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  1. #1
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    Default Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    You guys have read my story already.

    Basically we have done nothing so far but want to try a woman first. After many discussions we decided this was best for us. This is my fantasy and my fear at the same time. I'm worried that I will feel jealous but part of me feels sure that I would love to see him so turned on.

    So...can I hear from anyone with experience..good or bad...did threesome work for you or not?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    We have yet to do anything but there is a specific movie we watched that got my wife thinking about this whole swinging thing. It is a Wife Swap movie on xvideos.com featuring an older couple (well, the guy is older than the girl) and a younger couple. The transfer is kinda bad and I think it is labeled 'swinger couples sex'. If you see two girls and a guy on a bed all dressed in blue you've got the right video. There is a spot in the movie where the male half of one couple is fucking the female of the other couple while kissing his 'wife'. That portion did things to my wife I didn't know were possible. I've had conversations with my wife since then that I still can't believe. The two things we've agreed on is that we will discuss whatever happens and at the end of the night we ultimately go home with each other. If things turn out bad for either of us we're done. If they turn out good we'll go from there. The most important part is that we've agreed to discuss anything that happens and move on from there. No issues, no anger. I'm looking forward to seeing my wife with another man and she keeps telling me she wants to see me with another woman. I imagine it like that movie. Good luck!

  3. #3
    Esteemed member angelkin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    The first downside is finding a willing lady to assist with your fantasy. They get first choice pf couples and single and can be hard to come by...very sought after - hence the term "Unicorn".

    Second, if the ladies are all about being with one another, the guy might feel left out. Soon, your fmf turns into ffm or ff - some men enjoy that, so maybe this isn't a downside?

    Third, sometimes the lady develops feelings for one playmate or the other and the couple needs to be on the watch out if the single is actively pursuing a relationship beyond play or that crosses the line. In my opinion, women tend to have a harder time separating sex from emotions.

    That's been my experience. We have enjoyed fmf and ffm with a few different ladies and quite enjoyed them all. We enjoy threesomes (both ways) more so than couples because it's easier to find a connection with three than four people in the mix.

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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Aside from some difficulty in finding a gal, some potential downsides are endemic to all 3 somes.

    First potential downside is someone feeling left out. Threesomes are best if everyone is comfortable with each other and all agree upon what they want.
    Threesomes are not good if someone is "agreeing" to it under some potential future action guise. And they are not good if someone has different expectations than the other people and cant come to terms with that.

    Specifically to FMF, it all depends on how involved the guy will be, and how active the gals will be to each other. Ive had both, one where the gals also play with each other, and one where everyone was "straight". FMF with "straight" females is a bit of a performance anxiety test for the guy, keeping 2 gals busy the whole time is a fun challenge. When the gals play with each other, it's much more relaxed, especially if the guy can play with either gal.

    That would be the other challenge, if the FMF has some restrictions on who can play with whom it can get tough also. A friend of ours had several FMF's where he was only allowed to play with his wife and not touch the other woman. Those were ok for him, but not as fun as they could have been to say the least, he said in the heat of the moment it was awfully tough to avoid the other gals advances, and it was a constant source of discussion with his wife.

  5. #5
    Here to Stay s_couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    If you're not sure about the jealousy part, don't go all the way. If you do, it may be too late to back out and you're going to sacrifice your relationship. Not good.

    In our opinion, the best way to join this life style is by starting slow. That can be accomplished by playing with an experienced couple/individual. Start with a tame (have sex with own partner in the same room with the other couple), then moderate (soft swap), and finally full swap. If you do this, if there's a problem at a certain stage, you can stop before things get too far.

    Another thing, finding a single female willing to play with you will most likely be very difficult.

    The downside for any kind of threesome is one person may get left out. Do you remember the term three is a crowd? The same applies here. In order for a threesome to be enjoyable, all participants need to be active during the play. If it's MFM with straight guys, the girl should play with both males. If it's FMF with straight girls, the guy should play with both females. If the threesome involves bi individuals, then everyone should play with everyone.

