Advise: First meet this Wednesday night

[mustang3]

Hi Everyone,

Need some advise here. We are very new to this and met a couple who live close to us on SLS that we're planning to met on Wednesday evening just for an initial dinner and drink. My questions are:

1. We have not spoke to these folks at all on the phone or Instant Messanger. They responded to our ad, we checked out theirs and found that it was very similar to our, i.e.: soft swap only. I'm not a big e-mail person as I think it is easier to talk in person. Did I make a mistake agreeing to meet them so fast?

2. What the heck should we talk about? LOL. When I was single I had a few blind dates with guys, but this is totally different. Talking about the weather is boring, politics could start a fight and religion, well, I don't even want to go there. Is it appropriate to ask what they do for a living? If they have children (I do...1)?

Any input on this would be appreciated. I'm very excited, but also extremly nervous. Maybe I'm over-reacting, I mean it is like a blind date of sorts and I've done them with no horrible outcomes. Except the guy who was a Catholic school teacher (he also studied to be in the priesthood, but changed his mind) and didn't bother to tell me that until we were seated for dinner. LOL

Thanks, guys.

[CB_n_Red]

I'm sure others will say it's best to talk on the phone first, and we generally do, but we do agree with you that it is easier to talk face to face. We feel quite strongly that it's only possible to really get a feel (!) for someone new if you do actually meet. It's hard to judge just by emails and IMs. Even a phone call is no guarantee that evrything is looking good. We've had phone calls that seemed fine, yet the other couple subsequently "vanished" without a word.

As long as you aren't travelling too far (and you say it's close) it shouldn't be a problem. And if they don't turn up, just enjoy your meal and evening anyway!

As for the topics of conversation....good question! We usually start on harmless general subjects, including the weather (well, we are English!) and then just develop it from there. We do try to bring up matters of a more intimate nature fairly quickly. Nothing too over the top of course. More on the lines of "have you been doing this long?" and so on. In these situations we've discussed everything from favourite music, TV programmes, pubs, food and drink to matters sexual. A case of playing it by ear and not panicking!

Hope it goes well and you don't find another one like that Catholic school teacher! That would be scary!

CB

[fun_pairTX]

Don't sweat it. Discuss anything you like or anything that has shaped your attitude and personal philosophy. Family is a natural subject as is work. Have fun, they are just people like you are.

First meetings are always awkward. Some more than others. There really isn't any way around it. Phone conversations before meeting can tend to lessen the awkwardness of the first meeting. Also a phone conversation can be enough to make you realize that meeting these people may not be a good idea, meaning they aren't going to be a good match.

At first meetings I try to avoid that uncomfortable scilence that usualy happens in the first hour or so by pretty much bringing up any subject I can think of. Usualy one of those topics will stick and get the ball rolling to a more natural conversation rather than one that feels forced. Any topic that won't be devisive (polotics, religon etc..) can work. If after dinner is finished and you aren't chatting like old friends chances are the "click" is not going to happen. But keep in mind this advice is from our own personal experiences and may not be the norm.

[N&G]

We never meet anyone without talking on the phone first. Besides being able to ask questions and get a "feel" about the other couple this also enables us to talk with the female half. We have also found that many times when you give them your phone number they disappear and are never heard from again so that seems to weed out a lot of the fakes who would otherwise stand you up. There is nothing wrong with meeting quickly, it's better than exchanging endless emails.

As far as what to talk about we usually talk about swinging. That is the purpose of the meet. Keep in mind that "soft swap" means anything that doesn't include intercourse. Their idea of what they want and yours may be two totally different things. You will probably find that it is hard to talk in a public place because there is always someone sitting nearby who can hear every word. We have our best conversations sitting in the car in the parking lot.

Greg

[ALilOEverything]

Well we've never had any rules for this and when I reflect on it we almost never talk on the phone first. No one has requested it so we've never bothered. Once we know we are a good match to start off with we like to just meet up and really make sure. I have found it more difficult to talk through the phone and on IM than the in person anyday. My opening line the very first time (it was their first time too) after intoductions was "Is this not just the craziest thing you've ever done" and they said "no kidding!" and then we all went off on other things that we once thought were crazy but didn't compare. It broke the ice and we got a good laugh out of hearing crazy stories and then the conversation just took off.

I think the best reason to talk on the phone first is if you don't have many evenings to waste on a bad "date". But even still some people just don't talk nearly as well in on the phone as they do in person. Body language is more important to me than words anyday. Words and body language must go together or I might not find them as sincere therefore probably not worth playing with.

[mustang3]

I agree, Liloeverything. Body language is very important. I'm a social person. Love to talk. Sometimes, you can't shut me up. LOL. Thanks so much for all the great responses.

[KarlnRenee]

We haven't done any phone conversing (actually, just once to confirm the plan for the evening). I find that I need to converse first to be comfortable before we meet so IMing is what we do. With one couple, Karl only did the chatting with the male by phone and when we did meet, I was uncomfortable having never spoken to either of them-lesson learned is that I now do the communicating. We've chatted about everyday life and about the swinging lifestyle as well-I kinda just bring up the fact that we're new to this and that gets the ball rolling (so far we've been with long time swingers). We also disucss boundaries and expectations so there are no misunderstandings.

Good luck-just go with the flow and have a good time!

[JustAskJulie]

How fast to meet is really a personal thing. I was always kinda like you. I'm not a big phone talker and I hate wasting time on email tag. I prefer to set up meetings as early as possible and get to know people face to face. For me it's just much easier to measure whether or not there is a "click".

If there is a "click" between you then finding things to talk about won't be a problem. Just like anytime you meet new people you have to find common ground. You know you have at least one thing in common and hopefully when you meet them you will find that you have more than that. If not, and you find yourself sitting in too many long odd silences, then you may decide that they aren't for you and at least then all it was was dinner or drinks or whatever it was... and not a month worth of email tag.

[talltxlady]

What about a week's work of email tag? Hytril and I are new, but I agree with not wanting to spend endless amounts of time running in circles. We've just started a couple of conversations on email (to get a little to know them, we are trying to start kinda slow) but I'd like to hope we get to a meeting in the next week or so.

talltxlady (wife of a wonderful hytril)

[KarlnRenee]

1-2 weeks is the norm for us, but since we're in different states that's just the way it works out

[fun_pairTX]

We won't budge out of the house without a confimed phone number it just doesn't happen, then again we have never been stood up either. In the usual course of events we are talking about meeting by the third email or there isn't any match there.

[hytril]

Everyone has there way of how they would like to meet for the first time. None of them are wrong, none of them are fool proof. I like to kinda geta feel for someone before I meet them. And for you wisenhimers thas a feel for not of .