First meeting for MFM...

[twoplayful2]

Glad you made something out of it still, and happy anniversary! You absolutely did all the right things, even more than your share. And the guy is absolutely an idiot, was probably kicking himself in the ass all the way home!

[Sweet_Candy]

Congrats on your anniversary. Being a punctual person living in a large metropolitan area I understand traffic issues arise however 2 hrs late. You did the right thing sending him packing. Someone mentioned he might have no been what he pretended to be ... this could be likely. I love your attitude about taking a lemon and making lemonade, it’s so nice to hear others seeing the glass half full instead of half empty. Good luck on your next endeavor.

Sweet

[intuition897]

Thanks for all your anniversary wishes and compliments!! On a side note, we just went to Mr.'s cousin's wedding yesterday and our 11-year-old daughter just surprised us by getting the M.C. to let her stand up during the dinner and make a speech. She wanted to wish us a happy anniversary and the new couple a good wedding day, and hoped that the kind of love that her parents have is the kind of love that they will have too. Wow. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. I was so proud of her! We were very touched.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I'm glad to hear that we were being realistic. It's true; the guy might've been legitimately late, but when someone is an hour and fifty minutes late, the least one should expect is an apology! There was none. AND I expect a pretty good damn excuse. Traffic just won't cut it. I understand that traffic can cause up to about an hour delay, but it's after 10 pm on a Saturday night...not exactly rush hour...and we were watching the traffic reports on the lounge TV! There was nothing about congested traffic in the area he was supposedly in. We figured he was buying himself time. When he said he was just getting in the shower, he was likely just leaving his soccer game, and when he was actually just getting in the shower is likely when he said he was 10 minutes away in Scarborough.

We spent over two hundred bucks this weekend that we didn't really need to spend (we would've had just as good a time at home), and because of Mr.'s work schedule, we only two weekends a month off together. Our liesure time is very valuable to us! It really pissed us off when it was wasted waiting for someone who had absolutely no respect for that. Well, lesson learned. We'll be changing our profiles on the two or three sites that we're on to reflect that our time is precious, and if you feel you can't manage your time within about 1/2 an hour, don't bother contacting us. The only way this guy's behaviour could've been excused is if he showed up in the back of an ambulance, or was shouting into the cell phone over the sound of the jaws-of-life cutting him out of his mangled car. Ok, that's a bit extreme. But really, would HE have waited around that long? From the sound of it, his own time was his priority, so likely not.

Thanks for all your posts!!

[curiousagain]

Totally agree with you intuition. Time is the most precious of all and anybody wasting your time is somebody you don't want to fool with in the future.

[intuition897]

Whaddya know?! He wrote back. Said it was really mean of us to ditch him like that, there was an accident, yada yada yada... Yeah, well you know what they say about excuses, don'tcha?

[curiousagain]

Sounds like the old deny everything, admit nothing, make counter accusations technique.

I still didn't hear anything about an apology. I would avoid him like the plague. Something is definitely not kosher there.

Okay,
Here is my take on this....

(I am going to buck conventional wisdom here...a little)

If we were meeting local (meaning close to home) we definately would not have waited that long, but....

If you both traveled at least an hour to meet I would probably have given him a little more time. You are already there, you paid for the room, and he kept calling to say he was 10 minutes out...5 minutes out...2 minutes out.

It is possible he wasn't coming at all and was trying to see how long he could string you along, but with the last call saying he was 2 minutes out...I would have waited, more out of curiosity than anything else.

Any Play would have been unlikely at this point but a face to face meeting to see if he was for real and to judge the sincerity of his excuse would have been in order, for us anyway.

Sometimes shit happens and things fall behind. Maybe he was really stuck in traffic or maybe he was at the soccer game. It could have ran late, beyond his control. I don't think he could just walk off the field, maybe he told a little white lie to avoid making you think the soccer game was more important.


If he took the time to actualy show up, albeit late, I would have stuck around another 10 minutes after the 2 minute warning.

We would give him the chance to "make up" for being late and make him earn his way back to some play time.

If his being late was an actual trait of his arrogance it would show through in his personality once you met.

So bottom line for us,

We PROBABLY would have waited. Mainly for 2 reasons:

1)He ALSO traveled to meet.

2) He was calling every few minutes to update you.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

Sounds like the old deny everything, admit nothing, make counter accusations technique.