    Hope that helps.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    We have only had limited experience with 3somes (both ways), but recently had a full 24 date plan, including dinner, share hotel room, etc. My wife had a couple of long chats, but summed it up by saying "I just want to make sure that I come out of this feeling like three of us were there." She didn't say it, but that meant both sexually and emotionally. That's a balancing act for the male half so try to stay in tune with everyone's feelings.

    If there was one downside it was 3 adults trying to actually sleep in one king size bed. Seems like fantasy, but after multiple rounds we were ready for sleep but unfortunately that didn't really happen as we all had very different sleep patterns!
    Find us on SLS, Kasidie, Love Vodoo & Super Secret Swinger. We're also SwingerCast Podcast Fans!

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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Thanks everyone. We actually have found several unicorns. I think the reason is that I work from home and can be online for hours looking...but they are definitely out there.

    My worry is just that I might feel badly when hubby is showing powerful feelings toward her. And obviously having sex with her is as powerful as it gets.

    During the fantasy, I absolutely LOVE when he is turned on by other women. But I've read that this is a common fantasy and heard many horror stories. So I just wanted to see if there is anything in particular about this experience that generally makes it worse than swapping.

    Another question is whether there is anything that he could do to make the experience better for me, in terms of my feelings.

    Grrrr.....!

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict rainbowskye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Quote Originally Posted by sexinthecity View Post
    Thanks everyone. We actually have found several unicorns. I think the reason is that I work from home and can be online for hours looking...but they are definitely out there.

    My worry is just that I might feel badly when hubby is showing powerful feelings toward her. And obviously having sex with her is as powerful as it gets.
    Having sex with someone does not equate to showing them powerful feelings. In order for all parties to have a guilt free experience all parties involved have to be able to have sex with no emotions.

    Quote Originally Posted by sexinthecity View Post

    During the fantasy, I absolutely LOVE when he is turned on by other women. But I've read that this is a common fantasy and heard many horror stories. So I just wanted to see if there is anything in particular about this experience that generally makes it worse than swapping.

    Another question is whether there is anything that he could do to make the experience better for me, in terms of my feelings.

    Grrrr.....!
    I prefer swapping over threesomes. I say that because the playing field is balanced. Everyone has someone to play with.

    In a FMF it is about the male in most cases. If you are still struggling with this, if/when this happens it is going to be hard on you. FMF is about showing him the sexual attention. Even if/when the women play, it is still about the guy.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Quote Originally Posted by rainbowskye View Post



    I prefer swapping over threesomes. I say that because the playing field is balanced. Everyone has someone to play with.

    In a FMF it is about the male in most cases. If you are still struggling with this, if/when this happens it is going to be hard on you. FMF is about showing him the sexual attention. Even if/when the women play, it is still about the guy.
    Just curious: are you a man or a woman?

    To a certain extent, that is what I want, because I want my husband to be happy (that's one of the main pleasures that I would derive). *But* what you said certainly doesn't have to be the case, and I think we the right man it wouldn't necessarily be the case. Example: theoretically, the guy could go down on both women for a long time, touch them both, kiss them both, always have something (kissing touching by either the other girl or him) happening to the women. Or that could be part of it, as well as girl/girl, with him sometimes being on the receiving end via BJs or penetration. I think the guy would have more of a tendency to just lay back and receive but a guy thinking about wanting to do this again...might want to think twice before just laying back and enjoying without thinking about giving back.

    We've fantasized and discussed and role-played so much...and I have asked my husband often "how would you incorporate me" or "how would you please her (or me) if you were doing that"? That sort of thing. He's had to think about it. And he knows my feelings about all of this. So if he knows what's good for him, if we were to do this, he had better not make it all about him, especially if that means the experience is really all about her and I'm basically left watching. He knows that wouldn't be cool so I doubt he would do that but you never know I suppose.

  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict rainbowskye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    As my profile states, I am a woman.

