First time with experienced or another newbie couple?

[fordman460]

I am wondering is it better to swing the first time with an experienced person/couple or perhaps with someone just as inexperienced as you are? On one hand you can learn from the experienced but on the other hand you can still learn from the less experienced just the learning curve is steeper. I hope that makes sense to you all, it makes sense in my mind just seems to get jumble when I try typing it out. Thanks

[intuition897]

I'd recommend going with a more experienced couple. Our first time was with an experienced couple and they were very good at putting us at ease. They were comfortable with themselves, with their relationship, and with the whole concept of swinging. They're much less prone to making some of the common "newbie" mistakes as they've already made them and learned from them. Being comfortable is so very important for a first time. And don't let the 'experienced' label throw you; it's not synonymous with 'sluts'.

I'm not saying that trying it out with another beginner couple won't work, because it can. It's just a lot more difficult. The first time you try it, you'll find that you'll be asking yourselves questions you never even thought to ask before, and despite the most careful planning, you'll find that there are things you're unprepared for. An experienced couple will know that this is normal, and can be more understanding about giving you your space to deal with it, knowing that it's nothing personal towards them. Plus, they're a lot less likely to burst into tears because of the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head. Funny thing about jealousy, it's sneaky. You think everything will be ok, you feel fine, and then BAM! there it is. All it takes is one sneaky little trigger.

Don't let that scare you though. It's just feelings. Just own them, don't let them own you. It's okay to feel the feelings, as long as you don't let them start making the decisions and doing the communicating for you.

[fordman460]

Originally Posted by intuition897

And don't let the 'experienced' label throw you; it's not synonymous with 'sluts'.

I never would have confused the two. Not to mention nothing wrong with sluts either


I thank you very much for your thoughtful insight. Your thoughts paralleled mine better than I could articulate in my original post.


Edited cuz I caint spel sew gud.

[meandher2go]

we opted for a person with experience for the first and second times. did the newbie thing and now prefer a couple or girl who has at least a little bit of experience in them. makes it more comfortable and less drama and chance of it too.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by intuition897

And don't let the 'experienced' label throw you; it's not synonymous with 'sluts'.

Well, sure...

Its not synonymous, but my wife IS a slut

My advice is generally to play with a more experienced couple. They know what you are going through and should be able to guide you guys through the experience compassionately. That sounds like "hooey" to be sure - after all "compassionate guidance" isn't exactly the thing you think about with swinging... But, seriously, any time we play with a newbie couple, I make sure to take the husband aside and assure him that anytime he wants to say stop, we will stop and there will be zero hard feelings.

"After all," I say, "better to stop and talk about things, than it is to plow forward and lose a friendship."

Of course, you want to be very discerning. Not every "experienced" couple gives a crap about you and your wife. Some folks could use you without reagrd and toss you away to deal with whatever damage was done. So, be wise, cautious, slow to leap...

Spoomonkey

[wolfnblu]

We are newbies.....and were starting to get to know another newbie couple.....which we thought was great because we thought that all four of us were on the same page. But it turns out, after like 3 weeks of knowing them, socializing with them, starting to play around a little with them, that the "he" of the other couple really isn't ready to deal with his wife being with another man. So we are highly disappointed. Those type of "kinks" would have been worked out long ago if we had been becoming friends with a more "seasoned" couple.

[UsAtHome]

ok, we are somewhat 'newbies'......what all do you consider to be newbie mistakes??
I am sure we have made our share and just do not know it

[The Fuse]

The advice from Intuition and Spoomonkey confirms my thinking about how my husband and I should choose the first couple we swing with. It seems to me that being with a couple who has been through their inexperienced phase would at least produce a situation with fewer emotional wildcards.

I am a little concerned that one or both of us will experience some jealousy, in spite of how sure we both are of the other's regard and love. We intend to be together until parted by death, and I honestly can't see playing with other couples as presenting a real threat. But that doesn't mean we won't perceive a threat when we start having adventures and the picture is real and right in front of us. Therefore we'll endeavor to find a couple who have been doing this for a while, who will care that we have a good experience, and be at least somewhat sensitive.

[fordman460]

Thank you all for the insight, very helpful indeed.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Originally Posted by UsAtHome

ok, we are somewhat 'newbies'......what all do you consider to be newbie mistakes??
I am sure we have made our share and just do not know it

I'm sure there are as many "newbie mistakes" as there are newbies. One is losing track of your partner. Pushing ahead with your own agenda not realising your other half is not handling it well. Another is moving too fast, running before you crawl. Long ago, 2 couples I knew, friends, interested in getting involved in swinging. Couple #1, he's fairly attractive, she's a knockout. Couple #2, he's plain, she's a bit on the dumpy side. After some talk the jump in full, overnight swap. He #2 goes home with She #1, He#1 goes home with She #2. Morning comes, husbands return to their respective homes. He #2 asks She #2 if she had a good time, she says she did. She #2 asks He #2 if he had a good time, he apparently was too enthusiastic when he said he did. She slapped him, stomped out of the house. Monday she was at the lawyers office. Ended in divorce.

You'll see it all over here: Take small steps!


jaybee

[twohots4u2]

After reading a lot of advice, we started out visiting an on-premises swing club in NYC and it was a great way to be introduced to the lifestyle. We could go as slow as we wanted, pick which couple we wanted to participate, and not feel pressured in any way. The first visit we did, by previous agreement, soft swing only, enjoyed it immensely, and talked about it for three weeks, when we made our second visit. The second time we found a couple with whom we clicked and did our first full swing, next to each other, urging each other on during the whole episode. It was the guy's first time but the gal had a little more experience. However, it went so smoothly that we did not check about experience. Later that night we got into a six-way with two other couples. Since then we have have other visits and visited clothing optional resorts and beaches. So, once you take the first steps, it is easy to move on and on and on....