she might have been uncomfortable and you just easily put yourself in between her and the situation and handled it well. She's your wife and you (and her) are allowed to do that anytime and anywhere.

[LFM2]

I also think you handled it rather well. It avoided a physical confrontation that should be avoided at all costs. He probably wouldn't have turned to physical violence anyway being that he just stood there. Did he know you were her husband?

I'm also curious, what was your wife's impression of the whole thing?

[Edison Carter]

Ed here- you did the right thing, you asserted your position, your wife asserted hers and he was left standing like the moron he was.

Unfortunately, many men feel they have carte blanche to do anything with a woman while dancing. Why ? Because most women let them.

Glad to see you took the firm, gentlemen's approach. Also, never take it to violence, that puts you in jail and worse.

[red96]

The Mrs. was very uncomfortable in the situation he put her in. He was a complete stranger and she does not dance with guys she has never met before. Since they had been dancing as a threesome she was okay until he started touching her. When the three of them were dancing together he kept his distance. As soon as his lady left the floor he moved in on my wife. I found out after it was over that that a Bartender saw what was happening and that I was headed out to the dance floor. She alerted the bouncers and they were ready for a scuffle, they were pleasantly surprised at the outcome. We play with single males, but that is different they are invited by us to join our fun. He had no right to touch my Lady in any way and if he had taken exception to me moving in and taking control then things could have gotten very ugly fast. I am not a violent person but if that situation had become violent I would not have backed down to protect my wife. Also we were seated pretty close to where they were seated I noticed them so I'm would assume they noticed us. We are a very close couple and kiss and hold hands and stay together when we are in public places. So if they noticed us they at least knew we were together.

[screaminggood]

You absolutely did the right thing, but does your wife need some assertiveness training? Did she say "STOP!" or give him any indications besides moving away that she didn't want his attention? I'm just thinking it would be best for her to know how to control the situation in case you had ran to the bathroom, etc.

[acorn42047]

You did the right thing. Assertive yet non-confrontational. I might not have turned my back on him. You never know what the other guy will do.

[bbarnsworth]

Physically assaulting someone yields nothing positive. You could end up being charged with a crime, physically hurt yourself or worse your wife could get hurt.

Having words with him would achieve nothing.

The goal in this situation is to extricate your wife from the situation and protect her from further unwanted advances. Punching someone or verbally confronting them does nothing to achieve this goal. What you did do achieved that goal perfectly. Bravo!

[TNT]

As other's have said, you did the right thing...BRAVO!

I'm curious...was this a swingers club or a regular club?

I've never had this problem in a regular night club but have encountered it in a swingers club before. What I usually do is move the offenders hands off of me and tell them I didn't give you permission to touch, if you want to dance fine, but no touching. That usually works and when it doesn't, I just walk away.


Teresa

[red96]

but does your wife need some assertiveness training?

We discussed this and I guess I got there so fast she didn't have a chance to assert her self. I could tell by the look on her face she was uncomfortable and went to her aid. I always keep an eye on her when she is on the dance floor alone mostly because I love to watch her dance. She has also had self defense training for her job and can take care of herself if need be.

I'm curious...was this a swingers club or a regular club?

It is a Vanilla Club that we are "regulars" at. We dance there all the time, sometimes the Mrs. dances by herself and we have never had this happen before. Since we go there a lot most guys know we are a couple. Some like to wait until I am gone to the restroom or Bar to hit up on the Mrs. or ask her to dance. Some have actually hit on her while I was sitting there, which I always find amusing. She ignores their advances and I let it be known she is my wife in a nice way.

I might not have turned my back on him. You never know what the other guy will do.

The thought never occurred to me at the time but you are right my focus was totally on my wife. I completely ignored him when I first got to her. I actually startled her when I got there she was watching him and did not see me coming. When I took her by the waist she thought someone else was touching her other than him until she turned toward me. Then she was smiling and I got a very nice kiss as we were dancing to the rest of the song that was playing. I only glanced his way long enough to see the dumbfounded look on his face as he turned to walk away. I had to pass by their table to get to where we were seated after we danced and didn't even look their way,the dance floor was a little crowded so I had to pick my way through.