    I have had many threesomes (MFM, FFM, FMF) and when-ever it is FMF or FFM no matter how hard you fantasize about it prior to, it almost always is about the guy.

    Fantasies do not always play out in real life the way we imagine them, no matter how often we talk about them prior to. I've learned this many times over the years.

    While it isn't difficult to find a single lady looking to play with a couple, it can be difficult finding the one who will be in alignment with your fantasies. Remember, she may have some of her own and want to incorporate those into play. Are you going to be willing to do this? Are you going to be able to handle it if she turns out to be the aggressor in the bedroom and takes control and your fantasy or the way you imagined it doesn't go according to plan?

    In addition, finding a single woman who can easily detach emotions from sex is a challenge. No it is not impossible, but it happens more times than you would think.


    I am only asking these questions as food for thought. I've been at this a while now and I know by first hand experience that you don't know what you have until you have it. It could be the best experience you have ever had or the worst, only you can decide if you and your husband are ready to take the chance and see if this is for you.

    Based on your previous posts, you should sit and ask yourself these questions I've asked you. Just as you and he have fantasies, so does this other woman , should you find her.

    I totally enjoy FFM and FMF so it doesn't bother me that more times than not it turns to be the focus on either me or him and it doesn't bother him at all.

    This is something you should prepare yourself for, because you never know what will happen.

    Once the adrenaline is going and everyone is in the flow of things, remembering how one fantasized it to be could be gone with the wind as everyone may just be going with the flow of it all, are you ready for this?
    Last edited by rainbowskye; 11-03-2011 at 07:28 PM.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Quote Originally Posted by rainbowskye View Post
    While it isn't difficult to find a single lady looking to play with a couple
    It isn't difficult? Please do share your methods, we've found it extremely difficult

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Much of the OP's concerns are basic to swinging generally moreso than the specific FMF configuration.

    You can't plan a "perfect" encounter in advance. If this is to be your first experience with an extra person , you won't know how everything will go until you are there. What you do need is to have trust and confidence with your husband that you( both). Can communiicate during and after the encounter.

    That said , Mrs JBP had genuine intrest in being with women, and we shared similar taste in women. So that sometimes I'd be letting them enjoy their fun, and they'd have to invite me to join in.

    For us it was often easier to find three people in snyc , than four.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    My first post here! lol

    Hubby and I have had a couple FMF with my best friend. The only jealousy I felt was he gave most his attention to her and I felt a little left out both time. The problem mainly was she is straight and had very little to do with me, and laid back and enjoyed what we did to her.


    After a lot of thought I realized, well she was new to him and also wanting to make sure she enjoyed it in hopes he could do it again lol.

    I got over it and if the chance ever arose again to be with her, I would expect his attention to be mainly on her.. He has me whenever he wants.

    The actual act of seeing him with her was amazing. I could now be happy just watching him with another woman.

    I am bi and would love to find a female who is also bi... But Ill tell you, afterwards our sex is amazing!

    We are quite new to this and only had one other encounter with another couple and her girlfriend. The 2 women left everyone else out and the male was all over me.. My hubby was the one left out that time.

    Hopefully we can find a good match for us where we all have fun

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Addict rainbowskye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    Quote Originally Posted by slevin View Post
    It isn't difficult? Please do share your methods, we've found it extremely difficult
    Ok , Here goes my method

    In the beginning, it was painfully difficult for us to find a 3rd who meshed with 'us'.

    I worked for a call center and while taking calls, we surfed the net. (This was like in 99-2001). I was a member of several forums online and one of which was a bi women's group.

    We weren't about the sexual side of it, we would meet up once a month for dinner and drinks just like girls hanging out with someone who understood what being bisexual was like.

    As time went on people began to drift away. The group has downsized and but we still have a meet up group and whenever we meet someone else who is bi we invite them.

    There are a select few who are into the lifestyle and well I hint around when we all meet up and go from there.

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict rainbowskye's Avatar
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    Default Re: Downsides of a FMF threesome?

    You can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather...

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