Kids and your sex life at home

[couplewanting50]

If you have kids, how do you train them to not interfere with your private time? I suppose that kids will be kids, but they don’t have to be, and I believe that they can be taught to give their parents time alone. How have you achieved that? This is not with regard to swinging, this is with regard to your own sexual relationship in your marriage.

What has succeeded for you?

[couple_4bi]

my wife and i have a small apartment and its hard enough to watch tv without the kids coming into the living room. I think its more of an issue of how/when can you and your mate make time to be private? With us its usually late nights or weekends if they choose to stay with their grandparents. Other than that its pretty tough for us at least.

[TNT]

What ages of children are you wondering about?

When ours were little, starting from the time they were infants sleeping through the night, bedtime was always 8 p.m. I didn't care if they went to sleep but they were in their rooms and in bed...they could have a book to read/look at or a toy but they were not allowed to get out of bed (unless they needed to go potty).

When they got to ages that I didn't have to keep a constant eye on them and we wanted alone time, we'd put a movie in the VCR and tell them to sit and watch the movie that momma and daddy were going to go have some momma and daddy time...the bedroom door was closed/locked and they knew to knock if they needed anything.

We were also lucky enough to live near both sets of grandparents who loved having the kids stay overnight with them...that was a big help.

Making time for ourselves was the one piece of advice I definitely listened to from my mother. She always stressed that it was important as the children will grow up one day and move out. You don't want to wake up one day and realize you're married to a stranger.

Spending time and doing things with our children was/is a top priority for Ted and I but, time alone was/is also.

Teresa

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by TNT

What ages of children are you wondering about?

When ours were little, starting from the time they were infants sleeping through the night, bedtime was always 8 p.m. I didn't care if they went to sleep but they were in their rooms and in bed...they could have a book to read/look at or a toy but they were not allowed to get out of bed (unless they needed to go potty).

When they got to ages that I didn't have to keep a constant eye on them and we wanted alone time, we'd put a movie in the VCR and tell them to sit and watch the movie that momma and daddy were going to go have some momma and daddy time...the bedroom door was closed/locked and they knew to knock if they needed anything.

We were also lucky enough to live near both sets of grandparents who loved having the kids stay overnight with them...that was a big help.

Making time for ourselves was the one piece of advice I definitely listened to from my mother. She always stressed that it was important as the children will grow up one day and move out. You don't want to wake up one day and realize you're married to a stranger.

Spending time and doing things with our children was/is a top priority for Ted and I but, time alone was/is also.

Teresa

To answer your question, in this case, a nine year old daughter.

[cubnamy1995]

If there is a legitimate answer to this question, I would love to hear it. Training our kids is impossible, I think. We have 4 kids, three boys ages 11, 9, & 5, and a 5-month old little girl. Mommy & daddy time?

For just the two of us, sex only happens after 11:00 at night when we know the kids are asleep. Swinging? Only when the grandparents keep them, which is once every two or three months, and a couple of weeks during the summer.

Makes meeting new people hard.

[havefuninsun]

We lock the door.

And I try my damndest to be quiet.

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

If you have kids, how do you train them to not interfere with your private time? I suppose that kids will be kids, but they don’t have to be, and I believe that they can be taught to give their parents time alone. How have you achieved that? This is not with regard to swinging, this is with regard to your own sexual relationship in your marriage.

What has succeeded for you?

We have it pretty easy. Our daughter is almost 14 and our sons are both old enough for her to watch....and we have a big house lol. When they were little though we simply had to wait until they either went to sleep or asked Grandma to give us a reprieve. Don't worry, it doesn't last forever.
Shelly

[redeye69]

We have 2 boys 13,5 and a little girl 4 we've spent the past 5 year traveling over seas and parts of Australia and have just bought a house and started to settle down hence the kids have no set routine. I have no family and the wife's mother lives 2 hours away, The Mrs works all day then comes home to study chartered accounting(only 2.5 years to go hooray).I stay at home cleaning, cooking, renovating and entertaining the kids as we don't agree with giving them to strangers to look after + the cost so as you can imagine what little time we get together is mainly spent sleeping oh no is that the little girl climbing in our bed. We wouldn't give it up for anything. Very long winded reply more of an introduction that i never did do.

[Witchywm]

Hi, I agree with most of what is being said as I completely believe in keeping them little. But to throw a different ring into the thought process; it is even harder for single parents as I swear they watch us like hawks. Sometimes I swear they knows my schedule better then I do. lol

Any activities are always kept away and out of the house. It is VERY hard most times to get people to understand that "play" has to be scheduled and in advance to arrange for sitters.

Well, that is my two cents on a slightly different point of view.

Take care,
WitchyWM

[purpletiger]

We use duct tape.

Not sure either how you train your kids. I was hoping to see some good answers here.

Most of the time, we are limited to late at night and locking the door.

Oh well, I hear they're only little once.

[CB_n_Red]

Can't say we worried about it a lot, but there again our kids reckon we're delinquent parents anyway.....

And not in a bad way, before anyone jumps on us for that. The kids know we like to enjoy life.

CB

[couplewanting50]

Although I was hoping for additional thoughts, our fundamental approach is that we feel that sexuality is normal and human, and that kids can't learn that if they are not allowed any notion of intimate sexual behavior. And, that it is OK for them to hear some of it, because how else can they know or learn?

Too many parents model absolutely nothing, pretending as if they have no sexual relationship. We cannot have a sexually positive society if it is all hidden away. That is how society comes to have many of the problems it has today. Simultaneously desiring and hiding, wishing to be open, and snickering about....

So, we don't hide from our daughter that we are sexual, but we choose to avoid the typical kid power plays where they want what they want, when they want it. And in sexual situations, interruption is far more annoying and damaging than if you are mowing the lawn.

[LFM2]

We also have it pretty easy now. Our youngest is almost 18 and he has a job that he's away from home for 20 or so hours a week.

When our kids were little, it was easier because there was 3 of them to keep each other company. We can't imagine just having one. Pop a video in and they were happy. We also were very stern (in our household, we are the boss, not them) that they be in bed at a certain time. We could have cared less if they didn't go to sleep until 3 in the morning, but they had to be in their rooms. Also, if our bedroom door was closed, they knew they'd have to knock, and we always gave them the same respect. We've never barged into their bedrooms without knocking. It was actually a very quiet household.

I think one thing that's really been beneficial to our kids is that we never hid that we were sexual people and that we needed alone time.

[Sico_tiko]

the easyiest thing is to fix a certain time for bed like 9 PM after that u could do what ever u would like and teach them not to get out of their room even if anything happened, so if u would like to have swingers visitors after 9 it would be ok.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by Sico_tiko

the easyiest thing is to fix a certain time for bed like 9 PM after that u could do what ever u would like and teach them not to get out of their room even if anything happened, so if u would like to have swingers visitors after 9 it would be ok.

ACCKKK!! I'd never have a couple over if my kids were there!!