I Felt Like Casanova

[fun4Ds]

I had something happen to me that bothers me. I don't know if Casanova is even the true way I feel but thats what comes to mind.

I have a friend from work. No, I will refrain to even call him a friend now. There was a time when I called him a friend, but not now. Truth is, he is more of a snake. I'm sitting here thinking perhaps I missed it and he was a snake, the day we met. If so, he fooled me all along. I have known him a few years and now see the real person he is. I offered my hand in friendship first I suppose. We have shared a few beers in after work settings. I find sometimes guys at work ask me for advice or share their happenings and I give my thoughts. There was even a time he was too drunk to drive, so we let him sleep on our couch and even had breakfast here. O.k... NO, its not going that way. This is not a swinging or lifestyle relationship problem at all. This is a work associate who I befriended, nothing more. He knows Mrs.fun is bi, but we don't talk about swinging with work friends or associates .

Here is the problem. He had been trying to date a woman. Many times over a few months he would talk about not knowing what to say or do to ask her out. I gave my honest opinion at times. I even offered if they should go out, to stop over or we could all get together. The way he would present situations, about the times they talked about sexual stuff. There again I would just be talking about how I felt about women. How Mrs.fun and I felt about sex. How I talked to women not only when Mrs.fun is there, but when she wasn't there as well. My understanding as I see women in a respectful way. I like sex, I'm a man just like any other. But I don't have the great looks some men have. There is not a crowd of women that go out of their way to even get a second look at me.

He came to me a few weeks ago and said "I fucked her, last week and again two days ago, I did it, " I acted just like you" . I never new that was his motivation behind any conversations we had ever had. I never once said you need to do this or that. I just spoke about how I felt toward women. Yes, some things were about sex. Lord knows I am fortunate, but never have I had sex fooling someone or acting like someone I'm not.

I asked him if things were going in a good way toward the possibility for a relationship . He has a son who is 16 and has been a single parent for a number of years. His response was "NO I just wanted to fuck her" she mentioned the "L" word and I have no intentions. Now he is on a kick about how she is calling and actually pursuing him.

This really has me pissed. I have to work with him, I just want to knock him wright in his cocksucker sooooo bad. She met him at work as we were coming out to lunch yesterday and never introduced us. No, I didn't want to face her.... I don't know, I felt ashamed of myself.

This morning I had to ask myself even being on the Swingers Board. How many times have single males came here for advice, about how to fit in and I offer advice about what it would take ? What we look for ? How I perceive all this. I don't post on the board because I want men or women to have a better chance at fucking us by a way of how to fool people. Sometimes now I just want to say.... Just be yourself.

Sorry for ranting, thanks for listening. Just one of those days. Its life I suppose.

[LFM2]

This sounds like it really has you angry. I'm trying to understand these statements though:

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

He came to me a few weeks ago and said "I fucked her, last week and again two days ago, I did it, " I acted just like you" . I never new that was his motivation behind any conversations we had ever had. I never once said you need to do this or that. I just spoke about how I felt toward women. Yes, some things were about sex. Lord knows I am fortunate, but never have I had sex fooling someone or acting like someone I'm not.

What do you mean he acted, "Just like you"? It sounds to me like he acted totally opposite of you. He's in this for the pussy, using them and throwing them away like someone would a used napkin.

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

I asked him if things were going in a good way toward the possibility for a relationship . His response was "NO I just wanted to fuck her" she mentioned the "L" word and I have no intentions. Now he is on a kick about how she is calling and actually pursuing him.

He's really enjoying this, huh? Well, Mr. Fun, you can rant all you want. This guys sounds so remote from what I "picture" you like. I don't see you as a user. I never have. This guy however, is a user. Girls beware.

[socolais]

Since you feel like he used you, I figure you feel he's otherwise generally mature without any serious personality defects (except for the recent outburst). I say that because I've seen people adopt behavior patterns from others because they saw something they liked (I've done this too). Although this sounds more extreem than just a few random behavior changes. Would you say his self esteem was somewhere in the normal range?

It sounds like he may have been "role playing" his perception of your character because he thought you are more successful with women than he is. If he was doing this as some form of trickery, I think that's pretty low.

[JustMrJ]

Mr.Fun,

Without knowing what parts of your conversation he misconstrued, I wouldn't even begin to guess why he is acting this way.

I would personally inform him that you would never treat a lady like that. If both parties have different expectations and both are honest, then it's one thing. Deception, that's quite another. To lead a person on with false hopes and 'tricking' them into the sack is quite low indeed.

I've read many of your posts and my wife thinks that if we find a couple with a man like you, we will have NO problem at all doing a full swap.

Keep your chin up my friend, you have done nothing wrong. Inform your 'friend' that he has erred if he thinks he is 'just like you'.

*HUGS*

[LikeMinds321]

If this guy's main interest in getting a date with this woman was for sex, I don't see anything wrong with that. Men date for sex and so do women.

I think when talking with him about women and sex you didn't realize what his intent was with this woman. Maybe you saw the situation as you helping a guy get a date with a woman who could be the future "miss right" for him. Now that you learned otherwise, you feel fooled and you feel the guy fooled the gal.

