Any tips for first timers?

[Justwatch]

I've got a pretty good lead on a casual friend that may be interested in joining us for some fun....any tips on getting ready? We've already arranged for the kids to be at freind's places when he comes over to work on a project with me, but how about closing the deal? Any little details that might not have been immediately obvious to us?

[growgirl]

Does he know that the project he's coming over to work on includes a threesome with you and your wife? How casual a friend is he? Can you trust him to keep his mouth shut in the work/public environment? How does he handle surprises? How well do you really know him? Have you discussed swinging or threesomes with him before? Are you in a position of authority over him or he over you at work? Have you and your wife discussed the what-ifs that are inherent in this situation?

those are just a few things I'd think about first... your post makes it seem just a little bit vague, i.e. he's a "casual" friend, he "may be" interested.

growgirl

[leftcoastcouple]

Originally Posted by growgirl

Does he know that the project he's coming over to work on includes a threesome with you and your wife? How casual a friend is he? Can you trust him to keep his mouth shut in the work/public environment? How does he handle surprises? How well do you really know him? Have you discussed swinging or threesomes with him before? Are you in a position of authority over him or he over you at work? Have you and your wife discussed the what-ifs that are inherent in this situation?

those are just a few things I'd think about first... your post makes it seem just a little bit vague, i.e. he's a "casual" friend, he "may be" interested.

growgirl

Ditto to all of growgirls's points. We have a bias against swinging with friends because of a bad experience (Ask yourself, If it went wrong, would I be OK sacrificing this friendship for a night of fun? Because that's what happened to us.). But even if it did work out for you having a playmate who's so close, playing with friends introduces complications you likely wouldn't have to deal with otherwise.

BUT, from the sound of your post, I get the feeling you're going to ambush him and try to see if he'll bite. I'd really, really, really suggest not doing that. One friend we played with, I took out for a drink and brought up the topic once we'd had a few and then took things from there. It turned out OK, and we played with him off and on for nearly two years.

With another, we did what it sounds like you're suggesting, and it blew up in our faces. He came over one night (when the other friend was there, too) and we all had a few drinks and got horny. We figured what the hell, and we went for it. It turned out being pretty wild, and a lot of good sex resulted. But when we woke up the next morning, the new playmate pretty much freaked out, and we never saw him again.

Yes, that's our experience, and your mileage may differ. But it seems clear and logical that being upfront with a potential playmate is not only more fair and human, but much more likely to result in a good--and lasting--time for all.

Our $0.03, after a long absence. Nice to be back.

[Rombi's Girl]

Originally Posted by Justwatch

... how about closing the deal? Any little details that might not have been immediately obvious to us?

My first piece of free advice is to be careful and think twice before you approach a casual friend. Hot sex is, of course, awesome. But being outed is not. Especially at work.

I agree with

Originally Posted by GrowGirl

Are you in a position of authority over him or he over you at work?

If so, I'd advise that you just say NO. The risks aren't worth the potential headaches. Or lawsuits.

Now for your question. I'd leave some programs up and running on my computer, like SwingLifeStyle or any of the other swaper sites, and if you have one, leave a swingers magazine on the coffee table. Right next to where you set his cola/coffee/water down on the table.

If he is in the least bit bright, he should feel free to ask a couple of questions. If HE doesn't say anything after seeing the obvious placement of the magazine or the site up and running on your computer, then you shouldn't say anything about them either.

Good Luck!
RG



Edited for spelling...

[Justwatch]

Originally Posted by growgirl

your post makes it seem just a little bit vague, i.e. he's a "casual" friend, he "may be" interested.

Actually, on re-reading, I was a lot vague. Sorry!

To answer you guys' questions, no he doesn't know the project involves a threesome, but we're open to that. If he's not open to it, the stuff he was coming over to help me with is legit, so we'll be working instead of screwing!

Casual as in used to be a neighbor, he still helps out with stuff for me (and likewise) and we fish together. Haven't discussed swinging with him, but from talking with him (and yeah, talk is talk...) I get the feeling he'd be open to a hot session, even if it was a one-time thing. Definitely no work relationship between us. Not to be mean about him, but if he stopped coming around/fishing, it wouldn't be a huge tragedy.

As for 'may be interested', he's made a few comments about Mrs JW that led us to believe this. Plus, when he did live next door, he always found a way to visit when she was sunbathing, and she had a feeling he might be hoping for more than a look.

