NymphoWind 16 Posted March 10, 2009 When first meeting strangers or as a swinging safety plan, what steps do you do? What I mean is, some couples I have heard use fake names, to make sure things stay extra discreet... Etc... What other steps or precautions do you use? - Always use condoms - use fake names - Have play sessions at hotels/motels Quote Share this post Link to post
travelin 2 som 15 Posted March 10, 2009 we usually get to know the person a bit before anything is to happen between us and them, so far seems to work for us quite well. Quote Share this post Link to post
fun4Ds 1,097 Posted March 10, 2009 We let our kids know our where abouts as far as restaurants or hotels we may be visiting. Its kinda hard not too, as I work with my sons each day and our adult daughter lives with us now. No, they don't ask detailed questions. Just our general where abouts I would think anyone would let a trusted friend know something about where they are going to be. Quote Share this post Link to post
IvoryTowers 380 Posted March 10, 2009 We always meet people in a public place first, before going anywhere private. However, I do think using fake names is a bit extreme. We don't give out our last names willy-nilly, but we aren't going to try to make up fake IDs for ourselves. Quote Share this post Link to post
CXXC 435 Posted March 10, 2009 We utilize a few safty plans such as meeting in public at first or having them come to our home after getting to know them well enough. Then there is always..... Tarus .40 cal within reach for me. .38 ladysmith for Mrs. CXXC. Nuff Said Quote Share this post Link to post
The Fuse 1,012 Posted March 10, 2009 We don't give fake names. In the three years we've been meeting people, we have known one couple who used fake names during email correspondence and then told us their real first names when we met. Personally I don't see how that makes you any safer. By then they have seen your faces anyway, meaning before you have met. We do not ever go to someone's house the first time we meet, nor do we invite someone to ours, unless we have spent a few hours with them and are comfortable. When it comes down to it, we figure most people are just like us -- nice, normal people who have a wild side. After spending a few hours with people, we've asked them enough questions to have either felt a weird vibe from them, seen the red flags etc. -- or satisfied ourselves that they are normal people. We don't confine ourselves to hotels. That would get expensive in a hurry, and we don't have kids, so we have no problem hosting. We figure if someone were going to rob us, they'd have an easier time taking an approach other than "hey, wanna fuck?". Quote Share this post Link to post
Guest screaminggood Posted March 10, 2009 We meet people in clubs, and 99.9% of the time use condoms, and don't usually give out our last names...but from there....we do frequently play on the first date, and we have gone to others houses. If we're literally going to get into bed with them, there has to be enough trust that they won't black widow us afterward!?! Quote Share this post Link to post
hands4fun 15 Posted March 10, 2009 I also think the fake names is a bit extreme. We don't give our last names till after we have met and don't invite anybody into our home/vanilla lives till we are very comfortable with them, that may be after the 1st meet, or never. Depends on the person/couple. Some people we keep as only playmates others as close friends. Quote Share this post Link to post
realcplub2 513 Posted March 10, 2009 We have been in the situation where those we were ALMOST going to a private location we figured out had been using fake names.. To my wife more than me, it was a major violation.. If you are going to lie about something as simple as your real name, WHAT ELSE are you telling stories about? Experience level? Drugs? DISEASE? HEALTH STATUS!?! We as a rule prefer playing with new people in a mutually decided on Hotel/Motel.. For a few reasons first off its neutral ground.. No home courts at first.. Second if its a room we stop at a front desk to get a key its less likely we will end up in a video store..(like anyone really would in our case,lol, Disney already cornered the Beauty and the beast market) Beyond that the common sense rules.. Quote Share this post Link to post
MrkLin 393 Posted March 10, 2009 I too don't understand the logic in using fake names. Heck, I have enough trouble remembering my real name at times, now I'm gonna throw a fake name into the mix? When meeting a couple for the first time, we meet over coffee or drinks in a neutral public place, and go from there. I agree with the others who say that they don't go to anyone's home at first - nobody knows what they're walking into. Meeting at an on-premise or off-premise club is a great option too, and one we're starting to like more and more as we do it. Yes - always use condoms. That should go without saying. I wouldn't meet someone for the first time with the expectation that there will be any playtime that night. Don't get me wrong - there might be, but it's been our experience that for the most part that's not the case. They're just a curious and nervous as you are. They're going to need time to make up their minds about you, just as you're going to need a bit of time to make up your minds about them. Everyone has to be sure they really 'click,' and that the 4-way chemistry is there. It can and does happen on a first meeting, but not often. A first meeting at an on-premise club gives you the advantage of a place to play without the added expense of a hotel if the chemistry is right. It also gives you the possibility of meeting someone else if you all agree that the chemistry just isn't there. Overall, I'd say to just be yourselves, be discrete, and stay safe. Quote Share this post Link to post
LFM2 1,481 Posted March 10, 2009 We've never used fake names. We have used our initials on a few first time e-mails, but no fake names. We'd forget and then we'd really be in trouble. We ALWAYS meet in public the first time. A diner or restaurant or some other public venue. We always tell our kids where we're going. They don't need to know details, so we don't tell. We don't go with expectations, but if it's decided that we're going to go play, we call and tell our kids that we'll be at such and such place and we should be home by such and such a time. As far as condom use, there is a non-negotiable rule that we always use condoms. No matter what. The only man who gets out of that rule is Dave. Quote Share this post Link to post
