Newbies first time plan

[Better Half]

The Wife: Well, we have gained lots of knowledge about swinging from this site and followed the basic rule of the first meeting for dinner to see how things will go. They did indeed go very well. Now it is time for the infamous "second" meeting and this is our plan. Any comments would be appreciated. We are meeting in a city about an hour away from home. I have made reservations at a hotel that has rooms set up for extended stays with a separate bedroom, small kitchen, and pull out bed in the living room. The plan is to use this as sort of a home away from home for the 3 of us (planning a MFM) to relax and advance things further physically. I want things to progress but I also need to feel very comfortable. We plan to go to dinner and then return to the room. I wanted this room with a separate living area so that there is an opportunity for individual 'space' if we need it during the evening. I can honestly say that while I am enthusiastic in regards to this, I am very anxious also. Hubby and I have been together almost 20 years and he has been my only sexual partner. My biggest fear is that, no matter how much I may want this, I will just freeze up. We are starting this thread mainly to get comments and also to document our experience for anyone out there who is at the same stage we are.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Better Half

I wanted this room with a separate living area so that there is an opportunity for individual 'space' if we need it during the evening.

Wow, smart girl!! Now, THIS is the kind of stuff that I only WISH we had thought through before we first started. Mr. intuition and I made some pretty bad blunders when we were newbies; it sounds like you two are miles ahead of where we were!

And don't worry about freezing up. The very hardest part is breaking through the glass wall of "personal space". Once you've gotten into someone's personal space, there's no pretending that you didn't mean to do just that, so it's awkward. You know...you remember your first kiss...it's like that. Awkward as hell, nervewracking, exciting...all that fun stuff.

I don't have any icebreaker threads I can link to off the top of my head, but I'm sure you could find them easily enough under the parties/entertaining forum(s), or search the board for them (dropdown search bar from the navigation menu at the top). There you'll find ideas for games like strip poker,naked twister, or maybe drinking games (wouldn't recommend those as alcohol and swinging are a bad mix!). Good luck!

[funn]

This is interesting because my wife and I are going through the same thing. Although we haven't gotten that far yet.....just in the giving it some serious thought stage. We too have been together almost 20 years and have never been with anybody else in that way. We have played with couples before but never full. My wife is just worried that once you do it there is no turning back. She dosen't want to regret anything. So, we too will be watching this thread.

[Better Half]

The Husband:

We have talked a lot about our upcoming first time, and several things we have read here and in the books make a lot of sense. We know there is a difference between fantasizing about something and actually doing it. I can get really excited thinking about a man entering my wife, but actually watching it will bring its own emotions, we are sure. I can imagine that there may be a flurry of thoughts when it actually happens, but we want to step back and think of the whole picture.

I try to fast-forward a year or so and imagine how we will look back on this. I think it will be fun and we will still be swinging. That is the first possibility. If this happens, we will look back and laugh at how awkward and anxious we were, just like everyone looks back at how they were when they lost their virginity. If we know we are going to look back and laugh at the situation a year from now, that gives me a tool to handle any fleeting jealousy or other negative emotions this coming weekend. How can you get worked up or upset about something that you know will be looked at fondly and humorously later?

The other possibility is that we will not be swinging a year from now because we did not enjoy it. If that happens, I think people have to look back without regret. What have you really done? You have not killed anyone, you have not hurt anyone, you have not stolen property, cheated on your taxes, or anything else immoral. You have explored a part of your sexuality and discovered something that lies outside your comfort range, and therefore something you are not likely to try again. But you cannot regret the fact that you have tested your boundaries and therefore discovered your limits.

We are going to discuss later some of our thoughts on the mechanics of how we think things will happen. Some are designed to ease the wife's concerns, others are to address some fantasies that I have regarding MFM's. I will think about how to address those issues here and post more tomorrow.

[wolfnblu]

Great posts from you. Looking foward to reading more about this encounter!

[TNT]

Your plan sounds very good to me.

Having a mini-apartment will make it a bit more intimate and comfortable than if it was just a hotel room.

Some things that might help you relax are: Have a few snacks on hand, cheese/crackers, chips/dip, sliced fruit/grapes..soft drinks and/or a bottle of wine, beer or your favorite type of drink...just remember not to drink too much, just enough to relax. Candles are also good, they scent the room and allow a nice glow when the lights are out. Having dinner out will also help you relax...try not to worry about the up-coming play, just enjoy the conversation at dinner.

