First Swing: How far should we travel?

[LikeMinds321]

Some background: I've been actively involved with this board for three months now and Mr. LM and I have spent the same amount of time on two swingers sites. We have also been to one swing club here in town.

Problem: We are not finding local couples to swing with. People from surrounding states are contacting us and we are finding the most likely matches in other states as well.

Most recently, a couple contacted us who is 8 hours away! We told them on the first return e-mail that we could only meet half way (a major city that has lots to offer), should our interest in each other develop to wanting to meet. We have exchanged pictures, done a couple hours of IM chats, and will set up a phone call soon. We are very interested in them, and they in us.

What I want to know is this: Are we crazy for considering people four or more hours away for our first swing experience?

One guideline we set was no swinging on the first date. But travelling blows that all to pieces. I'm sure not going to go to the expense and time of a trip without being open to swinging when I get there. I think everyone involved has got to feel darn sure it's going to happen. Even with pictures, e-mail, IM chats, and phone conversations, will we be setting ourselves up for unforeseen surprises when we meet up?

Anybody had experience with long distance dates, either first swing or experienced swingers?

LM

[tazzie_n_truck]

Our first swinging expirience we drove 3 1/2 hours to meet a couple we had chatted with on-line. We met and stayed in their home overnight. They were very gracious hosts and we really had a good expirience for our first swinging expirience. Sadly we havn't been with them since and we want to, just trying to find time for us to get together and schedules to work out has been a problem, that first time for us was almost 3 years ago.

As far as your meeting half way, that sounds like a good idea. We have a rule that we don't swap on the first meet, with a few exceptions. One of those being if there is really strong chemestry between all of us.

Welcome

How you guys doing today?

I think if they are willing to meet half way they are not "Flakes" or "Fakes".

As long as they dont stand you up once they get there.

E-mails, IMs, chat and phone conversations are a must for us.

If you have a good feeling from all that then you have to take that chance.

We would not drive that far but that is because we have 3 kids so anything further than Dallas is to far. Dallas is just over a 2 hour drive for us.
If we did not have the kids or when they are finaly grown and on their own we would make a drive like that.

I would have to agree that if you travel that far swinging on the first date is almost a must.

[LikeMinds321]

One of the main reasons we're considering this couple is because we have other non-swinging friends in the meet-up city. We could always barge in on them if the couple is a no-show.

Truthfully, we'd never show up at a friends without prior arrangements, but the town we would drive to does have lots to offer and Mr. LM and I would have fun on our own if we got stood up.

Tazzie n Truck, you bring up something else I've thought about, not being able to see the couple very often afterwards. That would be a real shame if things went so well on our first meet.

I know I'd want to fuck'm again soon!

LM
"The lady who's hot to trot"

[Alura]

All of our swing partner-couples have been local, but nowadays we find ourselves in a similar situation to y'all. With the advent of the internet, it's so easy to transport ideas half-way around the world. Transporting bodies, absolutely necessary for sex, is more difficult.

We have two teens at home so that makes travel more difficult as well. Still, with prior planning, it can be done.

Maybe long-distance swingers would be well-advised to invoke the "buy-an-airplane" plan. When one travels to a distant city to look at an airplane, the standard agreement is that if the plane is as has been alleged by the owner, the deal will be made.

Now, how would that relate to play? I'm not sure.

Maybe we should just be more honest in our desires. Perhaps it should be made clear that if we're to travel a few hundred miles we at least want to try sex with the couple we're meeting. After all, a major part of getting to know the other couple comes from having sex with them.

What would the result be if we traveled a long distance, had sex with a couple and decided they weren't for us? Hell, that's happened twice in the five local couples we've experienced so far. Although the sex was not great, I couldn't say it was "bad." "Gratitude is riches, complaint is poverty and the worst I ever had was wonderful!" -- Brother Dave Gardner

It's not like we're high schoolers who must protect our "reputations" and, therefore can't kiss on the first date. We have, in fact, fucked two couples on the first date. There were no bad repercussions related to it.

So, are you willing to call your friends and say, "Hey, y'all! We don't want to drive all the way to Timbuktu and not at least have sex. How do y'all feel about that?"

This is a question I'm not sure of. I'll be glad when Mrs. Alura gets back so she and I can discuss this question.

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Mrs. Alura here.....I assume that you will be using a hotel somewhere in the equation, either as a place to meet or as a place to adjourn to later. I think that you might consider going to dinner, then leaving the restaurant as married couples and meeting in the swimming pool of the hotel. That way both couples can discuss whether or not they want to take the relationship to the next level, and if not then don't go to the pool. If yes, then go to the pool.

You said that the host city has plenty to offer, and if this seems like "standing somebody up".....then you must realize that in life, as in swinging, there are no guarantees. So take advantage of what the city has to offer and no regrets.

The regrets would certainly be there if you had sex when you didn't want to..... for whatever reason.....and the reason may not be logical.

Think that you might be disappointed if you didn't get to play? Afterall, they might not come down to the pool. Then indulge in a great fantasy.....you're where noone will know you. Be free.

You ask "will we be setting ourselves up for unforseen surprises?" Of course you will. That's what is fun and exciting about swinging.

I may have grossly oversimplified the situation here. But the basics are, noone should do anything they are uncomfortable with, whether they have travelled far or not.

