MFM Threesome-Advice

[Sir Dude]

My wife and I have been married for 7 years. We have a good relationship and sex is awesome eventhough we don't have it as frequently as I would like but I am satisfied. I am very liberal about sex, my wife not so much. I have always been interested in group sex and am willing to try. She has considered swapping but the other couple never seemed like the right choice. That is fine by me.

For some time now, I have been thinking about a MFM threesome. I mentioned this to her a month ago and she was interested. She was suprised that I would want to see her with another guy. Not just any other guy, we would agree on who it was. I am very particular about this and so is she. I asked her if she liked the idea and she said it was a fantasy of hers and liked the thought of two guys taking care of her at once.

Two weeks ago we went out to a party and once we got home the conversation turned to sex. She wanted to know who I would be willing to invite to our threesome. I told her who he was and she asked me to set it up but there would be no ass play. She had no interest in a DP or anal sex. I asked her if she was serious and she said she was so I called him the next day.

The guy in question is a real close friend. He and my wife flirt and make sexual comments to each other all the time. Once she even agreed to show him her tits if he showed her his dick. It turned me on that she would do so.

When he arrived at the house we were alone and I asked him what he thought of the idea. He was really suprised and excited. He told me that he would do it but he wanted to think about it overnight to make sure and asked me if we knew for sure that we wanted to do it too. He asked a few questions about the rules and I confirmed there would me no male/male contact.

That night I told my wife that it would most likely happen. She was really embarrassed that I mentioned it to him. She said it was a fantasy and that was it. So I told her I would no longer bring it up and that I was sorry that I had mentioned it to him. I called him and he was fine with everything and agreed to keep it to himself.

A week ago he came to the house for a drink. She flirted with him even heavier and now she wants him to come over with the two of us and celebrate my Birthday on Friday. I haven't mentioned the threesome but I am starting to wonder.

Any comments or suggestions from experienced people?

[TNT]

You and your wife need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk. Once you cross this bridge you can never uncross it so both of you had better be damn certain it's what you BOTH want.

If she is not serious about bringing this other man into the bedroom, STOP flirting with him...you've brought the topic up to him as a possibility then, told him it's a no go and now she's heavily flirting with him....bad form on her part. Friends flirting innocently is one thing, most people do it, even vanilla people but...in a situation where there's a hint that there's a possibility of it coming to fruition to flirt heavily and then say no is cruel. This other man has feelings as well and playing around with them is not right.

Once again, talk to your wife. Swinging isn't really something that you should just jump into...do a little research first. I'd suggest you two take the time to read over some of the post here on the board so that both of you will understand a bit better what you're contemplating doing.


Teresa

[yourbitterpill]

Hmmm, well I can say that your first major faux pas here was mentioning it to the friend w/o telling your wife beforehand. That's a big no-no.

Swinging is not like Fight Club (i.e. First Rule Of Fight Club: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!), open and honest communication is the most important aspect. You took one step forward - on your own initiative - and so your wife took two steps back.

IMO, it sounds like you both need to talk about this (not just as a fantasy, but a realistic possibility)a whole lot more, before you have the MFM. It may be that she just likes to heavily flirt with this guy and only take you to the bedroom - making the MFM just a fantasy. It may be that she's unsure about this or has some insecurities. Or, it may just be that you crossed her boundaries too early and now she wants to reel you back in. So talk to her. That is all.

[yourbitterpill]

Originally Posted by TNT

If she is not serious about bringing this other man into the bedroom, STOP flirting with him...you've brought the topic up to him as a possibility then, told him it's a no go and now she's heavily flirting with him....bad form on her part. Friends flirting innocently is one thing, most people do it, even vanilla people but...in a situation where there's a hint that there's a possibility of it coming to fruition to flirt heavily and then say no is cruel. This other man has feelings as well and playing around with them is not right.

That hadn't occured to me but I'm in total agreement - very bad form.

[Mr. HW Sharona]

My opinion on this......(Which ain't worth much)

You two need to talk about it more when your both Not naked and horny. Sure talking about the subject may have you end up that way , But you both need to talk it through when you are both thinking straight.