NotSorry 155 Posted March 10, 2009 I'd also say that trusting your gut is in order. When browsing profiles we occasionally come across a couple that despite having a reasonably respectable looking profile something seems off. Something you can't exactly put your finger on but it just doesn't seem right. We've not experienced this feeling in person yet but I'm sure that we will in the future. Maybe more experienced swingers can share some more about how this has worked for them in person. I'd never use a fake name and I don't think I'd like it if potential partners did either. It fosters distrust. I'm already on high alert trying to weed out fakes. Don't set off my bullshit detector for no good reason... Quote Share this post Link to post
good times 990 Posted March 10, 2009 We don't do anything special or any different than we would do when meeting someone new in a vanilla situation. I have to be honest, while I have heard of, and even met people that used fake names and such, I could never see the point of it. Quote Share this post Link to post
Mr.Essex 264 Posted March 11, 2009 I use my nickname during the "feeling out" part of the engagement, then give my real name if things look like they're about to get serious. I'm lucky in that respect, as my nickname is essentially my initials. That way, if things don't work out, my real name and contact information aren't splattered all across town. I'd like to use my real name, but some of us aren't lucky enough to have generic names like "Paul White" or "George Jones" (IOW, the types of names that repeat themselves in phone books), and I'm one of (possibly) 100 black men in a town of 50,000 people. If I had a more generic name, I'd willingly give it out. But, if I were to liaise with someone, and things didn't work out as planned, I'd find myself outed with ease. I've seen too many "outing" horror stories. Quote Share this post Link to post
femnewb4u2 328 Posted March 11, 2009 Count me among the similar procedure as Mr Essex. In my case it is for family reasons. I come from a large one. A few in the area are high profile in certain arenas. I physically resemble one enough that some have mistaken us for each other. Out of respect for them I use my nickname until I know all is well. And as a single female working to practice safety and sanity in this journey holding back information has a practical application as well for me. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post
twoforone100 45 Posted March 18, 2009 We utilize a few safty plans such as meeting in public at first or having them come to our home after getting to know them well enough. Then there is always..... Tarus .40 cal within reach for me. .38 ladysmith for Mrs. CXXC. Nuff Said exactly except it is a .45 for him and a .380 for her.. he always has his benchmade and then there is the dog... However as fuse said... if someone is gonna rob or do something they would have an easier time with less " tracks" doing it another way. Quote Share this post Link to post
JustAskJulie 2,588 Posted May 20, 2009 We meet in a neutral location first. We prefer to meet people at socials or on-premise clubs, but for local couples we do occasionally meet at a bar or restaurant. If things work out and we are totally comfortable with them we might invite them to our house. We feel more comfortable with that than going to their house. It takes a higher comfort level for us to do the latter. We don't give out last names unless necessary, although quite often people end up finding them out if they go to dinner with us and we have a reservation or are on a waiting list. The area where we live has a very high % of gov and military workers / contractors, so discretion seems to be a pretty common agenda. We don't give out where Pet works, and if people ask what he does we just give a general answer. If people ask where we live, we also give a general answer (unless we are planning to invite them over). Safety goes beyond these things. I think the most important thing is to trust your gut. Get to know people a bit first, talk to them and ask questions. If you don't feel 100% comfortable with them, then don't take it to the next level. Also, watch your drinks (as we've read and heard too many horror stories). Keep your drinks in your hand and don't set them down. If you set your drink down, plan on emptying it and starting fresh. It's not always easy to do at parties, but it's in your best interest. Quote Share this post Link to post
socolais 696 Posted May 21, 2009 Our safety plan hasn't been mentioned yet in this thread. We meet new potential playmates at local house parties. There's no way to completely eliminate the risks, but there is safety in numbers. We know regular members of the party look out for each other as friends would do. I feel confident that if anyone were to take advantage of my wife during playtime against her wishes, the matter would be resolved quickly by any of several nearby men. The mood of the party is very polite and folks just don't want to get labled as "pushy". The probability of needing a stronger safety net is pretty low in my opinion. Back when we first started, we met a few couples at local resturants. The no-shows and the low mutual chemistry pattern convinced us that it was a waste of time for us. Parties have been so successful that we haven't looked for another solution. We feel safe attending a party at a house we've never been to, and hosts we've never met as long as we get a referral from someone we know and trust. It's all in the networking. The networking keeps our dance card as full as we want it. There's no shortage of playmates. Condoms are also optional for us - no one wants to be known as a "Typhoid Mary" at the parties. It all works out OK for us.... Quote Share this post Link to post
sexylady1970 69 Posted May 21, 2009 We use either our screen name or initials with the first few emails. No faces either. We always meet in a public location like a club or party. That way if we don't click there are usually no hard feelings. Only one time did we invite a couple to our home but only after we met them for a few hours first. After that not much else to say other than we will not go to someone elses home or hotel room until we know them quite well first. We are safer in our own home Quote Share this post Link to post
TwoLittleBirds 23 Posted May 21, 2009 Get to know the people's personality a bit before we even meet in person. Don't share last names right away. Meet out of town (though that's more of a discretion thing.) Study kenpo karate. Quote Share this post Link to post