But I think he did what any guy will do once he learns something new through a friend, a book on dating, or an article on how to get a woman in bed, he took what he learned and put it to use and got the end result he was seeking...sex. I think this is why he said "I acted just like you."

fun4Ds, don't feel bad about giving this guy advice. There is no reason to feel you are responsible for his decisions and behavior toward this woman.

LM

[LFM2]

I agree with LM that men and women do date for sex. I used to do just that about 25 years ago when I was single, but the difference was-- the men knew that there was not a chance of a relationship other than friendship. I think this person led this girl on to get her into the sack for a wham, bam, thank you good time. If he made his intention clear to the woman that he did not intend to start a relationship, then that is something different.

If I understand Mr. Fun's post correctly, this guy's a player -- someone I would try to stay as far away from as I could.

What I really don't understand is that this guy tried -- for months -- to talk to her and ask her out. He has sex with her a couple times and now, it sounds to me like his opinion of himself is so enormous that he's actually "getting a kick" out of being pursued by this woman.

Now, this all just my opinion, remember.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by LFM2

What do you mean he acted, "Just like you"? It sounds to me like he acted totally opposite of you. He's in this for the pussy, using them and throwing them away like someone would a used napkin.

Well, those were his words . I think he took key advise that worked in his favor. He used bits and pieces of who I am/ how I feel, and worked it to his advantage. I am not O.k. with the fact that clearly he is playing her emotions.

Originally Posted by socolais

Since you feel like he used you, I figure you feel he's otherwise generally mature without any serious personality defects (except for the recent outburst).

Personality defects ? Those are pretty clear now. I think if even you polish a turd its still a TURD!! I think it looks like multiple personalities if anything. Good question though, I'll have to think about that.

Would you say his self esteem was somewhere in the normal range?

I thought that in the beginning. Now, I really don't give a crap about his self esteam.....I'm not angry for what he might have done to me, I'm angry for what he has done to her.

Originally Posted by JustMrJ

I've read many of your posts and my wife thinks that if we find a couple with a man like you, we will have NO problem at all doing a full swap.

Thank you both, for the very flattering complement. That is what we find great about this lifestyle. We have learned allot about what type of people we would be comfortable having sex with. We are wise enough to know there is a physical attraction. Add to that a good personality, some call chemistry. I call it extraordinary sex. I consider myself fortunate like you two, to have a partner who shares my ideas and feelings.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

If this guy's main interest in getting a date with this woman was for sex, I don't see anything wrong with that. Men date for sex and so do women.

I think when talking with him about women and sex you didn't realize what his intent was with this woman. Maybe you saw the situation as you helping a guy get a date with a woman who could be the future "miss right" for him. Now that you learned otherwise, you feel fooled and you feel the guy fooled the gal.

But I think he did what any guy will do once he learns something new through a friend, a book on dating, or an article on how to get a woman in bed, he took what he learned and put it to use and got the end result he was seeking...sex. I think this is why he said "I acted just like you."

LikeMinds, I'm glad you posted this, I like your way of thinking. Its definitely reality. I too in a way, am on the outside of the box looking in. I don't like what I see, but then again this has touched me personally. Sure, I have seen this before from a distance that doesn't connect with my personal life. Hell, I have probably seen it more than most. Even from a distance I don't like this.

fun4Ds, don't feel bad about giving this guy advice. There is no reason to feel you are responsible for his decisions and behavior toward this woman.

I don't feel bad for myself exactly. I don't feel bad for him. I feel bad for her.

Originally Posted by LFM2

If I understand Mr. Fun's post correctly, this guy's a player -- someone I would try to stay as far away from as I could.

What I really don't understand is that this guy tried -- for months -- to talk to her and ask her out. He has sex with her a couple times and now, it sounds to me like his opinion of himself is so enormous that he's actually "getting a kick" out of being pursued by this woman.

Now, this all just my opinion, remember.

The thing is, she was going through and coming out of a divorce. I knew that. My opinion and thoughts were to him that she would need some time to sort things out. I understand things like that and my opinion was to not fool her, No games. Especially head games. He had told me that she had feelings for him long before her failed marriage. He lead me to believe all through this that he too had feelings for her from a previous time in life. Sure, one would presume things might be on a possible coarse here.

But, after the sex came into play thats when he began to be a totally different person at work toward her. The player I can see know.

The other day while we were at first break, she called him. He talked like he was concerned.. playing her. We were sitting right there at the same table. He holds the phone away from his face, like he didn't want to even listen to her rolling his eyes. Then talks like he is concerned again. They say good buy and he said to us

"fucking cunts" and laughed.

Bear in mind my son who is married was at the same table. I saw his fist clinch and I motioned not now. Then again at lunch there he was, all happy to see her. Like I say, when I saw her I felt ashamed. I don't think that is the correct choice of words. But I think the feelings were in that place, I cant quite describe how I felt...

I could do many things at this point. Mrs.fun supports me and says she knows I will do the right thing. She suggested posting this here just to get some input from others as well.

From this point. I could fire him. I don't like him. I can do that, its America.