Secondly, I was going to tell you that starting with this friend sounds like a bad idea, but that's how we started, with a good male friend and it turned out perfectly.

bitterpill,

I believe in the OP's post he said his wife agreed with his choice on who and to set it up.

[Sir Dude]

Originally Posted by TNT

You and your wife need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk. Once you cross this bridge you can never uncross it so both of you had better be damn certain it's what you BOTH want.

If she is not serious about bringing this other man into the bedroom, STOP flirting with him...you've brought the topic up to him as a possibility then, told him it's a no go and now she's heavily flirting with him....bad form on her part. Friends flirting innocently is one thing, most people do it, even vanilla people but...in a situation where there's a hint that there's a possibility of it coming to fruition to flirt heavily and then say no is cruel. This other man has feelings as well and playing around with them is not right.

Once again, talk to your wife. Swinging isn't really something that you should just jump into...do a little research first. I'd suggest you two take the time to read over some of the post here on the board so that both of you will understand a bit better what you're contemplating doing.


Teresa

I understand that I should not have talked to him without her knowing. I have apoligized to her about that. An obvious newbie mistake I guess. If she continues to flirt with him I will talk to her about that as well. I want to know from her if it is a possibility or if it isn't. IF IT IS, then we will have to talk about the rules. The only rules we have mentioned is that he must wear a condom, go guy/guy contact and no anal sex. We are no jealous people. We trust each other and I don't want that to change.

If she sais it will never happen then we will leave it at that. The whole idea that turns me on is the fact that she can live a fantasy and I can be a part of a new sexual experience with her. If it does nothing for her then it does nothing for me.

Thanks a lot for the advice. I only wish that I could experience the joys that the lifestyle offers. I've wanted to try it as long as I could remember.

The closest we ever came to it was on a beach one night. We had sex on the beach while some friends had sex about 20 feet away within full view of each other. I remember making love to her doggy style while the other couple watched. I don't think they could see much but it was still fun. I'll never forget that night.

Thanks Once again.

[Mr. HW Sharona]

Posted by Sir dude:

Two weeks ago we went out to a party and once we got home the conversation turned to sex. She wanted to know who I would be willing to invite to our threesome. I told her who he was and she asked me to set it up but there would be no ass play. She had no interest in a DP or anal sex. I asked her if she was serious and she said she was so I called him the next day.

Then:

I understand that I should not have talked to him without her knowing. I have apoligized to her about that.

I'm a bit confused?

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by Mr. HW Sharona

Posted by Sir dude:




Then:


I'm a bit confused?

My guess is what happened is that she said, "yeah -- give him a call" -- and he did. But he didn't go back to her and say PRE phone call "babe -- I thought I'd call BoyToy today" at which time she could say ... "yeah -- about that ... let me chew on it a little more" -- he just took her saying "yeah that would be cool" as the green light.

Women are very confusing. For more information on women, See Spoo's "haunted house" thread.

I've reacted similarly ... but I realized that I was sending mixed messages (well, clear to Mr. Fun but mixed in my OWN head) so I've learned to be more clear and he's learned to double-check.

[Mr. HW Sharona]

I understand all that, but it sounds as if she had no idea that he was going to contact him when, in fact, she told him to set it up.

I understand the double checking with her first part, but it wasn't like he was doing it behind her back either.

[Sir Dude]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

My guess is what happened is that she said, "yeah -- give him a call" -- and he did. But he didn't go back to her and say PRE phone call "babe -- I thought I'd call BoyToy today" at which time she could say ... "yeah -- about that ... let me chew on it a little more" -- he just took her saying "yeah that would be cool" as the green light.

Women are very confusing. For more information on women, See Spoo's "haunted house" thread.

I've reacted similarly ... but I realized that I was sending mixed messages (well, clear to Mr. Fun but mixed in my OWN head) so I've learned to be more clear and he's learned to double-check.