A few things to go over before any playtime: Just because this is the second meeting and you are planning on playing, make sure that everyone understands that at any time a full stop can be called by anyone. I'm assuming that you have let the single man that is joining you know that this is your first time and he should have no problems understanding that if either of you want to back out that it's okay...regardless of how far things have gone. NEVER, NEVER think that just because the clothes have come off that you have to see things through to the end.

Remember that you are going into this as a couple. Have eye contact as often as you can...touch each other and make sure that each other are okay with anything that is happening. Laugh....yes it's okay to laugh during sex, ...nothing relaxes you like laughter. Understand that yes there will be a whole set of different emotions that will come up before, during and after your encounter...it's normal and natural...but remember, ALWAYS talk them though, both the negative and positive ones...keep those lines of communication open...with each other and your play partner.

Most importantly...HAVE FUN. A lot of people get into swinging and they get so caught up in the way they want things to go, they forget to have fun with the way that things do go.


Teresa

[Better Half]

The Husband:

We are still waiting for a response from our other M who was out of town over the weekend. Once we hear back an affirmative for the weekend, we will go into the "no more orgasms" mode until the meeting. Nothing breaks down inhibitions like being horny!

TNT, those are good suggestions. We are going to communicate well with M so we don't have any misunderstandings. We will let him know where we think this will go, but you are right, we will also make sure everyone understands that anyone can stop things if they are not comfortable. We want to be in this for the long run, and I assume it is very hard to do that if you feel pressured on your first few encounters.

Interestingly, the wife is not as anxious about the actual sex part as she is the first kiss with the M. She will be self-conscious about that, and I understand why. I think we both feel that sex is just sex; it is a physical act that feels good and is fun to do. But I think she and I both associate kissing more with affection. Now, we are not saying that sex is not affectionate, but we do, I think, think of sex as more of a physical act and kissing as more of an emotional act. Does that strike a chord with anyone?

Anyway, the wife feels more anxious about kissing for the first time in front of me than she does about having sex with someone and me. So here is the plan. At dinner we will have the M and the wife sit together and I will sit across from them. That allows them to get used to being close to one another, and a discreet hand on the leg under the table is possible. After dinner we will go up to the room and sit around some and talk with snacks and some wine or soft drinks or something. When the wife is ready to start being more affectionate with the M, she will suggest that I go out and get some more wine, or something. I will leave so that she can start kissing without being so self-conscious about me being there. After I get back in 15-20 minutes or so, they should be comfortable with each other.

All this will be made known to the M beforehand. We would not want him to be unresponsive while I am gone, thinking that I would be upset if things progressed before I got back. That is the whole point of me giving some space, so that things can progress.

Once I get back things should be warmed up a bit and I suspect that some clothing will be missing. At that point I will join in and we would move fairly quickly into the bedroom. Things will flow as they will flow, but there will probably be some oral sex on the wife from both of us in turn to get her relaxed. Then the M will probably have sex with her first as I watch. I have had a vision for years (well before the subject was brought up) of my wife taking another man inside of her, so I think this will be one of the highlights of the night. Anyway, that is the first fantasy that I mentioned earlier, that of watching another man enter my wife for the first time (like losing her virginity for the second time).

I don't know whether the next fantasy is weird or not, but who cares? As swingers, surely we get some say in deciding what is too weird for our own personal taste. I want my wife to have full sex (foreplay to completion) without me in the room. I may stay out in the living area and watch TV while they are in the bedroom, or I may leave the room altogether and go walk around. Having sex with another man and me together sets her free in one way; she has now broken the bonds and is free to have sex with someone other than me. I have been her only lover so far. I cannot put my finger on exactly why, but I also want her to have sex without me being involved on this night. Perhaps it is the thought of even more freedom for her, or perhaps it is wanting her to know how much I trust her. "You can have sex with this guy without me tonight because I know you will be with me tomorrow." I am not really sure what the deep rationale is, but that is the second fantasy, for her to have sex with him and without me that night. Okay, let me know your thoughts, but be gentle; I feeel that I have exposed myself a little bit by putting that one out there.

So now, the rules. There are some that we consider unwritten, but we will make them clear to the M anyway. Always practice safe sex. The wife will have a Today sponge or something just in case the condom breaks; I'm sure there is no bigger damper on swinging than an abortion. I have been neutered, so we don't worry when it is just the two of us. I will be wearing my raincoat that night, though; to go bareback seems unfair to the M.

Anyone can stop at any time if they feel uncomfortable. Maybe things continue after a pause and maybe they don't, but everyone understands where we think we will end up, but they also agree that no one has to go there if they feel uncomfortable.