Smiles!
Mrs. Alura

[Alura]

I just re-read my post and wanted to clarify that I was using the "journalistic 'we'" not referring to the Like Minds and the Aluras.

Also, I might suggest that y'all spend more time on the telephone and emailing the couple before you plan the meeting. The better y'all know them before the meeting, the more likely you are to not be disappointed.

Good luck! Keep us posted on how it goes!


Mr. Alura

[LikeMinds321]

Gee Mr. Alura, after reading your first post I had decided to loosen up, not worry about it being a perfect match, just have some fun and get it on!

Then, Mrs. Alura posts, and brings me back to my "let's think this out carefully and not go overboard" thinking--the more typical me.

You two were made for each other...such perfect balance.

LM

[Alura]

Frankly, I think we're somewhere in the middle of the two positions. We'll update you later.

Mr. Alura

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by Alura
...Also, I might suggest that y'all spend more time on the telephone and emailing the couple before you plan the meeting. The better y'all know them before the meeting, the more likely you are to not be disappointed.
...

I think that this is a very good idea, especially the phone calls, given the distance involved. We'd probably feel comfortable enough after a few of those to at least consider swinging on the 'first date', or I doubt we'd drive all that way in the first place. Does that make sense?

-B

[wrnakedru]

Since we seek long term friendships with benefits, our profile states we wish to find couples who are geographically convenient. Of course, the Dallas-Fort Worth greater metropolitan area certainly has a large enough population to accommodate that wish. I can imagine it is a much different situation for those who live in more rural locations - - and maybe are fearful of discovery in their small home towns.

We have been contacted by couples from Houston and Little Rock who have expressed interest. We feel, as others have said, that if a couple has driven that far to spend time with us - their expectation is certainly going to include more than a couple of drinks or dinner together. If we were to encourage them to travel here, the implication would be that we are willing and agreeable.

In the case of the couple from Little Rock; he is a graduate of a local university and they come to Dallas for all the home football games. Knowing they had other reasons for making the trip removed enough pressure from the situation that we did meet them for drinks one time when they were in town. We spent a delightful time in a piano bar, conversing and laughing - and parted with hugs and kisses.

We came home feeling quite positive about them and looking forward to their next visit to Dallas. Sadly, we received an email stating that though they had enjoyed the visit and had no objection to continuing a friendly relationship - there was "no chemistry" for anything further. Although we realize that such is life - and things work out that way sometimes - their reaction was truly a surprise and not what we had thought their feelings were when we were together.

We subsequently learned that they have made the same sort of overtures to others, even meeting them for drinks or meals - but there had never been any follow through from them with any they met.

Certainly, that same thing can happen with those who are local. We find it more to our liking to limit our distance possibilities to "within 75 miles".

Splitting the driving distance equals the playing field, certainly. I think it's a good idea to have some alternate plans in mind, however, and not have the success of the weekend dependent on the other couple.

[EternallySingle]

The distance thing is always a problem with me. Even though I'm single, I take care of my elderly grandmother and going out means adjusting my schedule around that of the two people who are willing to stay the night with her if I'm gone first and foremost. Second, I have to know there is something interesting happening in the city I'm visiting just in case things don't work out with the people I'm going to see. Finally, if I can't get a reservation, I don't go. I can't always count on staying with a friend and I never plan on staying with someone I meet, so hotel and motel availability is paramount.

If there is nothing happening in the city I'm planning to meet a woman or swing partners, I don't go. If I can't get motel reservations for that particular day, I don't go. If I can't get someone to watch my grandmother that day and night, I don't go. Travelling to meet someone can be fun, but I always try to concentrate on the travelling part more than the meeting someone part. If I can make the travelling part fun and stressfree(including the stuff about whats going on at home), the meeting someone part becomes more enjoyable as well. And even if things don't turn out the way I want, I still have things to do so it won't be a wasted trip.

[Avantgarden38]

We think it depends what you are looking for with your swing relationships. If you don't mind the travel and only plan on playing with them fuckcasionally, then go for it! But we know from experience that a long distance relationship is difficult to make work if you want to play a lot. Our couple is only ten minutes away and that can make for some very fun spontaneous meetings, plus more time to play when you do meet. Distance is an issue to be considered. Maybe a good reason to find a local couple as well as a distant couple. We had our best luck finding local couples at swing parties and events. Seek them out in your area and attend if you can. We met more great couples in three months at swing events than in the three years we were only looking on the net.

[LikeMinds321]

Thanks for the advice and input. So many great replies.

An update is in order. Sadly, the couple has not been in touch--nor active on their swing site--since we first were communicating when I posted this thread. The "vanishing act" happens all the time, I've learned this much from the board.

Good reasons to keep our search local: Being spontaneous in meeting for a fun night of play is only possible with locals and I like the thought of that. Also, if we find the right people far away we'd feel badly if we only got to be with them once. Travel is costly too.

So the search is still on for finding people at home.

LM

[LikeMinds321]

The situation has once again changed since I posted May 26.

We received an e-mail from them on the 28th saying they have been busy with work and family, but have not forgotten us.

We wrote back. Part of what we said was if they are interested in meeting us in the future, it's time for a talk on the telephone.

LM