Anyway, thanks for the advice on leaving stuff out for him to see, we weren't planning a 'he comes over and she's in lingerie' ambush, of course, but maybe see where things lead, and maybe help them in that direction. Certainly not going to push the issue.

[cracker60479]

I could not be comfortable including a friend, co worker or accquaintance in a sexual reltionship. I feel their association is built on one set of situations in which sex plays no part. For me, I would rather start out with someone new in which the relationship is built on sex, if it doesnt work you simply move on. If it doesnt work with someone you work with or is a friend already, I think it could cause more problems than you are giving thought to.

[leftcoastcouple]

Originally Posted by Justwatch

Casual as in used to be a neighbor, he still helps out with stuff for me (and likewise) and we fish together. Haven't discussed swinging with him, but from talking with him (and yeah, talk is talk...) I get the feeling he'd be open to a hot session, even if it was a one-time thing. Definitely no work relationship between us. Not to be mean about him, but if he stopped coming around/fishing, it wouldn't be a huge tragedy.

As for 'may be interested', he's made a few comments about Mrs JW that led us to believe this. Plus, when he did live next door, he always found a way to visit when she was sunbathing, and she had a feeling he might be hoping for more than a look.

Thanks for the clarifications, as they're a big help. To recap what we know now:

--You have talked to SOME degree to get the feeling "he be open" to it.

--There's no work relationship.

--He's made comments to your wife before and purposely visited while she was sunbathing.

--Most importantly of all, you say that "if he stopped coming around/fishing, it wouldn't be a huge tragedy."

At that point, I'd say why not talk to him ahead of time? It sounds to me like the perfect opportunity--safe, with someone you two feel comfortable with, yet not someone you'd be crushed if you lost.

When I was in your shoes, I took the guy out for a drink one night, and so far as he knew, it was just to have drink. While we were out, I brought up the topic after we were relaxed and settled in. He expressed interest (predictably, as we knew he was attracted to Mrs. LC) mixed with concern (mainly over whether I'd be jealous, since he couldn't picture himself with the tables turned). At that point, knowing he was interested, I pulled out some nude photos of Mrs. LC to whet his appetite and to prove to him that I wasn't just yanking his chain.

When the time I pried the photos out of his hand, the smile on his face told me all was OK, and that he was game. And as we learned later, he DEFINITELY was!

So, why not talk to your friend--in person if possible--and see how he reacts? It could save a lot of time and uncertainty during his visit!

Let us know how it turns out!

[growgirl]

Originally Posted by leftcoastcouple

At that point, I'd say why not talk to him ahead of time? It sounds to me like the perfect opportunity--safe, with someone you two feel comfortable with, yet not someone you'd be crushed if you lost.

I agree with leftcoastcouple, you should talk to him about it first. It does indeed sound like it could be a great opportunity, and one that should take a minimum amount of "feeling out" time.

Rombi's Girl gives great advice as well. By putting it out there indirectly, he'll feel more comfortable bringing it up initially if he's interested.

Originally Posted by Rombi's Girl

Now for your question. I'd leave some programs up and running on my computer, like SwingLifeStyle or any of the other swaper sites, and if you have one, leave a swingers magazine on the coffee table. Right next to where you set his cola/coffee/water down on the table.

If he is in the least bit bright, he should feel free to ask a couple of questions. If HE doesn't say anything after seeing the obvious placement of the magazine or the site up and running on your computer, then you shouldn't say anything about them either.

Thanks for clarifying! Good luck!

[ProfessionalTwo]

Fromm what I have found, this is the male part posting here, friends could be very dangerous.

Tis much better in my opinion to have a comfort, chemistry correct connection with someone you dont meet socially or will run into in the post office, grocery store or ....heaven forbid, church.

[Justwatch]

Thanks for bringing me back down to earth on this, thinking about it now, talking to him a little more does have its merits. Could always talk while we're working, and see how things go from there.

I don't figure that we'd have thought about him if he was any closer of a friend, now that Professionaltwo mentioned some social situations, I can't think of any 'routine' errand stuff where we've run into each other. Matter of fact, Mrs JW has a friend who does swing, but doesn't know we're interested and we plan on keeping it like that...we just don't have the comfort level to swing with them. (And they're co-workers, so that would be weird at work too.)

[Justwatch]

(Mrs JW)

Just wanted to thank those who gave us good advice on our first swing...we didn't 'ambush' our friend quite as dramaticaly as we originally thought would work...which was good because he didn't have time that afternoon! But he did come back...and he'll come back again!

[BradAndJanet]

Good to hear the news!

-B