I could talk to her. I would have to go out of my way, but I could.

I could call him out, and take him out. I don't like that answer though.

I hope his walls come crumbling down on himself. And she walks away unhurt.

But what if she gets hurt even more and I see it coming and do nothing ? Thats a big issue for me personally ? I don't like that.

[JustMrJ]

If he's a good employee and just an ass, I'd have a hard time firing him just like that... plan to replace him maybe, but not just... "you're gone".

As to her, I do feel sorry for her, guys like him make me sick. To treat another human being with that kind of attitude is bad enough, but to lead on a woman and purposely 'fake' feelings for her is just wrong to say the least.

Whenever I encounter someone like that, whether I met them through a friend or it is someone from work, it is very difficult for me not to knock them on their ass and then proceed to give them a big lecture.

I suppose it's all from my upbringing. I was taught to treat others with respect and honesty and ladies with all that as well as a bit of love (heartfelt compassion and caring). I can't EVER see treating another person that way, especially a lady. It just burns me up.

But, I guess there will always be assholes. The affliction knows no bounds, no race, no gender, no religious preference, no sexual preference. So I guess I am truly prejudiced... against assholes.

I do like anal sex though!

[VegasLee]

Ok, I tend to be upfront and blunt so this one would be pretty easy for me.

You gave him good information on how YOU live your life. His life is not yours and you feel he has miss-used the information. I would agree with you on that.

I would only take offense to the fact he thinks he is like you. Next time he comes off with one of his negative comments I would just advise him that you two are nothing alike. That you do not use your life to destroy others lives or hurt people. That you are not selfish like he is. I would do that calmly and just walk away. Would not discuss it further with him. Don't give him a chance to defend HIS lifestyle.

If you have other "good reasons" to fire him, that would solve the problem of you having to deal with him but I am one that does not tend to fire my people because I don't like the way they lead their personal life.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

From this point. I could fire him. I don't like him. I can do that, its America.

I could talk to her. I would have to go out of my way, but I could.

I could call him out, and take him out. I don't like that answer though.

I hope his walls come crumbling down on himself. And she walks away unhurt.

But what if she gets hurt even more and I see it coming and do nothing ? Thats a big issue for me personally ? I don't like that.

Yeah, but firing wouldn't solve anything. He's still a snake and he'll still be the same ass to her that he was last week.

I don't know if I'd talk to her, but I sure would have a talk with him. Like Lee said,

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Next time he comes off with one of his negative comments I would just advise him that you two are nothing alike. That you do not use your life to destroy others lives or hurt people. That you are not selfish like he is. I would do that calmly and just walk away. Would not discuss it further with him. Don't give him a chance to defend HIS lifestyle.

I don't see where she won't get hurt at this point. Unless, he really decides to grow up and get a life. (I think we did this kind of stuff in high school)

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

But, after the sex came into play thats when he began to be a totally different person at work toward her. The player I can see know.

The other day while we were at first break, she called him. He talked like he was concerned.. playing her. We were sitting right there at the same table. He holds the phone away from his face, like he didn't want to even listen to her rolling his eyes. Then talks like he is concerned again. They say good buy and he said to us

"fucking cunts" and laughed.

This information in particular most clearly tells me why you have a problem with this guy, and also causes me to not like him either - not because he's a guy who likes sex on the first date, or to bed a gal and drop her, but because he has turned things into an ongoing game of disrespecting her in front of others. And it all seems to be done because HE THINKS it makes him look like a bigger man to all of the guys around him.

This is where you CAN do something; you can set him straight. Pull him aside, alone, and calmly let him know he isn't acting like you would, far from it, and make it clear to him that his words, actions, and disrespect towards this woman are despicable.

You can't fire this guy for how he treats woman.

You can't really approach this woman who you don't know as a friend. It's not any of your business to talk to her. She will have to learn from going through this, and when she learns he's an ass she'll be wiser for the experience.

This guy probably feels he's impressing you and the other guys around the lunch room. Set him straight. I bet he'll immediately lose interest in toying with this woman and making fun of her in front of you guys and he'll probably not continue a relationship with her.

LM

[JustAskJulie]

I believe LM has some good point here. The guy said he was "acting like you", you can clearly point out to him that YOU would not act the way he is. At the very least I would pull him aside and point this out.

You can also clearly point out to him that this is NOT acceptable work behaviour and if he is going to continue whatever he is doing with her he needs to keep it out of the workplace. The comment he made about "fucking cunts" is enough to get him fired in most places under grounds of sexual harrassment.

[fun4Ds]

Actually, he failed a drug screen this morning all on his own ! End of my problem !

I just hope she sees the loser he is as soon as possible !

You are right though, he is nothing like me

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Actually, he failed a drug screen this morning all on his own ! End of my problem !

Miss Karma... she is a bitch! Glad this loser is not working for you any more, at the very least.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Actually, he failed a drug screen this morning all on his own ! End of my problem !
I just hope she sees the loser he is as soon as possible !

Maybe she already has, thus the positive result this morning.
I kid. I kid.

Glad to hear it's no longer an issue for you.