That is exactly what happened. Later that night I told her that I asked him and that he was OK with it. She then said, "I can't believe you asked him. I am so embarrassed." She hasn't mentioned it since and either have I. I'm afraid of the rejection. I'm afraid she'll think I am sick in the head. I don't know why I want to see her with another man. I love her but I can't explain why it turns me on so much.

However, we had sex a few days later, after she said she was embarrassed. It was the hottest sex we have had in a long time. I couldn't believe how hot and horny she was.

It is so nice to talk to someone about this, Thanks everyone.

[Chicup]

I don't have time for too in depth a reply, but my take on this is that she does want to have a threesome based on what you have stated her reactions have been but is feeling guilty about it and doesn't understand why you would want it.

I've had a few MFM's with Mrs. Chicup and while I knew she liked them she always seemed reluctant when we set them up. I finally asked her what the problem was, and why she was sometimes difficult about it and she felt she was being selfish. After all she was having her cake and eating it too so to speak and I wasn't getting anything different. Once I explained to her that it was fun seeing her and I enjoyed them too she relaxed about them quite a bit.

Add to it that we are talking sex with someone else that you talked about behind her back (kinda) so of course shes embarrassed. Its a bit of the left over women have to be embarrassed about enjoying sex stereo type, she doesn't want this guy to think shes a slut right?

Over all I think you may be fine with the 3some idea. She just needs to work out a few things and you guys just really need to talk a lot about it. Let her know doing it would make YOU happy as well, and that there isn't anything wrong with her for wanting it and doing it.

[dayhiker]

This sounds to me like the indecission of the unknown. I'd say its completely understandable. Her flirting is adding to the confusion your freind must be having as well over this. As others say keep talking, but it sounds like if you let the flirting continue that it will happen.

I'd talk with him again and say for him to let your wife lead in the flirting and if she takes the flirting further that you want to be there. That he should stop anything that might happen when your not around. And in talking with your wife, I think you should make the same point. Otherwise let her take the lead now.

dayhiker

[Sir Dude]

It sounds like the best plan is to let her take the next step. I don't want to push the idea on her. I enjoy watching her flirt with him. I will let him know that if it happens we will go with it but don't expect it. He already knows the plans are on hold. I told him she was embarrassed that I mentioned it to him.

The other day he was over and had some dust on the crotch of his pants. She offered to clean it off for him. The look on his face was classic. I know 100% that nothing will happen while I am not around. He and I are very, very good friends since we've been kids. That is why I am comfortable with him, plus, my wife likes him and respects him.

She doesn't even have to go all the way if we try it. I am open to taking it as slow as need be. Even if she wanted to give him a blow job to test the waters I am more than willing to let it happen.

I must say, once again, that it is nice to talk to people about this. I mentioned it in another sex related forum and I was told that I was a discusting pig.

[havefuninsun]

A disgusting pig? Really?!? Wow -- you seem like a "normal" (what is normal, anyway) guy to me.

You know what else might help reassure her that you are totally fine with this? When things like her offering to brush the dust off his crotch occur ... use that in a hot moment. Like, when you guys are in bed next, reach over to her and whisper in her ear "when you told BoyToy you would help him get the dust off his crotch the other day, that turned me on SO MUCH. You are SO hot! I get a stiffy everytime I think about that ... " and you can even go on (if she's reacting well and seems turned on by your revelation) about how you envisioned that event going down ... "you brushing his crotch and his cock getting hard in your hand ... you offer to take off his pants to wash them ..." you know. I don't have to give all the details ... LOL!!

[good times]

I think you are really going about it the hard way. While we often see people come here with the fantasy of setting something up for their wife, in real life I personally don't think that works very well.

What I would do, were I in your shoes, is discuss it with your wife including all pros and cons, and then tell her if she wants to go ahead and play with this friend, it is ok with you. Then let her initiate the action with him. I don't see any benefit to you being the middle man between your friend and your wife in this, and the down side to you trying to set something up is the misunderstandings and false expectations you have already experienced. while I don't think you should be totally uninvolved, I think you should let her initiate any play, if anything is to happen at all.