I still didn't hear anything about an apology. I would avoid him like the plague. Something is definitely not kosher there.

I'm inclined to agree with you curiousagain. And no, there was no apology. It really sucks that he was a jerk because he was really cute! We just don't know whether to try getting right back on the horse or if we should just leave it be for now.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Okay,
Here is my take on this....

(I am going to buck conventional wisdom here...a little)

If we were meeting local (meaning close to home) we definately would not have waited that long, but....

If you both traveled at least an hour to meet I would probably have given him a little more time. You are already there, you paid for the room, and he kept calling to say he was 10 minutes out...5 minutes out...2 minutes out.

Trouble with waiting for him was...wait where? The lounge was closing in 15 minutes. We had hoped to chat for a while and by 11 we'd know whether we were turning in for the night or if we'd invite him up with us. He just left us in a very awkward spot. We were not going to go out scouting for another decent bar to visit at; we had to leave early the next morning, so unless we were all going to be involved in some actual playtime, we didn't want to be up too late just chatting.

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

It is possible he wasn't coming at all and was trying to see how long he could string you along, but with the last call saying he was 2 minutes out...I would have waited, more out of curiosity than anything else.

Any Play would have been unlikely at this point but a face to face meeting to see if he was for real and to judge the sincerity of his excuse would have been in order, for us anyway.

Oh, I'm sure he was there. He was pretty ticked off. Then again so were we. The fact that he kept calling with updates didn't really make us feel warm and fuzzy or anything. We just felt like he was stringing us along. Bottom line, we felt manipulated.

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

Sometimes shit happens and things fall behind. Maybe he was really stuck in traffic or maybe he was at the soccer game. It could have ran late, beyond his control. I don't think he could just walk off the field, maybe he told a little white lie to avoid making you think the soccer game was more important.

If that's the case, then yeah, we do feel a little bad about it. But one of the hazards of playing in the lifestyle is dealing with suspicion and we're no exception. In order to keep from being taken advantage of, we all protect ourselves to some degree by remaining skeptical and taking what others say with a grain of salt. We do, others do it, and if you think about, you've all likely done it yourselves. We don't like it. We wish there was some way for everyone to just know the truth, but there isn't. So we have to determine whether people are actually telling us the truth or not. It's sad but true. We would've appreciated his honesty more.

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

If he took the time to actualy show up, albeit late, I would have stuck around another 10 minutes after the 2 minute warning.

We would give him the chance to "make up" for being late and make him earn his way back to some play time.

If his being late was an actual trait of his arrogance it would show through in his personality once you met.

So bottom line for us,

We PROBABLY would have waited. Mainly for 2 reasons:

1)He ALSO traveled to meet.

2) He was calling every few minutes to update you.

We wanted to avoid making a scene, so we left before he showed up. Someone in the hotel actually called 911 and there were police crawling all over the place trying to figure who it was that called. If they were looking for something to do, we sure as hell didn't want to volunteer. Maybe we should've waited...but we didn't. I doubt we'll drive up there to meet him again. If he happens to be in the Kingston area sometime and asks to meet, we'd probably give him another chance, but otherwise, it's unlikely.

Thanks for your input Naughties! *Sigh* why aren't things ever simple?

Originally Posted by intuition897

Thanks for your input Naughties! *Sigh* why aren't things ever simple?

No problem

[WildMiCouple]

I've got to hand it to you, we wouldn't have waited that long :rollseyes
An hour away and he's almost 2 hours late....... Heck, we drive an hour most of the saturday nites we go out to party and we've NEVER been 2 hours late....and that's in the Motor City
You guys did the right thing. No apology and he gets upset too.....that alone speaks volumes about the guy.
Better luck next time

Brett (and Tammy)

[curious24]

I can't believe the guy didn't apologize?! What's wrong with him? And if he was lying makes you wonder what else he could be lying about? IMO his crediblity was just shot to hell.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by intuition897

We had hoped to chat for a while and by 11 we'd know whether we were turning in for the night or if we'd invite him up with us.

I think this is the key for me. You wanted to have the time to get to know him. There can be a serious difference between what you meet on the internet and what you meet in person. Him getting their right before "lights out" wouldn't work for us either.

You didn't owe him anything and you have to go with your gut. Sometimes, you'll never find out just how right a thing listening to the gut is - but I'm convinced it always is.

Spoomonkey