No MM action. None of the three of us want to see that, so I don't see that one being a problem.

Since my primary fantasy is to see a man enter my wife for the first time, the next rule is that no clothing is removed below the wife's waist until I get back from my "outing". Any kind of above the waist play is okay while I am gone, as well as anything over the clothes below the waist. When I get back, all bets are off, of course.

The next rule is no pet names for the M. That is something we will reserve for each other. Again, that gets back to the affection vs. sex dynamic.

The final rule is no regrets tomorrow. We went out, we played, we aren't going to feel guilty or dirty. Even if we decide this was the first and last time, it's okay, we won't feel bad about it. Of course, I suspect we will probably feel pretty good about it, anyway.

A corollary to the last rule is that if any rules (except the first three) get broken in the heat of the moment, we will live with it and move on. No blame, no guilt, no holding a grudge. The point is to have fun, and if we have so much fun that we forget a non-critical rule, we are not going to beat ourselves up about it.

Well, we will keep you informed, and let us know your thoughts.

[hilltop]

Great posts guys!

Hope you have a great time!

Enjoy!

[Tojo99]

Well we just had our very first experience this past weekend (MFM) and are almost identical to you, although we did this to fulfil a fantasy and are not really interested in the 'lifestyle'. We had been talking for years about a MFM involving Double Penetration, but it had remained just a fantasy. Finally we decided to make this happen fully expecting our fantasy to outshine reality. I mean, reality rarely compares to what we can come up with in our minds right?

We met what we considered a very optimal candidate after searching on a personals site. This guy was experienced, married and pretty much what we were looking for. We scheduled a dinner meeting and were very happy and as comfortable (as possible) with him.
After the dinner we decided to proceed with the fulfillment of our fantasy.

My wife, although very excited about the evening was also extremely nervous. I have been the only person to see her naked for almost 20 years. She wasn't sure if she could relax enough to let someone touch her, let alone have sex with her! I had the idea of her being ready and blindfolded before he came into the room, that way she wouldn't know who was touching her, and she didn't have the awkwardness of watching him undress or undressing in front of him. This worked perfectly, when we first touched her she jerked, but soon relaxed when we started kissing her body. She wasn't quite sure which was him and which was me. The blindfold didn't stay on long, she was able to relax and really enjoy herself.

We won't go into details, but suffice it to say the evening far exceeded our wildest expectations. This was quite simply the most incredible night of both our lives, not to mention the best sex we could even imagine (and I have quite a imagination.) The night just could not have gone any better, and the DP (although was rough to start) gave her the best orgasms of her life. The experience was so good our sex life has gone to new heights since then, we are acting like love struck teenagers. Great is an understatement.

We really appreciate the help this forum gave us for making our fantasy become a reality and truly wish your experience is just as good as ours.

Good luck and happy sex!

-Tojo-

[sereneiders]

Better half, husband:

I'd say you're making too much of a sketching here. A long as you understand that things may end up evolving in a lot of ways that aren't in your current sketch, everithing should be fine. Just don't put too much expectations in your sketch.

Regarding to your second fantasy, leaving your wyfe alone with the guy, IMHO this could be too bold for a first experience. At least, be in the next room with the door open as to hear what's going on there. Your wyfe may feel unexpected things while being with another guy for the first time, and I think it's important for her to know you're there if she needs you (besides, being you there will ensure this guy will follow the rules and won't take adventage of your wyfe, after all, you doesn't know him so well as to lean on him the responsability for your success as a couple in the lifestyle).

For sure you have many, many fantasies... you don't have to bring them all to the reality the very first time. Go one step at a time.

[Better Half]

Well, we threw our very precise "first time plan" out the window during a recent trip to Tampa. You know what they say about the best laid plans. Fate smiled upon us and we offically met a great couple after getting to know each other on this site. I don't want to go into too much detail at this time because I am too rushed to do it justice. Lets just say that the ice was broken and I have now removed the word 'never' from our profile in the section that asks how long you have been it the livestyle. This has all only emphasized to me the importance of meeting the right people, that you really click with, and approach it as fun. No more cold blooded "excessive" planning for us........

[sereneiders]

Congratulations, Best Half!

[lovedoctor]

How awesome for you Better Half! I can only imagine that it was a lucky couple that got the chance to help you loosen up on the reins a bit!

[Better Half]

That's right! They were an absolutely wonderful couple and can't wait to see them again...